Theres a lot of places u can turn 2 in the InterWeb 2 get advice. Its 1 of the few good qualities about this mysterious, tumultuous place that ur currently a part of.
But there r srsly so many resources 2 get advice nd learn shit.
There's L.A. Nouveau, a particularly creepy but more-or-less wondrful lil blog where u can learn about hipster couture, what Los Angeles has 2 offer u's, nd other AltBro qualities of living.
There's other blogs like Hipster Runoff aka HRO where u can learn about all diffrnt kinds of Alts by reading a series of hypothetical rhetorical questions asked by the wrld's biggest SketchBro, Carles.
There's UStreetMeet, or University Street Meet, where u can get gr8 fashion advice based on wondrful photographs of random fashionable humans captured nd discussed by 2 coolie lil college students.
There's tons of homeworkhelper sites where u can chit nd chat with othr mentally ill highschool/college/middleskul kiddies who just cant figure out how the fk 2 do their math hwk. All i gotta say 2 this is that these kidlings r a bunch of dumb bogens. Thats why u should just get ur moms+dads 2 fork ovr the money from their trust fund nd pay 4 u 2 go 2 private school. Sry, no offense, but its true.
There's all the diffrnt health-rel8ed advice webbiesites that explain 2 u y ur not feeling so well aftr being diagnosed with HIV ovr 6 yrs ago. Luv u Webmd, now i dont have 2 go 2 a doctor anymore nd pay those stupid meddycal billz, cuz i can get all my questions answered from u. Cant wait til Webmd starts offring a service where u can use Photobooth on ur Macbook Pro 2 take pictures of ur body/sores/problem areas nd it will explain 4 u what the fk is going on.
But srsly, of all the Advice webbysites out there, I have 1 favey. It's WikiHow. U's have probably heard of it. Any 1, srsly any 1, even if ur one of those dumb publicschool educated kiddies, can write an article 4 WikiHow giving advice 2 ppls evrywhere by explaining how 2 do random shit.
I mention WikiHow 2day bcuz 1 thing i luv about it is the daily "How 2 of the Day" that shows up on my AppleInc.-inspired iGoogle page. Somedays, the How 2 of the Day is pretty weak/unimportant/total shit. But 2day is not just any othr day.
Bcuz 2days "Wiki How 2 of the Day" is.... How 2 Grind.
Like, on the dancefloor. Yes, Moms+Dads, scholars, bogens, lilAlts in training evrywhere, if u evr wondered wtf ur teens/20somethings/grandparents were trying 2 do when u assumed they were intending 2 have sex on the dancefloor, it is the art of Grinding. Want 2 go thru the steps of How 2 Grind with u's now. Nevr realized that u shouldnt ask ppl if they want 2 grind. Ive always been wondring y I dont do that well on the dancefloors of my favey hiphop/top40 clubs. Just want to live in a country where I have the freedom 2 ask random ppls if they want 2 grind instead of just asking if they want 2 dance. Cant we just cut 2 the chase? Cum on now.
Thoughts about this photograph: Luv the photograph. Just want a girl with sexy hips nd equally sexy braces 2 match them. H8 this photograph. I was srsly just beginning 2 get ovr how shitty of a yr 1942 was. '42 just sucked 4 me in a lot of ways... - Anne Frank went in2 hiding in that dude's attic that yr. - The Holocaust went in2 serious full swing that yr. - Almost 500 ppl were killed in my favey nightclub in Boston, the Cocoanut Grove. Miss partying there aftr RedSox games. - The ManhattanProject, u know, the secret project where they invented the Atomic Bomb, initiated the wrld's 1st evr Nuclear Chain Reaction. Ive felt much less safer evryday since... Just want 2 get ovr what a shitshow of a yr 1942 was. Lets move on.
Just lettin u's all now, I think u can get arrested in certain parts of the wrld 4 initating "Grinding Chains"... so b careful when attempting this final step.
Thnx WikiHow 4 entertaining me/u's/us all yet again. Now im just waiting 4 a WikiHow article on how 2 more effectively use IcyHot/TigerBalm... ** HINT: Future BlogPost about this topic CUMING SOON LOLZ **
Get ur bitch grinding on the floor thanks 2 advicewebsites, José
What the FK FK FK is the PPLZ CHOICE AWARDZ? SRSLY. Never have I been so insulted//wanted2VOM by an "AWARD SHOW"
So an ad 4 this apparent Awardz Show came up on 1 of my top fave blogs. Nd I clicked it sort of as a joke, u know, just 2 see what i should b in store 4.
First pops up some video with QueenLatifah (the shitshow host of the awardzcermony) talking about how change has cum 2 america as a blue sky background nd symbolic music plays. So my first thought: Legit... Latifah is gettin all political on us with some Obama talk. But then the background cuts, the music halts, nd she bursts out nd says: "U know I'm talkin bout the PPLZ CHOICE, right?!" as she smiles nd is all proud of herself 4 turning an Obama-reference in2 an advertizmnt 4 the PPLZ CHOICE AWRD. Bitch.
So then it gave me the option 2 vote. Nd I obviously opted 2 exercise my right. But I wasn't aware that my right2vote would b used in the most absurd absene diluted way ive ever heard of for an Award Show.
First it asked me 2 vote 4 my Fave New TV Comedy. Here r the options it gave me:
First of all, i'm pretty sure neither I nor any othr American has ever seen any of these shows. The only 1 ive even evr heard of was Kath&Kim, cuz it was advertyzed on a bus once. So I voted 4 that 1 bcuz of their bettr advertyzing. Nd I hoped that the next category wud have some bettr voting options.
First of all, Barack Roll? Rly? A BarackObama meets RickRoll'd aka this shit is so old//donzo//lame its not even funny. Then, who the fk is Fred? Never even heard of that shit. Then, the StarWars ACapella bullshit. That dude isn't even the one rly singing. Mrrrr. Then, WTF is WASSUP 2008?!? I dont think NE1 has evr seen that shit. And "Where the Hell Is Matt? 2008" more like WHAT THE HELL IS THIS BULLSHIT AWARDZ SHOW?! 2008
"FAVE ONLINE SENSATION" ?! What on earth does that mean? Like, HRO? Like, last.fm? Except all of these r videos? Paris Hilton's McCain cumback vid was fine nd all, but how the fk is it an "Online Sensation"? Nd what constitutes an online sensation? Nd HOW is A WEEZER MUSIC VIDDY the same as an ONLINE SENSATION?!?
h8 u/h8 u//H8 YOU PPLZ CHOICE AWRDZ. So peeved I could vomit.
But then guess what? IT GOT WURSE. YUPSTERS.
I can hear it now: "And the award 4 the canceled TV show that most deservd a 2nd chance goes 2...."
But srsly. Does any1 know any of these TV shows that they list above? Ive honestly nevr even heard of any of them.
If I had 2 guess what they were about, here's what I'd say: Do Not Disturb - a thriller show about a motel owner who is a secret serial killer Easy Money - It's like WhoWants2BaMillionaire meets Deal Or No Deal except the ppl arent dumb and when they're up to $20,000, they take the money. As my frnds at Staples might say, "That was easy". The Ex List - a rly distraught former-douchebag feels that in order 2 better his life, he has 2 go back nd revisit all of his exGF's/BF's nd apologize. gr8 adventures ensue. lolzers. My Own Worst Enemy - a dark comedy/dramedy about going back 2 high school. Valentine - i'm not even gonna give a synopsis 4 a show with such a dumb//shitty//wannabe artsy title.
These awardz make me h8 evrything. I used 2 love awardz. Still do love some. But now I just feel hurt. Nd I feel like w'all r hurting them too. These lyrics r how I feel towards awardsshows right now.
At first it started with the eyes I'm like uh uh no way your sister can't know
And so the tension slowly builds You got them slanted eyes to kill gold-plated trophies, all systems go
Then you kissed my cheek my knees get weak My heart just skipped a beat so I just froze
Then you touched me there I knew you would And girl you touched me good I'm like oh oh
Know what know what know what you know what I'm sorry sorry sorry sorry It hurts me it hurts you it hurts me what we do But so good so good so good so good
But I'm in vacation mode. Which, I have realized, is a very counterproductive place 2 b. While it's nice 2 relax nd b lazy, It has killed my innermotivation 2 work/perform/communicate/blog/live.
So I apologize. But not rly. Cuz evry1 deserves a break. Evry1 deserves some r+r once in a while. So the last 3 days lacking posts has been my r+r.
Nd now it's time 2 get back in2 the Blogosphere. Cuz I h8/miss the Blogosphere. aka The Blogging Wrld that virtually exists on the interweb.
But bcuz a lot of ppl r still winding down from crazy NewYrs partying last night, I think a rly angsty rly hipster blog post would just b too overwhelming.
So 2 start things off slow nd simple in the yr Zro9, I bring u L.A. Nouveau's 2nd edition of "BlogArt: Where Words=Art" 2Days "BlogArt; Wrds=Art" segment is merely my hipster-esque reaction 2 the Best Song of 2001 whose true meaning I didnt find until 2ZroZro8. Talk about a time delay. (Not 2 b confused with Tom DeLay).
With evrything that went on in 2ZroZro8, I think it's time that in 2kNine, we try 2 Give "It" Away more.
Selfless actions will b so much more respected/appreciated as more nd more ppl lose their homes 2 foreclosures, more nd more ppl lose their jobs 2 Karl Rove, etc. It's time 2 Give "It" Away.
And "It" can b anything. It can b a toy u dont use no mo. It could b a stuffed animal/monster that u find on ur doorstep nd ship off to some1 special. It could b music. Like, a MixCd, or even a GarageBand original recording that u dont mind putting online 4 free so ppl can dwnload it evrywhere without spending OneDollar at their neighborhood iTunesStore.\ It's time 2 Give "It" Away. In 2kNine I, José, will work harder 2 to give "It" away.
What will/can u give away? Whats ur "It"? Share. Please. Inspire othrs. Lets start a Give "It" Away movement. Lets get on the Channel63 TenOClock Nuze 4 we alls's selflessness. Lets get othrs 2 Give "It" Away too.
Here's 2 2kNine. Nd to Zero 7 song-inspired movements. Here's the actual song if u need more inspiration / need a perfect song 2 chill out nd make love to.
0h-8. So ovr. Like, for real this time. Well, almost.
But srsly, so many memries, so many momnts. So much we shared.
Just wanna talk about it all again. Just wanna think about the days b4 i was part of the Los Angeles life. Just wanna recall all the LA adventres ive had since. Just wanna never 4get Barack Obama.
Just wanna use some vowels again bcuz I’m getting all sentimental.
So instead of plaguing u with actual memries from my actual life (gasp), Nd since music is basically my life, I think now is the perfect time 2 discuss The Songs that Were 2ZroZro8.
We already went thru the top 10 albums. Nd I already hate the top 10 list i made. Just bcuz I just wish that I put CSS's Donkey on it so bad that it just makes me mad 2 think about the list in general. Othrwise its an amazing top ten list, so suck it.
But srsly, the Top Tracks of 0h-8. Diffrent songs affect diffrent people in diffrent ways, and I thus dont think fully ranking them is necessary. Instead, lets just discuss the top ten or so. Shall we? Oh yes, we shall.
Nd once again, click the album art nd it'll send u 2 buy the songs at the iTunesMusicalStore.
MGMT - Electric Feel The song that defined Summer0h-8. Skipping school nd swimming in ur frnds’s pools, hitting the beach with ur besties, car rides with ur lovers was incomplete without this track. Nd it only got better with the beloved Justice remix.
MGMT - Kids The song of LateSummer0h-8. The song that literally evry1 turned to once Electric Feel got annoying. Nd it served its purpose so well. Loved this track preCali, inCali, postCali nd beyond. What an anthm... Not really sure of what, but an anthm nonetheless.
MGMT - Time to Pretend Yee, 3 in a row. While I preferred ElecFeel nd Kids, this song meant a lot 2 a lot of ppl. It was the track that brought many out of their AntiAlt cages and into the world of AltLove, even though MGMT hardly remained Alt 4 long. This album, Oracular Spectacular, could’ve been the best album of the yr/in the wrld if all of its tracks were on the same caliber of these 3. Unfortunately, evry other track kind of sucked. Pity.
CSS - Jager Yoga I dont think a song has evr been more blogged about on one blog. Nd that one blog is this one. We drop lines from this shit like we’re brining SexyBack. (Miss that ElectroAlt anthem) 2 begin a song, and an album for that matter, with “Oh My God It’s So Hot, Oh My God It’s So Cold, Oh My God I’m So Messed Up I don’t know which way 2 go!” is the most genius thing ive heard in quite some time Love u CSS. Love u JagerYoga. Wish u were on my top ten. Fk.
Estelle - American Boy 4 the record, this shit stayed on the DL for a good while, making it super cool for all us antiMainstream little shits who found it way early on nd loved jamming to it. Then it got airplay, nd then we moved on. But we all have had some memries 2 it.
M83 - Kim & Jessie If this song doesn’t make u feel liberated/in love/empowered, then u have no soul. It’s straight up beautiful The echoey, electronic, yet natural sounds of M83 r just incredible. In my opinion this song did not get any of the credit it deserved. Probably cuz the album “Saturdays = Youth” was lacking many more powerful tracks like this one. But srsly, it’s still not 2 late 2 fall in love with song. I’ll still think ur cool even if this song bcums ur Song of 0h-9.
Kate Nash - Merry Happy I hear the violent screams already from all the freaks out there who know that this song was not actually from this year. But u know what, screw u. Cuz this song had lacked presence in my life until early 0h-8, and once it did, it was fantastic. The perfect song when ur happy. The perfect song when ur a little angsty. The perfect song when ur sarcastically pissed off. Just greatness evrywhere. Just makes me wanna start eating cheese on toast.
Rihanna - Disturbia I know u hate me for putting up such a mainstream track. But u know u had some memries to this track. Nd when u hear it in the future, u’ll remember 0h-8. Nd I’m sorry, but this song is pretty epic, and the music video blows yall’s twisted minds out of the water. If u havent seen the video, then grow some balls, know that ull still be a total Alt/hipster/IndieBetch ever after u watch it, and watch this shit below:
The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name They call me hell, they call me Stacy, they call me her, they call me Jane, That's not my name. Great track, great lyrics, totally Euro0h-8. Stupid USofAers didn't get on board with that shit but what else is knew. Wished this album couldve been on my top ten, but 3 good songs doesnt equal a top10worthy album. Doesn't mean that theTingTings don't fking rock... See them live, plz. 1 of my fave concerts of the yr.
Uffie - Pop the Glock Yeah, we know, not actually from this yr. But guess what, my electronic music awakening came during late 0h-7 nd thus, I only realized my obsession with Uffie around the start of the new yr. Nd it’s been one amazing yr with her evr since. Thus, while I didn’t rank any of the othrs, I’d like to officially declare Uffie’s Pop the Glock as José’s NumberOne Song of 2ZroZro8.
2ZroZro9 is, like, here, almost. Nd this yr ending is having a bigger effect on me than I can evr remembr. I mean, yrs end, shit happens, they always do. We do a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and 3sixtyfive.two5 days latr, we start a new one. We’ve always done this. Our ancestors did this. Jesus? He did it. Chrissy Colombus? That dude did it. KFed? He soooo started a new yr evry yr.
But 4 some reason this yr, I feel more contemplative/reminiscent about the yr in total. Maybe i’m just starting 2 realize how fking fast time goes. In several millions of blinks of an eye, anothr yr ran past us. Nd I just wanna remembr it. Just wanna feel like I was really “connected” in 2ZroZro8. Just wanna tell kiddies in the future that I remembr well those moments, those memries, those ppl i called my frnds back in the 0h-8.
So forgive me nd my several posts regarding the “best of 0h-8” or the top 0h-8 this and that. Just trying 2 help us all out. A frnd, or something like it, once told me: “We’re all in this 2gether.”
Which is why I’d like 2 discuss the best lyrical moments of 0h-8. Yes ma’am.
Les begin:
%%%%%%%%%%%% "Do u wanna see Shamu w/ me? Yes I do, I love Shamu. Do u wanna go 2 the OysterFest? Yes oh yes, that’s the best.
Do u like my ponytail? I DO I DO My sidewayz ponytail? It’s TRUE It’s TRUE"
I love chillin with my frnds / skyping with my frnds / having a quick meaningless txt convo with my frnds nd being able to bust out these wrds nd get into a lyrical showdown back nd forth.
Natalie Portman's Shaved Head - Sophisticated Side Ponytail
%%%%%%%%%%%% "There’s only 2 types of ppl in the wrld: The ones that entertain, and the ones that observe."
All eyes on her. In the center of the ring. Just like a circus. Nuff said.
%%%%%%%%%%%%% "OH MY GOD ITS SO HOT OH MY GOD ITS SO COLD OH MY GOD IM SO MESSED UP I DONT KNOW WHICH WAY 2 GO!"
This shit takes the cake. #1 lyrics of 0h-8. I will regret evry day of my life not putting this album (Donkey by CSS) on my top ten list of the yr.
I've already shared this shit with u scoundrels. Les move on.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%% "1 day we're gonna live in Paris I promise, I'm on it I'll find you that French boy, You'll find me that French girl I promise, I'm on it"
Someday I will marry Au Revoir Simone, nd it will b beautiful.
Friendly Fires Au Revoir Simone - Paris (Aeroplane Remix)
%%%%^%%%%%%%%% "Yeah tell ur boyfrnd if he says he’s got beef that i’m a vegetarian nd i ain’t fuckin scared of him...
Shhsh girl, shut ur lips Do the HelenKeller nd talk with ur hips" 3!OH!3... whats there 2 say. this band is bomb just bcuz of their lyrics nd catchy bullsht. othrwise, i dont know about u, but im ovr them. %%%%%%%%%%%%% More lyrical love is found in this music video 4 the SyraSlut anthem / 0h-9 futureTrack, Sweaty Wet / Dirty Damp by Gameboy Gamegirl
/// now open 4 ur creativity. send me what ur thinking/writing via Email. ///
Have somethng u want blogged about? Have a song that is getting u off? Have the urge to communicate with the hot mess that is José? Do it all. Email, baby. jose@LAnouveau.com
NEW NOUVEAU FEATURE! U can IM José whenevr I am online. LOLfest. AIM = LAnouveau
All music, videos, and other bits of goodness posted on L.A. Nouveau are presented for promotional purposes only. If u like the music u hear, u should go visit iTunes/a rcrd store/SamGoody, or attend a live show near u nd keep supporting the artists that keep us in love with their music. If ur music is posted here nd u wish 2 get it the fk off the site, please send an email to José nd it'll all magically go away.
"Oh my god, I just discovered L.A. Nouveau. Here r my reactions:
Number one: I need a vodka tonic, straight up Number two: I want a colonic, immediately Number three: I need to come down with a bad case of anorexia Number four: I dont think I've ever been further from knowing who Jesus is Number five: I need you to come to New York, take me to The Plaza, swash me up with some vodka martinis, and then push me the fuck off.
L.A. Nouveau is like doing ecstasy for me, and i just OD’d... on L.A. Nouveau." - RCMS, NY socialite and avid reader
