Get Creative With Your Intake/Alcoholism

Warning: Not trying 2 promote the "binge drinking culture" with this upcuming post. But, like, whatevr.

Now that thats out of the way, it seems like a good time in the yr 2 discuss the cleverly created pastime of 'consumption entertainment activities', aka 'drinking games'.
It is, after all, officially the bizarre lil month of March, a month full of holidays/experiences like St.PatricksDay where ur lil Irish frnds get 2 b all "proud" of their hungerstriken heritage so u can drink a lot.
The month of March is also usually home 2 SpringBreak, a common ritual that finds many collegeStudents using excessive amounts of booze/drugs/sex 2 have a good time in some warm sunny locale.

Nd while there r plenty of ways 2 drink nd places 2 do so, sometimes they bcum cliché nd frustrating when utilized 2 much.
- Like at a club.
U gotta love the club scene, but always having 2 throw down lots of cashmoney 4 cheapo lil drinks can get rly annoying.

- Like at a FratParty/BasementParty.
While these two party scenes r cumpletely diffrent, they r similar in some regards, like their overall sketchiness, the increased potential for unwanted sexual activities, the high possibility 4 hard drugs, nd in regards 2 drinking, where its all very excessive nd usually containing alcohol that ur not rly sure of.
Cuz even if its in a bottle u recognize, chances r that its been refilled with some kind of crap OsoNegro-style shit that will probably make u vom later, anothr key similarity between FratParties nd BasementParties [via the frequent vomiting of partyguests after they leave].

- Like with ur parents. Cuz nothing says "Our family is doing just fine" like taking shots of Jack Daniels. Especially when this is in conjunction with a death or an elderly some1's birthday.
But some would find it surprising 2 hear that this can bcum problematic after a while.
[Miss u N.D.]

So sometimes when all of these places/events/experiences get kind of tiring 2 always b partaking in drinking at, the best thing 2 do is gather up a few good frnds nd partake in 1 of those good ol drinking games.

Nd the best part is: There r so many diffrent Drinking Games 2 choose from.

- There's the Card-related Drinking Games.
Like the ones my college self loves 2 play.
Love u Kings.
Want 2 start playing Go Fish! as a drinking game more with my frnds/family.

- There's the Media-Interactions Drinking Games.
Which in itself there r many kinds of DrinkingGames too.

1 Exmpl: Playing a movie drinking game.
Nearly any movie will work. 1 my frnds recently did was a Drinking Game 4 "American Beauty".
Went a lil something like this:
Drink evry time...
1. Any1 does drugs.
2. Lester obsesses over Angela.
3. Ricky is seen videotaping anythng.
4. Lester argues with any1.
5. Lester is shown exercising.
6. Angela calls Ricky weird/freak/anything along those lines.



Anothr Media-Interaction Drinking Game exmpl: Watching a speech/the news.
If u decide 2 wake up 1 morning, flip on CNN nd take a shot of ur fave hard booze evry time they mention the Economy. Its a surefire way 2 4get the rest of ur day nd evrything that will unfold.

Thnx TinaFey 4 making this NewsInteraction DrinkingGame so popular via ur SarahPalin impressions. aka Taking a swag 4 evry use of the word "maverick".

Suggesting that u start making a Drinking Game out of ur reading of L.A. Nouveau.
Here r the rules:
Take a shot evry time u see the word "hipster", "Uffie", "mp3", "LosAngeles", or "Nouveau".
From here, get ready 2 enjoy a great hardly-remembered nite.

- Lastly, cant 4get the NothingButHornyPpl Drinking Games.
The exact games range in nature, nd r often the most creative nd metaphorical of the Drinking Games.
But the basic idea behind them is always the same: when ppl want 2 do sexual things, putting them on an entertaining path 2 do so via alcohol always creates 4 a memorable experience.

Want 2 hear about the NothingButHornyPpl Drinking Games that u like 2 play when ur in a group setting with ur peers.
Or any othr creative Drinking Games that u have found 2 b meaningful in ur life.
Want 2 create a Drinking Game Forum via This blog post.
So plz comment away.

Hoping bitches will implement the new L.A. Nouveau DrinkingGame,
José

Who Do U Think U R, Taking these Pixx nd Leaving It Up Here?

Time 4 a PartyRecap.
U know those parties where u 4 some weird/bizarre/unknown reason u cant remember much of anything that went down at the party as u try 2 remember it the nxt morning?
If uve evr blacked out/browned out/grayed out/died after a party, then u know how nice/scary it is 4 someone 2 relay 2 u what happened last night.

So let L.A. Nouveau b ur PartyRecapper/SoberSister.
Cuz i'm about 2 recap 4 u 1 of the funniest/greatest/fiercest/most-phototaken parties of the Yr.
Then again, its only LateJan-EarlyFeb, so declaring L.A. Nouveau's first official party as the Party-of-the-Yr is merely saying that its the best Party 2 cum in the last 31 days.
But still, of all the parties wrldwide that went down in the last 31 days, this party was definitely numberOne.

What was the party, exactly?
Let me introduce u 2 L.A. Nouveau's first official Party.
L.A. Nouveau presents:
My Dumplings - The Party.

U know the video.
It's been linked on this blog over half-a-dozen times.
Nd with so much passion, angst, unique characters, epic quotes, etc., it felt only right 2 make "My Dumplings" the theme of the blog's first official Party.

To explain the wonder/hilarity of this party in wrds could b somewhat difficult.
Instead I would like 2 show u.
Secretly looking 2 turn L.A. Nouveau in2 a Party Pixx site.
Just want 2 take Party Pixx evrywhere I go.
Just want 2 b more like theCobrasnake/LastNightsParty/etccc.

Just want u 2 cum 2 L.A. Nouveau 4 a quick catch up on the Hipster culture around u but then stay 4 a lil longer 2 look at all the Hipster pixx that I took at that Coke-convention party last wknd.
Just want 2 hire Max Martin 2 write the wrld's most catchy/poptastic/trashtastic song evr 2 bcum the official theme song of L.A. Nouveau's PartyPixx section.

But b4 I can get a theme song written, need 2 post some pixx.
So... Welcum 2 L.A. Nouveau's first-official-PartyPixx posting.


Photo-crazy bitches r wild,
José

The Game Plan/Run Down 4 My Nxt Life

In my next life, I want 2 b a rich, ovr-privileged LA teen.
Or I want 2 grow up in the jungle in Brazil nd b cumpletely unaware about the problems of American/wrld society.
But if that doesn't work out, I want 2 b a rich, ovr-privileged LA teen.

I want 2 b an angsty/lovable/slutbag teen nd have Hollywood at my fingertips, SantaMonica at my disposal, Compton at my discretion.

Here's the progression that I can imagine:

- At 4yrsold: My parental units take me 2 my first show at the Staples Cntr featuring the biggest pop star of the day. They have front row seats. They climb on stage with me. I suffer hearing damage which slightly but not too seriously affects me 4 the rest of my life.

- At 7yrsold: We go 2 visit my cousins in Laguna Beach when I spot a baby waddling away from her family on the beach. I save her life. My parents brag about it 4ever nd I write about it in my future collegeApps.

- At 9yrsold: I start my first mp3 blog nd make $2,500 from online advertising.

- At 12yrsold: I get my first middleschool detention nd begin 2 feel that being badass gives me an incredible feeling of power and triumph.

- At 14yrsold: I get my first fakeiD. I have my first big-scale emotional crisis ovr getting dumped by my B-list celeb GirlFrnd.

- At 15yrsold: I sneak in 2 the hottest clubs evr every wknd. I lose my virginity. I go 2 the gym evry day after school. My parents check in with me once evry other week but usually 4get my name.

- At 16yrs old: TheCobraSnake is the official photographer at my bff's Sweet16. I begin 2 intern 4 him. I start 2 develop a coke addiction. I make out with the LinsdayLohan of the day at the HottestClub of the day. I steal my parent's credit card nd buy myself my first Bentley. They nevr realize. I bcum a hipster artsy trend-setter at my ovr-priviledged highschool. All my frnds love/h8 me.

- At18yrsold: I singlehandedly host a huge charity fundraiser starring the CoolestAltBand of the time with a DJset by the SickestDJ of the day. This bcums my ticket in2 college. That, nd my dad nd stepmom hand a massive check to the University of my Choice.

This is my nxt life.
All I want 4 xmas is 2 b assured that this will b my nxt life.

Just wanna idolize these ideal humans.



Just wanna go 2 ur next hipster/backyrd/bong-blasting/bonfire party.
Also,
SVET ALRT >> SVET ALRT >> SVETLANA ALERT >> SVET ALRT >> SVETTY ALRRRT >> SVET ALRT >>
At the same party from the hipster looking photo above was the best looking svetlana ive evr seen. Please view the following LoveOfMyLife with me:



Just wanna meet u/know u/be u in my nxt life.
Cant wait.
Until then.

Just trying 2 deal with the life that God/Jesus nd Company have handed me.
Just want 2 love my life bettr in 0h-9.

Brentwould Betches R My Saviors,
José

If U Aint Here 2 Party, then...

LA partygoers r the funniest/coolest/weirdest/biggestFreaks/zombies/______________ (insert word of madness) ever.

Now partying goes down in nearly evry city or hardly-urban locale in the Wrld.
From Paris to Panama City, from Pittsburgh to Prince Edwrd's Island, partygoers r always figuring out ways to party.
Nd usually, let's not kid ourselves, they are the same ways. Evry time.
It involves a good deal of booze, maybe some RedBulls/RockStarRage/MonsterForceUltraEnergy10hrsXDrink/Vicodin, some music to get u moving, and a dirty place to get down.

The party scene, of course, gets better nd more wild in better nd more wild cities.

akaNYC. Where a night at Webster Hall can lead to a health hazardous night doing coke with ur fave B-list Bway star at the 205 Club, even tho u were desperate to go 2 Marquee but u knew u wouldn't get in the door.

akaSpokane,Washington. Where a day spent doing shrooms in the mountains will lead u 2 see some AltCoreIndie band play at The Knitting Factory, only to drown urself in sorrows at the martini bar down the street.

But nowhere is the party scene quite like it is in LosAngeles,California.
Not implying that its not sometimes bettr elsewhere (oh Paris, don't get all jealous on me like that).
But nowhere else do u have all the options that u do in L.A.
Nd nowhere else is there such PartyHype and PartyObsession as there is in L.A., which is constantly proved with the numbr of growing "CobraSnake" nd "LastNight'sParty" photoblogs on the interweb.
Nd speaking of which, enjoy some PartyPics courtesy of none othr than José.



Nd nowhere else r the PartyGoers so diverse, ranging from and beyond:
///Hipsters/Blipsters/2pacWorshippers//HotModels/MainstreamChicks/Celebs//CinaNerds/Gays/UltraGheys//AltBros/IndieLovrs/DeathXCoreFanatics//Thesbians/Lesbians/CuntyMoms///

Nd most importantly, nowhere seems to be the same sense of PartyFreedom as there is in L.A.

Cuz a night/day/26hrsLaterStillGoingStrong of partying in L.A. could mean:

- Buying some dank weed from ur neighbor who goes to a Medical Club evry morning b4 he hits the gym, smoking some fine specimen with ur frnds, playing some trip-hop tunes while sippng on some fine wine, as the smoke fills the room with a glow that looks a lot like the smoggy nighttime sky.

- Taking a cab to Hollywood for $30, flask in hand, high heels in the other, stumbling across the future site of Hilary Duff's star on the WalkofFame, entering a club who's nooks feel more like a maze as u navigate the proximity of the dancefloor 2 the bathroom so u know where ppl r doing blow in case u want 2 partake.

- Going to UniversityPark aka USC after gameday, finding 2 hot drunk girls who will get u into all the frat houses even tho u graduated 6 yrs ago, being the IceLuge champ of the evening, schooling some Freshman PoliSci major at beer pong while u drunkenly discuss how the proper name 4 the game is Beirut.

- Meeting up with ur 2 guy frnds, Esmeraldo nd Okkebo, ur 1 girl frnd, Natalie, nd ur 2 non-gendr specific friends, Patricia Estevan nd Lord Matayis, to smoke some high-quality meth b4 using ur 1 DJ-frnd connection 2 get u into that warehouse party off of Olympic Blvd, only 2 find out that the warehouse was never unlocked 4 the potential rager, thus resorting 2 a KillerDJfest in the parking lot.

- Sipping champagne and VodkaPoms with ur best frnd nd his new gf, who happens to have starred on The Hills, hopping in the limo that's parked outside his apartmnt, arriving VIP at a Mr.Oizo/Justice DJ Set/BareNakedLadies tribute band show that starts 3 hrs late and doesn't end til 4, grabbng burgers nd shakes with the BNLtribute band afterwards.

Nd the possibilites go way beyond those.

But whilein some cities there's a limited amount of "scenes," there is an infintesimal numbr of scenes in L.A., to the point that they often bcum infused and consumed 2gether.
This is why only in L.A. will u get scenarios like Uffie+CutChemist+Shwayze(???)+SteveAoki benefit shows that r attended by tons of hipsters, TilaTequila, ghetto fab girls, TheCobraSnake, nd Margaret Cho, 2 name a few.

Cant help but put 1 more LAPartyPic up after that homage to Steve Aoki (credit Cobrasnake):


This is why partying in L.A. is, frankly, the shit. The bomb. The creme de la creme.
It's fking legit.

Bitch ur days nd nights away,
José

Do U Have the Potential?

I finally understand the need for Dateline: 2 Catch a Predator.

B4 today, I always felt that the show was unethical, unnecessary, and if it had 2 b ranked on a moral scale from 1 to 10 (1 being 2Girls1Cup immoral, 10 being iGo2ChurchEvryDay moral), I would've given it a FKING DISGUSTING.

Nd after I just watched another YuTube clip of the show, I once again remember why I find evrything about the NBC television program despicable.

Howevr, after yet anothr interesting wknd, I have realized why there is a need for this kind of TV programming.

Nd here's why:

Cuz Predatorz are Evrywhere.

Nd they only seem to b increasing in numbers nd in magnitude.

Now i've witnessed/known/befrnded/gone of coffee dates with plenty of sleazy creepy "iWillBangThatChickWhethrSheWants2orNot" men in my life.

But somehow, bcuz of the generally respectable nature of my posse, I so often forget just how many SexualPredatorz r actually out there.

Nd I always find myself latr wondering how the fk do these guys actually bcum the SexPredz that they are?

- Did their parents always encourage them to get a blowsky no matter what?

- Were they raised in a home where it was ok to take their sister and fk her after dinner?

- Did they grow up believing that it was Jesus' mission 2 get men to act more creepy and animalistic?

- Are they part of an underground society that teaches them the wrld's most fked up/hilarious pick up lines in history?

Nd as I delve further into this potentially-terrifying problem of the spread of SexPredz, I wondr: Is there any hope? Is there any answer?

Will the only solution b to have an ethnic cleansing of all SexPredz evrywhere?

Nd if we did have a worldwide SexPredz annihilation, who wud make the cut?

Is evryone either a SexPred or not a SexPred?

What about my cousin Nathan? He's been in 2 great long-term relationships, but there was that 1 girl that he roofied last yr after that bad breakup... is he there4 a SexPreddy?
Could I even b a SexPredster?
Do we all have the potential 2 b that guy in the photo above?

I think it's time 4 all of us 2 go 2 therapy. Just in case.
Nd while ur thinkng ovr whethr u might secretly b the next 2CatchAPreddy victim, enjoy some slick sounds from one of the best DJ's/artists in existance at this moment: DIPLO.
He's a Philly-based DJ who is the genius behind a shit ton of the best rmxs out there,
plus started his own label, Mad Decent, who I thank evryday for the wonders of Bonde do Role, my 2yrAgo Brazilian ubsession (pre-CSS enfatuation). Enjoy Diplo.

Diplo - "Must Be A Devil"

Get Shawty nd Bitchy, in a Non-Threatning Way,
José

Jeezy Knew What He Wuz Doing

Hi, My name is José and I'm not an alcoholic.

Surprising, right? I know, it's crazy! How can that be possible? I mean, I'm still technically in my younger years, I've been living in a college environmnt, I went to highschool. So shouldn't that automatically mean that I impulsively drink very often and can't manage to have a good time without it?

Well, I have nuze.

The answer is No. It doesn't mean that. At all. Not even a little.

Srsly.

Here's the truth:

Alcohol is the liquid of sinners.

So next time ur about to get totally tanked, think about this: WWJD? (what would Jesús drink?)
Here's the options I would guess:
- If he was just chillin at a social gathering, he'd be down for a Coke Zero, being happy 2 keep his figure lean, but not wantng to compromise that oversweet cola taste
- If he was looking for a good time, he'd roll with a Vodka Pom, my personal DOC (drank of choice), cuz he'd A. get that little buzz of alk and second of all, would b downing some supr-fine antioxidants to keep him healthy nd strong (which ironically wouldn't be that necessary in the end... thanks a lot, Romans)
BUT HERE'S THE DIFFRNCE: - If he was having a really bad day and needed to fking escape, he wudn't resort to gettng totally trashed. Cuz that's just irresponsible nd scary.
Here's what he would do instead:
Blaze.
Crunk.
Get roasted.
Hit the reefer.

Yes, America nd other Christian-majority nations of the wrld,
Jesus would have packed a bowl of some epic medical sht (he'd obviously have medical, cuz he wouldn't do any dealing and illegal buying), would have found the perfect outdoor spot to sit nd relax, and would have blazed the day/night away.

Nd in his time and day, he would've been totally respected 4 it.

Even Matty, Mark, Luke, and JohnnyBoy wud've surely hit up some Mary Jane with their pal JeezyC. Maybe they wud've even smoked their good ol' pal out once in a while.
They wud all be chillin and their BFF Peter wud say, "Yo JC, u've been a superb dude to us, let us smoke u out man."

So 4 all the HerbHaters, WeedWincers, nd MaryJaneMouthOffs out there, u can suck it nd take out the trash while the rest of SoCal nd NorCal hit up a bowl.

Baby, I've Touched Countless Hearts,
José

stuff that's EPIC.

so here we are again, round three in one day.  i'm becoming obsessed.

and here's who i blame:

- Sarah Keimig

- My Hipster fascination

- Diet Coke

- Running on 3 1/2 hrs of sleep

Now let's move on. 

Cuz this post is about the stuff that i currently define as EPIC.

So congratulations to the following:

Mark Hunter.akaCobrasnake

aka stillBestNightofmyLife

this kid -> aka mMethh.

cuz once again i have seemed to lose Me to Meth.  oh god damn, this happens far too often lately.

the environment.

clean energy.

sustainable energy.

with this i bid thee farewell, bcuz its wednesday, and although i have a midterm tmrw, herb prioritizes above all else. yarg.

Bitch betch botch,

José