Sry CyberBullies, Im Just Not Offended

Dont know about u, but not much offend me these days.
Used 2 b a lot more Offend-able.
Back in the days of LowSelfEsteem/Hypochondria/Menopause, used 2 b kinda sensitive 2 the harshness of the wrld.
Used 2 feel a lil hated on.
Used 2 feel kinda targeted.
Used 2 feel uncomfortable when ppl would do/talk about morally offensive things.

Remembering now back when I got rly upset when ppl thought it was funny when MichaelJackson dangled his babyrobot ovr the hotel balcony. Used 2 say things like,
"Thats a child right there!" or "U should care 4 its life" or "Look at the pain in Jacko's eyes" etc.
Now I look at the paparazzipics nd cant help but laugh, thinking of how much fun it mustve been 4 that lil Baby 2 get all that Media attention nd for Jacko 2 get all that publicity.
In the end it rly was a good call... plus the Baby didnt die or anything, so, guess thats a plus.


So nowadays I dont rly get offended by much.
Maybe its cuz ive been exposed 2 so much that im no longer freaked out enough by anything.
Maybe if I didnt watch my fave SoapOpera star get mauled to death by a crowd of protestors when I was 12yrsold in Long Beach, CA, I'd b more easily offend-able.
Maybe if I didnt write an angsty hipster blog, I would care more when I offend othr ppl. [Still think that there r oppresive things about GreekLife at colleges that remind me of Nazism, sry Kansel]

Feel like our lil society is splitting in2 a dichotomy btween 2 diffrent types of ppl:
Ppl who nevr get offended, nd usually find Offensive things funny. &
Ppl who get offended over evrything, nd have a higher moral standard.

I am the 1st exmpl.
As are most of my closest frnds.
Like the 1 who jokes around with me about the funny man's accent at the end of HotelRwanda.
Like the 1 who gave a speech at my MiddleSchool graduation about how her personal hero in life is Terri Schiavo.
Like the 1 who threw out all her underwear cuz she was sick of wearing them a few summrs ago.
Like the 1 who did modeling nd took cute pixx of herself being crucified 4 a new "Just Say No 2 Meth" campaign.

Like the 1s who at age 13 introduced me 2 the musical wonder that is Peaches.
A crazy bitch grrrl whose real name is Merrill Beth Nisker, who's bff's with Feist, whose music is as edgy nd offensive as anything my frnds would do.
U may have heard her most notorious song "Fuck The Pain Away" b4.
This may have been the song my frnds nd I danced 2 in the hallways in eighthGrade.
So let me share with u now some more shittastic tunes from her.
This is a lil jam called "Boys Wanna Be Her". The title should tell u enough. U know Id want 2.


[photo cred via Rollo&Grady]

Peaches - Boys Wanna Be Her

Getting down 2 the Bitch sounds of Offensiveness,
José

The Game Plan/Run Down 4 My Nxt Life

In my next life, I want 2 b a rich, ovr-privileged LA teen.
Or I want 2 grow up in the jungle in Brazil nd b cumpletely unaware about the problems of American/wrld society.
But if that doesn't work out, I want 2 b a rich, ovr-privileged LA teen.

I want 2 b an angsty/lovable/slutbag teen nd have Hollywood at my fingertips, SantaMonica at my disposal, Compton at my discretion.

Here's the progression that I can imagine:

- At 4yrsold: My parental units take me 2 my first show at the Staples Cntr featuring the biggest pop star of the day. They have front row seats. They climb on stage with me. I suffer hearing damage which slightly but not too seriously affects me 4 the rest of my life.

- At 7yrsold: We go 2 visit my cousins in Laguna Beach when I spot a baby waddling away from her family on the beach. I save her life. My parents brag about it 4ever nd I write about it in my future collegeApps.

- At 9yrsold: I start my first mp3 blog nd make $2,500 from online advertising.

- At 12yrsold: I get my first middleschool detention nd begin 2 feel that being badass gives me an incredible feeling of power and triumph.

- At 14yrsold: I get my first fakeiD. I have my first big-scale emotional crisis ovr getting dumped by my B-list celeb GirlFrnd.

- At 15yrsold: I sneak in 2 the hottest clubs evr every wknd. I lose my virginity. I go 2 the gym evry day after school. My parents check in with me once evry other week but usually 4get my name.

- At 16yrs old: TheCobraSnake is the official photographer at my bff's Sweet16. I begin 2 intern 4 him. I start 2 develop a coke addiction. I make out with the LinsdayLohan of the day at the HottestClub of the day. I steal my parent's credit card nd buy myself my first Bentley. They nevr realize. I bcum a hipster artsy trend-setter at my ovr-priviledged highschool. All my frnds love/h8 me.

- At18yrsold: I singlehandedly host a huge charity fundraiser starring the CoolestAltBand of the time with a DJset by the SickestDJ of the day. This bcums my ticket in2 college. That, nd my dad nd stepmom hand a massive check to the University of my Choice.

This is my nxt life.
All I want 4 xmas is 2 b assured that this will b my nxt life.

Just wanna idolize these ideal humans.



Just wanna go 2 ur next hipster/backyrd/bong-blasting/bonfire party.
Also,
SVET ALRT >> SVET ALRT >> SVETLANA ALERT >> SVET ALRT >> SVETTY ALRRRT >> SVET ALRT >>
At the same party from the hipster looking photo above was the best looking svetlana ive evr seen. Please view the following LoveOfMyLife with me:



Just wanna meet u/know u/be u in my nxt life.
Cant wait.
Until then.

Just trying 2 deal with the life that God/Jesus nd Company have handed me.
Just want 2 love my life bettr in 0h-9.

Brentwould Betches R My Saviors,
José

U R (not necessarily) a Product of Ur Parents

Dear Mom nd Dad,
Sometimes, I'm a little bit of a fk up.

As finals plague the wrld nd many of my undergrad/grad/postgrad/nevergrad frnds head home 4 the holy days ahead,
As yet anothr yr has cum, taken a toll on our beautiful bodies, nd is finally about 2 pass,

I have begun 2 think about 2k8 as a whole, the year that began my new life out in LosAngeles.
Nd its been great. Srsly. Like, the best.
It hasnt been perfect (understatemnt)
But all in all, its been superbly great.

But when I think about all the things i've done/tried/sold/bought/lost/experienced/murdered/said/beenExposed2 since i've been here, 1 question remains in my mind:
What wud my parental units think?

On the one hand, I know I shouldnt care/dont actually care.
But aftr living in closer proximity 2 them 4 the last few yrs and now being on the opposite side of the country.
I cant help but hilariously wonder:
What the fk wud my parents think?

Wud they b accepting of my increasing amount of independnce, even tho I already was b4?
Wud they b proud of my not necessarily legal ways of making money?
Wud they b terrified of my hipster/AltBro frnds?
Wud they b upset by the rampant drug use that goes on outside my apartmnt/on my floor/in my mouth?
Wud they b amused by my lack of conformity to the ovrpriviledged ways of my peers?
Wud they b worrisome of my erratic social situations nd frnd-making decisions?


Again, dont rly care, just think its funny 2 think about.
Nd if u weren't amused, then u can run to the nearest scaffold nd hang urself from it.
Cuz That Shit's Hilarious.
Oh Mom nd Dad.
Just want them 2 love me/h8 me/miss me.

Just want 2 share some Fleet Foxes with u.
Cuz they were part of the brilliant-ness that was 2ZroZro8.
Just want some1 to comment this post with a brilliant explanation of the last wrds of their song "Blue Ridge Mountains":
Terrible am I child?
Even if you don't mind,
No.

FleetFoxes=LyricallySuprb/Artsy/ConfusesMe.


Fleet Foxes - "Blue Ridge Mountains"

P.S. Today's blog post title is dedicated to N.D.
I hate ur... U know what.
That shit's (not necessarily) hilarious. But srsly.

Feeling Bitchy, Breathing Bitchy,
José