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Welcum back Moms+bros alike 2 the L.A. Nouveau NewsCntr: keeping u updated with the Wrld.Found out some sleazy nuze this morning.By now u may have seen the photo that is bumpin' nd grindin' All-Ovr-the-Interweb right now.I'm talking about the photo of evry1's favey lil swimmer Michael Phelps.
N0, not this spotted: lilPhelps aka I.can.see.ur.peen photo.
NO, not this TRL-grrls want 2 touch ur BellyButton picture.H8ed/miss u TotalRequestLive. Wondering what the No.1 music viddy wud have been 2day if TRL was still around... probably that My.Life.Wud.SUCK.Without.U song that evry1's been talking about / ive been blogging about.
NO ! NO ! NO !, i mean its cool that Phelpy-phelp is down with the AZNs, but srsly, none of these r the photo that i was referring 2.Gonna explain the photo 2 u nd then it'll b posted at the end.The photo, which hardly even looks that much like Mike , contains Michael Phelps... brace urselvs... hitting up a bong.
Like, of weed.
Nd the press is going nuts.Some headlines I found 4 u's this morning:- "Michael Phelps' Big Bong Theory"
- "Phelps Apologizes for Dopey Move"
- "Michael Phelps' Bong Incident: Are We To Blame?"
- "Phelps' Reputation Up In Smoke"and my personal fave:- "Michael Phelps' Pot Photo: When Kids' Heroes Fall"So, I have a confession. Not gonna lie anymore.
I was nevr a big MichaelPhelpsFan.
Ive always had some respect 4 Phelps. I mean, he's a good kid nd all.But I never rly liked him that much. Kinda borderline h8ed him. Just felt like he never "got" me.I imagined that if we were 2 go on a lunch date evr, it probably wouldnt go well.But thnx 2 the surfacing of this photo, I have 1 thing 2 say:Phelps: Love u. No longer h8 u at all. Not even a lil.Id like 2 conclude with a letter i just wrote 2 Michael Phelps.Dear Mikey,This is José. U know, the 1 from L.A. Nouveau.I just wanted 2 Thank u. But srsly.Thnx 4 being a Real Human.Nd I wanted 2 say Im sry.Sry that u have 2 hand out all these fake apologies 2 the NewsMediaFacist wrld.I promise that if u ever cum 2 do an interview 4 the L.A. Nouveau NewsCenter that u would never have 2 give me any fake apologies.Hope u can sleep easier 2nite.Knowing that a hipster blogger now loves u.Knowing that ppl now can relate better 2 u.Knowing that I "get" u.Glad 4 u that u have Weed in ur life 2 sometimes use on a once-in-a-while recreational basis.Happy 4 u that u dont have 2 b in the closet about it anymore.Hope 4 u that this doesnt stop u from getting high in the future.Thnx again.Swim On.Fight On.Beat the CuntyMoms aka MainstreamMedia.With ruv, José
This.is.the.Photo.that.Ive.Been.Discussing.AboutWhat wud u write 2 Michael Phelps?Leave a comment of what u would write below nd maybe I'll send it on to him as a P.S. from my lil letter.Tellin the Bitchslapped wrld off,José
There's a problm out there, so lets talk about.
Its an issue thats currently sweeping across the tweens of this nation.
But its something that I/u's/we all occasionally face.
Whats this grave issue I speak of?
No, its not the lack of medical insurance that millions of citizens dont have.
Its feeling Untouched.
Nd I'm sure u's nd I alike know the feeling well.
Its the feeling u get when u feel like u have no1 2 turn 2.
Its the feeling u get when u just want some1 to cuddle with/fornicate with/hug with.
There's this rly popular song out on the AirWaves right now thats called "Untouched" that talks all about this feeling.This feeling u get when all rly u need is a lovr.
When all u need is a frnd 2 massage IcyHot all ovr u.
When all u want is 2 escape ur lyfe that is so lonely inside, so busy out there
When all u wanted is somebody who cares...
I seem 2 b slipping in2 anothr angsty untouched-themed song.
H8/miss u Michelle Branch.
So clearly bcuz of the rising popularity of this thriller-esque terrifying song, this must b a key issue in our lil society that we should all work 2 address.
I ask u now 2 cum 2gether, nd once again, as I've discussed previously at the beginning of this yr, u/I/we all need 2 "Give It Away" a lil more.
We need to give some of our Touch 2 the ppl who rly need it most.
...2 all the AltSluts aka desperate ladies,
...2 all the suicidal preskulers,
...2 all the sexually-closeted classmates who live in the building next 2 u 1 floor up from the lobby,
...2 all the truly good looking yet food-deprived frnds of urs/mine,
...2 all the blacked-out blipsters (no racial pun intended, i was referring 2 excessive alcohol intake, LOLzers)...
We need 2 try 2 give a lil bit of not only our Touch, but also our Time nd Availability 2 these stereotyped groups nd othrs who need it 2.
Which is why, as of Right Na (thnx Akon 4 making all my mainstream frnds think that its ok 2 say Na instead of Now... this is sarcasm btw... h8 u 4 this Akon... thought we were frnds.),
I am officially making myself more available 2 u.
Nd I want 2 b able 2 hear from u more.
Want 2 b more connected 2 ur lives.
Want 2 "get" u more.
Ive always been available 4 email... at jose@lanouveau.com
But As Of Right Now... drumroll plz... U can IM josé.
Thats right. Send me an IM, nd I will instantly respond 2 u. Its that easy. This whole InstantMessage thing is so easy/cool. José's screen name = LAnouveau.
I would also love 4 u 2 share in my love of music nd "get" what im listening 2.
Thus, I present u with the info 2 my Last.fm account. My username = lifewow.
Random, I know, but 2 quote Ja'mie King... "You'll get used 2 it."
So there u have it.
Just want evry1 2 feel less Untouched nd more connected 2 José.
>> BONUS BONUSS mp3 THATS RELATED 2 THIS BLOGPOST LOLZIES >>>>
Michelle Branch - All You Wanted
Want u bitches 2 feel Touched all ovr,
José
Right now is a transition pd.Its a time btween 1 thing and another.
We're still sort of btween 2ZroZro8 nd 2kNine.
We're btween Prez Bush 43 nd Incuming President Obama.We're btween an economic crisis nd more of an economic crisis.
Basically, stuff is changing.
Which is good, bcuz its a time 4 change.
Nd after three long, gr8, eyeopening months, L.A. Nouveau might b ready 4 a little change. Already changed the sidebar titlez.
Hope u like em.
Im a lil ubsessed with that font.
So whats next, u ask.
Well, im asking too. What do u think/wanna c/hope 4 L.A. Nouveau?Thinking about ditching the PostTitles.
They seem unnecessary. Whats ur thoughts?
Trying 2 bring the best of hipster culture//AltLifestyles//best music 2gether while exploring my newfound LosAngeles-based life.
Debating whethr 2 start a new segment called "Where in the Wrld in LA is José?" where I explore a diffrnt part of LA nd give my take on it.
"Where in the Wrld in LA is José?"=A Way 4 the mainstream audience 2 Connect 2 the City of LA better. (still in concept-mode)
U r invited nd encouraged 2 share ur thoughts on this nd any othr ideas.
Nd I would do it b4 this shit gets too poplar nd I am bombarded daily with 30 diffrent opinions on what this blog should b.
Also, looking 4 a new cool way 4 ppl 2 spread the word about L.A. Nouveau.
Thinking about starting a new campaign that encourages u, the reader, 2 tell ur frnds nd loved 1's about L.A. Nouveau nd all that it might have 2 offer them.
Just wanna b read more.
Just wanna b understood more.
Just wanna b blogged about by othr bloggers more.Just wanna b Digg'd more.
Just wanna b mentioned by HRO more.
Just wanna b fb'd (facebook'd) more.
Just wanna b Mixx'd more.
Just wanna b StumbleUpond more.
Just wanna b faved more.
Just wanna b more populr by ppl using the helpful "Share" buttons at the bottom of each post.
Just wanna b accepted in2 the blogosphere more.
Just wanna b part of ur life more.
But srsly, José is here 4 u.
José = a new way 4 u 2 express ur inner feelings//weird thoughts//awk problems that mainstream society doesnt "get". But dont wry about it...
Cuz I "get" u.
Nd while sometimes u might not "get" me, I want 2 b of service to u's nd to others.
As u carefully compose ur advice/thoughts/ideas 4 the future of L.A. Nouveau, enjoy a track thats totally indicative of my PersonalBrand right now.
it's been out 4 a while, ive loved it 4 a while, have wanted 2 post it 4 a while, but just never got around 2 it/never thought it was the 'right' post.
But this feels right.
This here is Rye Rye, M.I.A.'s first signed artist onto her new rcrd label.
Rye Rye ft. M.I.A. - Tic Toc
Excited 4 the future of bitching,
José
I know u h8 me.
It's been days.
Literally.
But I'm in vacation mode.
Which, I have realized, is a very counterproductive place 2 b.
While it's nice 2 relax nd b lazy,
It has killed my innermotivation 2 work/perform/communicate/blog/live.
So I apologize.
But not rly.
Cuz evry1 deserves a break.
Evry1 deserves some r+r once in a while.
So the last 3 days lacking posts has been my r+r.
Nd now it's time 2 get back in2 the Blogosphere.
Cuz I h8/miss the Blogosphere.
aka The Blogging Wrld that virtually exists on the interweb.
But bcuz a lot of ppl r still winding down from crazy NewYrs partying last night, I think a rly angsty rly hipster blog post would just b too overwhelming.
So 2 start things off slow nd simple in the yr Zro9, I bring u L.A. Nouveau's 2nd edition of "BlogArt: Where Words=Art"
2Days "BlogArt; Wrds=Art" segment is merely my hipster-esque reaction 2 the Best Song of 2001 whose true meaning I didnt find until 2ZroZro8. Talk about a time delay. (Not 2 b confused with Tom DeLay).
With evrything that went on in 2ZroZro8, I think it's time that in 2kNine, we try 2 Give "It" Away more.
Selfless actions will b so much more respected/appreciated as more nd more ppl lose their homes 2 foreclosures, more nd more ppl lose their jobs 2 Karl Rove, etc.
It's time 2 Give "It" Away.
And "It" can b anything. It can b a toy u dont use no mo. It could b a stuffed animal/monster that u find on ur doorstep nd ship off to some1 special. It could b music. Like, a MixCd, or even a GarageBand original recording that u dont mind putting online 4 free so ppl can dwnload it evrywhere without spending OneDollar at their neighborhood iTunesStore.\
It's time 2 Give "It" Away.
In 2kNine I, José, will work harder 2 to give "It" away.
What will/can u give away? Whats ur "It"?
Share. Please.
Inspire othrs. Lets start a Give "It" Away movement.
Lets get on the Channel63 TenOClock Nuze 4 we alls's selflessness.
Lets get othrs 2 Give "It" Away too.
Here's 2 2kNine. Nd to Zero 7 song-inspired movements.
Here's the actual song if u need more inspiration / need a perfect song 2 chill out nd make love to.
Zero 7 - Give It Away
Bitch 2gether, as 1 ppl, nd Give "It" Away.,
José
Being a teen is the worst/best/worstworstworst thing evr.
U know u loved/h8ed/HATE(currently)/still hate/continue to love/hated-every-minute-of ur teenage life.
But never in my life have I heard someone articulate what it means to feel TeenAngst better than what im about 2 share with u.Lemme give u some contxt.
I was creeping thru my frnds cellphone last night nd browsing some of her txt msg's when I came across a convo between her nd 1 of her younger frnds who needed 2 talk.
When she asked him, "what's wrong?", this was his incredible all-written-in-one-single-txt-msg response: (this is a 100% authntic txt msg, didnt make this 1 up, swear2Jesus *the only thing edited is the bold/italics/color usage)
"idk evrything othr ppls problems my probs wat i can do to be stronger 4 other people who my real friends are wat i wanna do with my life whether or not its worth staying in (this town) how i need an adventure when should i start writing my book social status girls friends who r girls whether or not it'd be fun to run away and liv another life somewhere how badly i rlllllllllllyyy want it to snow so that i can go snowboarding which is like one of the 4 things tht i can just like naturally do which always makes u feel better trust issues need 4 a new hobby grades skul drugs alcohol sex more girls expectations letting ppl down betrayal wat i wanna do this weekend who my friends are y is my family so weird possibly moving 4 my dads new job going to boarding skul moving from my high skul sports more trust issues how im already excited beyond all belief 4 this summer how im a slacker but i could probably b rlly smart true beauty keeping connections with old friends while keeping new 1s feeling different from every1 else"
This is the most epic/rel8able/true/hilarious/sotrue/MySoCalledLyfe thing I've ever read.
I'm still amazed at how rel8able this txt rly is.
Nd how hipster esque it was written. Love txt lnguage. Nd when I say love, I mean h8. Save that shit 4 blogging yo.
But srsly. What angsty teen can't relate 2 the majority of these feelings?
What humans at any age can't relate 2 the majority of these feelings?
Out of all of them, I'd like 2 discuss the ones that were the most relevant 2 my TeenAngst life. (In case u didnt notice, they r in bold in the above quote):
- "idk everything" - the best opening statement ive ever heard. this is the embodyment of TeenAngst.
- "wat i wanna do with my life" - i still ask myself this question, as do we all (w'all)- "when should i start writing my book" - ive tried so many times, it nevr gets finished, nevr evr. i need 2 take a month nd just finish that shit. i need some1 to do the illustrations tho. its a childrn's book. it's about a boy who hates his parents for not getting him a new guitar, but then they get in a car crash so he doesnt care anymore nd learns a gr8 life lesson.
- "who r girls" - again, i'm still asking this brilliant question. the best question of them all in my opinion.
- "need 4 a new hobby" - i tried rollersk8ing, i fell a lot. tried badminton, apparently u have 2 be an azn. tried lsd, got really tired. now im trying blogging. is this worthwhile? do u love this? more confused than ever.
- "expectations" - ppl wanted the world of me when i was a little teen tyke.
- "y is my family so weird" - just wanna b back in LA. holidays with the whole family is almost never a good idea. just looking for a non-existent normal family 2 take me.
- "how im a slacker but i could probably b rlly smart" - i shouldve stayed in school.
- "feeling different from evry1 else" - story of my teenangst/highschool/preskul life.
Now its ur turn.
Which of the ranted-about feelings expressed in the txt msg apply/applied most 2 u? Share with the wrld. Explore urself thru this crafty medium of expression.
Nd while u share, listen to some 'dont wry about ur awful past' motivational music provided by Sufjan Stevens. From The Avalanche (the Illinois-extras album), here's "Carlyle Lake".
Sufjan Stevens - Carlyle Lake
Waiting 2 get better insight into ur own TeenAngst life.
Txt Msg Bitching Is The Best,
José
I am in love. lust. enfatuation. love. with the JoséMachine.Nd let me introduce u to him. He's metallic silver, has got great lines, stays in shape but is a little lightly bruised, nd he's the most loyal little buddy in the wrld.
He is the macbook that brings u L.A. Nouveau, he's the lappy that executes my existence.
Nd I'm trying 2 decide whethr or not i should "trick him out," as my more cultural frnds like 2 say.
Shud I make him cumpletely L.A. Nouveau'd out?
Shud I slap stickers of my our fave bands/music/tvshows on his outer shell?
Shud I cover him head2toe in mac-related apparel?
Shud I get a hardcovr case 4 him so he doesnt get even more bruised than he already is?
I have some inspirational lappys out there who I could potentially emulate.
Exmpl. Steve Aoki's BlackMacbookLappyLove.
Love the lettr-ing, the ColorContrast, the RedBull.
I think I should always have a RedBull/Sparks/BubbaGumpCo.'sDietRumNdCoke placed next 2 my lappy, just to give it some product placement credability.
But is plain more authentic?
Does coating the case with stickrs, blipster apparel, nd other nonsuch make it totally uncool?
Does it make it gross, unclassy, unhip?
Does it seem like i'm begging 2 b MorganArons and "b an original"?
An exmpl: Imogen Heap's lappylady.
She's got the flowers/wires/vines hanging around it, but she's got her m'cb'k plain nd simple.
Just the lovely little Apple lit up in white.
(Happiness is that little white apple when it lights up.)
Still debating on what 2 do.
Have ideas?/// Plz share em with me.
Wud it b cool if i painted the JoséMachine as a way 2 artistically express myself?
Or wud i h8 it nd later regret it bcuz of my lack of artskills?
Wud stickrs be fly? Or wud my frnds/family/coworkers think im a tool?
Looking 4 some advice from u, the little guy, the mainstream America, the lowr/uppr class.
Miss u/h8 u middle class Americans.
Thnx 4 not fking up anothr election 4 me btw.
Guess we owe u. Barack says he wants 2 help u out. Is that enough?
Cuz I dont have time 2 do ur laundry/shovel ur driveways/illegally marry ur daughter.
(This is a lie btw, if u evr need some1 to illegally marry ur daughter, plz call me, i print marriage licenses in my basement, good deals!, act b4 0h-9 nd get a free weddng ring!!! while supplies last)
I even have some great IndieAlt weddng party songs picked out.
It's straight out of 0h-8, so enjoy it b4 it's so last yr.
So u can always tell ppl that ur lateDecmbr0h-8 wedding had a great 0h-8 weddingTrack.
Cut Copy = So 2ZroZro8. (Again, click link 2 dwnload. This is the last time i will remind u)
Cut Copy - Feel the Love
Rumor mill: GirlTalk's next album will b exclusively made weddingMashUps. Nd CobraSnake will cum nd take all ur HappiestDayEvr photos.
Bitch now or 4evr hold ur piece,
José
Looking 4 some excitement? Having a craving 4 some unexpected surprises 2 cum ur way? Well besides hitting up my frnd's roommate 4 some 3-way action with her cousin, I have another fantastical answer:
Travel.
Like, in the U.S.
Around the holidays.
In this crazy G0d-loving, Hummr-hugging, LilWayne-tugging, peen-rubbing country of ours, there is no time more exciting/tumultuous/nerve-wracking 2 fly than from Thnxgiving thru NewYrz, a time that WalMart/BestestBuy/Targèe/amzon.com likes 2 call the "holiday season". In case u werent aware b4. I'm starting 2 4get what ppl know and don't. Lo siento. (Thats spansh 4 sry, in case u were once again unaware... this shits like 4th grade all ovr again)
But anyways, let me tell u, there is excitement and surprises galore this time of yr.
Let me share with u a few of mine from the last 2 days of travel.
- I was surprised 2 find that apparently not all humans were taught to walk/move/get the fk out of the way. Did u know that? Has evry1 always known this bsides me?
R ppl divided into classes of walkers vs. non-walkers, nd I had no clue this whole time?
Will prejudice against walkers by non-walkers b the new racism of 0h-9?
- Flight attendants make great best frnds. Like, if u need a quick bestie fix, find the nuttiest crew membr of the bunch, make a lot of eye contact, ask 4 help a lot, tell him/her how much ur digging his/her little wings pin, nd get ready 4 the best several-hr frndship evr.
I love u/miss u Pearle. Thnx AirTrans. Who knew transferring in Atlanta could b so fun and rewarding? Thought it would just b an awk-fest.
Got worried that some Georgia-based haters wud b waiting 4 me at the terminal, ready 2 take my lyfe. Thnx 4 not harming me 2 much, ATL-former-H8rs.
- Security ppl can actually be nice.
I know. Weird as fk.
But it happened.
This morning.
She smiled at me, said she liked my name, made a joke 2 the lady in front of me about pulling her aside cuz she was skeptical of her identity but immediately said "JK!" LOLzers.
Well doesn't he look frndly? Way 2 work ur magic with the kids, son.
So I'm still trying 2 figure out if i was ok with this whole TSA-being-nice-2-me ordeal.
I mean, friendliness is always cool. But it was like, whoa, since when r u friendly?
Nd why? Whats the hidden agenda here?
R u trying 2 get me 2 fess up 2 some illegal shit that im bringing on board?
Is this the Govmnt/Fedsies new way of figuring out who the bad guys r on my plane?
Now that i think about it, should i even b allowed to "BlogOnBoard"?
Is it legal 4 me 2 be blogging up in the sky?
Am I allowed 2 express angst/hipster rage/my problemz while im in the plane?
Getting super nervous.
Now i'm scared shitless, kids.
Aborting this post b4 its 2 late.
But srsly,
Holiday travels.
Fill me in about urs.
How was that 3-day stay in Minneapolis? Heard they have some nice Marriotts ther.
How was ur road trip 2 Bosnia? Miss it there... plz fill me in.
Por favor. (In spnsh that means please... love this whole 4th grade memries thing)
Commnt this shit.
Stay betchtastically fly in the sky,
José
Svetlana.
U r my lov-r.
To all the Svetty grls out there, I love u.To all the grls who are svetty and don’t know that ur a total Svetlana, no worries, u r a total Svetlana.
To evryone that doesn’t even know what a Svetlana is, stop being so ignorant.
Altho my bestfrnd SrhKmg said that i shouldnt explain what a Svetlana is to all y’all who don’t already know, I feel that it’s one of those things that u gotta understand in order to be an informed wrld citizen / reader of LAnvo.
So who is a Svetlana?
If u've never met anyone named Svetlana, then i'm truly sorry, cuz grls named Svet r usually wonderful people.
It's that BLONDE
It's that EASTRN EURO
It's that SLUTTY ACCNT
It's that SKNNY TALL MODEL BOD
It's that EUROTRSH AURA
It's SVETLANA.
Nd whether she's Miss Russia, hot bmbshll model, former gymnast, minimum wage worker at ur rich friends' country club, or ur apartment neighbor who u always see cuming home from a club at 3 am...
she's a SVETTY.
Nd she is the future of feminism.
So i'm looking for a Svet in my life right now.
Do u know any Svets/Svettys/Svetlana's?
(Again, their name doesn't have to actually be Svetlana, altho that wud be a huge plus)
By now i hope u understnd the lifestyle/the look/THAT GRRRRL that i'm talkin about/looking for.
If u know one, send me a pic of her.
Even if u Google Image a Svetlana-looking girl, even if u find one on ur facebook and r totally overcum by her Svetty-ness, SND THAT SHIT TO ME.
CLICK HERE 2 EMAIL ME.
or snd it as a Commnt below.
Get on it.
P.S. I am such a tease. I'm sry.
I know u want more M83. I know u do. I know ur craving to hear more of their fantastically killr songs like u crave a new car / boyfrnd / cellfone / tax rebate. Nd I promise, repeat, promise, I'll post it latr.
Time to grab lnch with N.D.
Be good, be bold, be bitch,
José
