Report: Teens Channel Their Teen Angst Into Txt Msgs

Being a teen is the worst/best/worstworstworst thing evr.
U know u loved/h8ed/HATE(currently)/still hate/continue to love/hated-every-minute-of ur teenage life.

But never in my life have I heard someone articulate what it means to feel TeenAngst better than what im about 2 share with u.
Lemme give u some contxt.
I was creeping thru my frnds cellphone last night nd browsing some of her txt msg's when I came across a convo between her nd 1 of her younger frnds who needed 2 talk.
When she asked him, "what's wrong?", this was his incredible all-written-in-one-single-txt-msg response: (this is a 100% authntic txt msg, didnt make this 1 up, swear2Jesus *the only thing edited is the bold/italics/color usage)

"idk evrything othr ppls problems my probs wat i can do to be stronger 4 other people who my real friends are wat i wanna do with my life whether or not its worth staying in (this town) how i need an adventure when should i start writing my book social status girls friends who r girls whether or not it'd be fun to run away and liv another life somewhere how badly i rlllllllllllyyy want it to snow so that i can go snowboarding which is like one of the 4 things tht i can just like naturally do which always makes u feel better trust issues need 4 a new hobby grades skul drugs alcohol sex more girls expectations letting ppl down betrayal wat i wanna do this weekend who my friends are y is my family so weird possibly moving 4 my dads new job going to boarding skul moving from my high skul sports more trust issues how im already excited beyond all belief 4 this summer how im a slacker but i could probably b rlly smart true beauty keeping connections with old friends while keeping new 1s feeling different from every1 else"

This is the most epic/rel8able/true/hilarious/sotrue/MySoCalledLyfe thing I've ever read.
I'm still amazed at how rel8able this txt rly is.
Nd how hipster esque it was written. Love txt lnguage. Nd when I say love, I mean h8. Save that shit 4 blogging yo.



But srsly. What angsty teen can't relate 2 the majority of these feelings?
What humans at any age can't relate 2 the majority of these feelings?

Out of all of them, I'd like 2 discuss the ones that were the most relevant 2 my TeenAngst life. (In case u didnt notice, they r in bold in the above quote):
- "idk everything" - the best opening statement ive ever heard. this is the embodyment of TeenAngst.
- "wat i wanna do with my life" - i still ask myself this question, as do we all (w'all)
- "when should i start writing my book" - ive tried so many times, it nevr gets finished, nevr evr. i need 2 take a month nd just finish that shit. i need some1 to do the illustrations tho. its a childrn's book. it's about a boy who hates his parents for not getting him a new guitar, but then they get in a car crash so he doesnt care anymore nd learns a gr8 life lesson.
- "who r girls" - again, i'm still asking this brilliant question. the best question of them all in my opinion.
- "need 4 a new hobby" - i tried rollersk8ing, i fell a lot. tried badminton, apparently u have 2 be an azn. tried lsd, got really tired. now im trying blogging. is this worthwhile? do u love this? more confused than ever.
- "expectations" - ppl wanted the world of me when i was a little teen tyke.
- "y is my family so weird" - just wanna b back in LA. holidays with the whole family is almost never a good idea. just looking for a non-existent normal family 2 take me.
- "how im a slacker but i could probably b rlly smart" - i shouldve stayed in school.
- "feeling different from evry1 else" - story of my teenangst/highschool/preskul life.

Now its ur turn.
Which of the ranted-about feelings expressed in the txt msg apply/applied most 2 u? Share with the wrld. Explore urself thru this crafty medium of expression.

Nd while u share, listen to some 'dont wry about ur awful past' motivational music provided by Sufjan Stevens. From The Avalanche (the Illinois-extras album), here's "Carlyle Lake".


Sufjan Stevens - Carlyle Lake

Waiting 2 get better insight into ur own TeenAngst life.

Txt Msg Bitching Is The Best,
José

Do U Have the Potential?

I finally understand the need for Dateline: 2 Catch a Predator.

B4 today, I always felt that the show was unethical, unnecessary, and if it had 2 b ranked on a moral scale from 1 to 10 (1 being 2Girls1Cup immoral, 10 being iGo2ChurchEvryDay moral), I would've given it a FKING DISGUSTING.

Nd after I just watched another YuTube clip of the show, I once again remember why I find evrything about the NBC television program despicable.

Howevr, after yet anothr interesting wknd, I have realized why there is a need for this kind of TV programming.

Nd here's why:

Cuz Predatorz are Evrywhere.

Nd they only seem to b increasing in numbers nd in magnitude.

Now i've witnessed/known/befrnded/gone of coffee dates with plenty of sleazy creepy "iWillBangThatChickWhethrSheWants2orNot" men in my life.

But somehow, bcuz of the generally respectable nature of my posse, I so often forget just how many SexualPredatorz r actually out there.

Nd I always find myself latr wondering how the fk do these guys actually bcum the SexPredz that they are?

- Did their parents always encourage them to get a blowsky no matter what?

- Were they raised in a home where it was ok to take their sister and fk her after dinner?

- Did they grow up believing that it was Jesus' mission 2 get men to act more creepy and animalistic?

- Are they part of an underground society that teaches them the wrld's most fked up/hilarious pick up lines in history?

Nd as I delve further into this potentially-terrifying problem of the spread of SexPredz, I wondr: Is there any hope? Is there any answer?

Will the only solution b to have an ethnic cleansing of all SexPredz evrywhere?

Nd if we did have a worldwide SexPredz annihilation, who wud make the cut?

Is evryone either a SexPred or not a SexPred?

What about my cousin Nathan? He's been in 2 great long-term relationships, but there was that 1 girl that he roofied last yr after that bad breakup... is he there4 a SexPreddy?
Could I even b a SexPredster?
Do we all have the potential 2 b that guy in the photo above?

I think it's time 4 all of us 2 go 2 therapy. Just in case.
Nd while ur thinkng ovr whethr u might secretly b the next 2CatchAPreddy victim, enjoy some slick sounds from one of the best DJ's/artists in existance at this moment: DIPLO.
He's a Philly-based DJ who is the genius behind a shit ton of the best rmxs out there,
plus started his own label, Mad Decent, who I thank evryday for the wonders of Bonde do Role, my 2yrAgo Brazilian ubsession (pre-CSS enfatuation). Enjoy Diplo.

Diplo - "Must Be A Devil"

Get Shawty nd Bitchy, in a Non-Threatning Way,
José

Kennedy Sex Whores Unite.

Hello and here's what I'm jealous of 2day:
Legacy Last Names.

Yep, that's right. U know those last names that just scream WEALTH, PWR, FAME, and LEGACY.
Exmpl: Rockefeller.
U know if u met some1 with the last name Rockefeller, they'd be rollin' in the dough.
Just like if u meet some1 in 10+ yrs with the last name Obama, u know u'll be jealous that they were somehow related to Barack, Michy, and the whole hipster PrezFam. (Love u Sash nd Malia)
But the biggest LEGACY LST NAME that im super jealous of right now has to be:
KENNEDY.
aka
John Kennedy.
Prez No. 35, SuperStud, Womanizer, R.I.P.

aka
Cory Kennedy.
Former CobraSnake Intern, The LA Hipster/LA Socialite of 0h-6, Coke Addict, LOVE.

aka
Joe Kennedy.
The King of Queens, Vegas Billionaire, Ghey of the Day.


Nd speaking of the latter example, I'd like to discuss Sex in the 2ks. (2000's)
Now im totally cool with / down with ppl cuming up with hot sexy kinky ways to attract some1 or initiate something with someone.
Foreplay? I'm game.
Treasure hunt? Sounds grand.
Horny txt msg? Superb.

But here's where technology/the internet/VanessaHudgens goes wrong:
SENDING NAKED PICS OVR THE INTERWEB.


Oh nd then it gets wurse. (Credit: JKndy's fkbud) Nd just to clarify, these weren't found on GoogleImages or some bullsht like that. These were actually sent to a frnd from some1 asking 4 sex:


Rlly?
REALLY?
RLY?!
Ok, so it can be sorta hot if ur so ultra attractive to the point that naked pics of urself would be deemed HOT. But srsly, no offense to evry human i know, but i would not want to see most of the humans i associate with everyday, and even some of the humans that i would want to fk, in self-taken naked pixxx of themselves in their dirty bathroom mirrors.
Nd SRSLY, kudos to u for being that enamored with urself, but who the fk is that ubsessed with themselves to actually do that?

Now here cums the sad part: I am sure that many of the ppl I know nd love nd fk nd who read this blog have done / do this regularly / will do this in the future.
Y? IDK. When A. its creepy and SECOND OF ALL, some1 could easily post them online.
So unless ur lookng to bcum a pornstar (nd in that case GO 4 IT!!!! ND send me ur pixxx and i will gladly try to get u famous), nd unless ur bf/gf/elicit lover is off to war / displaced so far away that its the only thing that can get ur relationship to stay kindled, then wtf are u doing.

Nd back to my original argument, if this is how ur actually trying to get some1 to bone u / fk u / have vaginal/anal/oral intercourse with u, then all i have to say is:
WOW. RLY?! WOW.

Nd the fact that this WORKED is even more ridiculous/hilarious/naturally.

More mp3's mañana. B grateful for what i supply u, u dirty drug/mp3-ubsessed nymphos.

2k9 Sex-Crazed Betches Be Gone,
José