Places 2 Flee 2, 2 Make Life A Lil Easier

Lately I've been trying 2 cum up with solutions on How 2 Better Improve My Current Life.
Bcuz there are so many diffrnt stressors currently thawing away at ur/my life.

Thanx 2 exams/papers/reports/deadlines/taxes/foreclosure warnings/losing my malpractice insurance/etc., life is just not an easy thing 2 do right now.

Nd because there r so many things currently affecting us all, a lot of the ppl I know have resorted 2 doing pretty reckless things in order 2 escape from their current states of stress.
- 1 frnd of mine recently spent an entire 24 hrs in the top floor of the library without evr taking a break 4 food, water, the bathroom, etc.
- Anothr human I know decided 2 OverDose on Adderall the night b4 their big exam in order 2 "focus better". Still not sure how this turned out, the human hasnt been able 2 speak since then.
- A bunch of bros that live in my apartment recently decided 2 "fk the economy" nd their morals nd unloaded all of their cash in Vegas. Rumor has it that they'll b moving out next week bcuz they cant afford the rent anymore.
- Accordingly, my bff's mom just started doing Shrooms 4 the first time.

But srsly. I dont want 2 OverDose on Drugs nd die. Ok maybe a lil bit.
But overall, I've been looking 2 find a real solution 2 Improve my Life.

So far I've tried a few things here nd there:
- I tried writing a novel based on my real life. But then I realized that the plot was too graphic 4 mainstream audiences nd the character development was horrendous.
- I tried bcuming addicted 2 painkillers. But Vicaden got rly expensive/my next-door neighbor stopped making my favorite homemade Advil-Morphene-Penecillin mash-up drug cocktails.
- I had my girlfrnd's mom plan my funeral. We got in a fight over the flower arrangement nd the fact that I promised an illicit lover of mine that she could b the go-go dancer at my funeral.

But sadly, none of these things rly helped 2 improve my life. In fact, in most cases, it just made my life a lil worse.

Howevr, I have good news.
I've finally figured out the 1 thing I need 2 do 2 Improve my Everyday Life:
Run Away.

That's right.
Running Away would improve my life so very much.
I wouldnt have 2 deal with the ppl who i h8 around me.
I wouldnt have 2 pay the rent evry month.
I wouldnt have 2 have ppl b aware of where I am at all times.
I would b more-or-less free.

Yes, I'd b poor. But i'd find some easy most-likely-illegal job somewhere.
Yes, I'd have no place 2 live. But there's a lot of nice basements all over the wrld.
Nd CouchSurfing is so "in" right now.

So now I'm trying 2 figure out where I want 2 Run Away to...
I've narrowed it down 2 a few places.
- Any of the beaches near L.A... Yeah, im sure it would b easier 2 track me down if I stayed nearby, but i rly do love SouthrnCalifornia nd would love 2 be near the beach. Nd it would make it a lot easier 2 bring all my lil personal belongings.


- Miami, Florida, USofA.
Ive been there b4. Nd I usually rly like it, altho I get quickly fed up with the extreme stereotypes that live there aka SketchCubans, FlamingGays, ElderlyJews.
But on the same lines as the L.A. beaches, I love the ocean, nd im sure I would meet some rly frndly ppl aka Models who would take me under their wing, feed me well, nd I could get in2 some pretty bangin parties with them.
xx More posts written about Miami located here: http://lanouveau.blogspot.com/search/label/Miami lolz xx


- Grozny, Chechnya: The capitol city of the best lil unrecognized-country in the wrld.
Home 2 TwoHundredThousand of the wrld's best lil impoverished hipsters, its a city that has a lot of potential. So what if there's a lot of terrorism, corruption, tensions with Russia, nd kidnappings? It's still a great place 2 raise a family, get a job, nd above all, run away 2.

I'm pretty sure around this time of yr, plus with the wrld economy in shambles, that there r some great vacation deals 2 Chechnya. But act soon while the country still remains!


Have any othr places u think I should/could Run Away 2?
Want 2 hear ur Ideas. Lolfestivus.

This bitch just wants 2 Run Away 4 the Day,
José

Stop Feeling Untouched! nd Get Connected

There's a problm out there, so lets talk about.
Its an issue thats currently sweeping across the tweens of this nation.
But its something that I/u's/we all occasionally face.

Whats this grave issue I speak of?
No, its not the lack of medical insurance that millions of citizens dont have.

Its feeling Untouched.

Nd I'm sure u's nd I alike know the feeling well.
Its the feeling u get when u feel like u have no1 2 turn 2.
Its the feeling u get when u just want some1 to cuddle with/fornicate with/hug with.

There's this rly popular song out on the AirWaves right now thats called "Untouched" that talks all about this feeling.
This feeling u get when all rly u need is a lovr.
When all u need is a frnd 2 massage IcyHot all ovr u.
When all u want is 2 escape ur lyfe that is so lonely inside, so busy out there
When all u wanted is somebody who cares...
I seem 2 b slipping in2 anothr angsty untouched-themed song.
H8/miss u Michelle Branch.

So clearly bcuz of the rising popularity of this thriller-esque terrifying song, this must b a key issue in our lil society that we should all work 2 address.

I ask u now 2 cum 2gether, nd once again, as I've discussed previously at the beginning of this yr, u/I/we all need 2 "Give It Away" a lil more.
We need to give some of our Touch 2 the ppl who rly need it most.
...2 all the AltSluts aka desperate ladies,
...2 all the suicidal preskulers,
...2 all the sexually-closeted classmates who live in the building next 2 u 1 floor up from the lobby,
...2 all the truly good looking yet food-deprived frnds of urs/mine,
...2 all the blacked-out blipsters (no racial pun intended, i was referring 2 excessive alcohol intake, LOLzers)...
We need 2 try 2 give a lil bit of not only our Touch, but also our Time nd Availability 2 these stereotyped groups nd othrs who need it 2.

Which is why, as of Right Na (thnx Akon 4 making all my mainstream frnds think that its ok 2 say Na instead of Now... this is sarcasm btw... h8 u 4 this Akon... thought we were frnds.),
I am officially making myself more available 2 u.
Nd I want 2 b able 2 hear from u more.

Want 2 b more connected 2 ur lives.
Want 2 "get" u more.

Ive always been available 4 email... at jose@lanouveau.com
But As Of Right Now... drumroll plz... U can IM josé.
Thats right. Send me an IM, nd I will instantly respond 2 u. Its that easy. This whole InstantMessage thing is so easy/cool. José's screen name = LAnouveau.

I would also love 4 u 2 share in my love of music nd "get" what im listening 2.
Thus, I present u with the info 2 my Last.fm account. My username = lifewow.
Random, I know, but 2 quote Ja'mie King... "You'll get used 2 it."

So there u have it.
Just want evry1 2 feel less Untouched nd more connected 2 José.

>> BONUS BONUSS mp3 THATS RELATED 2 THIS BLOGPOST LOLZIES >>>>

Michelle Branch - All You Wanted

Want u bitches 2 feel Touched all ovr,
José

Cliché Scholars in My Self-Created Classroom of Doom

This is a BlogPost about humans. Nd how they never cease 2 often frustrate me.
This is a BlogPost about headaches. Nd how humans r often the reason I get them.
This is a BlogPost about CuntyMoms. Nd how I’m currently surrounded by tons of them.

This is a BlogPost about clichés. Nd how theyre always visible at any age/at any time/in any environment. But r especially painful/obvious/problematic among tweens/teens/20somethings/choose.ur.own.cunty.AgeGroup

Let me describe 2 u the setting I am mentally placing myself in.
I’m in a small classroom.
I’m not a student, just a mere obsrvr.
Just wanting some education in my learning-curved life.
Just looking 4 some entertainment in this classroom of scholars.

In this learning locale, there is a smudgy blackboard, a lot of filled chairs, nd some eyesore lights.
If this space was stripped of its current inhabitants, it would b a pretty standard-looking room 2 take a class in/have a study date in/get nasty with a teacher in.



But as I mentioned b4, this BlogPost is not about the room itself.
Its about the ppl in it.

Nd most importantly/frustratingly, its the suprbly cliche ppl that r so CuntyMom-esque/headache-enducing.

Exmpls r evrywhere:

- There’s the boy with a fuzzy fauxhawk whose 2k4 glasses r just as unfortunate as his stained red pover-shirt.
- There’s the somewhat female-looking person with a very baggy sweatshirt nd awkward denim who continues 2 doodle about a boy she’ll never get with.
- There’s the backwardsHat-wearing clunky Silver&Gold watch-bearing douchebag who cums in late, probably regularly.
- There’s the AZN with a highschool mascot tshirt nd a white knit sweatr whose jetblack hair is in the wrld’s tightest lil bun.
- There’s the “babe” with diedBlonde hair who has yet 2 stop whining about the difficult ditzy day she’s had.
- There’s the mocha-colored ladylove whose chunky gold heartshaped earring hoops help 2 bring out the gold lining in her babyphat jeans.
- There’s the awkwrdly chubby sonnyboy in the very front who’s sexual dryspell will continue 4 quite some time.
- There’s the tinge-of-ethnic-ness-looking grrrl whose broken english is matched with her obesely-big-eyelashes of doom, despair, nd deception.
- There’s the SuperScruffy SuperSketchy darkhaired SuperStoner who I’m pretty sure is currently eating an eraser.
- There’s the not-so-tough-AZN“dude” whose diamond bling earring reflects a shining light on2 his bad acne breakout.

Basically, Bogens r evrywhere.
If u dont know this spectacular word, then u clrly dont watch Summer Heights High nd/or have clrly nevr been 2 Australia/NewZealand where this word is a staple among slang.

Need a break from the Bogens/CuntyMoms/cliche humans that surround my mentally created classroom.
If u didnt “get” it earlier, the classroom is a metaphor 4 my lyfe nd the students r the humans in my lyfe. Now go back nd re-read this shit knowing its all metaphorical.
Ignant freak.

Metaphorical bitchin’ can get u somewhere,
José

The Evolution of the Dictionary/Slang/Urbandictionary.com

Dear Publik,
Ur life is a nitemarish awkfest that I sometimes wake up from and realize that I've fallen asleep on the bathroom floor.

Ok I guess I should clarify that entire statement.
First of all, when addressing the masses, I'm thinking that Public is a good way 2 put it.
This shit is public, after all.
But aftr the extreme popularity of the photo-whoring site Picnik, im thinking that, like the original word "picnic", "public" will similarly lose its final C nd will thus bcum "publik".
U can call this an official 2k9 prediction from ur friends at L.A. Nouveau.

Seems like a lot of words r changing lately.

Exmpl: Hipster. According 2 my BritishDictionarie, the word was originally slang in the UofK meaning hiphugger pants or underpants 4 women nd girls.

I'm still a bit confused by the whole pants OR underpants thing.
Sounds kind of like 1 of those HipsterRunoff gimmick where he asks whethr a specific person is an AltBro or AltBag...
Whatevr.

Point being, the word has cum a long way since.
That's evolution, baby.

Anothr exmpl: A few yrs back apparently some rap dude tried to change the word "here" to include 2 r's instead of 1.
I will nevr understand this brazen move nd what it was supposed 2 achieve. I mean, "here" is a pretty fking common word. Y change that shit 2 "herre"? That's not change i can blieve in.

R words changing 2 quickly?
I think im starting 2 get scared of slang.
I always liked it/loved it/appreciated it as a young tot.
Now i just feel like im being left in the dust as new wrds cum out that ive never even heard of b4.
Like the othr day, some broski frnd of mine kept referring 2 his current state of being as "amp'd". I still have no clue what he was trying 2 express.
Was he craving that MountainDew-based spermcount-lowering energy drink that my nextdoor neighbor always throws empty cans of on my lawn?
Wasn't there some MTV-owned cell phone cumpany with the same name?
Was he merely trying 2 advertise for Amp'd Mobile? Thought they ran out of cashmoney...


Just trying 2 stay in with the times.
Thnx a lot Tweens 4 making it so ridiculously hard 4 me.

I h8/miss the word über. Does any1 use that shit anymore?
So VeryEarly2000s. I think my video gamer frnds used 2 say it. I think I used 2 say it too.
Did u ever used 2 say über, as in über cool, or über geek?
Looking 4 some moral support here as I go through these tough times of losing my oldskool lingo. Miss u/h8 u MiddleSchool/HighSchool/LawSchool.

Wanna hear ur betchy lingo,
José

Great Nuze, FML Nuze

Got some exciting nuze 2 share:
Say goodbye to LAnouveau.blogspot.com
Say Hello!, or ¡Hola!, or Yo son!, to LAnouveau.blogspot.com

Yessr, the .blogspot is hitting the road.
Nd we're in full transition mode to be exclusively @ LAnouveau.com (but no worries, the .blogspot will always work as well/will redirect u in case ur dumb nd forget the better newer much easier much more googleable URL)

Nd there's othr exciting bullsht/changes cuming in the near future.
But i wanna keep u anticipatory, so that is secret info 4 now.

Now here's the bad nuze / FkMyLife nuze:
This "transition" is taking a little longer than i assumed it wud.
aka u'll notice that LAnouveau.com doesn't even work right now.
aka a shit ton of the links on this site back to this site don't work right now.
aka Google + GoDaddy + the Interweb r having a field day with my ass.

Here's what Blogger tells me:

So i would apologize 4 this bullsht inconvenience, nd i wuz actually about to, but then i realized: This isn't my fault. At all. Like, not even remotely.
In fact, this is actually my way to fking help u find L.A. nouveau more easily, enjoy L.A. nouveau even more, etc.
So instead of even thnkng of bitchng 2 me about this, thnk me for my glorious efforts.
Which u can do by emailing me at the NEW OFFISH LA NOUVEAU EMAIL.
jose@LAnouveau.com

Do it. Snd me somethng.
If there's somethng u wanna see on LA nouveau.
If there's somethng u need me to rant about 4 u.
If u have nuthng else in ur life 2 do but email random bloggers on the interweb.
aka go 4 it.

Now bcuz this post is so useless in comparison 2 evry othr amazing post on this blog, im throwing in some music cuz now i actually feel sorta bad. FML.
i hate when u guilt trip me like this.

Bcuz I'm still so excited for the CSS/NPSH concert on 12/11, here's a bangin' remix of the CSS song, "Move".

CSS - Move (Cut Copy Remix)

Baytch, Update, Ahora,
José

Dreams of Jet Setting 4 1 Nite Only

Fk Black Friday.
While sex-crazed moms and economic-depression-unaffected husbands will be waking up at 4am to storm their nearest Target SuperCenter or WalMart UltraBig GrandeLatteLard-Infused-Madness MegaStore,
While insecure twenty-sumthng sluts will be flocking to their fave fitness clubs to work off all the turkey stuffng gravy cranberry shauce,
While 8yrold boys will sit in front of the televij in their hipster onesies becuming more braindead by the second from cartoons and othr nonsense,
While former high school students will lounge around in their big houses fresh from their beloved universities wonderng what hot popular skank is gonna have a thrashin party tonite,

I will sit and be pissed as fk. Bcuz all I want to do is be in Paris.
That's right, Paris.

For those of u who read this blog well enuf to know me, u might be thinkng "Wait, I thought u desperately wanted to go back to LA..."

Nd while this is true, and I strongly commend u for ur perceptiveness and keenness of my hipster desires, I have to inform u that it is PARIS that I want to go to right now.
More than anythng.
Just for one night.
One Night in Paris. (Not like the Paris Hilton sex tape, altho I could easily accomodate that as well...)
Why do I so desperately crave One Night in Paris?
Here's ur answer.:

UFFIE.
Live.
Tmrw night (Friday nite, Nov 28)

Uffie - Pop the Glock

It gets better.
SANTOGOLD.
Live.
Tmrw nite.

Santogold - Lights Out

It keeps getting better.
DIPLO.

Diplo - Diplo Rhythm

Doesn't stop there.
CHAIRLIFT.

Chairlift - Bruises

The four. All togethr. In Paris. At Le Showcase. With Uffie. Without José.

Again, that's one event, at Le Showcase, with Santogold/Diplo/Chairlift/UFFIE.

Bcuz this is the most epic hipster thng to happen since Welcum Home DJ AM (which as u hopefully know I more than attended), and since it is in the city that I have always dreamed of being a part of, and since the hipster inside me screams for random EuroAdventures, and since my mom (yes, I have a Mom.. but we'll discuss her more latr) just got back from Paris, and since I LIVE FOR UFFIE, and since Santogold, Diplo, and Chairlift are 3 of my othr faves right now,
the idea of this concert occurring without me makes me feel the following sentiment:
I. Want. To. Melt. Into. The. Earth. nd. Decompose.


To conclude, I'd like to switch the saying up:
Bitch, you are my death lover,
José

Welcum 2 Los Angeles, Pasty-folk

I remembr Novmbr. I remembr it well. It was actually one of my favorite months, just cuz Octobr SUCKED THE BIG ONE, and Decmbr depresses the fk outta me. (Thnk you cold weather, commercialism, and false happiness)
But Novmbr always had an eeriness to it that no othr month quite had. The leaves changed, the weather got colder, the sky got darker earlier, the skin got pastier, the clothes got less slutty.

But now I'm in Los Angeles.
I've heard that it generally does get colder around this time of year and some leaves do fall and the climate begins to change a little.
So here's a little personal message to all u ppl that have told me this:
U R a bunch of cnty LIARS.

SRSLY. It's 90 DEGREEZ OUTSYDE.
SRSLY. 20 min north of me, there are crazy raging fires.
SRSLY. The air is filling with more smoke and soot by the second.
SRSLY. It looks like a nuclear disaster outside.
SRSLY. I might suffocate.
SRSLY. I died 5 min ago.

But srsly, I guess the good news is that I was able to tan for a while yesterday.

TIME ELAPSE: I wrote the first part of this post an hour ago.
Since then, the air has gotten a shit ton worse.
And I just took some epic photographs of how scary it looks outside.
So enjoy this shit below, and recall that the fire was almost 30 min away, and all these picturez were taken during the broad daylight around 3:30 pm, and all these picturez are unedited aka RAW.

Safely betchin (for now),
José

U R what U EAT & H8

Disclaimer: THIS IS NOT A PERSONAL BLOG. I swear it's not. This is not a xanga or some bllsht blog where i vent about my personal life. that wud be corny as shit.

Now, HOP off my

NOB and let me proceed.

We're all culprits. We get bored. We need to waste time. We need to procrastinate. And thus, we peruse the fk out of the world of facebook photos.

my most recent epic peruse (aka this morning) led me to realize how much i hate ManFlrts. Yes, ManFlrts, aka those guys with a shit ton of fb (i will be abbreving facebook to fb from now on, so git the 'ell used to it) photos hugging and kissing a plethora of different grls.

Why this hatrid towards ManFlrts? Bcuz all i want in my life right now is STABILITY. and ManFlrts = CumPlete Lack of StaBility. and i cant understand how ManFlrts can get away with the shit that they pull when my own life is already so fking ERRATIC.

So after you've just read this, you could possibly still want to propose a question: "Why hate the unstable flirty action of ManFlrts when they're unstable actions have nothing to do with your desire for stability?"

Here's your answer:

Bcuz I am one.

Apparently, I am the culprit in my own erratic life. Now, for the rcrd, I dont really mean this. I just found it hilariously amusing to see all these fb pics amassed of myself performing completely ManFlrty actions aka the actions that i usually find fking gross and pathetic.

After further reviewing, however, I have realized that I cud use this as a genius mrkting tool. So here it is:

SND ME A PIC OF U + ME KSSNG/HUGGNG/TUCHNG/FKING EITHER REAL OR PHOTOSHOPPED (pref photoshopped cuz that would make u a fking BALLER if u took the time to photoshop a pic of u + me) ND I WILL POST IT ON THE BLOG, GIVE U 5% OF THE MONEY I MAKE FROM ADS FOR ONE MNTH, ND U WILL LOVE IT.

Now disperse.

Betch amongst the bitches,

José