The Evolution of the Dictionary/Slang/Urbandictionary.com

Dear Publik,
Ur life is a nitemarish awkfest that I sometimes wake up from and realize that I've fallen asleep on the bathroom floor.

Ok I guess I should clarify that entire statement.
First of all, when addressing the masses, I'm thinking that Public is a good way 2 put it.
This shit is public, after all.
But aftr the extreme popularity of the photo-whoring site Picnik, im thinking that, like the original word "picnic", "public" will similarly lose its final C nd will thus bcum "publik".
U can call this an official 2k9 prediction from ur friends at L.A. Nouveau.

Seems like a lot of words r changing lately.

Exmpl: Hipster. According 2 my BritishDictionarie, the word was originally slang in the UofK meaning hiphugger pants or underpants 4 women nd girls.

I'm still a bit confused by the whole pants OR underpants thing.
Sounds kind of like 1 of those HipsterRunoff gimmick where he asks whethr a specific person is an AltBro or AltBag...
Whatevr.

Point being, the word has cum a long way since.
That's evolution, baby.

Anothr exmpl: A few yrs back apparently some rap dude tried to change the word "here" to include 2 r's instead of 1.
I will nevr understand this brazen move nd what it was supposed 2 achieve. I mean, "here" is a pretty fking common word. Y change that shit 2 "herre"? That's not change i can blieve in.

R words changing 2 quickly?
I think im starting 2 get scared of slang.
I always liked it/loved it/appreciated it as a young tot.
Now i just feel like im being left in the dust as new wrds cum out that ive never even heard of b4.
Like the othr day, some broski frnd of mine kept referring 2 his current state of being as "amp'd". I still have no clue what he was trying 2 express.
Was he craving that MountainDew-based spermcount-lowering energy drink that my nextdoor neighbor always throws empty cans of on my lawn?
Wasn't there some MTV-owned cell phone cumpany with the same name?
Was he merely trying 2 advertise for Amp'd Mobile? Thought they ran out of cashmoney...


Just trying 2 stay in with the times.
Thnx a lot Tweens 4 making it so ridiculously hard 4 me.

I h8/miss the word über. Does any1 use that shit anymore?
So VeryEarly2000s. I think my video gamer frnds used 2 say it. I think I used 2 say it too.
Did u ever used 2 say über, as in über cool, or über geek?
Looking 4 some moral support here as I go through these tough times of losing my oldskool lingo. Miss u/h8 u MiddleSchool/HighSchool/LawSchool.

Wanna hear ur betchy lingo,
José

U R (not necessarily) a Product of Ur Parents

Dear Mom nd Dad,
Sometimes, I'm a little bit of a fk up.

As finals plague the wrld nd many of my undergrad/grad/postgrad/nevergrad frnds head home 4 the holy days ahead,
As yet anothr yr has cum, taken a toll on our beautiful bodies, nd is finally about 2 pass,

I have begun 2 think about 2k8 as a whole, the year that began my new life out in LosAngeles.
Nd its been great. Srsly. Like, the best.
It hasnt been perfect (understatemnt)
But all in all, its been superbly great.

But when I think about all the things i've done/tried/sold/bought/lost/experienced/murdered/said/beenExposed2 since i've been here, 1 question remains in my mind:
What wud my parental units think?

On the one hand, I know I shouldnt care/dont actually care.
But aftr living in closer proximity 2 them 4 the last few yrs and now being on the opposite side of the country.
I cant help but hilariously wonder:
What the fk wud my parents think?

Wud they b accepting of my increasing amount of independnce, even tho I already was b4?
Wud they b proud of my not necessarily legal ways of making money?
Wud they b terrified of my hipster/AltBro frnds?
Wud they b upset by the rampant drug use that goes on outside my apartmnt/on my floor/in my mouth?
Wud they b amused by my lack of conformity to the ovrpriviledged ways of my peers?
Wud they b worrisome of my erratic social situations nd frnd-making decisions?


Again, dont rly care, just think its funny 2 think about.
Nd if u weren't amused, then u can run to the nearest scaffold nd hang urself from it.
Cuz That Shit's Hilarious.
Oh Mom nd Dad.
Just want them 2 love me/h8 me/miss me.

Just want 2 share some Fleet Foxes with u.
Cuz they were part of the brilliant-ness that was 2ZroZro8.
Just want some1 to comment this post with a brilliant explanation of the last wrds of their song "Blue Ridge Mountains":
Terrible am I child?
Even if you don't mind,
No.

FleetFoxes=LyricallySuprb/Artsy/ConfusesMe.


Fleet Foxes - "Blue Ridge Mountains"

P.S. Today's blog post title is dedicated to N.D.
I hate ur... U know what.
That shit's (not necessarily) hilarious. But srsly.

Feeling Bitchy, Breathing Bitchy,
José

I h8 it, I love it, I miss it.

My frnd Carles over at Hipster Runoff recently composed a brilliant post where he realized that he only has 3 real emotions nd can only feel 3 different ways about something:

He can h8 some1/somethng.
He can luv some1/somethng.
He can miss some1/somethng.

(courtesy of HRO, obv)

nd while he h8ed on, luv’d, and miss’d some great thngs that i agree/disagree/didnt give a shit about, the best categorization he gave to somethng/some1 was to the following...
"JUSTICE. h8/luv/miss u"

nd now i’d like to share somethng that i too h8, luv, miss.
drumroll pleaze:

fb. (this is the last time evr i will explain that fb stands 4 facebook, nxt time ur on ur own)

on one hand, i h8 fb more than anything.

i hate the shitty fbchat, i hate the rising cost of fbgifts, i hate the fbAds telling me where i can meet the hottest BBWs, i hate all my awk fbFrnds who i think i went to highschool with but cant even remember anymore

but mostly i hate the way i dont hate fb, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
ok thats a lie, i hate it a little
but i also luv fb.
i love getting brilliant bumper stickers from drunk ppl, i love looking thru the last 5 yrs of my life thnks to fbPics/Tag’dPics, i love fbPoking those special some1s in my life, i love knowng that the girl i used to date in middleschool is now bi bcuz she changed her ‘interested in’ to include both men nd women

nd yet, with all the h8 and luv, i mostly just miss fb.
i miss when i wuz 1 of 5 ppl in my highschool network cuz evryone was still on UrSpace, i miss when nuze feed just came out causing massive riots wrldwide, i miss when fb was super trippy and said “4get missiles, im switching 2 nukes” at the bottom of evry page

so in reality, i h8/luv/miss fb.
but what i do h8/h8/h8 is the way some ppl use fb and the things that they write/do/post on fb.

ex. fbNotes. Rly? Get a blog or somethng. Don’t ever do this. Evr. I’m trying to think of any exceptions where its ok to write notes. Nd i can’t think of any. At all.

nd now, the EXAMPL OF THE DAY: fbStatuses. sometimes they’re great... they let u know what ur frnd/mom/grandma is up to... they r sometimes hipster humorous... they r sometimes kind... they r sometimes really really angsty... and that’s all fine.
but sometimes, they’re DUMB AS FK.

FOR EXAMPL:


so here’s my question:

WHAT THE FK DOES THAT MEAN?
R u serious right now? What r u even trying to say here?

- R u trying to tell us that u r a lesbian and would rather just have guy frnds?
- R u trying to tell us that u r gonna marry all the girls in that picture with u?
- R u trying to tell us that u r teaming up with my sophomore yr bio teacher to take down all men evrywhere?
- R u trying to tell us that u r straight up on crystalmeth?

So apparently this is a quote from a LesboTVprogrammy. However, it makes no difference. It's still the cuntiest thing ive seen in quite some time.
Nd one more question: What the fk is up with the HeartGraphicBullsht thing at the end of this already cunty-as-fk quote? Riddle me that.

So congratulations, fbGirl with the pixelated name,
U r being crowned, right here, right now (This is HISTORY in the makng ppl!), as L.A. Nouveau's first-ever official CuntyMom of the Week!

Remembr this day in a bitchtastic way,
José

Wanted: A proPhotographer to stalk my life

My epic life needs a professional photographer.
Since filming my televsion show-esque life would be way too mainstream and far too MTV-cloned, photo-documenting the insanity, beauty, and etc. of my life is surely the way to go.

For yrs as an awkward teen, I carried my little Canon PwrShot around like so many othrs, taking photos every 30 seconds of another awkward couch pic or awkward dance shot...
- Snapping yet anothr pic of the same exact tweens sitting the exact same way...
- Documenting yet anothr walk into town after 9th grade english got let out...
- Freakng the fk out when the camera would run out of battery just as TweenBoy1 and TweenGirl2 were about to dance togethr...
- Filling FB album after FB album of the same pixxx from yet anothr bland day of life...


Yet all of these low-to-fair-quality photos have taken me and everyone else pretty much nowhere, cuz the pictures are just A. corny, and second of all, lameAsHell, cuz, well, life was LameAsHell.

But now, my frnds, life isnt really that lame anymore. In fact, it's pretty fking interesting. And it deserves to be documented in an equally beautiful way.
Which is why after borrowing my friend's super nice camera to document the smoke-teeming Los Angeles yesterday, I have realized this:
I NEED A SUPER NICE CAMERA. BAD.

AND I NEED A PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER TO FOLLOW ME AROUND AND TAKE PICTURES OF THE LIFE AROUND ME.

- I'd hire TheCobraSnake, but last i checked he was spending majority of his time in Canada. (MRRR?!?!)

- I'd hire Sam Lutfi and his paparazzi friends, but his last client didn't work out too well...

- I'd hire my photo-taking frnd from back east, but Chicago to LA is a tough daily commute.

- I'd hire the best frnd SarahKah, but she needs to get into FIDM first.

- I'd hire Megan Fox, but I'd be wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too distracted to live out my normal life.

U know what, screw it, i'll take the pictures myself. They won't be as great as a professional's. But i'll take one for the team.

AKA I have NO MONEY to hire anyone to take pixxx of me/mylife/theWrld. and i cannot afford to decline into further debt.

In closing:
A song.
That I love the hell out of right now.
If u don't know M83, then know him, and know them quickly, before I decide to stop knowing you.

I plan on posting a few of their epic songs ovr the next few days.
But today, I'll start with my favorite.
The song is titled: Kim & Jessie.
The song makes u want to be in love, walk down the street feeling in love, and smile to the world that u love something.

Enjoy this song, enjoy your sunday/monday/whenever u might be reading this.

"And one day, just like that, she ceased to bitch all together.",
José