So Tell Me, Have U Seen Her?: A Meme Is Born

L.A. Nouveau presents a new Meme 2 add 2 its already enormous collection of hardly viral Memes.

Let me introduce u the Newest thang now.

Presenting: Have U seen this AZN???

There r a lot of AZN's (asians, 4 those of u who are still hipster-illiterate) in this lil country of ours.

Actually, they make up only about 5% of the USofA.

But they make up a shitload of areas like California, LosAngeles, nd IvyLeague schools.

Bcuz of their overwhelming presence in many places like L.A., an overbearing issue has arisen: how 2 tell them apart.

4 whatever reason, it can often b very hard 2 distinguish 1 AZN from the next.

But maybe if we focus more attention on distinguishing specific AZN ppl, it will bcum easier 2 tell em all apart.
Nd by telling them apart, we can better understand the things they do, what motivates them, what prompts their unknown azn actions, etc.

Nd thus, I bring u:

Have U seen this AZN???

2days AZN:

So... Have U seen this AZN???

She was last seen totally screwing up ppl's school projects by not being able 2 formulate her words correctly nd thus wasting all of the time the othr presenters had 2 speak during.

Shes also been known 2 refute other ppl's ideas by using big words that dont come out correctly bcuz of her lacking English skills.

Additionally, she recently travelled 2 HongKong where she felt generally more accepted in2 society bcuz of her AZNness nd her Westernized-meets-Chechnya sense of style.

In the future, she plans 2 remain generally subdued by AmericanSociety despite her high-level B.S./B.A. in economics/InternationalRelations.

She also enjoys eating Dumplings, nd other AZNnation food/drink-things/brightly-colored-nuclearly-radiated-rice-produced items.

So Have U seen this AZN??? Share where/when/what this AZN was doing when U saw it.

(Even if this isnt necessarily the AZN u saw, Im sure u've recently seen 1 like this, so please share ur sensitive story regardless)

Leave a comment. Share a tale.
Nd remember 2 email jose@LAnouveau.com if u come across a noteworthy AZN that ur wondering if ppl have seen recently.

Looking for more AZN bitches 2 blog about,
José ≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠

I Love U L.A., But U've Chosen Darkness

A few months ago, something big happened in my lil Alt life.
Something bsides liquidating my future retirement fund.
This big event was Moving 2 L.A.

Hence, the name of this blog. [L.A. Nouveau translates 2 the New Los Angeles, in case u were still unaware, slowpoke bogens]
Hence, the ideas that r expressed in this posting site.
Hence, the way I currently live my lil life...

- Like raging at epic concerts in the L.A.area.
- Like taking pixx of nature/the skyline/the mts.
- Like trying 2 get a tan at thebeach.
- Like soaking up the sun.

Which is why I get quite angsty/upset/grumpy/grungy when its Cloudy.


The picture above is an exmpl of what LosAngeles isnt nd shouldnt b like.

Maybe its ok 4 Chicago 2 b completely Cloudy.
Maybe its ok 4 NorCal/SanFran 2 b completely Cloudy. Mostly bcuz its just not as nice as SoCal. Couldnt resist stirring up some drama with this lil antiNorCal commnt.
Maybe its ok 4 Manchester, UK 2 b completely Cloudy.
Maybe its ok 4 Syracuse, NY 2 b completely Cloudy.

But its rly not ok 4 L.A. 2 b completely Cloud-covered.
As Mr. G once said in his self-titled musical production, "It's just not right."

Cuz it brings us Angelenos down.
It makes w'all unable 2 do the L.A.-like things that we usually like 2 do.
Just makes us feel angsty nd pissy.
Want 2 call upon the 1979 song/album by the.Electric.Light.Orchestra. 2 relay my message 2 the Clouds that currently hang over the city of LosAngeles: "Dont Bring Me Down".


h8 2 sound like a spoiled brat.
h8 2 nag since most of u's all have 2 deal with cloudyness a lot.
But srsly.
U dont go 2 Rome nd expect 2 eat shitty food.
U dont travel 2 MexicoCity nd expect 2 not have ur lungs severely affected.
U dont move 2 Chechnya nd expect 2 not b kidnapped.
Nd u dont relocate 2 LosAngeles nd expect 2 deal with Overcast Cloud-filled days like 2day.

This whole lack-of-abundant-sunshine thing makes me think of an AltBand with a truly epic name that i only recently found.
Altho theyve been around 4 the last few yrs, theyre starting 2 get a lil more exposure in the mp3Blogosphere.
The name of the IndieQuartet MusicalGrouping is I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness.
So enjoy this lil song of theirs, wonderfully titled "Your Worst is the Best".


I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness - "Your Worst is the Best"

I h8 u bitchtastic Darkness,
José

Places 2 Flee 2, 2 Make Life A Lil Easier

Lately I've been trying 2 cum up with solutions on How 2 Better Improve My Current Life.
Bcuz there are so many diffrnt stressors currently thawing away at ur/my life.

Thanx 2 exams/papers/reports/deadlines/taxes/foreclosure warnings/losing my malpractice insurance/etc., life is just not an easy thing 2 do right now.

Nd because there r so many things currently affecting us all, a lot of the ppl I know have resorted 2 doing pretty reckless things in order 2 escape from their current states of stress.
- 1 frnd of mine recently spent an entire 24 hrs in the top floor of the library without evr taking a break 4 food, water, the bathroom, etc.
- Anothr human I know decided 2 OverDose on Adderall the night b4 their big exam in order 2 "focus better". Still not sure how this turned out, the human hasnt been able 2 speak since then.
- A bunch of bros that live in my apartment recently decided 2 "fk the economy" nd their morals nd unloaded all of their cash in Vegas. Rumor has it that they'll b moving out next week bcuz they cant afford the rent anymore.
- Accordingly, my bff's mom just started doing Shrooms 4 the first time.

But srsly. I dont want 2 OverDose on Drugs nd die. Ok maybe a lil bit.
But overall, I've been looking 2 find a real solution 2 Improve my Life.

So far I've tried a few things here nd there:
- I tried writing a novel based on my real life. But then I realized that the plot was too graphic 4 mainstream audiences nd the character development was horrendous.
- I tried bcuming addicted 2 painkillers. But Vicaden got rly expensive/my next-door neighbor stopped making my favorite homemade Advil-Morphene-Penecillin mash-up drug cocktails.
- I had my girlfrnd's mom plan my funeral. We got in a fight over the flower arrangement nd the fact that I promised an illicit lover of mine that she could b the go-go dancer at my funeral.

But sadly, none of these things rly helped 2 improve my life. In fact, in most cases, it just made my life a lil worse.

Howevr, I have good news.
I've finally figured out the 1 thing I need 2 do 2 Improve my Everyday Life:
Run Away.

That's right.
Running Away would improve my life so very much.
I wouldnt have 2 deal with the ppl who i h8 around me.
I wouldnt have 2 pay the rent evry month.
I wouldnt have 2 have ppl b aware of where I am at all times.
I would b more-or-less free.

Yes, I'd b poor. But i'd find some easy most-likely-illegal job somewhere.
Yes, I'd have no place 2 live. But there's a lot of nice basements all over the wrld.
Nd CouchSurfing is so "in" right now.

So now I'm trying 2 figure out where I want 2 Run Away to...
I've narrowed it down 2 a few places.
- Any of the beaches near L.A... Yeah, im sure it would b easier 2 track me down if I stayed nearby, but i rly do love SouthrnCalifornia nd would love 2 be near the beach. Nd it would make it a lot easier 2 bring all my lil personal belongings.


- Miami, Florida, USofA.
Ive been there b4. Nd I usually rly like it, altho I get quickly fed up with the extreme stereotypes that live there aka SketchCubans, FlamingGays, ElderlyJews.
But on the same lines as the L.A. beaches, I love the ocean, nd im sure I would meet some rly frndly ppl aka Models who would take me under their wing, feed me well, nd I could get in2 some pretty bangin parties with them.
xx More posts written about Miami located here: http://lanouveau.blogspot.com/search/label/Miami lolz xx


- Grozny, Chechnya: The capitol city of the best lil unrecognized-country in the wrld.
Home 2 TwoHundredThousand of the wrld's best lil impoverished hipsters, its a city that has a lot of potential. So what if there's a lot of terrorism, corruption, tensions with Russia, nd kidnappings? It's still a great place 2 raise a family, get a job, nd above all, run away 2.

I'm pretty sure around this time of yr, plus with the wrld economy in shambles, that there r some great vacation deals 2 Chechnya. But act soon while the country still remains!


Have any othr places u think I should/could Run Away 2?
Want 2 hear ur Ideas. Lolfestivus.

This bitch just wants 2 Run Away 4 the Day,
José

A Musical Ejaculation via Coachella

There is nothing as musically amazing as Coachella.
Bcuz srsly, Coachella just might be the most musically intuitive machine in history.

Every year, unlike any other MusicFestival, unlike any other RecordCompany, unlike any other HitPredictingBlog, Coachella always delivers the best bands/artists, period. Most of whom usually make it huge after their Coachella debuts.
But srsly, they always do it.
Evry year.
Without fail.

\\\ Want 2 take a stroll down CoachellaMemoryLane with u [starting with 2k4] 2 express how incredible the lineups rly are: \\\

at Coachella 2k4, Radiohead, Pixies nd Air were some of the big names, but it also featured lil-knowns like The Thrills nd The Killers way b4 either got famous.

at Coachella 2k5ive, Coldplay may have headlined the 2day event, but othr unknown artists such as M83, M.I.A., Diplo, Spoon, nd Tegan and Sara were all performers b4 their prime.

at Coachella 2kSixxx, the last 2day-only festival staked up some amazing acts who were somewhat known like Sigur Ros, The Shins nd The White Stripes, but also had an incredible line-up of on the rise artists like Sufjan Stevens, Sia, Imogen Heap, Rogue Wave, nd Andrew Bird. Can’t believe all of these artists were towards the bottom of the line-up.

at Coachella 2k7, they stepped up the game even more with Björk nd RHCP headlines, Manu Chao nd Interpol on the second tier, but on the very end of the lineup were, if u can believe it, Amy Winehouse, Girl Talk, Justice, Mika, Lupe Fiasco, Ratatat, nd CSS.

at Coachella 2ZroZro8, the best best best one yet / possibly of all time, Jack Johnson was the big man in Indio, along with Death Cab 4 Cutie, the Verve, nd Portishead. Back from 2k5ive, Tegan&Sara nd M.I.A. all made 2nd appearances, this time much further up in the line-up; Justice performed 4 their 2nd yr in a row too. But who were some of ppls far down in the line-up? Uffie, MGMT, The Bird and the Bee, Architecture in Helsinki, Cut Copy, Duffy, Black Kids, Deadmau5, and the list goes on and on and on.

Nd now, in just 2 months or so, Coachella 2kNine will b upon us.

The line-up is of course, incredible.

[Artist I'm most excited about are highlighted in the not-so-lil graphic above]

But its fair 2 say that at first glance, it looks a tiny bit sub-par from last yr's incredible-as-fk lineup.
But altho u/I/we may look at the list for Coachella 2kNine nd initially think its not necessarily as OMG-impressive as last yrs festival, I'm confident that by the time I look back on this list in 6months-2yrs from now, I’ll probably b shaking in my pants when i remember that these performers were actually there at Coachella 2kNine. Bcuz the ppl that perform at Coachella always wind up making it huge in the alt/indie scene within the months after.

Nd as an L.A. newbie, nothing excites me more than thinking about being a part of Coachella.
Just want 2 have the Best / Most Cliché Coachella Experience Ever.
- Want 2 pass out from dehydration.
- Want 2 get drugged while I'm camping out in the desert.
- Want 2 have my first mini-heart failure while listening 2 the Ting Tings.
- Want 2 have my identity stolen at a convenience store in lil downtown Indio.
- Want 2 musically 'fall in love' with 1 of the lessr-known artists that I muster enough courage 2 interview after their show.
- Want 2 fill up 4 memry cards worth of photographs that I took from the wknd on my Canon Rebel.
- Want 2 be offered "cheese" [aka a cocktail of Tylenol PM & Heroin] by Sir Paul McCartney.
- Want 2 run out of gas along I-10 b4 I even hit Palm Springs on the way home.
- Want 2 enjoy a 'religious experience' with hipsters that I randomly meet during the wknd.

Want 2 hear from u's all who r going to Coachella/wish u were going 2 Coachella.
What are ur Coachella goals 4 this yr?
What do u hope 2 achieve during these 3 holy days of goodness?
What indie/rock/alt band do u plan on falling head-ovr-heals 4 once the wknd is over?

Hoping 2 get 2 know the Norwegian singer Ida Maria better [performing friday]... maybe someday she'll b on another 1 of my Scandinavian-music-loves post.

Nd I admit it, Ida Maria is 1 of those artists that I'd never heard of b4 looking at the Coachella 2kNine line-up. Nd even now, I still feel like I dont rly "know" her yet.
Hoping that I get 2 know her better at Coachella.



Hoping that Coachella brings me closer 2 upcoming artists like Ida Maria nd more.
Hoping that Coachella brings me further away from the HighSkoolMusical3 soundtrakk.

xx Bonus Ida Maria mp3 track... listen nd help me 2 decide if u/I like this chick or love this chick xx

Ida Maria - I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked

Just Wanna B Bitchin' at Coachella right Na,
José

The Film Industry Causes Drug Abuse, Anorexia, Death nd More

Los Angeles makes me live in a very diverse community.
There's lots of diffrnt types of ppl.
There r AltBros, regularBros, skanks, BusinessBogens, lesbians, Sk8rMoms, GayDads, HollywoodHunks, fugly girls, nd Hipsters.

But 1 huge demographic that is rly huge around me is CinaNerds.
aka Cinema-lovers, nd by lovers I rly mean phenatics, nd by phenatics I rly mean ppl who r straight up mentally ill bcuz all they know/talk about/breathe/do is films.

Nd while these ppl r truly crazy, they have 2 make u wonder:
What is the effect of movies on my life?
Nd just as importantly, What does my fave movies say about me?

Bcuz as I continue 2 meet humans, visit their places of residency nd witness their film collection, I realize more nd more how much ppl's fave movies r often a reflection of the kind of person they r.

Bcuz I am José nd José = u nd me nd w'all, I refuse 2 use myself as an exmpl.

But let me give u some othr scholarly exmpls:
- Theres a total Broski who lives down the hall from me. Stole some alk from his room once. Sry dude. Anyways, as I was grabbing his bottle of Andre nd flask full of SouthrnComfort, I stumbledupon his DVD collection, which went something like this:
- Beerfest the Unrated vershion, Blades of Glooorry, TalledegaNights: The Story of the Bumblefuck NASCAR dude: a bioflick, Wild Hogs.
Yes, this was legit this kids movie collection.
Nd it should cum as no surprise that this Broski spends the majority of his day getting ripped/picking up skanks/playing beerpong.

Anothr exmpl:
- My couzin has this girlfrnd who, h8 to dis my couzin but, would b a lot prettier if her boobs werent just her ribcage, if her stomach existed, nd if her hair didnt constantly fall out.
But anyways, 1 day I went 2 help my couzin move all of her stuff to his new apartmnt. Nd aftr I came across all these pairs of jeans that she saves from when she was 7 yrs old nd sometimes wears when she goes out, I found her lil movie collection. Here's what I found:
- Super Size Me, Coyote Ugly, The Virgin Suicides, Drop Dead Gorgeous, GossipGirl SeasonOne DVD set
We can see here some1 totally fked up, sometimes wanting 2 die, nd someone whose BodyMassIndex is around an 11, on a good day.

So while these movie collections clrly relate 2 their owners, it makes me wondr:
R the movies i'm watching totally screwing up my lyfe??

Does the fact that im secretly a lil obsessed with The Virgin Suicides mean that im probably gonna hang myself in my basement/stick my head in an oven/O.d. on sleeping pills/die from CO2 poisoning?

Does my best frnd's love 4 the film "Mean Girls" mean that he's secretly a Mean Girl?
Nevr thought of him like that b4.

Does my mom's fave movie being "American Beauty" mean that theres a whole lot I rly should know about my family dynamics / my dad's evryday dealings?

4 all of the above hypothetical questions, the answr is mostly No.
Altho I did try 2 stick my head in a microwave once... just wanted 2 see what it would b like. I'm a lil curious sometimes, sry.

But all in all, I think that the movies u's all/I more.than.like/LOVE oftn reflect a lil something about us.
Its not necessarily something that we r, or that we want, but instead could b something we'all r scared of, wish 4, or just "get" us somehow.

XX BONUS mp3 from "The Virgin Sucidies" soundtrack... LOVE the band Air who did the whole soundtrack XX


Air - Playground Love

Nevr want 2 b the kind of bitch that "gets" Beerfest,
José

Where in the Wrld of L.A. is José?: Mali'bu

L.A. Nouveau, ur favey lil L.A.-related hipster AltLife blog proudly presents...
A Way 4 u 2 understand a lil more about where this blog cums from.
A Way 4 u 2 gather more facts about places u might want 2 go.
A Way 4 u 2 relate better 2 ur favey L.A.-based TVshows/movies/etc.
A Way 4 u 2 connect 2 the city that is Los Angeles, California.

This. Is.
Where in the Wrld of L.A. is José?


Where I will introduce u 2 a place that ive traveled 2, discovered alongside my trusty L.A. Nouveau interns, nd am bringing info back 2 u.

So on the first official post of Where in the Wrld of L.A. is José, I bring u 2 a place where the pollution of downtown is less apparent, where the hipsters usually dont venture up 2, where the ppl r often as beautiful as the oceanfront views.
I bring u 2...

The 'Bu.

Welcome 2 Malibu.


Love the SurfLife/AltLife/broLife.

The town of Malibu itself is pretty small... rly just runs along the PCH (pacific coast highway 4 all u non-LAers). Bcuz it sits right along the mountains on the coast.
There r a lot of hellz expensive homes up in these moutains.
There r a lot of hellz expensive ppl there 2.
But a trip 2 Malibu doesnt have 2 kill ur budget.

Nd while there's a lot of beautiful StatePark beaches that will cost u money 2 park nd stay, there r a few free beaches.
1 in particular, Point Dume State Beach, is totally free nd right across the street from Pepperdine University. aka Where ur slutty "pure-bred" Christian frnds all go 2 school.
Altho its a lil bit of a walk 2 the beach from the entrance 2 Point DUME, which u might b a lil sketched out by at first like we were, there r nice views, nice tidepools, nd it was pretty quiet when me + the interns were there.
Check thems out.



So aftr ur done tanning/blazing/enjoying the beach, if ur looking 2 get some grub, get ready 2 drop some dollas. Bcuz evry restaurant/eating establishmnt/etc. around the area is quite pricy, especially if its on the beach.
But sometimes scenery beats quality of food.
So if ur looking 4 some gr8 scenes, go 2 Moonshadows... a place where scholars assemble.
aka The place where that MelGibson dude got a DUI leaving from.
If ur looking 4 cheap eats, just travel down the PCH til u hit SantaMonica nd eat down there.

But prepare urself 4 some breathtaking views, beautiful ppl, nd a great day 2 enjoy the natural beauty of SouthrnCalifornia.

>>>XXX BONUS FOOTAGE FROM THE 'BU HOT CANDY XXX>>>>>





Stay fresh in LA cuz of this Bitchy Gimmick,
José

I Still Is Here, I Still Is Loving U LA

It’s back.
Aftr a shocking nd unparalleled 2day hiatus, L.A. Nouveau has returned, sources say.
But srsly.
I got a problem.

Nd im a lil scared.
No joke.
Im scared that im losing my roots.

Dont get me wrong, its nice 2 take some time away from L.A.
But am I neglecting where I cum from?
Am I drifting too far away from the CityofAngels?

I just want u’s 2 all know how dedicated i am 2 the sprawling mess that is LosAngeles.
Just cuz I’m traveling othr places doesn’t mean Ive stopped calling LA my Nouveau home.
I (always have/currently do/will 4 a little while longer) Love L.A.

I dont want u 2 think im some Canada-fleeing CobraSnake-like fella who leaves L.A. 2 his trusted interns. (But 4 the rcrd, his interns r very trusting/the best; got no beef with u CobraSnake, just love/miss u).
Im never gonna stop dreaming about the AmericanApparel WarehouseSales.
Im never gonna stop thinking about chilling with broski frnds at Santa Monica.
Im never gonna stop wondering about whethr my frnds’ homes in the mountains will still b there next yr. (Thnx a lot Wildfires/Mudslides/Earthquakes).
Im never gonna stop denying that “Crash”(theMovie)-like situations actually go down in my hood.
Im never gonna stop believing that we r all equal/all wealthy/all poor/all ignorant/all humans.
Im never gonna stop chasing the L.A. dream.



Maybe I shud b more real.

Someday I will stop doing most of the things i just listed above.
But the fact is that 4 now, I remain true 2 Los Angeles, California.
Nd I plan 2 express my LAalliance more in 2kNine.

Starting with the new L.A. Nouveau featurette that evry1 is hyp'd about...
Let me remind u about
"Where in the Wrld in LA is José?"=A Way 4 the mainstream audience 2 Connect 2 the City of LA better.

Cuming soon 2 an L.A. Nouveau-enabled interwebBrowser near u.

Until then, enjoy some of the hiphop/OffTheMainstreamTrack rap that cums right outta this great//crazy//wtf city that is LA.
Sry if its 2 mainstream/AfrikaanAmerikaan/electronicless 4 u, but its raw sounds so try 2 appreciate some the goodness of it. The song is by legitrapstar Murs with the hiphop producer 9th Wonder.
[click the names 2 see their My-spaces, rightclick the song name 2 dwnload]

Murs & 9th Wonder - L.A.

I'm Frum L.A., Bitch,
José

Pack Ur Bags nd Let the Problems Begin

I love going back nd forth from LA to NYC.
I h8 that I don’t get 2 do it more often.
Both r the best.
But in the most diffrnt ways ever.
LA is my new home. My new joint. My gr8 escape. My nouveau-ness.
But NYC will always b my love. My babygirl. My bff who Ill never 4get.

In othr words:
///My soul needs LA, but my heart needs NYC.///

Thinking about scientifically dividing myself into 2 diffrnt humans, 1 that has my soul, the othr that has my heart, so they can exist in the places that each respective part of me needs 2 live.

Bcuz while having access 2 both cities nd living around both is fantastic, the traveling backndforth is clearly a pain.
Nd there r plenty of things that contribute 2 this pain.
But 2day I’d like 2 discuss one component:
Packing.

That’s right.
4get the flights.
4get the airport security.
4get the terrorist threats.
4get the traffic bullshit.
4get the stupidity of travelers who have no idea what the fk they’re doing.

4 now, I’m just talking about Packing.
aka
- Sorting thru ur attic/basement/crawlspace 2 find all ur suitcases.
- Finally finding the right piece of luggage.
- Going thru ur drawers 2 decide whats worth bringing.
- Rummaging thru ur closets 2 find even more junk thats not in ur drawers.
- Deciding whethr ur rly going 2 wear that jacket in LA/those flipflops in NYC.
- Feeling attached 2 certain items even if they’re rly heavy.
- Overpacking/underpacking. Evrytime.
- 4getting shit at home but being 2 far away 2 double back.
- Having 2 empty shit from ur bag when u get 2 the airport cuz its 52lbs instead of 50.
- Cramming so much shit in ur CarryOn that ur shoulders break.
- Trying 2 avoid having 2 check bags bcuz of the long wait once u get 2 ur destination.

Packing=So Many Steps/Obstacles.

Nd now that I have junk in both locales it’s bcuming even worse.
I find myself wondring:
Do I have enuf fancy shirts in LA?
Shud I leave this many flannels back east?
Will I have enuf shaving gel out west 2 not need 2 pack more?
Shud I rly bring all this haircare crap home?

Packing=So Many Questions.

Also, the anxiety over what u packed bcums problematic too.
Like, will the airport security ppl think this torpedo-shaped hairdryer is a weapon?
Nd even more importantly, is my wardrobe gonna look super cracked out bcuz I 4got certain items in NY?
Am I gonna have 2 change my whole look bcuz I packed 2 many baggy jeans?

Will I have 2 take my life bcuz my poor judgements in packing led me 2 wind up with only the following outfit:


Nothing could b worse. Nd when I say worse, I secretly mean better.
Maybe I should take this twinksky's fashion advice.
Nd afterward I'll "accidentally" end my time here on earth.

Packing is
The worst//The best//Not a big deal//Choose.ur.own.response.

Bitchly roaming in the sky,
José

The Game Plan/Run Down 4 My Nxt Life

In my next life, I want 2 b a rich, ovr-privileged LA teen.
Or I want 2 grow up in the jungle in Brazil nd b cumpletely unaware about the problems of American/wrld society.
But if that doesn't work out, I want 2 b a rich, ovr-privileged LA teen.

I want 2 b an angsty/lovable/slutbag teen nd have Hollywood at my fingertips, SantaMonica at my disposal, Compton at my discretion.

Here's the progression that I can imagine:

- At 4yrsold: My parental units take me 2 my first show at the Staples Cntr featuring the biggest pop star of the day. They have front row seats. They climb on stage with me. I suffer hearing damage which slightly but not too seriously affects me 4 the rest of my life.

- At 7yrsold: We go 2 visit my cousins in Laguna Beach when I spot a baby waddling away from her family on the beach. I save her life. My parents brag about it 4ever nd I write about it in my future collegeApps.

- At 9yrsold: I start my first mp3 blog nd make $2,500 from online advertising.

- At 12yrsold: I get my first middleschool detention nd begin 2 feel that being badass gives me an incredible feeling of power and triumph.

- At 14yrsold: I get my first fakeiD. I have my first big-scale emotional crisis ovr getting dumped by my B-list celeb GirlFrnd.

- At 15yrsold: I sneak in 2 the hottest clubs evr every wknd. I lose my virginity. I go 2 the gym evry day after school. My parents check in with me once evry other week but usually 4get my name.

- At 16yrs old: TheCobraSnake is the official photographer at my bff's Sweet16. I begin 2 intern 4 him. I start 2 develop a coke addiction. I make out with the LinsdayLohan of the day at the HottestClub of the day. I steal my parent's credit card nd buy myself my first Bentley. They nevr realize. I bcum a hipster artsy trend-setter at my ovr-priviledged highschool. All my frnds love/h8 me.

- At18yrsold: I singlehandedly host a huge charity fundraiser starring the CoolestAltBand of the time with a DJset by the SickestDJ of the day. This bcums my ticket in2 college. That, nd my dad nd stepmom hand a massive check to the University of my Choice.

This is my nxt life.
All I want 4 xmas is 2 b assured that this will b my nxt life.

Just wanna idolize these ideal humans.



Just wanna go 2 ur next hipster/backyrd/bong-blasting/bonfire party.
Also,
SVET ALRT >> SVET ALRT >> SVETLANA ALERT >> SVET ALRT >> SVETTY ALRRRT >> SVET ALRT >>
At the same party from the hipster looking photo above was the best looking svetlana ive evr seen. Please view the following LoveOfMyLife with me:



Just wanna meet u/know u/be u in my nxt life.
Cant wait.
Until then.

Just trying 2 deal with the life that God/Jesus nd Company have handed me.
Just want 2 love my life bettr in 0h-9.

Brentwould Betches R My Saviors,
José

If U Aint Here 2 Party, then...

LA partygoers r the funniest/coolest/weirdest/biggestFreaks/zombies/______________ (insert word of madness) ever.

Now partying goes down in nearly evry city or hardly-urban locale in the Wrld.
From Paris to Panama City, from Pittsburgh to Prince Edwrd's Island, partygoers r always figuring out ways to party.
Nd usually, let's not kid ourselves, they are the same ways. Evry time.
It involves a good deal of booze, maybe some RedBulls/RockStarRage/MonsterForceUltraEnergy10hrsXDrink/Vicodin, some music to get u moving, and a dirty place to get down.

The party scene, of course, gets better nd more wild in better nd more wild cities.

akaNYC. Where a night at Webster Hall can lead to a health hazardous night doing coke with ur fave B-list Bway star at the 205 Club, even tho u were desperate to go 2 Marquee but u knew u wouldn't get in the door.

akaSpokane,Washington. Where a day spent doing shrooms in the mountains will lead u 2 see some AltCoreIndie band play at The Knitting Factory, only to drown urself in sorrows at the martini bar down the street.

But nowhere is the party scene quite like it is in LosAngeles,California.
Not implying that its not sometimes bettr elsewhere (oh Paris, don't get all jealous on me like that).
But nowhere else do u have all the options that u do in L.A.
Nd nowhere else is there such PartyHype and PartyObsession as there is in L.A., which is constantly proved with the numbr of growing "CobraSnake" nd "LastNight'sParty" photoblogs on the interweb.
Nd speaking of which, enjoy some PartyPics courtesy of none othr than José.



Nd nowhere else r the PartyGoers so diverse, ranging from and beyond:
///Hipsters/Blipsters/2pacWorshippers//HotModels/MainstreamChicks/Celebs//CinaNerds/Gays/UltraGheys//AltBros/IndieLovrs/DeathXCoreFanatics//Thesbians/Lesbians/CuntyMoms///

Nd most importantly, nowhere seems to be the same sense of PartyFreedom as there is in L.A.

Cuz a night/day/26hrsLaterStillGoingStrong of partying in L.A. could mean:

- Buying some dank weed from ur neighbor who goes to a Medical Club evry morning b4 he hits the gym, smoking some fine specimen with ur frnds, playing some trip-hop tunes while sippng on some fine wine, as the smoke fills the room with a glow that looks a lot like the smoggy nighttime sky.

- Taking a cab to Hollywood for $30, flask in hand, high heels in the other, stumbling across the future site of Hilary Duff's star on the WalkofFame, entering a club who's nooks feel more like a maze as u navigate the proximity of the dancefloor 2 the bathroom so u know where ppl r doing blow in case u want 2 partake.

- Going to UniversityPark aka USC after gameday, finding 2 hot drunk girls who will get u into all the frat houses even tho u graduated 6 yrs ago, being the IceLuge champ of the evening, schooling some Freshman PoliSci major at beer pong while u drunkenly discuss how the proper name 4 the game is Beirut.

- Meeting up with ur 2 guy frnds, Esmeraldo nd Okkebo, ur 1 girl frnd, Natalie, nd ur 2 non-gendr specific friends, Patricia Estevan nd Lord Matayis, to smoke some high-quality meth b4 using ur 1 DJ-frnd connection 2 get u into that warehouse party off of Olympic Blvd, only 2 find out that the warehouse was never unlocked 4 the potential rager, thus resorting 2 a KillerDJfest in the parking lot.

- Sipping champagne and VodkaPoms with ur best frnd nd his new gf, who happens to have starred on The Hills, hopping in the limo that's parked outside his apartmnt, arriving VIP at a Mr.Oizo/Justice DJ Set/BareNakedLadies tribute band show that starts 3 hrs late and doesn't end til 4, grabbng burgers nd shakes with the BNLtribute band afterwards.

Nd the possibilites go way beyond those.

But whilein some cities there's a limited amount of "scenes," there is an infintesimal numbr of scenes in L.A., to the point that they often bcum infused and consumed 2gether.
This is why only in L.A. will u get scenarios like Uffie+CutChemist+Shwayze(???)+SteveAoki benefit shows that r attended by tons of hipsters, TilaTequila, ghetto fab girls, TheCobraSnake, nd Margaret Cho, 2 name a few.

Cant help but put 1 more LAPartyPic up after that homage to Steve Aoki (credit Cobrasnake):


This is why partying in L.A. is, frankly, the shit. The bomb. The creme de la creme.
It's fking legit.

Bitch ur days nd nights away,
José

Almost Post-Thnkswknd Thoughts

The wknd is almost over.
Nd by weekend, I mean the nine days that I've been away from LA.
So I guess wknd isn't really the right word to describe this period of time.
But what else 2 call it?
Thnxgvng Break? Break from What? I liked life before, I didn't need a break... Okay so maybe I did, but this sure didn't feel like a Break.
Thnxgvng Vacation? Psh. That's a definite No. A vacation is usually defined as a time apart from ur stressful miserable life spent in a location that u want to visit and enjoy, not the opposite.
Thnxgvng Pause? Now that just doesn't even make sense.

Regardless of what u want to call these last nine days spent back in the Northeast in the town I grew up in, I have gained some new insight into my life nd the lives of others during this _____ (insert desired name for time spent "back home").
Nd out of all the things I've learned, the most pivotal one is the following:

I RUV LA.
I fking ruv it. Nd by ruv, I clearly mean LOVE.
I love LA so much, I want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant.
But srsly, there's a lot of messed up bullsht things about LA.
The traffic sucks.
The pollution + smog sucks.
The lack of public transportation sucks.
The potential for wildfires + mega earthquakes sucks.

But there's something about that warm sun, those palm trees, nd that HipsterChic totally pitted LA lifestyle that always put a smile on my face.


Hate New York City, it's cold and it's damp
And all the people dressed like monkeys uptight bitches
Let's leave Chicago to the Eskimos, that town's a little bit too rugged fking freezng
For you and me, babe

Rollin' down Imperial Highway with a big nasty (?) redhead at my side
Santa Ana winds blowin' hot from the north nd we was born to ride
Roll down the window, put down the top, crank up the Beach Boys MGMT,
Baby don't let the hipster music stop, we're gonna ride it 'til we just can't ride it no more
From the South Bay to the Valley, From the West Side to the East Side
Everybody's very happy, 'Cause the sun is shining all the time
Looks like anothr perfct day
I love L.A. (We ruv it!)
I love L.A. (We ruv it!)

But yet, I don't return for anothr two days... FK MY LIFE.

Don't get me wrong back there with that video though, I do love New York.
Like, extremely. It's been pretty much the only rewarding thing about being home so far.
And at some point in my life, I would love to live in the City that Never Sleeps
Take the subway to work evry morning
Becum a total Webster Hall rat
Live nd Breathe Hipster Chic in Williamsburg, Brklyn.

Nd that time will cum.
But 4 now, LA is where I gotta be.
Now if only I could actually be there...

Biznatch 4 evr,
José