Summer Music 4 2kNine is On Its Way - Post One

L.A. Nouveau the blog is back... sorta.
I know Im shocking a lot of u's that Im actually blogging again.

We all know the rumors u heard about how José moved on, about how L.A. Nouveau was bcuming a production company/party planning masterpiece instead of just a blog.
Nd 2 b honest, blogging wasnt something I was sure Id b doing again.

But with the way the Economy still is, with the way that global warming is, nd with the way that Mainstream Music is right now thanx 2 the FloRiders' fellatio anthems nd the SoldierBoy's "Sexual Desperation via Mobile Phone", I feel its only right 2 help u's out musically.

Especially as Summer 2kNine is creeping closer nd closer like a bad case of SARS in Beijing/TorontoCanada.
So in my puruits of finding the freshest new music, I plan 2 occasionally Post a lil something 2 prepare u 4 the Hipster/Blipster/ElectroCircuit Anthems of SUMMER 2kNINE.

FIRST.
The big one.
Grab ur shortsleeve flannel, ur thinned-out CircleScarf that u will wear as pants, nd whip out the TanningOils cuz this 1's gonna b around 4 the Summer.
Its by Canadian DJ / Electro artist TIGA, whose new album Ciao! cums out soon. (circa April 27 2kNine)
The song is called "Shoes". This song will leave u wanting more. Nd by the 50th time uve heard it, ull h8 it. But then ull take a lil break nd find it again b4 Labor Day nd b in love again.



Tiga - "Shoes"

Nd take a look at the bizarre/hilarious/wtfff/LadyGaga?v2.0 music viddy 4 this hot track:



Whats ur take on it?
Love it? h8 it? Vom'd during it? Cant see clearly aftr it? On ur way 2 the ER? Post a lil Comment.

Ill b posting another great Spring/Summr 2kNine track tmrw.
Srsly tho. If u dont believe me, cum on back 2morrow.
It normally may not be this frequent tho, so take this day 2 thank God/Jesus/YoungerReligiousBrother/Choose.ur.own.inspiration.figure 4 the return of some L.A. Nouveau goodness.

Bitch,
José

Remixes, Getting Down, and More Technological Feats

L.A. Nouveau proudly presents: an inside look at what cool stuff technology is bringing 2 our lil lives via the Interweb/Computer Stations.

As previously discussed, sometimes I kinda h8 the Internet.
Just feel like it can easily bcum a nuisance in my life, that it creates a lot of wasted time nd bad habits.
But sometimes, it brings me closer 2 some amazing things... 3 of which I will highlight below:

1. It brings me closer 2 my fave TV shows.
Bcuz I no longer own a TV/have money 2 pay 4 my TiVo OnDemand with built-in DVDburner nd non-optional MegaHBOSubscription Sex4FreeXtraBundledPackage SuperStarz Pack.

So watching my fave TV shows online is the only real option.
Thank u Hulu 4 letting me catch up on the 30Rock episodes that I would otherwise miss.
Thank u Illegal-Websites-in-Japanese that allow me 2 see all of the seasons I've missed of the critically acclaimed tvseries The Bad Girls Club.

Thank u also 2 a lil program 4 ur/my laptop called Mojo, which lets u "steal" music, movies, nd tv shows from anybody in ur lil InternetNetwork who also has Mojo.
Now I'm running out of filespace on my Macbook but successfully have all 5 seasons of Entourage.

2. It brings me closer 2 Movies that I would never get 2 otherwise see.
Since I had 2 sell my used 1992 Chevy Lumina 2 pay 4 pills/prostitutes/poker, I cant rly get 2 the Theaters anymore.
Plus, most of the films I want 2 see aren't even in the Theaters near where I live.
Still waiting 4 the Slumdog Millionaire 2 be shown at the local movietheater.
Wish that the local movietheater-goers didnt boycott all films about gays... Thus, still waiting 2 see Milk + BrokebackMts. + TropicThunder.

Nd some gr8 movies just dont cum 2 most Theaters anymore.
Exmpl: a lil movie called "The Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down": A movie made 4 Boys+Girls about 'getting down' aka having sex/taking drugs/throwing parties/etc. in Hollywood, California. The info in this film however can b applied 2 nearly any other Hipster location.
Trailer 4 the movie is herezies:


After viewing this epic film, I'm wondering how exactly I 'get down' in my own life, nd what exactly constitutes 'getting down'?
- Is 'getting down' the proper way 2 describe my risky behaviors with tween grrls who r merely gettin' restless on a saturday night?
- Does 'getting down' include my excessive habit of doing blow off of my Blackberry Storm?
- Will i still b 'getting down' if i opt 2 spend the night reading Walt Whitman via candlelight in my bedroom while listening 2 Kenny G?
- Does 'getting down' require me 2 be at a Club/DanceParty-venue or can I just 'get down' in the shower? \\\

Hoping 4 a Sequel to The Boys and Girls' Guide to Getting Down where they answer all my questions.


Nd finally, a third thing that the Interweb brings me closer 2...
3. Rmxs of my fave lil songs.
There r so many songs out there.
Nd b4 the explosion of DJs/GarageBand/iTunesPro, it was rare 2 find different versions of the same song.
Nowadays, evry1 is making remixes 2 evry song possible.
Nd with WebSites like HypeMachine nd elbo.ws (pronounced like the lil body part, elbows) nd frnd-of-L.A. Nouveau website JustHear!t, it has bcum superbly easy 2 find rmxs of ur fave songs all over the place.

Want 2 take this precious opportunity 2 act like a real mp3Blogger nd share some of my fave rmxs at the moment with u's all.

First up, Uffie.
Still a lil peeved with Carles 4 talking shit about this secret love of urs/mine/ours.
Nd since i'm usually 2 focused on my lil fave song "Pop the Glock", I wanted 2 bring u this harder, more intense take on "Ready To Uff".

Uffie - Ready to Uff (Hoshina Anniversary Remix)

Next, Britney.
Its been awhile since Britney has gotten her time on L.A. Nouveau, nd since she's about 2 kick off her tour, figured I'd show her a lil love and show this epic remix some blogplay.
Nd besides just 2 show her love, this remix is probably my fave rmx out there right now. Love the synthy chorus. Yes ma'am.

Britney Spears - Circus (Linus Loves Remix)

Here's anothr: Kid Cudi.
The Hipster scene's first lil hipster / blipster rapper, Kid Cudi is tearing up the UnitedKingdom as we speak nd is starting 2 make a dent in the scene here in the somewhat-united States too.

Kid Cudi - Day N' Nite (Minus Remix)

Finally, Lady Gaga.
Feel like I should try 2 appease the Gays more on L.A. Nouveau.
Thus, ur welcum gaycommunity 4 bringing u some Lady Gaga rmxs. But srsly, this Pet Shop Boys remix is pretty bangin', nd makes this otherwise just "eh eh" song rly legit 2 listen 2.

Lady Gaga - Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say) (Pet Shop Boys Remix)

Hope all these mp3s/movie-enlightenment suffices 4 not blogging in far 2 many days 4 u bitches,
José

Is Art What We Are? via The Garden State Movie

So last night I fell asleep watching 1 of my fave lil Hipster / alt / indie movies of all time.
No, it wasnt Space Jam, but thats a rly good guess.
Love/miss u MikeyJordan/BugsBunny/Looney Tunes. h8 u Space Aliens aka MonStars who try 2 screw over the lil Looney Tunes characters.

But back 2 the indie movie I actually watched last night.
It was ZachBraff's Garden State.


Garden State is a film about
a. Going "home".
b. Falling in love with an AltGrrrl.
c. What north/central New Jersey, USA is rly like.
d. How incredible indie music rly is.
e. Life=An Infinite Abyss.
f. TheShins.
g. Choose.ur.own.Meaningful.Interpretation
h. The Art in Evryday Life.

**Best answer = H.
U probably shouldve guessed that from my lil hint I gave in the GardenState Graphic above.
But the others answer options are sufficient 2 if thats rly how u feel.
Answer c. is also a rly good answer if ur from the North/Central New Jersey area of the UnitedStates.
Miss u Metuchen. Get a life, Rahway.

But yes, the Best Answer for this PopQuiz Question would be H. The Art in Evryday Life.

Garden State = A film exploration of the Art in our evryday lives.
This art exploration = why I/u/so many lil ppl probably love Garden State.


Wondering if its possible 2 capture the Artistic aspects of ur evryday life without filming the whole thing.
Thinking that filming ur entire existence would actually reverse the ability 2 find Art in ur life, nd would instead turn it in2 a Trashy RealityTV-based SoapOpera sensation where the beauty of ur life would be lost to the banal drama nd problem-ridden climaxes.

So how do we find the Artistic aspects of our lives?
I want 2 be able 2 acknowledge when I'm looking/doing something that could be generally recognized as Art.
Would most of the Alt/Mainstream/Other.subgroup population think that the T-shirt I'm wearing 2day = Art?
Do my Black/White-striped TOMS Shoes suffice as a piece of Art?
Is the Hipster PostModern photo display of Humans That I Love on my bedroom wall an artMuseum-worthy expression of Art?
Will our global society deem the Light-up Onesie that I used 2 wear 2 bed as a piece of historic Art?
Is my life/existance merely Art 4 the Masses?

Nd if my life/existance isn't Art, should I strive 4 it 2 be recognized as Art?
Want 2 be able to lean against a Bathroom Wall nd have my shirt match the Wallpaper just like ZachBraff nd these lil friends of mine below.

(image via weburbanist, thnx BlogFriend)

However, I dont want 2 be simply a Meme.
I dont want 2 be merely an exampl of a decade/century/other.unknown.time.period
Just want my style/genre/flow 2 be "appreciated" as a form of Artistic expression.

Just want L.A. Nouveau 2 embody a Los Angeles Hipster form of Art.

Thinking that we should take as many lessons from Garden State as we can.
I have found a direct link between L.A. Nouveau's theme of 2kNine aka "Give It Away" 2 the Imogen Heap movie-spawning hit "Let Go" via Frou Frou.
so let go, let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, yeah let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown.
Think we should try 2 "Give it Away" nd "Let Go" more in our lives 2 achieve the most we can out of this Life.
xx bonus mp3 of a related song from GardenState by the mainstream/alt Defies.all.categories.Band Coldplay that offers more good LifeAdvice by telling us "Don't Panic" cuz "we live in a beautiful wrld" xx

Coldplay - Don't Panic

Want 2 keep making Art 4 u lovely bitches,
José

More Forward Thinking Fashion, Presented by American Apparel

On a smoggy blue day in L.A., a hipster/brother/lover named José sits nd contemplates the future of what the humans around him will look like.
Wondering if speaking in the 3rd person is a better way 2 address the "public".
Wondering if speaking in the 3rd person will prove extremely damaging 2 my twisted ego.

But back 2 José's contemplation.
When I think of trends 4 the 2day nd 2morrow, I usually think of the hipster haven called American Apparel.
Nd as I seductively wear my CircleScarf evrywhere I go, I wonder if in a few yrs all the lil people that pass me by will b wearing some CircleScarf-inspired clothingwear.
Nd now that the new TieDie CircleScarf is out, I wonder if the original CircleScarf economy will take a direct hit.
Love u my fave lil Black&White TieDie CircleScarf.


h8 u/think ur ugly, Blue&Whitee Tiedie bullshit circleScarfy.

As we look beyond just the CircleScarf nd on 2 other fashion trends, I wonder if AmericanApparel's forwardthinking clothing garments will bcum the new standards.

Will evry1 catch on 2 the Thigh-High Socks motif?


Will ppl more actively use AmericanApparel's handy lil folduppable Emergency Bag when times of bad-needing crisis occur?


But most of all, when looking towards the future of fashion/the future of clothingwears, I remain terribly excited/wonderfully terrified 4 the day when Men everywhere bcum liberal enough with exposing their bodies that they ultimately wear this beautiful shirt of wonders:


Yes Sirs/Ma'ams/Moms/Dads/AZNs/PublicMasses, I expose u 2 the Men's BellyButton TummyExposing CutOff Tee.

Now all I want 2 do is wear this...
- On the sexiest beach evr.
- To a night on the town with my boyfrnd/girlfrnd.
- At a job interview 4 the Alumni Relations VP at Bogen State University.
- Evry time I fly anywhere 4evr more.
- When I visit my local zoo so I feel more connected 2 the unclothed animals.
- Choose.ur.own.dynamic.location.

Fashion Forwardness.= Yet Anothr Insightless Topic that L.A. Nouveau addresses.
Yet anothr meme/featurette by the Any1-can-contribute blog, L.A. Nouveau.
Part of the Interweb's Blogosphere.
A division of iMemes Inc., with promotional consideration provided by A Day Without Gays: the Musical and the H. Keller Foundation, supporting blogs, blind ppl, nd will-writers evrywhere.

xx Other L.A. Nouveau posts that discuss the CircleScarf / AmericanApparel that u would definitely b interested in if u liked the nature of this post xx:
http://lanouveau.blogspot.com/2009/01/circle-scarf-god-says-ur-welcome.html

Hoping 4 some more bitchtastic sponsorship,
José

Life = Lots of Pairing Off, Sexually nd NonSexually.

As I look 2 b more Independent in my daily life, I have cum 2 realize something:
My AltLyfe is often expressed by pairs.
\\\

While I usually strive 4 wholeness, 1ness, nd Hipster IndieBeing, I guess Jesus nd othr suppliers of wrld order wanted 2 make certain things totally pair-able.
I s'pose that its time 4 me 2 more fairly acknowledge these great Pairs in my life.
I'd also like 2 point out that the wrd Pairs would b Paris if u switched the R nd I.
Miss u Paris.

But lets not emotionally digress 2 much.
Main point: I guess some things cum best in 2s.
Like these scholarly exmpls:

There's my Mom+Dad... creating humans like its nobodys business.


There's TheCobraSnake+SteveAoki... DJing+phototaking all ovr the CircularEarth.

There's Shampoo+Conditioner... cuz my hair = a defining feature of my Altness.


There's Me+N.D.... An AltBro just isnt cumplete without his OhSoHipster BFFL.

There's TomsShoes+MyFeet... my Toms always keep me cozy chic nd socialitely philanthropic.


There's SocialiteInNowhereland+AllyMarcus... the 2 officially designated "Frnd of L.A. Nouveau" blogs created by the same slutty soul.

There's Girls+CrystalMeth... cuz life is always more fun with a lil meth. Don't wry about losing urself, srsly.

[photo cred = SiNomatic]

Nd finally,
One last 1 that's SUPER relevant 2 right now:

There's The Bird + The Bee.
If u dont know them/their music, then get with the program nd thank god that u have L.A. Nouveau by ur side.
Cuz their folkElectro funkiness is blissful/fun/energetic/beautiful.

The othr pair, bsides the 1 in their name, is Inara George nd Greg Kurstin, who make up The Bird and the Bee.
Their debut album had popular faveys like "Fucking Boyfriend" and "La La La", which im sure u's have heard. It's on their My-spAce if u havent...
But their latest album, titled Ray Guns Are Not Just the Future, cums out 2MORROW/TMRW/2mrw.
This second album is no sophomore slump... its more dancy nd even more exciting than the first album nd has some great tracks that I already cant stop listening 2.

Enjoy 2 tracks off their new album, nd remembr 2 buy it 2morrow.


The Bird and the Bee - Love Letter to Japan


The Bird and the Bee - Witch


The best bitches often cum in 2's,
José

The Circle Scarf: God Says Ur Welcome.

A few blogdays ago, I wrote about technology.
Nd how some researches need 2 invent Hipster FormalWears.

Nd while I nagged a lot about how important it is 4 ppl to invent this shit already, I did miss something that I rly shouldve given some credit 2.
Cuz there is an invention made 4 hipsters and all humans alike that rly deserves a lot of credit.
So much credit that it is officially being dclared, right here, right now, as the Best.Product.Ever. by L.A. Nouveau.

Nd the best.Product.ever is...
The
Circle.Scarf

byAmericanApparel.

Ive never seen a more hip/legit/hipster/beautiful/ridiculous/universal clothing product in my entire AltLife.
Let me showcase 2 u its beauty//wondr//legit-ness thru BlogArt:











As u just read, 5 out of the 5 last pictures said "Yes" in response 2 the potential question, "Is the Circle.Scarf the best invention evr?"

How can u not love this piece of amazingly comfortable fabric?
Its stretchy. Its comfy. It feels like heaven. Its beautiful.

AA has done it again.
(Referring 2 AmericanApparel here, not AlcoholicsAnonymous.
U know, like AmAp. AmerAppar. Mer'kanParel. SoHo FoSho. The HipsterGo2 Grocery.)

Nd beyond the mere aesthetic beauty of the Circle.Scarf, its functionality is superior.
U can wear it in 13+ (if ur creative u can cum up with more) ways.

U can wear it as a:
a. Basic.Scarf
b. Shawl
c. HoodedScarf
d. MiniSkirt
e. Headwrappr
f. Choose.ur.own.style
g. even more...


U can srsly do almost anything with this shit.
So my new question is: Y the fk arent u wearing 1?
Cuz y wouldnt u want to?
Who wouldnt want 2 b seen wearing the coolest//freshest//dopest//hollerist//we'regonnacrashapartyist accessory evr?
Y wouldn't u want 2 wrap urself in the most comfortable fabric evr?

But at the same time, I dont want the.Circle.Scarf 2 get too poplar.
Cuz then ill feel mainstreamed nd abused.
Dont want more of that.

But buy 1 4 urself even if u make it go mainstream cuz ur a legit hipster // CuntyMom who needs a wardrobe boost // badass bitch // rated X // ur gifted // aint gotta sell sex.

So Goodbye, u normal-scarf-wearing Hermo.


Nd Hello 2 u, future.Circle.Scarf-wearing cool guy.


Just want 2 write the compound word out 1 more time:
the ////
Circle.Scarf

My-spaced photo-taking bitches "can get it",
José

The Most Wanted Ppl of 2kNine

Once upon a time, there was a great song by a bunch of brats who called themselves Ladytron.
Nd as Mira Aroyo, their lead vocalist betch, spoke 2 the masses thru her electro-synth voice, she sang:
"They only want u when ur seventeen, when ur twenty-one, ur no fun."

Ladytron - Seventeen

The song, titled "Seventeen" was released in TwoThousandTwo, nd very accurately reflected the newage trend that was beginning to form, where younger was better nd seventeen was so "in" as the age 2 b.
Which made sense at the time, bcuz being 21+, or being under 16, was bcuming more nd more problematic in TwoThousandTwo.

After all, it was a time when Rosie came out of the closet nd got off ur TV, when Winona had a little too much fun at Saks Fifth Avenue in BevHills, when little-miss-perfect fourteen yr olds got abducted (h8 u/miss u Elizabeth Smart), when Lindsay Lohan was still living in her broken LongIsland home just looking 4 some attention.

So basically, in TwoThousandTwo it was all about being a Seventeen-something postmodernist angsty TurnOfTheMillenia AltBrat.
Exmpl: Avril. Made it huge in 0h-Two with Complic8d//Sk8rBoiz//ImWithUUU. Age: 7teen. Made it even huger with her AltBrat PunkRokk CuntyMom style. H8 u, all of u's, u girlz who wore ties just bcuz she did.

So Oh-Two.

But now, it's 2kNine.
The times r so different.
But srsly.
If Sk8rBoi came out now, would it even b on the radio?
If Hot In Herre was released this yr, would it b spelled with 3 r's instead?
Is Nelly even still alive?
Was there even AltMusic around in the 2k2? Or was it just Nickelback?
Or was I just cumpletely sadly unaware of it all.
(I'm pretty sure this is the real answer... wish i knew about Iron&Wine, Le Tigre, Prefuse 73, etc., as they emerged in2 the scene; h8 my former mainstream'd lyfe)
Can u even imagine a time without Sufjan? (Well there were 2 albums but it was pre-Michigan so it didn't count)
Can u even imagine not having a super trashy mainstream TV show 2 find all ur fave IndieMusic from? (h8 u/miss u/h8 u theO.C.)

Point is, times have changed since then.
Now back to the point about sevenTeen being the "age 2 b" in 2thousand2.
Times have changed.
Nd now, in the crazy age that is 2kNine/the very end of the 00's/beginning of the twentytenz, the age 2 b is most definitely ELEVEN.

That's right.
The One-One, the 10+1, the 'Leven.
It's so good 2 b 11 right now.

While this is yet 2 b displayed on a cumpletely mainstream lvl, trust me, in the FutureAlt TrendPredicting AheadOfTheTimes Wrld that is being "hipster", eleven is the age 2 b.

But srsly, being 11 is the best. Here's y:
- Ur still so ignorant 2 the wrld's bullshit problems.
- U have cumplete access 2 ur rich mom and richer dad's money nd don't need 2 work//pay rent//have a job//etccc
- U haven't hit full fledged puber-T yet so ur not hormonal nd GrossAsFk looking, yet ur sexual attractions r already beginning. Sounds like the best age 2 have meaningless hookups evr.

If ur still not convinced that 11 is the age 2 b, here's a "Swear2God its true" true story from yesterday:
I took my frnds 2 my fave HookahBar. We spent all afternoon/evening enjoying the delights of shisha and wine. The only other customers in the HookahBar all night were literally Eleven. A direct quote from one of my fave tweens of the nite: "I'm old enough I swear, I'm just hitting puberty late!"

Shoutout 2 all the 11 yr olds I met at the HookahBar last night:
See u, breathe u, I want 2 b u.



After watching this video, I thought of a fourth feeling that I can possibly feel bsides h8/love/miss: scared. I'm str8 up scared of u's girls. Some1 do something plz. Hope they're reading L.A. Nouveau 2 get some ideas of how 2 b a better, more hipster person.

Scared shitless by baby bitches,
José

HELP! Hipster FormalWear Does Not Exist!

There’s a lot that’s happened in the last few decades.
We’ve invented a lot of shit.
A lot has been created.

In case ur wondering, “like what?”, the interweb is a pretty good exmpl.
Anothr is EZPass/SunPass/QuikTollz/electronic toll paying systems.
Nd we can’t 4get the iPhone/iPod/iTunes/iLife/iDeath. Thnx Apple.
Yet while so much has been invented nd created, there’s still one HUGE monster-monstrrr-huge thing that has really yet 2 b discovered/made/established.
Nd my life without it is rly problematic.
What’s this missing key 2 success?

It’s Hipster FormalWear.

Especially 4 men.

It doesnt rly exist.
Like, at all.

It does 2 a slight degree 4 women.
Cuz u can still wear ur dresses/slutapparel/sweetkicks/bullsht stuff.
But men have nothing. At all.
Like, even the classic hipster sweatrs cant b pulled off as FormalWear.
Even the tightjeans/solidcolor pants cant suffice as FancyPpl Clothes.

Bcuz Hipster Apparel is innately nonFormal.
Bcuz the whole idea behind the bohemian/brohemian hipster is recycled clothes/AmericanApparel/PLAID (fking love u plaid)/acid washed evrything.
Its clashing, bashing, thrashing, and straight up mashing whatever can cum 2gether 2 embody the lower-middle class urban-dweller look.


Nd while hipster apparel is the best shit ever, there is such a massive void in the realm of fancyclothes/FormalWear. Now I know that by wearing FormalWear, ur sort of being anti-hipster i suppose.
But sometimes, even hipsters/blipsters/azns have 2 dress up.

Sometimes we go 2 fancy parties too.
Sometimes we need 2 impress CuntyMom BusinessMen.
Sometimes we have 2 attend weddings/BarMitzvuhhhs/funerals (shoutout inserted here 4 the Pyrff Girl who will b the party dancer at my funeral, love/miss u).
Nd sometimes, its just nice 2 look Fancy.

But whenever I have 2 dress up 4 this kind of stuff, I hate having 2 cumpletely reject my style in evry way. I hate looking like a dressed up DoucheBro.
I hate looking so prim nd proper that ppl have no idea that my lifestyle is pretty much hipster.

But yet there’s no way 2 get around this, bcuz FormalWear is just innately not hipster.
So this is my plea 2 all the scientists/medics/researchers/pharmacists/southbitches/fashiondesigners out there:
Make Men’s Hipster FormalWear. Idk how 2 do it, but u’s r smart ppl.

So please figure it out. Just wanna go 2 my workplace’s 2k9 Holiday Party nd still feel hipster in what i’m wearing.
Just wanna b allowed in2 fancyppl restaurants, yet still get looks about why i'm a lil diffrnt than evry1 else.
Just wanna b myself nd still wear FormalWears.

The Bitch Said Yeah, The Bitch Said Yeah™,
José

Report: Teens Channel Their Teen Angst Into Txt Msgs

Being a teen is the worst/best/worstworstworst thing evr.
U know u loved/h8ed/HATE(currently)/still hate/continue to love/hated-every-minute-of ur teenage life.

But never in my life have I heard someone articulate what it means to feel TeenAngst better than what im about 2 share with u.
Lemme give u some contxt.
I was creeping thru my frnds cellphone last night nd browsing some of her txt msg's when I came across a convo between her nd 1 of her younger frnds who needed 2 talk.
When she asked him, "what's wrong?", this was his incredible all-written-in-one-single-txt-msg response: (this is a 100% authntic txt msg, didnt make this 1 up, swear2Jesus *the only thing edited is the bold/italics/color usage)

"idk evrything othr ppls problems my probs wat i can do to be stronger 4 other people who my real friends are wat i wanna do with my life whether or not its worth staying in (this town) how i need an adventure when should i start writing my book social status girls friends who r girls whether or not it'd be fun to run away and liv another life somewhere how badly i rlllllllllllyyy want it to snow so that i can go snowboarding which is like one of the 4 things tht i can just like naturally do which always makes u feel better trust issues need 4 a new hobby grades skul drugs alcohol sex more girls expectations letting ppl down betrayal wat i wanna do this weekend who my friends are y is my family so weird possibly moving 4 my dads new job going to boarding skul moving from my high skul sports more trust issues how im already excited beyond all belief 4 this summer how im a slacker but i could probably b rlly smart true beauty keeping connections with old friends while keeping new 1s feeling different from every1 else"

This is the most epic/rel8able/true/hilarious/sotrue/MySoCalledLyfe thing I've ever read.
I'm still amazed at how rel8able this txt rly is.
Nd how hipster esque it was written. Love txt lnguage. Nd when I say love, I mean h8. Save that shit 4 blogging yo.



But srsly. What angsty teen can't relate 2 the majority of these feelings?
What humans at any age can't relate 2 the majority of these feelings?

Out of all of them, I'd like 2 discuss the ones that were the most relevant 2 my TeenAngst life. (In case u didnt notice, they r in bold in the above quote):
- "idk everything" - the best opening statement ive ever heard. this is the embodyment of TeenAngst.
- "wat i wanna do with my life" - i still ask myself this question, as do we all (w'all)
- "when should i start writing my book" - ive tried so many times, it nevr gets finished, nevr evr. i need 2 take a month nd just finish that shit. i need some1 to do the illustrations tho. its a childrn's book. it's about a boy who hates his parents for not getting him a new guitar, but then they get in a car crash so he doesnt care anymore nd learns a gr8 life lesson.
- "who r girls" - again, i'm still asking this brilliant question. the best question of them all in my opinion.
- "need 4 a new hobby" - i tried rollersk8ing, i fell a lot. tried badminton, apparently u have 2 be an azn. tried lsd, got really tired. now im trying blogging. is this worthwhile? do u love this? more confused than ever.
- "expectations" - ppl wanted the world of me when i was a little teen tyke.
- "y is my family so weird" - just wanna b back in LA. holidays with the whole family is almost never a good idea. just looking for a non-existent normal family 2 take me.
- "how im a slacker but i could probably b rlly smart" - i shouldve stayed in school.
- "feeling different from evry1 else" - story of my teenangst/highschool/preskul life.

Now its ur turn.
Which of the ranted-about feelings expressed in the txt msg apply/applied most 2 u? Share with the wrld. Explore urself thru this crafty medium of expression.

Nd while u share, listen to some 'dont wry about ur awful past' motivational music provided by Sufjan Stevens. From The Avalanche (the Illinois-extras album), here's "Carlyle Lake".


Sufjan Stevens - Carlyle Lake

Waiting 2 get better insight into ur own TeenAngst life.

Txt Msg Bitching Is The Best,
José

The Game Plan/Run Down 4 My Nxt Life

In my next life, I want 2 b a rich, ovr-privileged LA teen.
Or I want 2 grow up in the jungle in Brazil nd b cumpletely unaware about the problems of American/wrld society.
But if that doesn't work out, I want 2 b a rich, ovr-privileged LA teen.

I want 2 b an angsty/lovable/slutbag teen nd have Hollywood at my fingertips, SantaMonica at my disposal, Compton at my discretion.

Here's the progression that I can imagine:

- At 4yrsold: My parental units take me 2 my first show at the Staples Cntr featuring the biggest pop star of the day. They have front row seats. They climb on stage with me. I suffer hearing damage which slightly but not too seriously affects me 4 the rest of my life.

- At 7yrsold: We go 2 visit my cousins in Laguna Beach when I spot a baby waddling away from her family on the beach. I save her life. My parents brag about it 4ever nd I write about it in my future collegeApps.

- At 9yrsold: I start my first mp3 blog nd make $2,500 from online advertising.

- At 12yrsold: I get my first middleschool detention nd begin 2 feel that being badass gives me an incredible feeling of power and triumph.

- At 14yrsold: I get my first fakeiD. I have my first big-scale emotional crisis ovr getting dumped by my B-list celeb GirlFrnd.

- At 15yrsold: I sneak in 2 the hottest clubs evr every wknd. I lose my virginity. I go 2 the gym evry day after school. My parents check in with me once evry other week but usually 4get my name.

- At 16yrs old: TheCobraSnake is the official photographer at my bff's Sweet16. I begin 2 intern 4 him. I start 2 develop a coke addiction. I make out with the LinsdayLohan of the day at the HottestClub of the day. I steal my parent's credit card nd buy myself my first Bentley. They nevr realize. I bcum a hipster artsy trend-setter at my ovr-priviledged highschool. All my frnds love/h8 me.

- At18yrsold: I singlehandedly host a huge charity fundraiser starring the CoolestAltBand of the time with a DJset by the SickestDJ of the day. This bcums my ticket in2 college. That, nd my dad nd stepmom hand a massive check to the University of my Choice.

This is my nxt life.
All I want 4 xmas is 2 b assured that this will b my nxt life.

Just wanna idolize these ideal humans.



Just wanna go 2 ur next hipster/backyrd/bong-blasting/bonfire party.
Also,
SVET ALRT >> SVET ALRT >> SVETLANA ALERT >> SVET ALRT >> SVETTY ALRRRT >> SVET ALRT >>
At the same party from the hipster looking photo above was the best looking svetlana ive evr seen. Please view the following LoveOfMyLife with me:



Just wanna meet u/know u/be u in my nxt life.
Cant wait.
Until then.

Just trying 2 deal with the life that God/Jesus nd Company have handed me.
Just want 2 love my life bettr in 0h-9.

Brentwould Betches R My Saviors,
José

Foggy LA Day, but Good 2 B Back

It's nice to be able to say I'M HOME nd not be talking about the cold, cloudy, depreshin-ubsessed winter-teeming Northeast.
Officially living in LA for the last three and a half months has done me such a wrld of good.
Nd after my little Thnxgvng voyage back to the EastCoast, I realize that there's no way i can live in a cold-weather place again for a longLongLONG time.

Nd now that im back in the hipster haven that is LA, it's time for me to get my ass out to some epic shows.
One that I'm SUPERBLY lookng forward to:
CSS.
Yes ma'am, Cansei de Ser Sexy (yeah, i feel so much more legit writing out their full name, deal with it) will b here on 12/11/0h-8.

Now why do I love CanseideSerSexy so much?
Bcuz of how much they've given us... 4 example:

- "Music is my hot hot sex." - I mean, how can u even argue this one? I couldn't agree more.
- "Do u like the bitch, bitch?" - Why yes, yes I sometimes do like that Paris Hilton bitch that ur talking about... nd to actually create a song called Meeting Paris Hilton without evr even using her first name... loves it.
- "Oh my god it's so hot, oh my god it's so cold, oh my god i'm so messed up, i don't know which way to go." - Story of my and so many of my peers' lives. These three fantastic declarations are potentially the best album-opening lyrics in modern-day history.
- "The Rat is DEAD." - No commnt evn necessary.

And as much as I love the wonder that is CSS, I'm pretty much equally as excited for the group that's opening 4 them:
Natalie Portman's Shaved Head.
If u haven't heard of them yet, then get on it AHORA.
Cuz they're about as brilliant/hipster/nouveau as it gets.

Watch the music video for Sophisticated Side Ponytail nd ull know exactly why they are SUPRBLY BANGIN. (its below, dur)

natalie portman's shaved head - sophisticated side ponytail.

Nd just for your auditory pleasure, enjoy another taste of NPSH (nat port's shaved hed) with the song Me + Yr Daughter.

Do U Lyke the Bitch, Bitch,
José

It's the THIS BLOG IS LEGIT post.

NUZE FLASH:
Subliminal messages in music = Ridiculously IN.

Here's an example.
Britney's new album "Circus."
Track Six is a hot club thumpin' track called If U Seek Amy.
The basic gist of the song is that Brit is lookng for this chick Amy to go clubbing with, aftr-party with, maybe hook up with? (Could this be a Lindsay/SammyRonson thing goin' on?) I assume not. Since Brit didn't write it.
But regardless...

The chorus reads:
Love me, hate me, say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy.

These lyrics might be a little vague at first, but if ur like me, and u listen to the song for the seventeenth time, u pick up on an incredible subliminal oh-so-discreet message.
I'll write the lyrics again:
Love me, hate me, say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to F. U. C. K. me.


Britney Spears - If U Seek Amy

If u don't think this is musical mastery, then don't evr read LA nouveau again.
Nd don't even dare read HRO (hipster runoff) again.

Which brings me to share with u a great little op-ed piece that I just read this morning courtesy of Pretty Much Amazing!, a pretty legit sumwhere-btween-mainstream-nd-alt mp3 blog that is usually pretty dead-on. I'll share the introduction to this piece with u, nd u can will read the rest:
There are typically two types of music blogs around in this here blogosphere – those that tell you what they like and those that tell you what you should like. And then there’s Hipster Runoff (aka hipsterrunoff/HRO/OMGZHRO/Carles). Authored by “Carles”, The Runoff alternates between hating on the things you like and hating on the things you don’t like, leaving an ambiguously nonexistent center – the inability to be authentically ‘alt’.

READ THE REST by clickng here

I'd be lying if i said that I wasn't at least a bit inspired by evry HRO blog post, just cuz they're all so raw/hawt/fking honest/bullsht/use-no-vowels.
But while some may see this as exposing a dark unoriginality in LA nouveau, I see it quite the opposite. Bcuz while I might idolize the idea of HRO nd incoporate some of its wondrs into my own blog, my influences cum from all over the blogosphere/hemisphere/univrse.

Whethr I am influenced by a hawt track I find on HypeMachine
Whethr I am puzzled by the half-naked man walking down Figueroa Ave
Whethr I am terrified by the eerie sun settng into the smog instead of the horizon
Whethr I am excited by some sexcellent hipster artist playing a gig at the Music Box / Fonda
No matter... cuz this is expression. So fking enjoy it.
Nd this blog isn't ur same old dried-up washed-up slutted-up prostitotted-up "personal" xanga-esque bullshit.

This is ENTERTAINMNT + INFORMNG + ANGST-RIDDEN + NeoLosAngeles.

So to all the South Bitches, othr bitches, dark rappers, kidnappers, LOLcats, nd any othr haters/confused citizens,
u can take yo face nd throw it out the window.

Good night nd don't let the dream be bitchd away,
José

Dreams of Jet Setting 4 1 Nite Only

Fk Black Friday.
While sex-crazed moms and economic-depression-unaffected husbands will be waking up at 4am to storm their nearest Target SuperCenter or WalMart UltraBig GrandeLatteLard-Infused-Madness MegaStore,
While insecure twenty-sumthng sluts will be flocking to their fave fitness clubs to work off all the turkey stuffng gravy cranberry shauce,
While 8yrold boys will sit in front of the televij in their hipster onesies becuming more braindead by the second from cartoons and othr nonsense,
While former high school students will lounge around in their big houses fresh from their beloved universities wonderng what hot popular skank is gonna have a thrashin party tonite,

I will sit and be pissed as fk. Bcuz all I want to do is be in Paris.
That's right, Paris.

For those of u who read this blog well enuf to know me, u might be thinkng "Wait, I thought u desperately wanted to go back to LA..."

Nd while this is true, and I strongly commend u for ur perceptiveness and keenness of my hipster desires, I have to inform u that it is PARIS that I want to go to right now.
More than anythng.
Just for one night.
One Night in Paris. (Not like the Paris Hilton sex tape, altho I could easily accomodate that as well...)
Why do I so desperately crave One Night in Paris?
Here's ur answer.:

UFFIE.
Live.
Tmrw night (Friday nite, Nov 28)

Uffie - Pop the Glock

It gets better.
SANTOGOLD.
Live.
Tmrw nite.

Santogold - Lights Out

It keeps getting better.
DIPLO.

Diplo - Diplo Rhythm

Doesn't stop there.
CHAIRLIFT.

Chairlift - Bruises

The four. All togethr. In Paris. At Le Showcase. With Uffie. Without José.

Again, that's one event, at Le Showcase, with Santogold/Diplo/Chairlift/UFFIE.

Bcuz this is the most epic hipster thng to happen since Welcum Home DJ AM (which as u hopefully know I more than attended), and since it is in the city that I have always dreamed of being a part of, and since the hipster inside me screams for random EuroAdventures, and since my mom (yes, I have a Mom.. but we'll discuss her more latr) just got back from Paris, and since I LIVE FOR UFFIE, and since Santogold, Diplo, and Chairlift are 3 of my othr faves right now,
the idea of this concert occurring without me makes me feel the following sentiment:
I. Want. To. Melt. Into. The. Earth. nd. Decompose.


To conclude, I'd like to switch the saying up:
Bitch, you are my death lover,
José

Thnx4 Awkfests and Epic Fails

Whethr we like it or not, Thnxgivng is almost here.
The day when families all over get togethr, manage to argue over the consumption of food or lack of consumption of food, where evryone is either too drunk or far too sober, nd where evryone looks at ur seemingly hipster lifestyle in disgust nd confusion.
Nd coming back to somewhere different, aka going "home" aka to ur parents' house, is just mentally draining.
So wht the fk to do while u sit there in ur cold seemingly-different locale?
Here's what:
- Flee. Get the fk out of there as much as possible. (CLK this lnk, srsly, its worth it)

- Hop on whtevr public transportation happens to be accessible; take random subway trips

aka: take the Metro down to that warehouse-teeming area nd have a hipster rave with 2 othr hipster friends and 1 hipster laptop. (my personal recommendation 4 allymarcus.)

- Explor ur town and introduce urself to that hobo/sketchball dude who always hangs around ur town but uve always been too nervous to introduce urself too cuz u know he'll try to follow u home, but now none of that "ooh im scared" bullsht matters

- Meet me at Foxwoods. (The WONDER of it all!)

On this same idea of going back to ur roots, reminiscing about the good or not-so-good days of whenevr, remembering all the bullsht uve tried to leave behind, I'd like to now discuss the EPIC FAILS of UR PAST.

U know the one(s) i'm talkng about.

- It could be the guy who's leg u should've never graced at that party to begin with.

- It could be the frst and last time u evr had a house party at ur parent's house.

- It could be the two grls who promised they'd never tell ur secret about giving that freshman boy a blwjb.

- It could be the mom who lives next door who u'd always said u'd fk if u had the chance, and then u got the chance...

Nd bcuz I feel kinda bad for not blogging in the last many hours aka few days aka cuz i hav no fking inspiration or passion when im not in LA, I'm presenting u with some music that if ur not currently listening to, or at least know of, then ur completely fking braindead.
To the point that I wud recommend kissng that college education goodbye and start takng notes on the hipster wrld of LAnvo.

So here's a UK-tastic brat pack that is really going places right now... they're called Ladyhawke, and they are superbly legit.
Nd they have a bunch of good traxxx (u might know "Paris Is Burning").
But their best song in my opinion is def this next one im about to post...
It's called "Magic".
Nd it's epic.
Enjoy: Ladyhawke - Magic


Hppy Btchin & Thnx-gvin,
José

Wanted: A proPhotographer to stalk my life

My epic life needs a professional photographer.
Since filming my televsion show-esque life would be way too mainstream and far too MTV-cloned, photo-documenting the insanity, beauty, and etc. of my life is surely the way to go.

For yrs as an awkward teen, I carried my little Canon PwrShot around like so many othrs, taking photos every 30 seconds of another awkward couch pic or awkward dance shot...
- Snapping yet anothr pic of the same exact tweens sitting the exact same way...
- Documenting yet anothr walk into town after 9th grade english got let out...
- Freakng the fk out when the camera would run out of battery just as TweenBoy1 and TweenGirl2 were about to dance togethr...
- Filling FB album after FB album of the same pixxx from yet anothr bland day of life...


Yet all of these low-to-fair-quality photos have taken me and everyone else pretty much nowhere, cuz the pictures are just A. corny, and second of all, lameAsHell, cuz, well, life was LameAsHell.

But now, my frnds, life isnt really that lame anymore. In fact, it's pretty fking interesting. And it deserves to be documented in an equally beautiful way.
Which is why after borrowing my friend's super nice camera to document the smoke-teeming Los Angeles yesterday, I have realized this:
I NEED A SUPER NICE CAMERA. BAD.

AND I NEED A PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER TO FOLLOW ME AROUND AND TAKE PICTURES OF THE LIFE AROUND ME.

- I'd hire TheCobraSnake, but last i checked he was spending majority of his time in Canada. (MRRR?!?!)

- I'd hire Sam Lutfi and his paparazzi friends, but his last client didn't work out too well...

- I'd hire my photo-taking frnd from back east, but Chicago to LA is a tough daily commute.

- I'd hire the best frnd SarahKah, but she needs to get into FIDM first.

- I'd hire Megan Fox, but I'd be wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too distracted to live out my normal life.

U know what, screw it, i'll take the pictures myself. They won't be as great as a professional's. But i'll take one for the team.

AKA I have NO MONEY to hire anyone to take pixxx of me/mylife/theWrld. and i cannot afford to decline into further debt.

In closing:
A song.
That I love the hell out of right now.
If u don't know M83, then know him, and know them quickly, before I decide to stop knowing you.

I plan on posting a few of their epic songs ovr the next few days.
But today, I'll start with my favorite.
The song is titled: Kim & Jessie.
The song makes u want to be in love, walk down the street feeling in love, and smile to the world that u love something.

Enjoy this song, enjoy your sunday/monday/whenever u might be reading this.

"And one day, just like that, she ceased to bitch all together.",
José

Heathrs-inspird, CommSu-desird

Dear Diary,

My teen angst bullshit has a body count. - Veronica

Srsly. Why the fk were the 80's so TWISTED, DARK HUMORED, FREEK FREEK'D THE FK OUT, and EPIC.?!?.

Honstly, altho I live for the hipster life, which has so much 80's callback / refrnce its not even remotely funny, I dont thnk i could EVRR survive in the tumultuous CHAOS of the eighties.

Wuld i have sunken into the teen fiend pop culture flashy fk madness?

Wuld i have been a cumplete nerd straight outta freaks nd geeks, livng and breathng all those eighties nerds classics?

Wuld i have worn leggings / sweats / headbandz / menz 80's fashion every day?

Wuld i jerk off to Wynona Rider evry day right after my angsty 9th period phyz edd class?

Wuld i sit at home gettng fat eating potato skins dipped in ranch dressing watching ABC after school specials about cocaine and dads living in downtown motels.

But speaking of coke, please join me now and watch the weirdest commercial I've evr seen in my life:

Yes, my frndz, thats not even a public service announcement, THAT WUZ A COMMERCIAL FOR A SELF-CLEANING TOILET. MRR TO THE MRR?!?!?
I'll leave u on that note.

More mañana.
Keep up the bitchin and the betchin,
José