This is an L.A. Nouveau NewsCntr SPECIAL REPORT. [Dramatic musical intro] I begin this new chapter in the L.A. Nouveau life feeling Inspired/Scared/Determined. While there r lots of diffrnt issues/ideas/parties/drugs I want 2 explore via L.A. Nouveau, i feel that as a lil citizen of this planet, it is my duty 2 speak on Earth's behalf nd discuss The Environment // nd Climate Change.
Cuz even if ur 1 of those "I dont believe in science cuz scientist r liars" ppl who dont believe in human-impacted global warming [nd if u are 1 of these ppl, we should have a lil chat 1 of these days], who doesnt love the environment? Who doesnt love beautiful pristine beaches? Who doesnt love rainforests teeming with wildlife? Who doesnt love having fresh air 2 breathe?
Want 2 share with u's a poem that a good frnd wrote about his/her environmentally-related fears:
2 Whom It May Concern (I hope this won't be returned) We have known each other 4 thousands of yrs Now I come 2 u eyes filled with tears Stinging from gases you put in my sky Clogging my lungs as they come 2 lie. Causing temperature changes, first cold then hot by clear-cutting my trees; wheres the next spot? This is getting me dizzy, now I'm starting 2 feel faint, Drinking from rivers & lakes, with chemicals u did taint. For so many years I thought we got along. What happened? What did I do wrong? Please, please get this on time Your precious resources are my vital signs...
Whats so incredible/important about being more eco-frndly/pro-Environment is that it effects so many diffrent things. Yes, there's the preservation of the planet. Yes, there's 'saving the rainforests'. But just as importantly, - It affects our health. Cuz breathing toxins/acid rain/pollution will give us cancer, harm our bodies, maybe even make us eventually mutate, etc. - It affects our economy. Cuz GREEN JOBS = the future. Creating green jobs will boost our HotMess economy. Investing money in2 sustainable solutions will save our resources nd will thus save us money in the future. - It affects our role in the lil international community. Cuz othr countries will trust us more if we are aiding them 2 take on sustainability projects/help 2 give them the resources they need 2 be more sustainable. Nd the reason many nations dont rly like the USofA is bcuz of how much we exploit their resources/dump cheap labor jobs in2 their countries, which creates huge messes nd othr problems. Nd if we change these environmentally-harmful industries 2 b more sustainable, other nations will want 2 do business with us more. Which ultimately helps National Security too.
I know that this is some high-level-thinking-stuff-right-here. But its time 2 start making some changes.
This past wknd, approx12thousand students got 2gether in our nations lil capitol 2 discuss Environmental justice nd sustainability in the future, nd marched 2 Barack Obama's white-colored House to voice their concerns, nd lobbied on Congress 2 tell their lil Senators/Representativemens/Representativeladieloves 2 do more 4 the environment.
Video/pic footage of kids marching to Barack's house here:
Nd after this Powershift conference nd more, I declare that the Environmental Revolution has begun.
Which is why as of 2day, 3.2.9, a new featurette has cum 2 L.A. Nouveau which will look 2 talk more about the Environment, more about EcoChic music/fashion/art, more about how w'all can b more sustainable, nd more about ur lil personal efforts 2 make this Planet a healthy place 4 all humans 2 live.
EcoNouveau is here. \\\ Literally translating 2 EcoNew, this seems like an appropriate title in reference 2 this new Green movement nd all the ways w'all can make New more sustainable living habits. Want 2 hear from u's all about what ur doing 2 save the Planet. Want 2 know what are ur concerns 4 the future. Want 2 spread Environmental Love 2 all the bitches, José
Welcum back Moms+bros alike 2 the L.A. Nouveau NewsCntr:keeping u updated with the Wrld.
Found out some sleazy nuze this morning. By now u may have seen the photo that is bumpin' nd grindin' All-Ovr-the-Interweb right now. I'm talking about the photo of evry1's favey lil swimmer Michael Phelps.
N0, not this spotted: lilPhelps aka I.can.see.ur.peen photo.
NO, not this TRL-grrls want 2 touch ur BellyButton picture. H8ed/miss u TotalRequestLive. Wondering what the No.1 music viddy wud have been 2day if TRL was still around... probably that My.Life.Wud.SUCK.Without.U song that evry1's been talking about / ive been blogging about.
NO ! NO ! NO !, i mean its cool that Phelpy-phelp is down with the AZNs, but srsly, none of these r the photo that i was referring 2.
Gonna explain the photo 2 u nd then it'll b posted at the end. The photo, which hardly even looks that much like Mike , contains Michael Phelps... brace urselvs... hitting up a bong. Like, of weed. Nd the press is going nuts. Some headlines I found 4 u's this morning:
- "Michael Phelps' Big Bong Theory" - "Phelps Apologizes for Dopey Move" - "Michael Phelps' Bong Incident: Are We To Blame?" - "Phelps' Reputation Up In Smoke" and my personal fave: - "Michael Phelps' Pot Photo: When Kids' Heroes Fall"
So, I have a confession. Not gonna lie anymore. I was nevr a big MichaelPhelpsFan. Ive always had some respect 4 Phelps. I mean, he's a good kid nd all. But I never rly liked him that much. Kinda borderline h8ed him. Just felt like he never "got" me. I imagined that if we were 2 go on a lunch date evr, it probably wouldnt go well.
But thnx 2 the surfacing of this photo, I have 1 thing 2 say: Phelps: Love u. No longer h8 u at all. Not even a lil. Id like 2 conclude with a letter i just wrote 2 Michael Phelps.
Dear Mikey, This is José. U know, the 1 from L.A. Nouveau. I just wanted 2 Thank u. But srsly. Thnx 4 being a Real Human. Nd I wanted 2 say Im sry. Sry that u have 2 hand out all these fake apologies 2 the NewsMediaFacist wrld. I promise that if u ever cum 2 do an interview 4 the L.A. Nouveau NewsCenter that u would never have 2 give me any fake apologies. Hope u can sleep easier 2nite. Knowing that a hipster blogger now loves u. Knowing that ppl now can relate better 2 u. Knowing that I "get" u. Glad 4 u that u have Weed in ur life 2 sometimes use on a once-in-a-while recreational basis. Happy 4 u that u dont have 2 b in the closet about it anymore. Hope 4 u that this doesnt stop u from getting high in the future. Thnx again.
Swim On. Fight On. Beat the CuntyMoms aka MainstreamMedia.
With ruv, José
This.is.the.Photo.that.Ive.Been.Discussing.About
What wud u write 2 Michael Phelps? Leave a comment of what u would write below nd maybe I'll send it on to him as a P.S. from my lil letter.
Oh. My. God. It's so hot... etc etc But srsly. Oh. My. God. This day is finally here.
JanuaryTwentieth is Finally Here.
No, I'm not talking about the historically significant day when Sudanese govt imposed Islamic law nationwide, creating even worsening civil war btween the Muslim north and Christian south. Lolfest. ///
No, bitches. I'm talking about InaugurationDay2kNine. aka the L.A. Nouveau NewsCntr presents 2day as: The Day Barack Obama is officially my Prez.
As of 2day, as of now, as of this moment in time, Barack.Hussein.Obama is my country's President.
Nd I couldnt b more happy/excited/relieved/empowered/spiritual/choose.ur.own.incredible.emotional.feeling.
Nd now I just wanna b part of it all. I'm excited 4 all my hard work at getting Barry elected to b finally paid off. Want 2 celebrate by buying novelty items 2 commemorate this day. Want 2 join in with evry1 else as we all stand b4 the NationalMall. Want 2 beat the crowds nd get 2 the front of the Mall so I can see Barack up close. Want 2 host an Inauguration AftrParty in my hotel room down the street from the Capitol Bldg. Want 2 meet up with all the BeltwayBitches that I have met ovr the yrs 2 celebrate 2gether.
Want 2 take a train tour down the WestCoast like Obama did on the EastCoast so that evry1 can meet me/get 2 know me/get my autograph/understand my leadership qualities/b part of the spiritual moment that I will supply 2 them. Srsly. I have the power 2 b the next spiritual awakening. Nd so u do.
BarackObama, U rly r inspiring. Thnx 4 giving me hope that as a Human of nonBland ancestory, I can still succeed. Hope u's will still read L.A. Nouveau aftr finding out that my ancestory isnt blander than a Chicken.Mayo.Cheese.Sandwich.onWhiteBread.
Also, a just as wondrful aspect of 2day: Dubya is ovr. The bullshit last 8yrs is finally ovr. The fear I have 4 that whole administration is now lifted. The dumbest prezzy evr, except 4 maybe Millard Fillmore (what a lil skeeze), is finally DUNZO.
Trying 2 figure out how much time its gonna take 4 my life 2 get superbly bettr now that Bush is out of the WhiteHouse. Will all my dreams quickly cum true? Will I get that payraise that I've always wanted? Will more ppl accept my political identification now? Will the whole sky fill up with blueishgreenishaqua clouds that will pour out happiness nd sunshine? Will evryday b like another day in Coto de Caza? ** TEASER possible-future-"Where in the Wrld of L.A. is José"-location TEASER**
Just cant wait 2 not have 2 say PresidentElect Obama. So brilliantly happy that its now just "President Obama".
I can't help but love/h8 fb. I'd b lying if I said it didn't make my social existence easier. I know what events r going on. I know who was at who's shindig. I know who broke up with who. I know when former-prepsters decide 2 bcum hipster. Etc.
Nd while I use it a lot less now than I may have used 2, I still feel like it has a huge place in my interweb-related life. But something ive been struggling with 4 the last few days is how many frnds i have. I think I have 2 many frnds. I know I have 2 many frnds.
I look on my nuzefeed nd wind up seeing ppl that I dont even know/remember. I begin asking myself all these questions about their relation 2 me. "Did i go 2 highschool with them back in the day?" "Were they in one of my 250 person-sized lectures in college?" "Did they work at the same job as me at some point?" "R they a frnd of a frnd who wanted 2 check me out?" "R they even a real person or did my sketch Indian frnd make them up?"
With these questions nd more, I decided that I should probably take a few hrs 2 go thru my frnds nd delete the ones that I rly don't know/don't care about. But then I felt funny about it. Is that morally acceptable? What if they want 2 reconnect with me in the future? Am I limiting myself from finding a possible frnd/ally/hookup?
But then this morning, as I debated the question further, I happened 2 stumble upon the weirdest//greatest//saddest fb app that has evr cum 2 surface. Nd in an effort 2 best discuss it, I WELCUM U 2 ANOTHR EDITION OF the L.A. NOUVEAU NEWSCNTR.
So back 2 this story we're following here at the NewsCntr HeadQuartrs. The weirdest//greatest//saddest fb app that has evr cum 2 surface. What is it, u might ask?
I present 2 u: WHOPPER SACRIFICE. A FB app made by the BurgerKing dining establishment.
In an effort 2 go viral/b cool/"connect" 2 us interweb lovers on a deeper lvl, BurgerKing has created this latest dysfunctional InterwebMeme in the form of a fb app. The idea is that the fastfood obesityteeming burgerjoint will send u a coupon 4 a FREE WHOPPER... if u "sacrifice" aka delete 10 of ur fb frnds. But the catch is that the ppl who u "sacrifice" can b made aware that u deleted them cuz the names of the ppl u delete show up in ur/their fb feed. U can probly delete it, but idk 4 sure. U can check out the app nd how it works urself. Must I do evrything 4 u ppl?
I s'pose this gimmick thus calls upon the age old question: Whats more important, ur frnds or free food?
But srsly. While at first this sounds like the dumbest thing evr, I was planning 2 delete some peeps anyway. Should I just delete 10 so i can get a free burger? Is it worth having 10 totally random strangers who I dont even rly know find out that I deleted them so I can score a coupon that im never gonna use anyway? Guess I could give the free burger coupon 2 a frnd as a present.
On the othr hand, drawing attention 2 ppl that I hardly know on fb will be totally awk. Like, biggest awkfest evr. Should I instead choose ppl that I know rly well so its not as awk nd then just frndRequest them again latr? Will this b more acceptable//more funny//the more "in" thing 2 do?
This app has created so many questions/so much confusion 4 me nd my fb dilemma. What would u's do? Help me out here. Would any of u's care if some1 unfrnded u just 2 get a free whopper? Would u do this 2 any of ur close frnds, would u do this 2 random ppl, would u do this at all?
A great quality aka Epic Post is the best. But what's sometimes even bettr than an Epic Post itself are Epic Commnts that awesome ppl leave on posts.
Nd I'd like 2 share a recent comment left on a post published right b4 the NewYr. On Twelve/ThirtyOne/0h-8, use-r-name RRR commented with the following. First he/she/it wrote: "p0st m0re NewsCntr, love how it feels like "deep socio-political commentary". only reason why i read LANouveau."
This is good 2 know, nd the NewsCntr is something u will c a lot more of in the 2kNines. But the real greatness of his/hur/itz comment was the following: "biggest question yall: why is the BlogTitle frenchish and the AuthorName spanish? just want 2 warn u this is a question u will face when ur blog becomes read in more than four states. could be a chance for u 2 answer w/ something a) witty b) clever c) sarcastic d) indicative of ur PersonalBrand e) choose.your.own.response." Thus I'd like 2 address this question that I have yet 2 answer. Nd in answering the question, i'm gonna go with options b, d, e, nd a little bit of a&c.
So here's the deal. The name of this blog is Frenchish. The AuthorName is Spanishh. The posts r written in English, or some sort of awk//futureistic//txty//bitchy AltEnglish.
Nd this is bcuz L.A. Nouveau, written by José in the AltEnglish language, is an embodyment of all cultures//species//locales//wrlds. Evry1 is part of this blog in their own special way.
Whethr u read it religiously, have written posts 4 it, comment on it, or merely glance at it ever so often, dont click any of the links, dont dwnload any of the music, nd basically just take this shit 4 granted, ur still a part of this Nouveau-ness. Cuz Nouveau=New. Nd José=U.
As I so often love 2 say: I is u nd u is me nd 2gether, we are yall.
Nd although none of the above was rly big news, I'm officially declaring this post part of the NewsCntr, just because A. ppl clearly want more, nd second of all, IDK what the fk is wrong with the website fileden, but basically all the music that you know nd love on this blog is temporarily not working. If this isn't automatically fixed by the morning, I will launch a war on Fileden.com. Swear2Allah I will. Thus, I feel that by informing u of the mp3 situation, I have delivered u some nuze/news.
P.S. btw in response 2 the comment by RRR that only 4 states read this blog: 4 ur Info 34 of the 50 U-S states read L.A. Nouveau. Nd even bettr, 33 countries around the wrld read L.A. Nouveau. Necessary shoutouts 2 theUK, Canada, Germ'ny nd PoPoland nd Australia, the countries that read L.A. Nouveau most bsides the USofA. \\\\ Holler at yall. \\\\
Point is, prices r fking ridiculously low. Especially when considering that prices were more than triple what they are now even 4 mnths ago.Way 2 b bizarre, 2ZroZro8.
But srsly, back in July, when I needed 2 fill my halfJapanese/quarterAmerican/onefifthsEuropeanUnion-made tank, I would stop by my ever-so-friendly neighborhood ExxonMobil SuperFillerUpperStation, ask them for $20 worth of regular sludge, nd wound up getting literally 5 gallonz worth. Now in Decmbr, when I stop by the new Valero/WaWa/Quiker-Than-Evr-Mart that they built on that abandoned meth lab, nd I hand that crumbled coke-filled 20 dollar bill over, I now fill pretty much my entire tank. Now that shit’s hilarious.
Nd I know ur happy about this dramatic gas price decrease, u little guzzlers u. But there’s some srsly shitty aspects of these low prices. Mostly bcuz it distracts us/theGovt/urMom from the real issue at hand: AltEnergy.
In 0h-9, we need 2 focus less on AltBros nd more on AltEnergy. We need 2 b way more energy indie nd less energy dependie. Wanting 2 see the change. Feeling like JohnMayer over here. Keeping on waiting.
But srsly, now that gas prices are low again, ppl r starting 2 feel all “ok” about buying shit tons of gas again. Nd this must b stopped. Like, pronto.Bcuz it’s distracting us from making a change.
Wishing 4 the Greenest 2ZroZro9 ever. Nd speaking of green, we all (w’all)’s need 2 check out a rly amazing website/blog/interweb thing called inhabitat. It’s a website that is regularly updated with rly cool/neat-o environmentally friendly inventions/stuff nd ways 2 b more ecofriendly. L.A. Nouveau highly recommends this shit.
Wishing that I went 2 Weed High. Srsly. It exists. In wayyyyyyyyNorthernCalifornia. Like, on the border with Oregon. B the bitch u want 2 see in the wrld, José
Getaways r the best. Now don't get me wrong, love L.A. I am ridiculously in love with the dirty bullsht that is LosAngeles,California.
But sometimes its nice 2 get away from it all. 2 get away from the drama. 2 get away from the erratic nd problematic evryday dealings of life. 2 get away from the CuntyMoms/SlutBags/DirtDevils/BroHoHoes.
As we all (w'all?) know, traveling around the holiday season is quite the adventure. But regardless, aftr a yr full of more change, life changes nd transitions than evr b4, i think i, along with all u's, deserve a much needed break.
Now theres a lot of places where u/I/we/ could go. W'all r so lucky that America is such a big country. So many exciting places 2 go. Now I know u could b thinking that ur ideal getaway is not necessarily in the USofA. Maybe its Italy, maybe its Jakarta, maybe its some r&r in the Uzbek. But right now, my fellow cuntrymen/cuntymen, if ur gonna take some LongWkndGetaway, u rly oughta do it in this bitch of a country.
Cuz America needs ur dollers. Ur dough. Ur pocketchange. Ur earnings from the gold earrings u sold back to that GetRichQuik infomercial.
Cuz I have some big nuze 2 share with u. We're in an economic crisis. I know, ur freaking out, ur shocked, u just pissed urself nd now ur frnds r staring at the puddle undr ur feet. But its srsly true, ur frnd UnkleSam is going thru some super rough times right now. Nd he's looking 4 some monetary help. Basically, in this little situation, u in college = UnkleSam nd ur parents = u.Get that? R my metaphors too abstract for u's?
I'll try 2 tone that shit down. My b. (An ethnic frnd taught me this expression 2day, did i use it correctly?)
Back 2 the Big News.The economic crisis thing. Instead of hopping off 2 the South Sandwich Islands, W'all gotta stay in the US this yr. It's just the responsible feasable thing 2 do.As Friendly Fires nd Au Revior Simone say, "Someday we're gonna live in Paris, I promise, I'm on it, when I'm bringing in the money, I promise, I'm on it." But right now, it's just not a good time. I promise. Someday. Maybe in 2Zro10. Lets hope we can. But 4 now, its time to settle 4 somewhere in the good ol' United St8s. Here r some suggestions based on my generalizations of diffrnt kinds of Americans.
- 4 the Cumplete Hippy: SanFrancisco nd Berkeley, California. Weed. Head shops. Chinatown. More weed. Alkatraz. Hemp evrything. Hemp wallets, hemp coats, hemp cars, hemp guns. Gotta love that shit.
- 4 the Pop Culture Circa 2008 Lover: Wasila, Alaska. See the town that started it all. H8 her/miss hr/h8 her. Waiting 4 her talk show career. I will so watch the 1st episode of that.
- 4 the SouthernCharm-needy: Charleston, South Carolina. In all seriousness, this city is great. Went 2 yrs ago nd would love 2 go back. Total southrn hospitality meets hip normal urban city meets confederate history. It really doesn't get much better. - 4 the ColdHeartedBitch: Camden, New Jersey. This will immediately straighten u up. Plus the Aquarium is a gr8 place 2 bring the kids. Nd it has a nice view of the Philly pollution, drug dealings nd gang wars.
Hope that was helpful. Trying 2 help out this country of ours. Trying 2 supply u with the most current news that affects ur life.
Which brings me LastButNotLeast 2 reveal a new L.A. Nouveau PostTheme:
Looking 2 put the NewsCntr in full swing in this upcoming NewYr. So Get Excited. !.
Thinking of adding a new travel advice/recreational advice/life advice in 2ZroZro9.
/// now open 4 ur creativity. send me what ur thinking/writing via Email. ///
Have somethng u want blogged about? Have a song that is getting u off? Have the urge to communicate with the hot mess that is José? Do it all. Email, baby. jose@LAnouveau.com
NEW NOUVEAU FEATURE! U can IM José whenevr I am online. LOLfest. AIM = LAnouveau
All music, videos, and other bits of goodness posted on L.A. Nouveau are presented for promotional purposes only. If u like the music u hear, u should go visit iTunes/a rcrd store/SamGoody, or attend a live show near u nd keep supporting the artists that keep us in love with their music. If ur music is posted here nd u wish 2 get it the fk off the site, please send an email to José nd it'll all magically go away.
"Oh my god, I just discovered L.A. Nouveau. Here r my reactions:
Number one: I need a vodka tonic, straight up Number two: I want a colonic, immediately Number three: I need to come down with a bad case of anorexia Number four: I dont think I've ever been further from knowing who Jesus is Number five: I need you to come to New York, take me to The Plaza, swash me up with some vodka martinis, and then push me the fuck off.
L.A. Nouveau is like doing ecstasy for me, and i just OD’d... on L.A. Nouveau." - RCMS, NY socialite and avid reader
