The Wrld, or ur Dorm, is a Shitshow

I was recently walking around a frnd's college apartmnt/dormitory/living space nd happened 2 stumble upon the following:
- Broken glass. All ovr the floor. Like, legitimately evrywhere. (Apparently some1 broke the front panel of where the authorities keep the fire extinguishers)
- Toilet papr. All ovr the floor. Like, again, legitimately evrywhere.
- Cigarette butts. All ovr the stairwell. Like, Im cool so I smoke in the stairwell nd then just drop the butts on the stairs.
- A neck pillow. Outside the door on the cement sidewalk. Which I gladly took cuz that shit is comftrble. Even if it was lying on the ground nd could potentially b teeming with an STD or 2.
- An empty broken bottle of febreeeeeeeze. Yes, broken. Like, the metal-esque spray bottle was cracked.
But most importantly and insightfully, I came across the following message written in dryerase markrs on an unsuspecting white board:


Bcuz of this white board msg, along with all the shit that I witnessed in the college living quarters, I believe its time 2 sit u, the reader, down nd have a semi-serious talk about one of my favorite talkng points:
Teen Angst.
There is some clear teen angst going on here. Nd since L.A. nouveau so often doubles as a self-help guide, this seems like the right place nd right time to have a little venting session with u, u teen angst-ridden teen.

Lets start with the basics:
R u ok?
How r u feeling?
Is evrything alright?
So, um, lets delve a little deeper into the situation, shall we?
I mean, well...

Ok. I'm just gonna put it out there:
I think ur straight up mentally ill.
U ppl r complete animals.
How the fk can u trash up ur home, ur place of residency, to such a disgusting degree?
Why do u channel all of ur teen angst feelings into destroying ur surroundings?
Who do u think u are, taking ur shit, and leaving it evrywhere?
I'm sry, but this is not about the quality of ur dorm, street rats, u just do whatevr the hell u want to do!

(Inhale, Exhale.)
Ok I'm back. Sry about that rant.
Let me move on 2 a bettr subject: Music that makes me love music.
Exmpl: Sia.
Yes, the girl who's album was no. 1 on this yr's Jose's Top 10 Albums of 2ZroZro8 list.
The song "Buttons" from the album hasn't always been my fave.
But the CSS (LOVE THEM LOVE THEM MISS THEM LOVE THEM) remix of the song is 2 die 4.
So enjoy it.

Sia - "Buttons" (CSS Remix)

Can't B Betchin' 4evr,
José

Poptastic Infatuation

We all wanna h8 pop music.
I mean, we do. Even if u like pop music, u've at least once or twice or evryday b4 wanted 2 hate that shit.
Cuz i mean, it is shit. Isn't it?
Isn't that new BSB album just a plethora of shitty mess?
Didn't that Justin guy try to go solo from his iSync band?

I guess what i'm trying 2 say is that although i dont want 2 say it, maybe there r some lessons from pop music that we could all really learn from.
For exmpl, at this party I just came back from, they were playing that Glamorous song by that girl Fergie, u know, the 1 in the Black iPeens band or whatevr.
Nd while that song should b a 2ZroZro6/7 buzzkill, there r a lot of important lessons about limiting monetary spending, which r especially relevant in 2day's SuperGreat Depression.

Even in Britney's retro hit, "Oops... I Did It Again," there is a lot of truth. I mean, we've all done things, said we wouldnt, and then did them again. Nd at some point we've definitely all gotten "lost in the game." Oh baby baby.

Sometimes these superPop radioInfiltrated Top40disaster tracks have some great lyrical moments. Even Gwendolyn Stephanie, who I guess has a lot of cred bcuz of her No Doubt days, busts some fine potentially-witty words as she writes, "Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor / it's ur fault u didn't shut the refridgerator / Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold."
That shit's hilarious. Sort of.

Point being, as much as we all have no interest in listening 2 the garbage-ridden fax-machine-sent music that u hear on the radio/xm/interwebs, maybe we all need 2 once in a while queue ourselves in 2 the trashy wondrs of pop music, just so we can absorb the truly unique messages that they sometimes have 2 offer.



Just trying 2 make sense of the wrld and its interests.
Just looking 4 some last minute excitemnt b4 i return to Eastern Misery.
Just getting excited 2 party with Toms Shoes 2nite.

Just wanting 2 wish my best frnd a happy birthday but dont know how 2 accurately express myself thru this blog.
How do i say happy birthday 2 some1 i l wrote ove so much and care about so much thru a blog?
Luckily I already expressed myself thru a song that i her. (Yes, Puritans, José makes music. No lies.)
Enjoy the following photo tribute to N.D., the BirthdayBabe of the Day:


Bitch it up 4 N.D.,
José

U R (not necessarily) a Product of Ur Parents

Dear Mom nd Dad,
Sometimes, I'm a little bit of a fk up.

As finals plague the wrld nd many of my undergrad/grad/postgrad/nevergrad frnds head home 4 the holy days ahead,
As yet anothr yr has cum, taken a toll on our beautiful bodies, nd is finally about 2 pass,

I have begun 2 think about 2k8 as a whole, the year that began my new life out in LosAngeles.
Nd its been great. Srsly. Like, the best.
It hasnt been perfect (understatemnt)
But all in all, its been superbly great.

But when I think about all the things i've done/tried/sold/bought/lost/experienced/murdered/said/beenExposed2 since i've been here, 1 question remains in my mind:
What wud my parental units think?

On the one hand, I know I shouldnt care/dont actually care.
But aftr living in closer proximity 2 them 4 the last few yrs and now being on the opposite side of the country.
I cant help but hilariously wonder:
What the fk wud my parents think?

Wud they b accepting of my increasing amount of independnce, even tho I already was b4?
Wud they b proud of my not necessarily legal ways of making money?
Wud they b terrified of my hipster/AltBro frnds?
Wud they b upset by the rampant drug use that goes on outside my apartmnt/on my floor/in my mouth?
Wud they b amused by my lack of conformity to the ovrpriviledged ways of my peers?
Wud they b worrisome of my erratic social situations nd frnd-making decisions?


Again, dont rly care, just think its funny 2 think about.
Nd if u weren't amused, then u can run to the nearest scaffold nd hang urself from it.
Cuz That Shit's Hilarious.
Oh Mom nd Dad.
Just want them 2 love me/h8 me/miss me.

Just want 2 share some Fleet Foxes with u.
Cuz they were part of the brilliant-ness that was 2ZroZro8.
Just want some1 to comment this post with a brilliant explanation of the last wrds of their song "Blue Ridge Mountains":
Terrible am I child?
Even if you don't mind,
No.

FleetFoxes=LyricallySuprb/Artsy/ConfusesMe.


Fleet Foxes - "Blue Ridge Mountains"

P.S. Today's blog post title is dedicated to N.D.
I hate ur... U know what.
That shit's (not necessarily) hilarious. But srsly.

Feeling Bitchy, Breathing Bitchy,
José

I've Got A Head Cold, I'm Calling In Gay

Nuze flash: Yesterday was a Day without Gays.Gheys.
Did u know? Were u aware?

Apparently yesterday, Decmbr 10th, was a national advocacy day called A Day Without Gays. Nd I guess I missed the memo.
Nd I guess a lot of othr ppl did too.
Cuz I am certain that on my way back from lunch I saw several ppl who, last time I checked, were definitely Gheys. Then later on arriving back at my apartment I saw 2 dudes that evry1 has told me r gay.
Did they not realize that it was a day without gheys? Or maybe they aren't gay and I have just been misinformed/misled by their very homosexual tendencies.

Now b4 I start gettng death threats from GLAAD nd many of the ppl that live on my floor, I should explain the true meaning of this day:
Basically, the idea is that Gays everywhere were encouraged 2 not go 2 work/school/life and should "Call In Gay" to show what society wud actually b like if there were no gay ppl aka how damaging it wud b.
So kudos 2 this interesting and thought-provoking idea.


But here's the thing:
Bcuz I live in a very liberal setting, am liberal, have liberal frnds, etc., there r a lot of gheys around my life right now.
Nd 2 b honest, I could use a break.
I don't mean 2 offend the gheys who read L.A. Nouveau like its Gone With The Wind,
Nd I do love diversity,
But just 4 one day it would b nice for some of the overdramatics nd awkwardness that a lot of the gheys I know posess to go away.

So yesterday could have potentially been the best little vacation evr.
I could've sat outside, sipping a margarita, enjoying the fact that evry1 around me was down for some opposite-sex fun.
It's the same reason why Jews move 2 Israel, why Blacks dont send their kids 2 WASPy private schools, why Txns voted in George W. Bush...: Sometimes its nice 2 b with ur own ppl.

The diffrnce with me, u, nd my othr liberal homies is that unlike those who wish 2 always b with their own ppl, at the end of the day, I love diversity.
I think its beautiful. I know its beautiful. Nd I know that diversity is possible.
But sometimes, aka once a yr or so, it wud b nice to have some time 2 just b with ppl like urself.
2 have some bonding time with ppl of the same religion/sexuality/creed/penissize/ethnicity as my own damn self yall.
Im pretty sure I do not spend enough quality time with ppl who r like me, so this day could have given me an opportunity to see past their boring ways nd bond with them once nd 4 all.

So I therefore thank all the gheys who stayed indoors nd didn't do anything in the public eye to give us non-gays a day to relax, but also 2 think about whethr we actually appreciate u or not.
Nd 4 the gheys that I witnessed still parading around town today, I ask u to please participate next yr.

Nd speaking of gheys, the artist I'm about to post is a fave of the gayCommunity so I've heard, nd she's making a big dent in the mainstream music scene too. Which is kind of annoying. Nd now that I think about it, I have no idea why I'm posting about her. But this song is such a guiltypleasure (guess I shouldve posted it two days ago).
It's Lady Gaga.
The song is "Starstruck."
It even has, gasp, a rap cameo. I know. I know.
Just fking listen. Sry that this song is very high on the homosexual tendencies scale. Maybe I'll stay home next yr.

Lady Gaga - "Starstruck" (click 2 dwnload)

That Diet's Got Her Acting All 'South Bitch',
José

If U Aint Here 2 Party, then...

LA partygoers r the funniest/coolest/weirdest/biggestFreaks/zombies/______________ (insert word of madness) ever.

Now partying goes down in nearly evry city or hardly-urban locale in the Wrld.
From Paris to Panama City, from Pittsburgh to Prince Edwrd's Island, partygoers r always figuring out ways to party.
Nd usually, let's not kid ourselves, they are the same ways. Evry time.
It involves a good deal of booze, maybe some RedBulls/RockStarRage/MonsterForceUltraEnergy10hrsXDrink/Vicodin, some music to get u moving, and a dirty place to get down.

The party scene, of course, gets better nd more wild in better nd more wild cities.

akaNYC. Where a night at Webster Hall can lead to a health hazardous night doing coke with ur fave B-list Bway star at the 205 Club, even tho u were desperate to go 2 Marquee but u knew u wouldn't get in the door.

akaSpokane,Washington. Where a day spent doing shrooms in the mountains will lead u 2 see some AltCoreIndie band play at The Knitting Factory, only to drown urself in sorrows at the martini bar down the street.

But nowhere is the party scene quite like it is in LosAngeles,California.
Not implying that its not sometimes bettr elsewhere (oh Paris, don't get all jealous on me like that).
But nowhere else do u have all the options that u do in L.A.
Nd nowhere else is there such PartyHype and PartyObsession as there is in L.A., which is constantly proved with the numbr of growing "CobraSnake" nd "LastNight'sParty" photoblogs on the interweb.
Nd speaking of which, enjoy some PartyPics courtesy of none othr than José.



Nd nowhere else r the PartyGoers so diverse, ranging from and beyond:
///Hipsters/Blipsters/2pacWorshippers//HotModels/MainstreamChicks/Celebs//CinaNerds/Gays/UltraGheys//AltBros/IndieLovrs/DeathXCoreFanatics//Thesbians/Lesbians/CuntyMoms///

Nd most importantly, nowhere seems to be the same sense of PartyFreedom as there is in L.A.

Cuz a night/day/26hrsLaterStillGoingStrong of partying in L.A. could mean:

- Buying some dank weed from ur neighbor who goes to a Medical Club evry morning b4 he hits the gym, smoking some fine specimen with ur frnds, playing some trip-hop tunes while sippng on some fine wine, as the smoke fills the room with a glow that looks a lot like the smoggy nighttime sky.

- Taking a cab to Hollywood for $30, flask in hand, high heels in the other, stumbling across the future site of Hilary Duff's star on the WalkofFame, entering a club who's nooks feel more like a maze as u navigate the proximity of the dancefloor 2 the bathroom so u know where ppl r doing blow in case u want 2 partake.

- Going to UniversityPark aka USC after gameday, finding 2 hot drunk girls who will get u into all the frat houses even tho u graduated 6 yrs ago, being the IceLuge champ of the evening, schooling some Freshman PoliSci major at beer pong while u drunkenly discuss how the proper name 4 the game is Beirut.

- Meeting up with ur 2 guy frnds, Esmeraldo nd Okkebo, ur 1 girl frnd, Natalie, nd ur 2 non-gendr specific friends, Patricia Estevan nd Lord Matayis, to smoke some high-quality meth b4 using ur 1 DJ-frnd connection 2 get u into that warehouse party off of Olympic Blvd, only 2 find out that the warehouse was never unlocked 4 the potential rager, thus resorting 2 a KillerDJfest in the parking lot.

- Sipping champagne and VodkaPoms with ur best frnd nd his new gf, who happens to have starred on The Hills, hopping in the limo that's parked outside his apartmnt, arriving VIP at a Mr.Oizo/Justice DJ Set/BareNakedLadies tribute band show that starts 3 hrs late and doesn't end til 4, grabbng burgers nd shakes with the BNLtribute band afterwards.

Nd the possibilites go way beyond those.

But whilein some cities there's a limited amount of "scenes," there is an infintesimal numbr of scenes in L.A., to the point that they often bcum infused and consumed 2gether.
This is why only in L.A. will u get scenarios like Uffie+CutChemist+Shwayze(???)+SteveAoki benefit shows that r attended by tons of hipsters, TilaTequila, ghetto fab girls, TheCobraSnake, nd Margaret Cho, 2 name a few.

Cant help but put 1 more LAPartyPic up after that homage to Steve Aoki (credit Cobrasnake):


This is why partying in L.A. is, frankly, the shit. The bomb. The creme de la creme.
It's fking legit.

Bitch ur days nd nights away,
José

Express Ur Guilt b4 its 2 late

I am my biggest guilty pleasure.
That's right Switzerland, nd othr non-USofA-ers who often browse L.A. Nouveau.

Nd I, like u, have a shit ton of guilty pleasures.
Nd just like u, while I should b embarrassed by some of my potentially depressing/potentially emasculating guilty pleasures, I still talk about them / occasionally flaunt them / discuss them with plenty of the humans in my life.
Yet I, like u, still feel as if they are guilty pleasures, things that I really should keep quiet about nd would b problematic nd sad to discuss.

So back to my original statemnt, right now, my biggest guilty pleasure is myself. Yep, it's me.
José, u r guilty.
Of being my pleasure.

Thought: Is that the most egotistical thing that has evr stumbledupon my brain?
Nxt thought: No.
Cuz life should be lived out in the way we most want 2 express it.
////Life=SuprTemporary////
Nd I, like u, have all the right in the wrld to live it out in any way I want 2.
(As long as I don't murder ppl, shoplift evryday, bcum a meth-producing prosty, etc.)

Nd I encourage U 2 do the same.
As T.I. and Rijanna eloquently audiotune'd about in 2k8, "Just Live Yo Lyfe"

This is continuously turning into the biggest NewYrzResolution NewYrzRezzy rant evr, but srsly, in 2ZroZro9 let us all b free to express our guiltiest pleasures and live them out, cuz who knows when else we will get 2? (Spoiler alert!: In 2Zro10, it will b illegal 2 express guilty pleasures, so act quickly!)
To promote some encouragement, I will tear down all the walls and will, right here, right now, admit to u some of José's biggest guilty pleasures.
(Inhale, exhale).
I'm ready if u r.

Jose's Guilty Pleasures:

- Humans on meth.
I should be so against this.
When it's wrong, yet it feels so right. (Love u ParisHilton 4 this amazing quote)
Looking at their suprskinny decumposing bodies makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Nd the fact that they r actually legitimately doing crystalmeth is just... wow...
Like, that sucks, yet thats amazing.
I know its a twisted pleasure.
Cant help it.



- The Bad Girls Club. Fk Oxygen 4 being an "only 4 women" TV network. The Bad Girls Club is the best show to evr cum to televisions. It always makes me feel A. proud to not b a woman, nd second of all, in love with the American dream nd evrything that it has 2 offer.


- The Mets. I know baseball is 4 cumplete dorky sports fans, but I have loved / love / will always love those Amazin' Mets no matter how shitty of a season they play or how desperately close they will get to the playoffs 2 yrs in a fking row MTHR FKERS I FKING HATE THE PHILLIES FK THAT BULLSHT IM SO TIRED OF THE FKING CITY OF PHILAFKINGDELPHIA I WILL BLOG MORE ABOUT THIS LATR BUT I FKING HATE EVRYTHING ABOUT THAT SHITHOLE CITYY FKKKK THEM


- HRO (hipster runoff). I hate hipsters and bloggers nd all of them solely bcuz I might b one, but hate admitting that i am one, but yet want ppl to think i'm one (WARNING: THIS IS WAY 2 EXPRESSIVE 4 the SAKE OF THIS BLOG SO APPRECIATE HOW MUCH IM REVEALING ABOUT MYSELF 2 U DUMBFKS) anyways i h8/love/H8/miss HRO and evrything about that blog so much. Just want 2 b Carles. Just want 2 express myself yall.

- Sexy NY socialites. As much as I love L.A. nd HATE that WB ripoff show The Gossip Girls Club, there's something about that made-up, stuck-up, slightly prissy but oh so classy NewYork socialite bartender babe that I can't get enuf of. Nd their wealthyAsFk names like Alessandra Belmont or Rebecca Curtis Manville just fuel my "I h8 u but so guiltily love/want u" feelings.



So there u have it.
There r some of my guiltiest pleasures.
Now in an effort 2 better improve urself/ur life/my blog, I ask u 2 please share at least 1 of ur guilty pleasures by commenting this post.
So please share with me below. Cuz I love sharing. And aftr a wonderful evening with best frnds last night, I have seen how beautiful the power of sharing can be.
So fking share ur guilty pleasures. Nd feel good about it.

Betches Got Issues,
José

Do U Have the Potential?

I finally understand the need for Dateline: 2 Catch a Predator.

B4 today, I always felt that the show was unethical, unnecessary, and if it had 2 b ranked on a moral scale from 1 to 10 (1 being 2Girls1Cup immoral, 10 being iGo2ChurchEvryDay moral), I would've given it a FKING DISGUSTING.

Nd after I just watched another YuTube clip of the show, I once again remember why I find evrything about the NBC television program despicable.

Howevr, after yet anothr interesting wknd, I have realized why there is a need for this kind of TV programming.

Nd here's why:

Cuz Predatorz are Evrywhere.

Nd they only seem to b increasing in numbers nd in magnitude.

Now i've witnessed/known/befrnded/gone of coffee dates with plenty of sleazy creepy "iWillBangThatChickWhethrSheWants2orNot" men in my life.

But somehow, bcuz of the generally respectable nature of my posse, I so often forget just how many SexualPredatorz r actually out there.

Nd I always find myself latr wondering how the fk do these guys actually bcum the SexPredz that they are?

- Did their parents always encourage them to get a blowsky no matter what?

- Were they raised in a home where it was ok to take their sister and fk her after dinner?

- Did they grow up believing that it was Jesus' mission 2 get men to act more creepy and animalistic?

- Are they part of an underground society that teaches them the wrld's most fked up/hilarious pick up lines in history?

Nd as I delve further into this potentially-terrifying problem of the spread of SexPredz, I wondr: Is there any hope? Is there any answer?

Will the only solution b to have an ethnic cleansing of all SexPredz evrywhere?

Nd if we did have a worldwide SexPredz annihilation, who wud make the cut?

Is evryone either a SexPred or not a SexPred?

What about my cousin Nathan? He's been in 2 great long-term relationships, but there was that 1 girl that he roofied last yr after that bad breakup... is he there4 a SexPreddy?
Could I even b a SexPredster?
Do we all have the potential 2 b that guy in the photo above?

I think it's time 4 all of us 2 go 2 therapy. Just in case.
Nd while ur thinkng ovr whethr u might secretly b the next 2CatchAPreddy victim, enjoy some slick sounds from one of the best DJ's/artists in existance at this moment: DIPLO.
He's a Philly-based DJ who is the genius behind a shit ton of the best rmxs out there,
plus started his own label, Mad Decent, who I thank evryday for the wonders of Bonde do Role, my 2yrAgo Brazilian ubsession (pre-CSS enfatuation). Enjoy Diplo.

Diplo - "Must Be A Devil"

Get Shawty nd Bitchy, in a Non-Threatning Way,
José

TopTen Albums, According to Jose

2 Zro Zro 8 is soon gonna be over.
Nd what a great year it was.
Well...
hmm...
sort of.

We elected Obama.
Our non-US rezzy frnds are starting to like us again.
Wall-E came out this yr.
I moved the fk out of the east nd out to L.A.

Nd that's pretty much all I can cum up with right now.
Is that bad?
Does this mean that it was a shitty yr?
Should I work harder to have a more eventful yr next yr?
Might 2ZroZro9 b the most extreme epic yr of my existence?
Will SARS finally make its full-fledged cumback like Britney did in 2k8?

While we cud go on predicting and worrying about what nxt yr will bring us, let's instead reflect on 1 key piece of this yr that always needs discussing:
The best albumz of 0h-8.

Now 2 be rly honest, in my opinion, 0h-8 was not the best yr album-wise.
There were some great singles/songs (which i will post about b4 new yrz), but this first of a few Best.Uv.0h-8 lists is devoted 2 the best albums of the yr.
Ready4 the list?
U sure?
Well here it is.
Nd if u wanna hear/buy the albums, click the album art nd u'll go on a magical journey to a place I like 2 call the iTunesStore.
Lets start with numbr 10.



10. vampire weekend - vampire weekend
I wanted to hate them/this album so much, to the point that i kind of do hate them/this album. Cuz bands that blow up in the indie scene like no othr who think they're the shit tend to really piss me off. Nd to count how many times ive seen this album art/their mp3s posted wud make me actually die. But this album is actually really pretty good, with some obvious highlights like "Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa" and "A-Punk".


9. girl talk - feed the animals
Mash-up: so big in 0h-8. Will it stay hip in 2ZZ9? Regardless, Greg Gillis aka GirlTalk brought it this yr, selling out lots of shows and making SarahKeimigs evrywhere crazy. Nd the "PayWhatevrUWant" thing is super bomb. (The album art link is where u can "buy" the album aka can pay $0 and it'll download 2 u)


8. britney spears - circus
It doesn't matter what u think about her, she's back nd bringng it on this new album. There r a shit ton of hot, sexy, but also interesting songs that might b cliche mainstream-esque, but still provide a lot of fun and legitimacy to Brit. Shame that bcuz it was just released that it wont b on more of these lists. Nd here's a spoiler: B prepared 2 see the song "Circus" on my top tracks of the yr list.


7. cut copy - in ghost colours
The indie rock + electronica + synth thing that Cut Copy is supplyng on this album is suprbly cool. A top indie contender this yr. Enjoy one of the best songs from the album, called "Lights & Music":

Cut Copy - "Lights & Music"


6. coldplay - viva la vida
It's Coldplay. Need we say more? They're dinamite. Nd altho there aren't as many obvious singles on this album, its a beautiful album to listen to in whole.


5. hot chip - made in the dark
Whatevr lightng it was made in, it was made fantastically. Hot Chip brought it once again in 0h-8, somethng that less and less artists seem 2 be able 2 do these days. Nd with less clear-cut singles (besides "Ready for the Floor"), the album is instead full of great diversity, from dance tracks to even a ballot or two, something novel for Hot Chip. In case uve been hiding under a cave nd don't know "Ready for the Floor," here it is for ur auditory pleasure:

Hot Chip - "Ready for the Floor"


4. sigur rós - med sud í eyrum vid spilum endalaust
Translated: "With buzzing in our ears we play endlessly". Sigur Rós is unlike anythng i've ever heard, nd after being so closely associated with the most incredible WintryDeathEsque music ever, it's nice to hear some more brightness and theatrics on this all-around brilliant recording.


3. crystal castles - crystal castles
Angst meets Synth meets Screamng meets WhtTheFk on the biggest hipster-obsessed album of the yr. This epic album ranges from SuprCatchy to AngstCore and evrywhere in btween, showcasing what is cool about today's music technology.

Crystal Castles - "Courtship Dating"


2. fleet foxes - fleet foxes
If u knew of Fleet Foxes b4 0h-8, then congratulations for being THAT guy once again, but 4 the rest of us who found them over the span of this year, it's been an amazing find that has taken my ears on an incredible journey of nature, love, seasons, time, etc. Nd to never hear their name on MTV/E!/Perez/HRO is a great departure from all those overrapidly rising artists today.


1. sia - some people have real problems
This album gave me hope all yr since its Jan08 release that incredible vocal talent-driven music is still being made today. Sia has a voice unlike any othr, nd without gettng too personal here, I have to say that I credit this album with getting me through this past yr. It has its mellow moments, its upbeat moments, and then its unbelievable emotion-teeming moment (hear track 12, "Beautiful Calm Driving", one of the songs that defined my 2ZZ8).

Thank U 2ZZ8 for this album. Nd all the othrs on this list.
More commentary on this post, nd my fave tracks of 0h-8 are all 2 cum.

With bitch wishes,
José

Jeezy Knew What He Wuz Doing

Hi, My name is José and I'm not an alcoholic.

Surprising, right? I know, it's crazy! How can that be possible? I mean, I'm still technically in my younger years, I've been living in a college environmnt, I went to highschool. So shouldn't that automatically mean that I impulsively drink very often and can't manage to have a good time without it?

Well, I have nuze.

The answer is No. It doesn't mean that. At all. Not even a little.

Srsly.

Here's the truth:

Alcohol is the liquid of sinners.

So next time ur about to get totally tanked, think about this: WWJD? (what would Jesús drink?)
Here's the options I would guess:
- If he was just chillin at a social gathering, he'd be down for a Coke Zero, being happy 2 keep his figure lean, but not wantng to compromise that oversweet cola taste
- If he was looking for a good time, he'd roll with a Vodka Pom, my personal DOC (drank of choice), cuz he'd A. get that little buzz of alk and second of all, would b downing some supr-fine antioxidants to keep him healthy nd strong (which ironically wouldn't be that necessary in the end... thanks a lot, Romans)
BUT HERE'S THE DIFFRNCE: - If he was having a really bad day and needed to fking escape, he wudn't resort to gettng totally trashed. Cuz that's just irresponsible nd scary.
Here's what he would do instead:
Blaze.
Crunk.
Get roasted.
Hit the reefer.

Yes, America nd other Christian-majority nations of the wrld,
Jesus would have packed a bowl of some epic medical sht (he'd obviously have medical, cuz he wouldn't do any dealing and illegal buying), would have found the perfect outdoor spot to sit nd relax, and would have blazed the day/night away.

Nd in his time and day, he would've been totally respected 4 it.

Even Matty, Mark, Luke, and JohnnyBoy wud've surely hit up some Mary Jane with their pal JeezyC. Maybe they wud've even smoked their good ol' pal out once in a while.
They wud all be chillin and their BFF Peter wud say, "Yo JC, u've been a superb dude to us, let us smoke u out man."

So 4 all the HerbHaters, WeedWincers, nd MaryJaneMouthOffs out there, u can suck it nd take out the trash while the rest of SoCal nd NorCal hit up a bowl.

Baby, I've Touched Countless Hearts,
José

I h8 it, I love it, I miss it.

My frnd Carles over at Hipster Runoff recently composed a brilliant post where he realized that he only has 3 real emotions nd can only feel 3 different ways about something:

He can h8 some1/somethng.
He can luv some1/somethng.
He can miss some1/somethng.

(courtesy of HRO, obv)

nd while he h8ed on, luv’d, and miss’d some great thngs that i agree/disagree/didnt give a shit about, the best categorization he gave to somethng/some1 was to the following...
"JUSTICE. h8/luv/miss u"

nd now i’d like to share somethng that i too h8, luv, miss.
drumroll pleaze:

fb. (this is the last time evr i will explain that fb stands 4 facebook, nxt time ur on ur own)

on one hand, i h8 fb more than anything.

i hate the shitty fbchat, i hate the rising cost of fbgifts, i hate the fbAds telling me where i can meet the hottest BBWs, i hate all my awk fbFrnds who i think i went to highschool with but cant even remember anymore

but mostly i hate the way i dont hate fb, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
ok thats a lie, i hate it a little
but i also luv fb.
i love getting brilliant bumper stickers from drunk ppl, i love looking thru the last 5 yrs of my life thnks to fbPics/Tag’dPics, i love fbPoking those special some1s in my life, i love knowng that the girl i used to date in middleschool is now bi bcuz she changed her ‘interested in’ to include both men nd women

nd yet, with all the h8 and luv, i mostly just miss fb.
i miss when i wuz 1 of 5 ppl in my highschool network cuz evryone was still on UrSpace, i miss when nuze feed just came out causing massive riots wrldwide, i miss when fb was super trippy and said “4get missiles, im switching 2 nukes” at the bottom of evry page

so in reality, i h8/luv/miss fb.
but what i do h8/h8/h8 is the way some ppl use fb and the things that they write/do/post on fb.

ex. fbNotes. Rly? Get a blog or somethng. Don’t ever do this. Evr. I’m trying to think of any exceptions where its ok to write notes. Nd i can’t think of any. At all.

nd now, the EXAMPL OF THE DAY: fbStatuses. sometimes they’re great... they let u know what ur frnd/mom/grandma is up to... they r sometimes hipster humorous... they r sometimes kind... they r sometimes really really angsty... and that’s all fine.
but sometimes, they’re DUMB AS FK.

FOR EXAMPL:


so here’s my question:

WHAT THE FK DOES THAT MEAN?
R u serious right now? What r u even trying to say here?

- R u trying to tell us that u r a lesbian and would rather just have guy frnds?
- R u trying to tell us that u r gonna marry all the girls in that picture with u?
- R u trying to tell us that u r teaming up with my sophomore yr bio teacher to take down all men evrywhere?
- R u trying to tell us that u r straight up on crystalmeth?

So apparently this is a quote from a LesboTVprogrammy. However, it makes no difference. It's still the cuntiest thing ive seen in quite some time.
Nd one more question: What the fk is up with the HeartGraphicBullsht thing at the end of this already cunty-as-fk quote? Riddle me that.

So congratulations, fbGirl with the pixelated name,
U r being crowned, right here, right now (This is HISTORY in the makng ppl!), as L.A. Nouveau's first-ever official CuntyMom of the Week!

Remembr this day in a bitchtastic way,
José