Where in the World [of non-L.A.] is José?

A long long time ago, the alt/hpstr/transsexual/hermo blog L.A. Nouveau presented 2 u's all a lil meme called "Where in the World [of L.A.] is José?"

The purpose of this meme was 2 help u connect 2 some interesting/cool/whatevr places around the Los Angeles, California-area.

Unfortunately, while there were many travels via José 2 many diffrnt areas of L.A., there was only 1 post on the topic ever.

(It was on Malibu. It can be read by clicking the following link: http://lanouveau.blogspot.com/2009/01/where-in-wrld-of-la-is-jose-bu.html *there r real live pics here of the L.A. Nouveau interns!!!*)

The logo looked something like this:

Just wanted 2 remind u of what this meme was like.

Nd I bring it up 4 good reason.

Bcuz since its SummerTime, L.A. Nouveau is "doing something crazy".

Something its never ever done b4 in its entire sporadic 8-months of existence.

José is leaving L.A.

(Gasps, shrills, moans, MariahCarey-highpitched-vocalShrieks, etc.)

Dont wrry, Ill b returning 2 L.A. eventually. This is only temporary 4 the Summer.

So instead of isolating myself in L.A., Im exploring the WRLD.

Nd along the way want 2 update u's all on the many Hipster Happenings beyond Los Angeles County, CA.

So get ready frnds/girlfrnds/boyfrnds/moms/dads(happyalmostfathersday, btdubbz)/NewlyGrads nd beyond, 4 a whole new L.A. Nouveau experience about Finding Hipster-ness/Blipster-ness all over the world.

I bring u:

JOSÉ meets WORLD.

- This is the first L.A. Nouveau meme that will actually b followed thru on / the first that there will actually b multiple postings on / the first that will b continually updated thruout the SummerMonths (As my frnds Friendly Fires/Au Revoir Simone once sang, "I promise, Im on it"). -

So get ready 4 some high quality commentaries + photos of the alt/blipster/hipster happenings found internationally from José's summer voyages around the wrld.

Wanna know what wonderful place on earth is first up?

Well I have news...

Im not telling.

Until 2morrow.

So check back 2 find out nd get ready 2 start living vicariously thru L.A. Nouveau.

Bitching is so INT'L,

José

Get Creative With Your Intake/Alcoholism

Warning: Not trying 2 promote the "binge drinking culture" with this upcuming post. But, like, whatevr.

Now that thats out of the way, it seems like a good time in the yr 2 discuss the cleverly created pastime of 'consumption entertainment activities', aka 'drinking games'.
It is, after all, officially the bizarre lil month of March, a month full of holidays/experiences like St.PatricksDay where ur lil Irish frnds get 2 b all "proud" of their hungerstriken heritage so u can drink a lot.
The month of March is also usually home 2 SpringBreak, a common ritual that finds many collegeStudents using excessive amounts of booze/drugs/sex 2 have a good time in some warm sunny locale.

Nd while there r plenty of ways 2 drink nd places 2 do so, sometimes they bcum cliché nd frustrating when utilized 2 much.
- Like at a club.
U gotta love the club scene, but always having 2 throw down lots of cashmoney 4 cheapo lil drinks can get rly annoying.

- Like at a FratParty/BasementParty.
While these two party scenes r cumpletely diffrent, they r similar in some regards, like their overall sketchiness, the increased potential for unwanted sexual activities, the high possibility 4 hard drugs, nd in regards 2 drinking, where its all very excessive nd usually containing alcohol that ur not rly sure of.
Cuz even if its in a bottle u recognize, chances r that its been refilled with some kind of crap OsoNegro-style shit that will probably make u vom later, anothr key similarity between FratParties nd BasementParties [via the frequent vomiting of partyguests after they leave].

- Like with ur parents. Cuz nothing says "Our family is doing just fine" like taking shots of Jack Daniels. Especially when this is in conjunction with a death or an elderly some1's birthday.
But some would find it surprising 2 hear that this can bcum problematic after a while.
[Miss u N.D.]

So sometimes when all of these places/events/experiences get kind of tiring 2 always b partaking in drinking at, the best thing 2 do is gather up a few good frnds nd partake in 1 of those good ol drinking games.

Nd the best part is: There r so many diffrent Drinking Games 2 choose from.

- There's the Card-related Drinking Games.
Like the ones my college self loves 2 play.
Love u Kings.
Want 2 start playing Go Fish! as a drinking game more with my frnds/family.

- There's the Media-Interactions Drinking Games.
Which in itself there r many kinds of DrinkingGames too.

1 Exmpl: Playing a movie drinking game.
Nearly any movie will work. 1 my frnds recently did was a Drinking Game 4 "American Beauty".
Went a lil something like this:
Drink evry time...
1. Any1 does drugs.
2. Lester obsesses over Angela.
3. Ricky is seen videotaping anythng.
4. Lester argues with any1.
5. Lester is shown exercising.
6. Angela calls Ricky weird/freak/anything along those lines.



Anothr Media-Interaction Drinking Game exmpl: Watching a speech/the news.
If u decide 2 wake up 1 morning, flip on CNN nd take a shot of ur fave hard booze evry time they mention the Economy. Its a surefire way 2 4get the rest of ur day nd evrything that will unfold.

Thnx TinaFey 4 making this NewsInteraction DrinkingGame so popular via ur SarahPalin impressions. aka Taking a swag 4 evry use of the word "maverick".

Suggesting that u start making a Drinking Game out of ur reading of L.A. Nouveau.
Here r the rules:
Take a shot evry time u see the word "hipster", "Uffie", "mp3", "LosAngeles", or "Nouveau".
From here, get ready 2 enjoy a great hardly-remembered nite.

- Lastly, cant 4get the NothingButHornyPpl Drinking Games.
The exact games range in nature, nd r often the most creative nd metaphorical of the Drinking Games.
But the basic idea behind them is always the same: when ppl want 2 do sexual things, putting them on an entertaining path 2 do so via alcohol always creates 4 a memorable experience.

Want 2 hear about the NothingButHornyPpl Drinking Games that u like 2 play when ur in a group setting with ur peers.
Or any othr creative Drinking Games that u have found 2 b meaningful in ur life.
Want 2 create a Drinking Game Forum via This blog post.
So plz comment away.

Hoping bitches will implement the new L.A. Nouveau DrinkingGame,
José

Places 2 Flee 2, 2 Make Life A Lil Easier

Lately I've been trying 2 cum up with solutions on How 2 Better Improve My Current Life.
Bcuz there are so many diffrnt stressors currently thawing away at ur/my life.

Thanx 2 exams/papers/reports/deadlines/taxes/foreclosure warnings/losing my malpractice insurance/etc., life is just not an easy thing 2 do right now.

Nd because there r so many things currently affecting us all, a lot of the ppl I know have resorted 2 doing pretty reckless things in order 2 escape from their current states of stress.
- 1 frnd of mine recently spent an entire 24 hrs in the top floor of the library without evr taking a break 4 food, water, the bathroom, etc.
- Anothr human I know decided 2 OverDose on Adderall the night b4 their big exam in order 2 "focus better". Still not sure how this turned out, the human hasnt been able 2 speak since then.
- A bunch of bros that live in my apartment recently decided 2 "fk the economy" nd their morals nd unloaded all of their cash in Vegas. Rumor has it that they'll b moving out next week bcuz they cant afford the rent anymore.
- Accordingly, my bff's mom just started doing Shrooms 4 the first time.

But srsly. I dont want 2 OverDose on Drugs nd die. Ok maybe a lil bit.
But overall, I've been looking 2 find a real solution 2 Improve my Life.

So far I've tried a few things here nd there:
- I tried writing a novel based on my real life. But then I realized that the plot was too graphic 4 mainstream audiences nd the character development was horrendous.
- I tried bcuming addicted 2 painkillers. But Vicaden got rly expensive/my next-door neighbor stopped making my favorite homemade Advil-Morphene-Penecillin mash-up drug cocktails.
- I had my girlfrnd's mom plan my funeral. We got in a fight over the flower arrangement nd the fact that I promised an illicit lover of mine that she could b the go-go dancer at my funeral.

But sadly, none of these things rly helped 2 improve my life. In fact, in most cases, it just made my life a lil worse.

Howevr, I have good news.
I've finally figured out the 1 thing I need 2 do 2 Improve my Everyday Life:
Run Away.

That's right.
Running Away would improve my life so very much.
I wouldnt have 2 deal with the ppl who i h8 around me.
I wouldnt have 2 pay the rent evry month.
I wouldnt have 2 have ppl b aware of where I am at all times.
I would b more-or-less free.

Yes, I'd b poor. But i'd find some easy most-likely-illegal job somewhere.
Yes, I'd have no place 2 live. But there's a lot of nice basements all over the wrld.
Nd CouchSurfing is so "in" right now.

So now I'm trying 2 figure out where I want 2 Run Away to...
I've narrowed it down 2 a few places.
- Any of the beaches near L.A... Yeah, im sure it would b easier 2 track me down if I stayed nearby, but i rly do love SouthrnCalifornia nd would love 2 be near the beach. Nd it would make it a lot easier 2 bring all my lil personal belongings.


- Miami, Florida, USofA.
Ive been there b4. Nd I usually rly like it, altho I get quickly fed up with the extreme stereotypes that live there aka SketchCubans, FlamingGays, ElderlyJews.
But on the same lines as the L.A. beaches, I love the ocean, nd im sure I would meet some rly frndly ppl aka Models who would take me under their wing, feed me well, nd I could get in2 some pretty bangin parties with them.
xx More posts written about Miami located here: http://lanouveau.blogspot.com/search/label/Miami lolz xx


- Grozny, Chechnya: The capitol city of the best lil unrecognized-country in the wrld.
Home 2 TwoHundredThousand of the wrld's best lil impoverished hipsters, its a city that has a lot of potential. So what if there's a lot of terrorism, corruption, tensions with Russia, nd kidnappings? It's still a great place 2 raise a family, get a job, nd above all, run away 2.

I'm pretty sure around this time of yr, plus with the wrld economy in shambles, that there r some great vacation deals 2 Chechnya. But act soon while the country still remains!


Have any othr places u think I should/could Run Away 2?
Want 2 hear ur Ideas. Lolfestivus.

This bitch just wants 2 Run Away 4 the Day,
José

NouveauMusic Takes U On A Trip 2 Scandinavia!

Sometimes, good music surprisingly cums from America.

Most times, good music understandably cums from France/Paris.

But right now, I've fallen back in love with some of the music of Scandinavia.
Sometimes bcuz of the EnglishSpeaking UnitedStates/UK/Aussie-centric wrld that we live in, it bcums easy 2 forget about the large contribution 2 our music&culture that cums from Scandinavia.


Historically, uve obviously got ABBA from Sweden.
Love/h8/miss u ABBA. Srsly, "Knowing Me Knowing U" is 1 of my lyfe's greatest anthems.

Still undecided on how I feel about Sweden.
Visited once; it was the middle of wintr, it was rly rly cold, nd I was there with the biggest collection of CuntyMoms evr. h8 u TeenTourGroups.


Wondring if i should revisit Sweden again.
Wonder if any1 remembrs me in Stockholm.
Hoping that some of the kids I met from Uppsala let me crash in their dorms if i visit.
Thinking about taking a semester abroad at Uppsala University. Heard that the Bro who invited KaZaA nd Skype went 2 Uppsala U.
Hoping that they have a lot of lil Swedish hipsters there.

But lets move 2 the present.
From that country i visited that 1 time aka Sweden, uve got the incredible José González whose Nick Drake cover alongside The Books was recently blogged here.

From a beautiful nd debatably Scandinavian nation call'd Iceland cums the incredible Sigur Rós, probably the most famous group 2 evr cum from Iceland.
If u dont know Sigur Rós, then ur legitimately missing out on 1 of Earth's greatest musical acts.
Basically, IncredibleInstrumentals+ElectronicSounds+InsanelyHallowingVocals = Sigur Rós.

Their most notable song, nd 1 of their most beautiful, "Hoppipolla", is currently being featured in a new trailer 4 the upcuming IMAXmovie 'Earth' based on the TVseries 'Planet Earth'.
Movie.Trailer.is.Here:


Bcuz L.A. Nouveau Loves U, here's the full song 4 ur listening pleasure:

Sigur Rós - Hoppipolla

1 More Scandinavian wonder 4 u's all, originating from Norway, is Röyksopp, a rly legit electronic duo that has been around since the late 90's.
The ElectroDuo Bros made their biggest dent in 2005 with their lil album 'Melody A.M.' nd will most likely expand their awesomeness this yr with their upcoming album 'Junior'.

Love this AlbumCover.
When I someday have an AltElectronic solo band, I want my first album's AlbumArt 2 look something like this.

Nd when I someday have this AltElectronic solo band, which I plan on naming The EmphyseMamas, I want 2 create a song that's as legit/electroFun/Happy! as the first single from 'Junior': "Happy Up Here".

I ask u now 2 please enjoy "Happy Up Here" by Röyksopp.

Röyksopp - Happy Up Here

Hoping u bitches enjoyed this lil Cultural excursion 2 Scandinavia,
José

Where in the Wrld of L.A. is José?: Mali'bu

L.A. Nouveau, ur favey lil L.A.-related hipster AltLife blog proudly presents...
A Way 4 u 2 understand a lil more about where this blog cums from.
A Way 4 u 2 gather more facts about places u might want 2 go.
A Way 4 u 2 relate better 2 ur favey L.A.-based TVshows/movies/etc.
A Way 4 u 2 connect 2 the city that is Los Angeles, California.

This. Is.
Where in the Wrld of L.A. is José?


Where I will introduce u 2 a place that ive traveled 2, discovered alongside my trusty L.A. Nouveau interns, nd am bringing info back 2 u.

So on the first official post of Where in the Wrld of L.A. is José, I bring u 2 a place where the pollution of downtown is less apparent, where the hipsters usually dont venture up 2, where the ppl r often as beautiful as the oceanfront views.
I bring u 2...

The 'Bu.

Welcome 2 Malibu.


Love the SurfLife/AltLife/broLife.

The town of Malibu itself is pretty small... rly just runs along the PCH (pacific coast highway 4 all u non-LAers). Bcuz it sits right along the mountains on the coast.
There r a lot of hellz expensive homes up in these moutains.
There r a lot of hellz expensive ppl there 2.
But a trip 2 Malibu doesnt have 2 kill ur budget.

Nd while there's a lot of beautiful StatePark beaches that will cost u money 2 park nd stay, there r a few free beaches.
1 in particular, Point Dume State Beach, is totally free nd right across the street from Pepperdine University. aka Where ur slutty "pure-bred" Christian frnds all go 2 school.
Altho its a lil bit of a walk 2 the beach from the entrance 2 Point DUME, which u might b a lil sketched out by at first like we were, there r nice views, nice tidepools, nd it was pretty quiet when me + the interns were there.
Check thems out.



So aftr ur done tanning/blazing/enjoying the beach, if ur looking 2 get some grub, get ready 2 drop some dollas. Bcuz evry restaurant/eating establishmnt/etc. around the area is quite pricy, especially if its on the beach.
But sometimes scenery beats quality of food.
So if ur looking 4 some gr8 scenes, go 2 Moonshadows... a place where scholars assemble.
aka The place where that MelGibson dude got a DUI leaving from.
If ur looking 4 cheap eats, just travel down the PCH til u hit SantaMonica nd eat down there.

But prepare urself 4 some breathtaking views, beautiful ppl, nd a great day 2 enjoy the natural beauty of SouthrnCalifornia.

>>>XXX BONUS FOOTAGE FROM THE 'BU HOT CANDY XXX>>>>>





Stay fresh in LA cuz of this Bitchy Gimmick,
José

U Have the Power 2 "Win A Free Vacation"

I am in need of a vacation.
But not just any vacation.
I need a vacation from the InterWeb.

I/u’s/we all need a lil Vacation from the InterWeb.

I know it sounds scary.
Cuz srsly. What the fk r we doing if we’re not using the InterWeb?
Nd i know the fears that r running thru ur mind as I suggest this vacation.

- How am i gonna poke my bffls? I CANT LOSE THIS POKE WAR LOLZ

- How will i read about whats going on in the wrld? but by “whats going on in the wrld” i mean like where LinsdayLohan and SammyRonson were this wknd. NEED 2 KEEP TRACK OF MY FAVEY CELEBEYS LOLZ

- How will i maintain a stable relationship with my boyfrnd while he’s on patrol in Chechnya? I CANT LAST A DAY W/OUT SKYPE-BERSEX HEHE

- How will i check my stocks so i know when 2 pull out? I REFUSE 2 ADMIT THAT ITS A LIL 2 LATE 2 TAKE MY MONEYS OUT OF LEHMAN BROS LOLZ

- How am i gonna know what HipsterRunoff is bitching about? What if he cums out of the closet while I’m offline? NEED HRO’s BULLSHIT IN MY LYFE OR ELSE I WILL DECUMPOSE LOLZERS

I get ur fears. Srsly.
But i feel like im 2 controlled by the InterWeb.
I feel like ive fallen subject 2 the evils of the InterWeb.
I'm pretty sure my frnd Jesus Christ warned me about succumbing 2 the InterWeb once.
Just feel like if I cant rely/do.my.life/function without the InterWeb, then what does that say about me?

I want 2 b independent.
I want 2 b free.
I want 2 b my own Species.

I want 2 have the power 2 b free from the InterWeb.
Nd so should u.



I want 2 not b constantly worried what new ViralVideo is getting millionz of plays on the YouTube.
I want 2 not live in fear that my frnds nd familymembers r all dead bcuz they havent updated their fb status in a lil while.
I want 2 not feel like i shouldnt go 2 the gym bcuz i might get a rly important life-changing wall post in the next 30 min.
I want 2 not have 2 pray evry night that my creditcard info isnt stolen by that SwearItsFree pornsite that I "accidentally" signed up 4 a few mnths ago.

I want 2 b free from the InterWeb if i choose 2 b.
Thus, I will clrly b checking my blogstats all day, uploading new fb pixxx of my frnds at the beach/at a bar/at a new club opening/jumping off a roof, nd blogging once again l8r today.

Cant escape the bitchiness of the IntrWebbb,
José

Sweet Land of Liberty, of Thee I Blog

Oh. My. God.
It's so hot... etc etc
But srsly.
Oh. My. God.
This day is finally here.

JanuaryTwentieth is Finally Here.

No, I'm not talking about the historically significant day when Sudanese govt imposed Islamic law nationwide, creating even worsening civil war btween the Muslim north and Christian south. Lolfest. ///

No, bitches.
I'm talking about InaugurationDay2kNine.
aka the L.A. Nouveau NewsCntr presents 2day as:
The Day Barack Obama is officially my Prez.

As of 2day, as of now, as of this moment in time,
Barack.Hussein.Obama is my country's President.

Nd I couldnt b more happy/excited/relieved/empowered/spiritual/choose.ur.own.incredible.emotional.feeling.

Nd now I just wanna b part of it all.
I'm excited 4 all my hard work at getting Barry elected to b finally paid off.
Want 2 celebrate by buying novelty items 2 commemorate this day.
Want 2 join in with evry1 else as we all stand b4 the NationalMall.
Want 2 beat the crowds nd get 2 the front of the Mall so I can see Barack up close.
Want 2 host an Inauguration AftrParty in my hotel room down the street from the Capitol Bldg.
Want 2 meet up with all the BeltwayBitches that I have met ovr the yrs 2 celebrate 2gether.



Want 2 take a train tour down the WestCoast like Obama did on the EastCoast so that evry1 can meet me/get 2 know me/get my autograph/understand my leadership qualities/b part of the spiritual moment that I will supply 2 them.
Srsly. I have the power 2 b the next spiritual awakening. Nd so u do.

BarackObama, U rly r inspiring.
Thnx 4 giving me hope that as a Human of nonBland ancestory, I can still succeed.
Hope u's will still read L.A. Nouveau aftr finding out that my ancestory isnt blander than a Chicken.Mayo.Cheese.Sandwich.onWhiteBread.

Also, a just as wondrful aspect of 2day: Dubya is ovr.
The bullshit last 8yrs is finally ovr.
The fear I have 4 that whole administration is now lifted.
The dumbest prezzy evr, except 4 maybe Millard Fillmore (what a lil skeeze), is finally DUNZO.



Trying 2 figure out how much time its gonna take 4 my life 2 get superbly bettr now that Bush is out of the WhiteHouse.
Will all my dreams quickly cum true?
Will I get that payraise that I've always wanted?
Will more ppl accept my political identification now?
Will the whole sky fill up with blueishgreenishaqua clouds that will pour out happiness nd sunshine?
Will evryday b like another day in Coto de Caza?
** TEASER possible-future-"Where in the Wrld of L.A. is José"-location TEASER**

Just cant wait 2 not have 2 say PresidentElect Obama.
So brilliantly happy that its now just "President Obama".

Cum on get happy my bitches,
José

Pack Ur Bags nd Let the Problems Begin

I love going back nd forth from LA to NYC.
I h8 that I don’t get 2 do it more often.
Both r the best.
But in the most diffrnt ways ever.
LA is my new home. My new joint. My gr8 escape. My nouveau-ness.
But NYC will always b my love. My babygirl. My bff who Ill never 4get.

In othr words:
///My soul needs LA, but my heart needs NYC.///

Thinking about scientifically dividing myself into 2 diffrnt humans, 1 that has my soul, the othr that has my heart, so they can exist in the places that each respective part of me needs 2 live.

Bcuz while having access 2 both cities nd living around both is fantastic, the traveling backndforth is clearly a pain.
Nd there r plenty of things that contribute 2 this pain.
But 2day I’d like 2 discuss one component:
Packing.

That’s right.
4get the flights.
4get the airport security.
4get the terrorist threats.
4get the traffic bullshit.
4get the stupidity of travelers who have no idea what the fk they’re doing.

4 now, I’m just talking about Packing.
aka
- Sorting thru ur attic/basement/crawlspace 2 find all ur suitcases.
- Finally finding the right piece of luggage.
- Going thru ur drawers 2 decide whats worth bringing.
- Rummaging thru ur closets 2 find even more junk thats not in ur drawers.
- Deciding whethr ur rly going 2 wear that jacket in LA/those flipflops in NYC.
- Feeling attached 2 certain items even if they’re rly heavy.
- Overpacking/underpacking. Evrytime.
- 4getting shit at home but being 2 far away 2 double back.
- Having 2 empty shit from ur bag when u get 2 the airport cuz its 52lbs instead of 50.
- Cramming so much shit in ur CarryOn that ur shoulders break.
- Trying 2 avoid having 2 check bags bcuz of the long wait once u get 2 ur destination.

Packing=So Many Steps/Obstacles.

Nd now that I have junk in both locales it’s bcuming even worse.
I find myself wondring:
Do I have enuf fancy shirts in LA?
Shud I leave this many flannels back east?
Will I have enuf shaving gel out west 2 not need 2 pack more?
Shud I rly bring all this haircare crap home?

Packing=So Many Questions.

Also, the anxiety over what u packed bcums problematic too.
Like, will the airport security ppl think this torpedo-shaped hairdryer is a weapon?
Nd even more importantly, is my wardrobe gonna look super cracked out bcuz I 4got certain items in NY?
Am I gonna have 2 change my whole look bcuz I packed 2 many baggy jeans?

Will I have 2 take my life bcuz my poor judgements in packing led me 2 wind up with only the following outfit:


Nothing could b worse. Nd when I say worse, I secretly mean better.
Maybe I should take this twinksky's fashion advice.
Nd afterward I'll "accidentally" end my time here on earth.

Packing is
The worst//The best//Not a big deal//Choose.ur.own.response.

Bitchly roaming in the sky,
José

The Way U Move Along Those Tracks Gets Me Hot

I have huge nuze.
Like, this shit is gonna blow ur minds.
I, José, am in love.

Yes, the angsty bitch that is José has fallen in love.
Nd let me tell u who im in love with:
 Publik Transportation.

That’s right. I fking love publik transportation.
As I sit here about 2 board a train, I have realized how wondrful publik transportation rly is.

Ok so maybe I should narrow my love for Publik Transportation down to specifically trains/LiteRail/Monorail/Hydrarail/amtrak nd other rail-related forms of transport.
The idea of getting off the road nd not being in a car-like automotive vehicle, yet still getting 2 my destination, is a total brainfk/mindtrip/ascend 2 greatness.
In othr words: Trains = nirvana.

Nd who doesn’t want 2 bcum enlightened these days?
 Evrybody’s doing it.
Madonna nd othrs thru Kaballah.
TommyCruise nd othrs thru Scientology.
MyNextDoorNeighbor nd othrs thru DumpstrDiving.
Evry1’s looking 4 that spiritual awakening.

Nd riding train-like/tram-like publik transportation is it.

Now I’d b lying if i said 2 u that i was actually this enlightened by the trains that run from my formr-home 2 NYC that I regularly take when im back east.
Thats bcuz thats not the train im about 2 ride.
Im about 2 ride the train 2... Miami.

Yes sirs and maams.
Realized yestrday aftr my Getaway post that I needed my own getaway.
So im off 2 Miami, Florida.

Y Miami?
Bcuz Ive got frnds there.
Bcuz its sunny nd warm there.
Bcuz the girls/gheys r rockin’ there.
Bcuz the LatinoMusic makes me wanna dance/groove/salsa/boogie/rump.
Bcuz the Atlantic is so much warmr than the Pacific right now.
Bcuz the NightLife is fresh as hell nd I’m not scared that I’m gonna run in2 Paris/Nicole/Lindsay/that Kardashian girl.

So while im actually enjoying Miami, I’ll let u enjoy a hot new CUMPLETELY TRASHY track my peers hav been getting nasty 2 lately by a new electro-rap-trashcore duo named LMFAO.
The song is calld “I’m In Miami Bitch”.
I guess u could say that it is the perfect song 2 describe my life right now.
Sry haters.

LMFAO - I'm In Miami Bitch

I’m srsly in Miami BITCH,
José

Ur Nouveau TravelAgency has Arrived.

Getaways r the best.
Now don't get me wrong, love L.A.
I am ridiculously in love with the dirty bullsht that is LosAngeles,California.

But sometimes its nice 2 get away from it all.
2 get away from the drama.
2 get away from the erratic nd problematic evryday dealings of life.
2 get away from the CuntyMoms/SlutBags/DirtDevils/BroHoHoes.

As we all (w'all?) know, traveling around the holiday season is quite the adventure.
But regardless, aftr a yr full of more change, life changes nd transitions than evr b4, i think i, along with all u's, deserve a much needed break.

Now theres a lot of places where u/I/we/ could go.
W'all r so lucky that America is such a big country.
So many exciting places 2 go.

Now I know u could b thinking that ur ideal getaway is not necessarily in the USofA.
Maybe its Italy, maybe its Jakarta, maybe its some r&r in the Uzbek.
But right now, my fellow cuntrymen/cuntymen, if ur gonna take some LongWkndGetaway, u rly oughta do it in this bitch of a country.

Cuz America needs ur dollers.
Ur dough.
Ur pocketchange.
Ur earnings from the gold earrings u sold back to that GetRichQuik infomercial.

Cuz I have some big nuze 2 share with u.
We're in an economic crisis.

I know, ur freaking out, ur shocked, u just pissed urself nd now ur frnds r staring at the puddle undr ur feet.
But its srsly true, ur frnd UnkleSam is going thru some super rough times right now.
Nd he's looking 4 some monetary help.
Basically, in this little situation, u in college = UnkleSam nd ur parents = u. Get that?

R my metaphors too abstract for u's?

I'll try 2 tone that shit down. My b. (An ethnic frnd taught me this expression 2day, did i use it correctly?)

Back 2 the Big News. The economic crisis thing.
Instead of hopping off 2 the South Sandwich Islands, W'all gotta stay in the US this yr.
It's just the responsible feasable thing 2 do. As Friendly Fires nd Au Revior Simone say, "Someday we're gonna live in Paris, I promise, I'm on it, when I'm bringing in the money, I promise, I'm on it." But right now, it's just not a good time.
I promise. Someday. Maybe in 2Zro10. Lets hope we can.

But 4 now, its time to settle 4 somewhere in the good ol' United St8s.
Here r some suggestions based on my generalizations of diffrnt kinds of Americans.

- 4 the NeoLibrals: Portland, Oregon.
Totally urban but totally green, totally libral, totally funky fun, totally upbeat, totally chilly, totally Totttallly.

- 4 the Cumplete Hippy: SanFrancisco nd Berkeley, California.
Weed. Head shops. Chinatown. More weed. Alkatraz. Hemp evrything. Hemp wallets, hemp coats, hemp cars, hemp guns. Gotta love that shit.

- 4 the Pop Culture Circa 2008 Lover: Wasila, Alaska.
See the town that started it all. H8 her/miss hr/h8 her. Waiting 4 her talk show career. I will so watch the 1st episode of that.

- 4 the SouthernCharm-needy: Charleston, South Carolina.
In all seriousness, this city is great. Went 2 yrs ago nd would love 2 go back. Total southrn hospitality meets hip normal urban city meets confederate history. It really doesn't get much better.

- 4 the ColdHeartedBitch: Camden, New Jersey.
This will immediately straighten u up. Plus the Aquarium is a gr8 place 2 bring the kids. Nd it has a nice view of the Philly pollution, drug dealings nd gang wars.

Hope that was helpful.
Trying 2 help out this country of ours.
Trying 2 supply u with the most current news that affects ur life.

Which brings me LastButNotLeast 2 reveal a new L.A. Nouveau PostTheme:


Looking 2 put the NewsCntr in full swing in this upcoming NewYr. So Get Excited. !.

Thinking of adding a new travel advice/recreational advice/life advice in 2ZroZro9.

Bitch City,
José

A New Way 2 Add Spice 2 Ur Life

Looking 4 some excitement? Having a craving 4 some unexpected surprises 2 cum ur way? Well besides hitting up my frnd's roommate 4 some 3-way action with her cousin, I have another fantastical answer:
Travel.

Like, in the U.S.
Around the holidays.
In this crazy G0d-loving, Hummr-hugging, LilWayne-tugging, peen-rubbing country of ours, there is no time more exciting/tumultuous/nerve-wracking 2 fly than from Thnxgiving thru NewYrz, a time that WalMart/BestestBuy/Targèe/amzon.com likes 2 call the "holiday season". In case u werent aware b4. I'm starting 2 4get what ppl know and don't. Lo siento. (Thats spansh 4 sry, in case u were once again unaware... this shits like 4th grade all ovr again)

But anyways, let me tell u, there is excitement and surprises galore this time of yr.
Let me share with u a few of mine from the last 2 days of travel.

- I was surprised 2 find that apparently not all humans were taught to walk/move/get the fk out of the way. Did u know that? Has evry1 always known this bsides me?
R ppl divided into classes of walkers vs. non-walkers, nd I had no clue this whole time?
Will prejudice against walkers by non-walkers b the new racism of 0h-9?

- Flight attendants make great best frnds. Like, if u need a quick bestie fix, find the nuttiest crew membr of the bunch, make a lot of eye contact, ask 4 help a lot, tell him/her how much ur digging his/her little wings pin, nd get ready 4 the best several-hr frndship evr.
I love u/miss u Pearle. Thnx AirTrans. Who knew transferring in Atlanta could b so fun and rewarding? Thought it would just b an awk-fest.
Got worried that some Georgia-based haters wud b waiting 4 me at the terminal, ready 2 take my lyfe. Thnx 4 not harming me 2 much, ATL-former-H8rs.

- Security ppl can actually be nice.
I know. Weird as fk.
But it happened.
This morning.
She smiled at me, said she liked my name, made a joke 2 the lady in front of me about pulling her aside cuz she was skeptical of her identity but immediately said "JK!" LOLzers.


Well doesn't he look frndly? Way 2 work ur magic with the kids, son.

So I'm still trying 2 figure out if i was ok with this whole TSA-being-nice-2-me ordeal.
I mean, friendliness is always cool. But it was like, whoa, since when r u friendly?
Nd why? Whats the hidden agenda here?
R u trying 2 get me 2 fess up 2 some illegal shit that im bringing on board?
Is this the Govmnt/Fedsies new way of figuring out who the bad guys r on my plane?

Now that i think about it, should i even b allowed to "BlogOnBoard"?
Is it legal 4 me 2 be blogging up in the sky?
Am I allowed 2 express angst/hipster rage/my problemz while im in the plane?
Getting super nervous.
Now i'm scared shitless, kids.

Aborting this post b4 its 2 late.

But srsly,
Holiday travels.
Fill me in about urs.
How was that 3-day stay in Minneapolis? Heard they have some nice Marriotts ther.
How was ur road trip 2 Bosnia? Miss it there... plz fill me in.
Por favor. (In spnsh that means please... love this whole 4th grade memries thing)
Commnt this shit.

Stay betchtastically fly in the sky,
José

Dreams of Jet Setting 4 1 Nite Only

Fk Black Friday.
While sex-crazed moms and economic-depression-unaffected husbands will be waking up at 4am to storm their nearest Target SuperCenter or WalMart UltraBig GrandeLatteLard-Infused-Madness MegaStore,
While insecure twenty-sumthng sluts will be flocking to their fave fitness clubs to work off all the turkey stuffng gravy cranberry shauce,
While 8yrold boys will sit in front of the televij in their hipster onesies becuming more braindead by the second from cartoons and othr nonsense,
While former high school students will lounge around in their big houses fresh from their beloved universities wonderng what hot popular skank is gonna have a thrashin party tonite,

I will sit and be pissed as fk. Bcuz all I want to do is be in Paris.
That's right, Paris.

For those of u who read this blog well enuf to know me, u might be thinkng "Wait, I thought u desperately wanted to go back to LA..."

Nd while this is true, and I strongly commend u for ur perceptiveness and keenness of my hipster desires, I have to inform u that it is PARIS that I want to go to right now.
More than anythng.
Just for one night.
One Night in Paris. (Not like the Paris Hilton sex tape, altho I could easily accomodate that as well...)
Why do I so desperately crave One Night in Paris?
Here's ur answer.:

UFFIE.
Live.
Tmrw night (Friday nite, Nov 28)

Uffie - Pop the Glock

It gets better.
SANTOGOLD.
Live.
Tmrw nite.

Santogold - Lights Out

It keeps getting better.
DIPLO.

Diplo - Diplo Rhythm

Doesn't stop there.
CHAIRLIFT.

Chairlift - Bruises

The four. All togethr. In Paris. At Le Showcase. With Uffie. Without José.

Again, that's one event, at Le Showcase, with Santogold/Diplo/Chairlift/UFFIE.

Bcuz this is the most epic hipster thng to happen since Welcum Home DJ AM (which as u hopefully know I more than attended), and since it is in the city that I have always dreamed of being a part of, and since the hipster inside me screams for random EuroAdventures, and since my mom (yes, I have a Mom.. but we'll discuss her more latr) just got back from Paris, and since I LIVE FOR UFFIE, and since Santogold, Diplo, and Chairlift are 3 of my othr faves right now,
the idea of this concert occurring without me makes me feel the following sentiment:
I. Want. To. Melt. Into. The. Earth. nd. Decompose.


To conclude, I'd like to switch the saying up:
Bitch, you are my death lover,
José

Displacemnt, Containmnt, Txs.

LAnvo is officially temporarily displaced.

Consequently, now wud be a good time for tears.
Cuz I bring u this post from Texas. Txs.
Except, I know this sounds kind of ignornt, but i thought most of Txs was Hot. Like temperature-wise. Cuz nothng much else about it is.
But srsly, it is not hot here right now.
And when I say "not hot," I mean it's literally under 40º F.

LA might have a shit ton of problms, but at least the idea that it's a warm place actually holds true... unlike this shitshow lay-over locale.

And it's this myth of Txs wthr that makes u think...
What if all the othr nasty rumors surrounding Txs aren't really true?
What if there are actually some smart ppl that live here?
What if evryone isn't another Dubya?
What if some of the people here actually embrace cultural diversity?
What if Txns actually think of themselves as Americans first?
What if I cud raise a family here without being worried that my kids would turn into cowboys?
What if Txs is actually the best new indie quick-wknd-getaway place to hit the scene since Vegas nd Cleveland?


Cud this actually one day be possible? Cud George Walker Bush's exit from the Whte House and Obama's entry bring the kind of change that could enable Txs to emerge as "cool," "chic," or even, dare I say, "ALTRNATIVE?"

But srsly, with the economy currently skydiving without a parachute off the Sears Twr hoping to take a voyage to purgatory, long fancy vacations are on the way out.
But with the stress level of humans worldwide being shot out of a ultra-powerd cannon that launches shit at a million mph where the wind feels like a gravel sidewalk against ur face, ppl will need more short, stress-relieving breaks, aka WKND GETAWAYZ.

Which leads me to ponder about wht the new hot spot wknd getaways will be in the nxt year or two... could it be Txs?
Or maybe Long Beach?
Or maybe, just maybe, I'll hope and pray... Sarasota?!?!
Whts ur thoughts? Fill me in on any future hot spot wknd getaway leads that u might have.
COMMNT AWAY.

TXS MTHRFKR DTH U R M BTCH LVR,
José

Music is my... Among other actions

I've promised a lot of people lately that I would burn them mp3 CDs.   Why mp3 CD's?  Because you can therefore fit a crapload more songs onto one CD and they're all in mp3 file form.

But after thinking over this, I wonder: 

Does this seem super selfish of me?  

is this just me wanting to save blank CD's and not wanting to spend all my time burning mix after mix when hardly anyone is going to actually play the mix on a CD player anyway?

The answer, my friends, is NO.  It's not even remotely selfish.

Cuz A. I'm still burning ur sorry ass a CD, and instead of just twenty songs, you get over one hundred. 

And second of all, I'm going in and reformatting all my precious songs to mp3 format from AAC format like i used to have them just so I can make a damn mp3 CD on iTunes.

So thank me, children.

Speak praises around me in regards to my passion for bringing good music to the masses.

Also... I'm totally stealing this from 1. Hipster Runoff and 2. all the hypemachine posts that have had this song lately, but it brilliantly describes your and my potential lives that we could someday achieve together, or separately if you really want... I mean that's cool, I won't be offended or anything.  But back to this song...

I was gonna post it weeks ago when I first found it, but i didn't have a blog.

And now i do.

So this is Au Revoir Simone doing a remix/cover of a song by The Friendly Fires called "Paris"... and it's wondrful.

Listen and love away.

Bitch, I'd Tap Corrina Harney!

José