The French: Supplying Us With Much

Aside from AZN's, hipsters, nd the Blogosphere, 1 of the more popular talking points of this blog has always been The.French.

In all past discussions of these mysterious/silly/cunty-but-loveable ppl, theyve been addressed bcuz of their amazing nd often superior music.

Nd with artists/singers/DJs/electrosluts like Uffie, Justice, Yelle, nd M83 just 2 name a very select few, its understandable y Im so often discussing the going-ons of the French music scene.

But there r so many othr things about the.French that we hardly ever address.

Such as their food.
Croissants = YumCity.
Nd a Baguette.with.Ham+Cheese is so "in" these days around lunchtimes.

(Thnx 2 FoodPornDaily 4 this wondrful pic of a potentially Paris-inspired sandwich)

Nd how about French fashion?
Paris has always been way ahead of the USofA in terms of its apparel/wears.




(both pixx courtesy of the many Lookbook postings of French ppl)

Just want some1 2 travel to Paris on my behalf 2 bring me back lots of vintage/chic apparel that I can wear in an effort 2 prove to my frnds/co-workers that Im more fashion-forward than them.
Assuming that this will lead them 2 in turn further question my sexuality.
Hoping that this wont effect the 3.on.3 BasketballTournament Im currently taking place in with a bunch of Bros who work a few cubicles down from mine.

But at the end of the day, no matter what else Paris/France/the.European.Union has 2 offer, its stellar music is what makes me continue writing about it.

So I continue 2day with a Parisian newcomer called Make the Girl Dance.
Theyve been tearing up blogs evrywhere 4 the last 2 weeks or so with a highly provacative/"SexyCanI" music viddy nd a SuperCatchy KindaCunty AbsolutelyBombtastic song called "Baby Baby Baby".

Here r some of the more memorable lyrics of the lil song translated in2 our more native tongue...

I want your Mom’s Black Amex. I want your Dad's car.

I want to go out with your mates. I will wear my cutest panties.

I want a hot sex session. You can look but you can’t touch.

I want to be Justice's top friend, I want Gaspard's hand on my thigh.

I want to be the only person in photos. And I want to model for Yves Saint Laurent.

I don't want any cake. I just want Coke.

I don't want Kate, I want Ethan Hawke.

I want ice cubes in my glass. I want to smoke dope with your grandma.

Nothings available 4 purchase yet in the US, but Im sure thats coming soon.

So 4 now, try 2 get some1 u know 2 go over 2 France nd purchase some of their music 4 u. Nd maybe theyll bring u back some EuroChic/Would.b.Gay.in.the.USA clothes that ull secretly fall in love with.

But until then, enjoy the music 4 free.
Watch the pretty.much.full.frontal music viddy here:

Make The Girl Dance "Baby Baby Baby" ( official video )

Nd here's the mp3 PLUS a bonus mp3 of a pretty great remix of the song by another French electronic duo called No Kiss With Gloss (this is a link 2 their myspace, u's all)


Make the Girl Dance - Baby Baby Baby (mp3)


Make the Girl Dance - Baby Baby Baby (No Kids With Gloss Remix) (mp3)


Je veux 2 bitch all nite,
José

More Forward Thinking Fashion, Presented by American Apparel

On a smoggy blue day in L.A., a hipster/brother/lover named José sits nd contemplates the future of what the humans around him will look like.
Wondering if speaking in the 3rd person is a better way 2 address the "public".
Wondering if speaking in the 3rd person will prove extremely damaging 2 my twisted ego.

But back 2 José's contemplation.
When I think of trends 4 the 2day nd 2morrow, I usually think of the hipster haven called American Apparel.
Nd as I seductively wear my CircleScarf evrywhere I go, I wonder if in a few yrs all the lil people that pass me by will b wearing some CircleScarf-inspired clothingwear.
Nd now that the new TieDie CircleScarf is out, I wonder if the original CircleScarf economy will take a direct hit.
Love u my fave lil Black&White TieDie CircleScarf.


h8 u/think ur ugly, Blue&Whitee Tiedie bullshit circleScarfy.

As we look beyond just the CircleScarf nd on 2 other fashion trends, I wonder if AmericanApparel's forwardthinking clothing garments will bcum the new standards.

Will evry1 catch on 2 the Thigh-High Socks motif?


Will ppl more actively use AmericanApparel's handy lil folduppable Emergency Bag when times of bad-needing crisis occur?


But most of all, when looking towards the future of fashion/the future of clothingwears, I remain terribly excited/wonderfully terrified 4 the day when Men everywhere bcum liberal enough with exposing their bodies that they ultimately wear this beautiful shirt of wonders:


Yes Sirs/Ma'ams/Moms/Dads/AZNs/PublicMasses, I expose u 2 the Men's BellyButton TummyExposing CutOff Tee.

Now all I want 2 do is wear this...
- On the sexiest beach evr.
- To a night on the town with my boyfrnd/girlfrnd.
- At a job interview 4 the Alumni Relations VP at Bogen State University.
- Evry time I fly anywhere 4evr more.
- When I visit my local zoo so I feel more connected 2 the unclothed animals.
- Choose.ur.own.dynamic.location.

Fashion Forwardness.= Yet Anothr Insightless Topic that L.A. Nouveau addresses.
Yet anothr meme/featurette by the Any1-can-contribute blog, L.A. Nouveau.
Part of the Interweb's Blogosphere.
A division of iMemes Inc., with promotional consideration provided by A Day Without Gays: the Musical and the H. Keller Foundation, supporting blogs, blind ppl, nd will-writers evrywhere.

xx Other L.A. Nouveau posts that discuss the CircleScarf / AmericanApparel that u would definitely b interested in if u liked the nature of this post xx:
http://lanouveau.blogspot.com/2009/01/circle-scarf-god-says-ur-welcome.html

Hoping 4 some more bitchtastic sponsorship,
José

The Circle Scarf: God Says Ur Welcome.

A few blogdays ago, I wrote about technology.
Nd how some researches need 2 invent Hipster FormalWears.

Nd while I nagged a lot about how important it is 4 ppl to invent this shit already, I did miss something that I rly shouldve given some credit 2.
Cuz there is an invention made 4 hipsters and all humans alike that rly deserves a lot of credit.
So much credit that it is officially being dclared, right here, right now, as the Best.Product.Ever. by L.A. Nouveau.

Nd the best.Product.ever is...
The
Circle.Scarf

byAmericanApparel.

Ive never seen a more hip/legit/hipster/beautiful/ridiculous/universal clothing product in my entire AltLife.
Let me showcase 2 u its beauty//wondr//legit-ness thru BlogArt:











As u just read, 5 out of the 5 last pictures said "Yes" in response 2 the potential question, "Is the Circle.Scarf the best invention evr?"

How can u not love this piece of amazingly comfortable fabric?
Its stretchy. Its comfy. It feels like heaven. Its beautiful.

AA has done it again.
(Referring 2 AmericanApparel here, not AlcoholicsAnonymous.
U know, like AmAp. AmerAppar. Mer'kanParel. SoHo FoSho. The HipsterGo2 Grocery.)

Nd beyond the mere aesthetic beauty of the Circle.Scarf, its functionality is superior.
U can wear it in 13+ (if ur creative u can cum up with more) ways.

U can wear it as a:
a. Basic.Scarf
b. Shawl
c. HoodedScarf
d. MiniSkirt
e. Headwrappr
f. Choose.ur.own.style
g. even more...


U can srsly do almost anything with this shit.
So my new question is: Y the fk arent u wearing 1?
Cuz y wouldnt u want to?
Who wouldnt want 2 b seen wearing the coolest//freshest//dopest//hollerist//we'regonnacrashapartyist accessory evr?
Y wouldn't u want 2 wrap urself in the most comfortable fabric evr?

But at the same time, I dont want the.Circle.Scarf 2 get too poplar.
Cuz then ill feel mainstreamed nd abused.
Dont want more of that.

But buy 1 4 urself even if u make it go mainstream cuz ur a legit hipster // CuntyMom who needs a wardrobe boost // badass bitch // rated X // ur gifted // aint gotta sell sex.

So Goodbye, u normal-scarf-wearing Hermo.


Nd Hello 2 u, future.Circle.Scarf-wearing cool guy.


Just want 2 write the compound word out 1 more time:
the ////
Circle.Scarf

My-spaced photo-taking bitches "can get it",
José

Pack Ur Bags nd Let the Problems Begin

I love going back nd forth from LA to NYC.
I h8 that I don’t get 2 do it more often.
Both r the best.
But in the most diffrnt ways ever.
LA is my new home. My new joint. My gr8 escape. My nouveau-ness.
But NYC will always b my love. My babygirl. My bff who Ill never 4get.

In othr words:
///My soul needs LA, but my heart needs NYC.///

Thinking about scientifically dividing myself into 2 diffrnt humans, 1 that has my soul, the othr that has my heart, so they can exist in the places that each respective part of me needs 2 live.

Bcuz while having access 2 both cities nd living around both is fantastic, the traveling backndforth is clearly a pain.
Nd there r plenty of things that contribute 2 this pain.
But 2day I’d like 2 discuss one component:
Packing.

That’s right.
4get the flights.
4get the airport security.
4get the terrorist threats.
4get the traffic bullshit.
4get the stupidity of travelers who have no idea what the fk they’re doing.

4 now, I’m just talking about Packing.
aka
- Sorting thru ur attic/basement/crawlspace 2 find all ur suitcases.
- Finally finding the right piece of luggage.
- Going thru ur drawers 2 decide whats worth bringing.
- Rummaging thru ur closets 2 find even more junk thats not in ur drawers.
- Deciding whethr ur rly going 2 wear that jacket in LA/those flipflops in NYC.
- Feeling attached 2 certain items even if they’re rly heavy.
- Overpacking/underpacking. Evrytime.
- 4getting shit at home but being 2 far away 2 double back.
- Having 2 empty shit from ur bag when u get 2 the airport cuz its 52lbs instead of 50.
- Cramming so much shit in ur CarryOn that ur shoulders break.
- Trying 2 avoid having 2 check bags bcuz of the long wait once u get 2 ur destination.

Packing=So Many Steps/Obstacles.

Nd now that I have junk in both locales it’s bcuming even worse.
I find myself wondring:
Do I have enuf fancy shirts in LA?
Shud I leave this many flannels back east?
Will I have enuf shaving gel out west 2 not need 2 pack more?
Shud I rly bring all this haircare crap home?

Packing=So Many Questions.

Also, the anxiety over what u packed bcums problematic too.
Like, will the airport security ppl think this torpedo-shaped hairdryer is a weapon?
Nd even more importantly, is my wardrobe gonna look super cracked out bcuz I 4got certain items in NY?
Am I gonna have 2 change my whole look bcuz I packed 2 many baggy jeans?

Will I have 2 take my life bcuz my poor judgements in packing led me 2 wind up with only the following outfit:


Nothing could b worse. Nd when I say worse, I secretly mean better.
Maybe I should take this twinksky's fashion advice.
Nd afterward I'll "accidentally" end my time here on earth.

Packing is
The worst//The best//Not a big deal//Choose.ur.own.response.

Bitchly roaming in the sky,
José

HELP! Hipster FormalWear Does Not Exist!

There’s a lot that’s happened in the last few decades.
We’ve invented a lot of shit.
A lot has been created.

In case ur wondering, “like what?”, the interweb is a pretty good exmpl.
Anothr is EZPass/SunPass/QuikTollz/electronic toll paying systems.
Nd we can’t 4get the iPhone/iPod/iTunes/iLife/iDeath. Thnx Apple.
Yet while so much has been invented nd created, there’s still one HUGE monster-monstrrr-huge thing that has really yet 2 b discovered/made/established.
Nd my life without it is rly problematic.
What’s this missing key 2 success?

It’s Hipster FormalWear.

Especially 4 men.

It doesnt rly exist.
Like, at all.

It does 2 a slight degree 4 women.
Cuz u can still wear ur dresses/slutapparel/sweetkicks/bullsht stuff.
But men have nothing. At all.
Like, even the classic hipster sweatrs cant b pulled off as FormalWear.
Even the tightjeans/solidcolor pants cant suffice as FancyPpl Clothes.

Bcuz Hipster Apparel is innately nonFormal.
Bcuz the whole idea behind the bohemian/brohemian hipster is recycled clothes/AmericanApparel/PLAID (fking love u plaid)/acid washed evrything.
Its clashing, bashing, thrashing, and straight up mashing whatever can cum 2gether 2 embody the lower-middle class urban-dweller look.


Nd while hipster apparel is the best shit ever, there is such a massive void in the realm of fancyclothes/FormalWear. Now I know that by wearing FormalWear, ur sort of being anti-hipster i suppose.
But sometimes, even hipsters/blipsters/azns have 2 dress up.

Sometimes we go 2 fancy parties too.
Sometimes we need 2 impress CuntyMom BusinessMen.
Sometimes we have 2 attend weddings/BarMitzvuhhhs/funerals (shoutout inserted here 4 the Pyrff Girl who will b the party dancer at my funeral, love/miss u).
Nd sometimes, its just nice 2 look Fancy.

But whenever I have 2 dress up 4 this kind of stuff, I hate having 2 cumpletely reject my style in evry way. I hate looking like a dressed up DoucheBro.
I hate looking so prim nd proper that ppl have no idea that my lifestyle is pretty much hipster.

But yet there’s no way 2 get around this, bcuz FormalWear is just innately not hipster.
So this is my plea 2 all the scientists/medics/researchers/pharmacists/southbitches/fashiondesigners out there:
Make Men’s Hipster FormalWear. Idk how 2 do it, but u’s r smart ppl.

So please figure it out. Just wanna go 2 my workplace’s 2k9 Holiday Party nd still feel hipster in what i’m wearing.
Just wanna b allowed in2 fancyppl restaurants, yet still get looks about why i'm a lil diffrnt than evry1 else.
Just wanna b myself nd still wear FormalWears.

The Bitch Said Yeah, The Bitch Said Yeah™,
José