So Tell Me, Have U Seen Her?: A Meme Is Born

L.A. Nouveau presents a new Meme 2 add 2 its already enormous collection of hardly viral Memes.

Let me introduce u the Newest thang now.

Presenting: Have U seen this AZN???

There r a lot of AZN's (asians, 4 those of u who are still hipster-illiterate) in this lil country of ours.

Actually, they make up only about 5% of the USofA.

But they make up a shitload of areas like California, LosAngeles, nd IvyLeague schools.

Bcuz of their overwhelming presence in many places like L.A., an overbearing issue has arisen: how 2 tell them apart.

4 whatever reason, it can often b very hard 2 distinguish 1 AZN from the next.

But maybe if we focus more attention on distinguishing specific AZN ppl, it will bcum easier 2 tell em all apart.
Nd by telling them apart, we can better understand the things they do, what motivates them, what prompts their unknown azn actions, etc.

Nd thus, I bring u:

Have U seen this AZN???

2days AZN:

So... Have U seen this AZN???

She was last seen totally screwing up ppl's school projects by not being able 2 formulate her words correctly nd thus wasting all of the time the othr presenters had 2 speak during.

Shes also been known 2 refute other ppl's ideas by using big words that dont come out correctly bcuz of her lacking English skills.

Additionally, she recently travelled 2 HongKong where she felt generally more accepted in2 society bcuz of her AZNness nd her Westernized-meets-Chechnya sense of style.

In the future, she plans 2 remain generally subdued by AmericanSociety despite her high-level B.S./B.A. in economics/InternationalRelations.

She also enjoys eating Dumplings, nd other AZNnation food/drink-things/brightly-colored-nuclearly-radiated-rice-produced items.

So Have U seen this AZN??? Share where/when/what this AZN was doing when U saw it.

(Even if this isnt necessarily the AZN u saw, Im sure u've recently seen 1 like this, so please share ur sensitive story regardless)

Leave a comment. Share a tale.
Nd remember 2 email jose@LAnouveau.com if u come across a noteworthy AZN that ur wondering if ppl have seen recently.

Looking for more AZN bitches 2 blog about,
José ≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠

Ally+Bro: A New Internet Meme

Humans cum in all shapes nd sizes.
W'all look diffrnt, w'all have diffrnt interests, w'all have diffrnt styles.
Its what separates us from goldfish, or flies, or AZNS... can nevr tell the individuals in those species apart from 1 anothr.

Want 2 take a look at the diffrnt types of ppl thru a new internet meme/party pixx featurette i'm introducing 2day called...
Ally+Bro: 1 Girl, Many diffrnt Bros.

Background info:
The othr night at 1 of L.A. Nouveau's fave lil party spots in L.A., I was surprised 2 find a lot of diffrnt kinds of bros.
I knew there'd b bros at this party spot, cuz there always r. But the level of just how many diffrnt bros there were made 4 a great Party Pixx-taking opportunity.

I thus had 1 of the L.A. Nouveau interns, who will go by the pseudonym Ally 2 protect her true identity, take a picture with each of the diffrnt types of Bros that we encountered.
In total there were nearly 40 diffrnt bros captured, but bcuz theres only so much space in the interweb that I can waste with this meme, I will display a random sampling of the Bros 4 u 2 enjoy.

So with that lil intro, I bring u the new Internet Meme/great BlogArt/Party Pixx-featurette that is Ally+Bro.


__

__

__

__

__

This has been anothr edition of
L.A. Nouveau PartyPixx: Helping u 2 feel like u were 'sort of' at that party instead of sitting in ur room reading this nd othr Blogs.


Lolzers.

Cant wait 4 the nxt party 2 create a new bitchy internet meme,
José

Who Do U Think U R, Taking these Pixx nd Leaving It Up Here?

Time 4 a PartyRecap.
U know those parties where u 4 some weird/bizarre/unknown reason u cant remember much of anything that went down at the party as u try 2 remember it the nxt morning?
If uve evr blacked out/browned out/grayed out/died after a party, then u know how nice/scary it is 4 someone 2 relay 2 u what happened last night.

So let L.A. Nouveau b ur PartyRecapper/SoberSister.
Cuz i'm about 2 recap 4 u 1 of the funniest/greatest/fiercest/most-phototaken parties of the Yr.
Then again, its only LateJan-EarlyFeb, so declaring L.A. Nouveau's first official party as the Party-of-the-Yr is merely saying that its the best Party 2 cum in the last 31 days.
But still, of all the parties wrldwide that went down in the last 31 days, this party was definitely numberOne.

What was the party, exactly?
Let me introduce u 2 L.A. Nouveau's first official Party.
L.A. Nouveau presents:
My Dumplings - The Party.

U know the video.
It's been linked on this blog over half-a-dozen times.
Nd with so much passion, angst, unique characters, epic quotes, etc., it felt only right 2 make "My Dumplings" the theme of the blog's first official Party.

To explain the wonder/hilarity of this party in wrds could b somewhat difficult.
Instead I would like 2 show u.
Secretly looking 2 turn L.A. Nouveau in2 a Party Pixx site.
Just want 2 take Party Pixx evrywhere I go.
Just want 2 b more like theCobrasnake/LastNightsParty/etccc.

Just want u 2 cum 2 L.A. Nouveau 4 a quick catch up on the Hipster culture around u but then stay 4 a lil longer 2 look at all the Hipster pixx that I took at that Coke-convention party last wknd.
Just want 2 hire Max Martin 2 write the wrld's most catchy/poptastic/trashtastic song evr 2 bcum the official theme song of L.A. Nouveau's PartyPixx section.

But b4 I can get a theme song written, need 2 post some pixx.
So... Welcum 2 L.A. Nouveau's first-official-PartyPixx posting.


Photo-crazy bitches r wild,
José

Michael Phelps Is No Longer An Alien

Welcum back Moms+bros alike 2 the L.A. Nouveau NewsCntr: keeping u updated with the Wrld.

Found out some sleazy nuze this morning.
By now u may have seen the photo that is bumpin' nd grindin' All-Ovr-the-Interweb right now.
I'm talking about the photo of evry1's favey lil swimmer Michael Phelps.


N0, not this spotted: lilPhelps aka I.can.see.ur.peen photo.


NO, not this TRL-grrls want 2 touch ur BellyButton picture.
H8ed/miss u TotalRequestLive. Wondering what the No.1 music viddy wud have been 2day if TRL was still around... probably that My.Life.Wud.SUCK.Without.U song that evry1's been talking about / ive been blogging about.


NO ! NO ! NO !, i mean its cool that Phelpy-phelp is down with the AZNs, but srsly, none of these r the photo that i was referring 2.

Gonna explain the photo 2 u nd then it'll b posted at the end.
The photo, which hardly even looks that much like Mike , contains Michael Phelps... brace urselvs... hitting up a bong.
Like, of weed.

Nd the press is going nuts.
Some headlines I found 4 u's this morning:

- "Michael Phelps' Big Bong Theory"
- "Phelps Apologizes for Dopey Move"
- "Michael Phelps' Bong Incident: Are We To Blame?"
- "Phelps' Reputation Up In Smoke"
and my personal fave:
- "Michael Phelps' Pot Photo: When Kids' Heroes Fall"

So, I have a confession. Not gonna lie anymore.
I was nevr a big MichaelPhelpsFan.
Ive always had some respect 4 Phelps. I mean, he's a good kid nd all.
But I never rly liked him that much. Kinda borderline h8ed him. Just felt like he never "got" me.
I imagined that if we were 2 go on a lunch date evr, it probably wouldnt go well.

But thnx 2 the surfacing of this photo, I have 1 thing 2 say:
Phelps: Love u. No longer h8 u at all. Not even a lil.
Id like 2 conclude with a letter i just wrote 2 Michael Phelps.

Dear Mikey,
This is José. U know, the 1 from L.A. Nouveau.
I just wanted 2 Thank u. But srsly.
Thnx 4 being a Real Human.
Nd I wanted 2 say Im sry.
Sry that u have 2 hand out all these fake apologies 2 the NewsMediaFacist wrld.
I promise that if u ever cum 2 do an interview 4 the L.A. Nouveau NewsCenter that u would never have 2 give me any fake apologies.
Hope u can sleep easier 2nite.
Knowing that a hipster blogger now loves u.
Knowing that ppl now can relate better 2 u.
Knowing that I "get" u.
Glad 4 u that u have Weed in ur life 2 sometimes use on a once-in-a-while recreational basis.
Happy 4 u that u dont have 2 b in the closet about it anymore.
Hope 4 u that this doesnt stop u from getting high in the future.
Thnx again.

Swim On.
Fight On.
Beat the CuntyMoms aka MainstreamMedia.

With ruv, José


This.is.the.Photo.that.Ive.Been.Discussing.About

What wud u write 2 Michael Phelps?
Leave a comment of what u would write below nd maybe I'll send it on to him as a P.S. from my lil letter.

Tellin the Bitchslapped wrld off,
José

How 2 B More "Out There Grindin'" nd Other Pieces of Advice

Theres a lot of places u can turn 2 in the InterWeb 2 get advice.
Its 1 of the few good qualities about this mysterious, tumultuous place that ur currently a part of.

But there r srsly so many resources 2 get advice nd learn shit.

There's L.A. Nouveau, a particularly creepy but more-or-less wondrful lil blog where u can learn about hipster couture, what Los Angeles has 2 offer u's, nd other AltBro qualities of living.

There's other blogs like Hipster Runoff aka HRO where u can learn about all diffrnt kinds of Alts by reading a series of hypothetical rhetorical questions asked by the wrld's biggest SketchBro, Carles.

There's UStreetMeet, or University Street Meet, where u can get gr8 fashion advice based on wondrful photographs of random fashionable humans captured nd discussed by 2 coolie lil college students.

There's tons of homeworkhelper sites where u can chit nd chat with othr mentally ill highschool/college/middleskul kiddies who just cant figure out how the fk 2 do their math hwk. All i gotta say 2 this is that these kidlings r a bunch of dumb bogens. Thats why u should just get ur moms+dads 2 fork ovr the money from their trust fund nd pay 4 u 2 go 2 private school. Sry, no offense, but its true.

There's all the diffrnt health-rel8ed advice webbiesites that explain 2 u y ur not feeling so well aftr being diagnosed with HIV ovr 6 yrs ago. Luv u Webmd, now i dont have 2 go 2 a doctor anymore nd pay those stupid meddycal billz, cuz i can get all my questions answered from u. Cant wait til Webmd starts offring a service where u can use Photobooth on ur Macbook Pro 2 take pictures of ur body/sores/problem areas nd it will explain 4 u what the fk is going on.

But srsly, of all the Advice webbysites out there, I have 1 favey.
It's WikiHow. U's have probably heard of it. Any 1, srsly any 1, even if ur one of those dumb publicschool educated kiddies, can write an article 4 WikiHow giving advice 2 ppls evrywhere by explaining how 2 do random shit.

I mention WikiHow 2day bcuz 1 thing i luv about it is the daily "How 2 of the Day" that shows up on my AppleInc.-inspired iGoogle page.
Somedays, the How 2 of the Day is pretty weak/unimportant/total shit.
But 2day is not just any othr day.

Bcuz 2days "Wiki How 2 of the Day" is....
How 2 Grind.

Like, on the dancefloor. Yes, Moms+Dads, scholars, bogens, lilAlts in training evrywhere, if u evr wondered wtf ur teens/20somethings/grandparents were trying 2 do when u assumed they were intending 2 have sex on the dancefloor, it is the art of Grinding.
Want 2 go thru the steps of How 2 Grind with u's now.


Nevr realized that u shouldnt ask ppl if they want 2 grind. Ive always been wondring y I dont do that well on the dancefloors of my favey hiphop/top40 clubs.
Just want to live in a country where I have the freedom 2 ask random ppls if they want 2 grind instead of just asking if they want 2 dance. Cant we just cut 2 the chase? Cum on now.


Thoughts about this photograph:

Luv the photograph. Just want a girl with sexy hips nd equally sexy braces 2 match them.

H8 this photograph. I was srsly just beginning 2 get ovr how shitty of a yr 1942 was. '42 just sucked 4 me in a lot of ways...
- Anne Frank went in2 hiding in that dude's attic that yr.
- The Holocaust went in2 serious full swing that yr.
- Almost 500 ppl were killed in my favey nightclub in Boston, the Cocoanut Grove. Miss partying there aftr RedSox games.
- The ManhattanProject, u know, the secret project where they invented the Atomic Bomb, initiated the wrld's 1st evr Nuclear Chain Reaction. Ive felt much less safer evryday since...

Just want 2 get ovr what a shitshow of a yr 1942 was.
Lets move on.


Just lettin u's all now, I think u can get arrested in certain parts of the wrld 4 initating "Grinding Chains"... so b careful when attempting this final step.

Thnx WikiHow 4 entertaining me/u's/us all yet again.
Now im just waiting 4 a WikiHow article on how 2 more effectively use IcyHot/TigerBalm...
** HINT: Future BlogPost about this topic CUMING SOON LOLZ **

Get ur bitch grinding on the floor thanks 2 advicewebsites,
José

Life = Lots of Pairing Off, Sexually nd NonSexually.

As I look 2 b more Independent in my daily life, I have cum 2 realize something:
My AltLyfe is often expressed by pairs.
\\\

While I usually strive 4 wholeness, 1ness, nd Hipster IndieBeing, I guess Jesus nd othr suppliers of wrld order wanted 2 make certain things totally pair-able.
I s'pose that its time 4 me 2 more fairly acknowledge these great Pairs in my life.
I'd also like 2 point out that the wrd Pairs would b Paris if u switched the R nd I.
Miss u Paris.

But lets not emotionally digress 2 much.
Main point: I guess some things cum best in 2s.
Like these scholarly exmpls:

There's my Mom+Dad... creating humans like its nobodys business.


There's TheCobraSnake+SteveAoki... DJing+phototaking all ovr the CircularEarth.

There's Shampoo+Conditioner... cuz my hair = a defining feature of my Altness.


There's Me+N.D.... An AltBro just isnt cumplete without his OhSoHipster BFFL.

There's TomsShoes+MyFeet... my Toms always keep me cozy chic nd socialitely philanthropic.


There's SocialiteInNowhereland+AllyMarcus... the 2 officially designated "Frnd of L.A. Nouveau" blogs created by the same slutty soul.

There's Girls+CrystalMeth... cuz life is always more fun with a lil meth. Don't wry about losing urself, srsly.

[photo cred = SiNomatic]

Nd finally,
One last 1 that's SUPER relevant 2 right now:

There's The Bird + The Bee.
If u dont know them/their music, then get with the program nd thank god that u have L.A. Nouveau by ur side.
Cuz their folkElectro funkiness is blissful/fun/energetic/beautiful.

The othr pair, bsides the 1 in their name, is Inara George nd Greg Kurstin, who make up The Bird and the Bee.
Their debut album had popular faveys like "Fucking Boyfriend" and "La La La", which im sure u's have heard. It's on their My-spAce if u havent...
But their latest album, titled Ray Guns Are Not Just the Future, cums out 2MORROW/TMRW/2mrw.
This second album is no sophomore slump... its more dancy nd even more exciting than the first album nd has some great tracks that I already cant stop listening 2.

Enjoy 2 tracks off their new album, nd remembr 2 buy it 2morrow.


The Bird and the Bee - Love Letter to Japan


The Bird and the Bee - Witch


The best bitches often cum in 2's,
José

The Game Plan/Run Down 4 My Nxt Life

In my next life, I want 2 b a rich, ovr-privileged LA teen.
Or I want 2 grow up in the jungle in Brazil nd b cumpletely unaware about the problems of American/wrld society.
But if that doesn't work out, I want 2 b a rich, ovr-privileged LA teen.

I want 2 b an angsty/lovable/slutbag teen nd have Hollywood at my fingertips, SantaMonica at my disposal, Compton at my discretion.

Here's the progression that I can imagine:

- At 4yrsold: My parental units take me 2 my first show at the Staples Cntr featuring the biggest pop star of the day. They have front row seats. They climb on stage with me. I suffer hearing damage which slightly but not too seriously affects me 4 the rest of my life.

- At 7yrsold: We go 2 visit my cousins in Laguna Beach when I spot a baby waddling away from her family on the beach. I save her life. My parents brag about it 4ever nd I write about it in my future collegeApps.

- At 9yrsold: I start my first mp3 blog nd make $2,500 from online advertising.

- At 12yrsold: I get my first middleschool detention nd begin 2 feel that being badass gives me an incredible feeling of power and triumph.

- At 14yrsold: I get my first fakeiD. I have my first big-scale emotional crisis ovr getting dumped by my B-list celeb GirlFrnd.

- At 15yrsold: I sneak in 2 the hottest clubs evr every wknd. I lose my virginity. I go 2 the gym evry day after school. My parents check in with me once evry other week but usually 4get my name.

- At 16yrs old: TheCobraSnake is the official photographer at my bff's Sweet16. I begin 2 intern 4 him. I start 2 develop a coke addiction. I make out with the LinsdayLohan of the day at the HottestClub of the day. I steal my parent's credit card nd buy myself my first Bentley. They nevr realize. I bcum a hipster artsy trend-setter at my ovr-priviledged highschool. All my frnds love/h8 me.

- At18yrsold: I singlehandedly host a huge charity fundraiser starring the CoolestAltBand of the time with a DJset by the SickestDJ of the day. This bcums my ticket in2 college. That, nd my dad nd stepmom hand a massive check to the University of my Choice.

This is my nxt life.
All I want 4 xmas is 2 b assured that this will b my nxt life.

Just wanna idolize these ideal humans.



Just wanna go 2 ur next hipster/backyrd/bong-blasting/bonfire party.
Also,
SVET ALRT >> SVET ALRT >> SVETLANA ALERT >> SVET ALRT >> SVETTY ALRRRT >> SVET ALRT >>
At the same party from the hipster looking photo above was the best looking svetlana ive evr seen. Please view the following LoveOfMyLife with me:



Just wanna meet u/know u/be u in my nxt life.
Cant wait.
Until then.

Just trying 2 deal with the life that God/Jesus nd Company have handed me.
Just want 2 love my life bettr in 0h-9.

Brentwould Betches R My Saviors,
José

If U Aint Here 2 Party, then...

LA partygoers r the funniest/coolest/weirdest/biggestFreaks/zombies/______________ (insert word of madness) ever.

Now partying goes down in nearly evry city or hardly-urban locale in the Wrld.
From Paris to Panama City, from Pittsburgh to Prince Edwrd's Island, partygoers r always figuring out ways to party.
Nd usually, let's not kid ourselves, they are the same ways. Evry time.
It involves a good deal of booze, maybe some RedBulls/RockStarRage/MonsterForceUltraEnergy10hrsXDrink/Vicodin, some music to get u moving, and a dirty place to get down.

The party scene, of course, gets better nd more wild in better nd more wild cities.

akaNYC. Where a night at Webster Hall can lead to a health hazardous night doing coke with ur fave B-list Bway star at the 205 Club, even tho u were desperate to go 2 Marquee but u knew u wouldn't get in the door.

akaSpokane,Washington. Where a day spent doing shrooms in the mountains will lead u 2 see some AltCoreIndie band play at The Knitting Factory, only to drown urself in sorrows at the martini bar down the street.

But nowhere is the party scene quite like it is in LosAngeles,California.
Not implying that its not sometimes bettr elsewhere (oh Paris, don't get all jealous on me like that).
But nowhere else do u have all the options that u do in L.A.
Nd nowhere else is there such PartyHype and PartyObsession as there is in L.A., which is constantly proved with the numbr of growing "CobraSnake" nd "LastNight'sParty" photoblogs on the interweb.
Nd speaking of which, enjoy some PartyPics courtesy of none othr than José.



Nd nowhere else r the PartyGoers so diverse, ranging from and beyond:
///Hipsters/Blipsters/2pacWorshippers//HotModels/MainstreamChicks/Celebs//CinaNerds/Gays/UltraGheys//AltBros/IndieLovrs/DeathXCoreFanatics//Thesbians/Lesbians/CuntyMoms///

Nd most importantly, nowhere seems to be the same sense of PartyFreedom as there is in L.A.

Cuz a night/day/26hrsLaterStillGoingStrong of partying in L.A. could mean:

- Buying some dank weed from ur neighbor who goes to a Medical Club evry morning b4 he hits the gym, smoking some fine specimen with ur frnds, playing some trip-hop tunes while sippng on some fine wine, as the smoke fills the room with a glow that looks a lot like the smoggy nighttime sky.

- Taking a cab to Hollywood for $30, flask in hand, high heels in the other, stumbling across the future site of Hilary Duff's star on the WalkofFame, entering a club who's nooks feel more like a maze as u navigate the proximity of the dancefloor 2 the bathroom so u know where ppl r doing blow in case u want 2 partake.

- Going to UniversityPark aka USC after gameday, finding 2 hot drunk girls who will get u into all the frat houses even tho u graduated 6 yrs ago, being the IceLuge champ of the evening, schooling some Freshman PoliSci major at beer pong while u drunkenly discuss how the proper name 4 the game is Beirut.

- Meeting up with ur 2 guy frnds, Esmeraldo nd Okkebo, ur 1 girl frnd, Natalie, nd ur 2 non-gendr specific friends, Patricia Estevan nd Lord Matayis, to smoke some high-quality meth b4 using ur 1 DJ-frnd connection 2 get u into that warehouse party off of Olympic Blvd, only 2 find out that the warehouse was never unlocked 4 the potential rager, thus resorting 2 a KillerDJfest in the parking lot.

- Sipping champagne and VodkaPoms with ur best frnd nd his new gf, who happens to have starred on The Hills, hopping in the limo that's parked outside his apartmnt, arriving VIP at a Mr.Oizo/Justice DJ Set/BareNakedLadies tribute band show that starts 3 hrs late and doesn't end til 4, grabbng burgers nd shakes with the BNLtribute band afterwards.

Nd the possibilites go way beyond those.

But whilein some cities there's a limited amount of "scenes," there is an infintesimal numbr of scenes in L.A., to the point that they often bcum infused and consumed 2gether.
This is why only in L.A. will u get scenarios like Uffie+CutChemist+Shwayze(???)+SteveAoki benefit shows that r attended by tons of hipsters, TilaTequila, ghetto fab girls, TheCobraSnake, nd Margaret Cho, 2 name a few.

Cant help but put 1 more LAPartyPic up after that homage to Steve Aoki (credit Cobrasnake):


This is why partying in L.A. is, frankly, the shit. The bomb. The creme de la creme.
It's fking legit.

Bitch ur days nd nights away,
José

Kennedy Sex Whores Unite.

Hello and here's what I'm jealous of 2day:
Legacy Last Names.

Yep, that's right. U know those last names that just scream WEALTH, PWR, FAME, and LEGACY.
Exmpl: Rockefeller.
U know if u met some1 with the last name Rockefeller, they'd be rollin' in the dough.
Just like if u meet some1 in 10+ yrs with the last name Obama, u know u'll be jealous that they were somehow related to Barack, Michy, and the whole hipster PrezFam. (Love u Sash nd Malia)
But the biggest LEGACY LST NAME that im super jealous of right now has to be:
KENNEDY.
aka
John Kennedy.
Prez No. 35, SuperStud, Womanizer, R.I.P.

aka
Cory Kennedy.
Former CobraSnake Intern, The LA Hipster/LA Socialite of 0h-6, Coke Addict, LOVE.

aka
Joe Kennedy.
The King of Queens, Vegas Billionaire, Ghey of the Day.


Nd speaking of the latter example, I'd like to discuss Sex in the 2ks. (2000's)
Now im totally cool with / down with ppl cuming up with hot sexy kinky ways to attract some1 or initiate something with someone.
Foreplay? I'm game.
Treasure hunt? Sounds grand.
Horny txt msg? Superb.

But here's where technology/the internet/VanessaHudgens goes wrong:
SENDING NAKED PICS OVR THE INTERWEB.


Oh nd then it gets wurse. (Credit: JKndy's fkbud) Nd just to clarify, these weren't found on GoogleImages or some bullsht like that. These were actually sent to a frnd from some1 asking 4 sex:


Rlly?
REALLY?
RLY?!
Ok, so it can be sorta hot if ur so ultra attractive to the point that naked pics of urself would be deemed HOT. But srsly, no offense to evry human i know, but i would not want to see most of the humans i associate with everyday, and even some of the humans that i would want to fk, in self-taken naked pixxx of themselves in their dirty bathroom mirrors.
Nd SRSLY, kudos to u for being that enamored with urself, but who the fk is that ubsessed with themselves to actually do that?

Now here cums the sad part: I am sure that many of the ppl I know nd love nd fk nd who read this blog have done / do this regularly / will do this in the future.
Y? IDK. When A. its creepy and SECOND OF ALL, some1 could easily post them online.
So unless ur lookng to bcum a pornstar (nd in that case GO 4 IT!!!! ND send me ur pixxx and i will gladly try to get u famous), nd unless ur bf/gf/elicit lover is off to war / displaced so far away that its the only thing that can get ur relationship to stay kindled, then wtf are u doing.

Nd back to my original argument, if this is how ur actually trying to get some1 to bone u / fk u / have vaginal/anal/oral intercourse with u, then all i have to say is:
WOW. RLY?! WOW.

Nd the fact that this WORKED is even more ridiculous/hilarious/naturally.

More mp3's mañana. B grateful for what i supply u, u dirty drug/mp3-ubsessed nymphos.

2k9 Sex-Crazed Betches Be Gone,
José

Wanted: A proPhotographer to stalk my life

My epic life needs a professional photographer.
Since filming my televsion show-esque life would be way too mainstream and far too MTV-cloned, photo-documenting the insanity, beauty, and etc. of my life is surely the way to go.

For yrs as an awkward teen, I carried my little Canon PwrShot around like so many othrs, taking photos every 30 seconds of another awkward couch pic or awkward dance shot...
- Snapping yet anothr pic of the same exact tweens sitting the exact same way...
- Documenting yet anothr walk into town after 9th grade english got let out...
- Freakng the fk out when the camera would run out of battery just as TweenBoy1 and TweenGirl2 were about to dance togethr...
- Filling FB album after FB album of the same pixxx from yet anothr bland day of life...


Yet all of these low-to-fair-quality photos have taken me and everyone else pretty much nowhere, cuz the pictures are just A. corny, and second of all, lameAsHell, cuz, well, life was LameAsHell.

But now, my frnds, life isnt really that lame anymore. In fact, it's pretty fking interesting. And it deserves to be documented in an equally beautiful way.
Which is why after borrowing my friend's super nice camera to document the smoke-teeming Los Angeles yesterday, I have realized this:
I NEED A SUPER NICE CAMERA. BAD.

AND I NEED A PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER TO FOLLOW ME AROUND AND TAKE PICTURES OF THE LIFE AROUND ME.

- I'd hire TheCobraSnake, but last i checked he was spending majority of his time in Canada. (MRRR?!?!)

- I'd hire Sam Lutfi and his paparazzi friends, but his last client didn't work out too well...

- I'd hire my photo-taking frnd from back east, but Chicago to LA is a tough daily commute.

- I'd hire the best frnd SarahKah, but she needs to get into FIDM first.

- I'd hire Megan Fox, but I'd be wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too distracted to live out my normal life.

U know what, screw it, i'll take the pictures myself. They won't be as great as a professional's. But i'll take one for the team.

AKA I have NO MONEY to hire anyone to take pixxx of me/mylife/theWrld. and i cannot afford to decline into further debt.

In closing:
A song.
That I love the hell out of right now.
If u don't know M83, then know him, and know them quickly, before I decide to stop knowing you.

I plan on posting a few of their epic songs ovr the next few days.
But today, I'll start with my favorite.
The song is titled: Kim & Jessie.
The song makes u want to be in love, walk down the street feeling in love, and smile to the world that u love something.

Enjoy this song, enjoy your sunday/monday/whenever u might be reading this.

"And one day, just like that, she ceased to bitch all together.",
José

Welcum 2 Los Angeles, Pasty-folk

I remembr Novmbr. I remembr it well. It was actually one of my favorite months, just cuz Octobr SUCKED THE BIG ONE, and Decmbr depresses the fk outta me. (Thnk you cold weather, commercialism, and false happiness)
But Novmbr always had an eeriness to it that no othr month quite had. The leaves changed, the weather got colder, the sky got darker earlier, the skin got pastier, the clothes got less slutty.

But now I'm in Los Angeles.
I've heard that it generally does get colder around this time of year and some leaves do fall and the climate begins to change a little.
So here's a little personal message to all u ppl that have told me this:
U R a bunch of cnty LIARS.

SRSLY. It's 90 DEGREEZ OUTSYDE.
SRSLY. 20 min north of me, there are crazy raging fires.
SRSLY. The air is filling with more smoke and soot by the second.
SRSLY. It looks like a nuclear disaster outside.
SRSLY. I might suffocate.
SRSLY. I died 5 min ago.

But srsly, I guess the good news is that I was able to tan for a while yesterday.

TIME ELAPSE: I wrote the first part of this post an hour ago.
Since then, the air has gotten a shit ton worse.
And I just took some epic photographs of how scary it looks outside.
So enjoy this shit below, and recall that the fire was almost 30 min away, and all these picturez were taken during the broad daylight around 3:30 pm, and all these picturez are unedited aka RAW.

Safely betchin (for now),
José

U R what U EAT & H8

Disclaimer: THIS IS NOT A PERSONAL BLOG. I swear it's not. This is not a xanga or some bllsht blog where i vent about my personal life. that wud be corny as shit.

Now, HOP off my

NOB and let me proceed.

We're all culprits. We get bored. We need to waste time. We need to procrastinate. And thus, we peruse the fk out of the world of facebook photos.

my most recent epic peruse (aka this morning) led me to realize how much i hate ManFlrts. Yes, ManFlrts, aka those guys with a shit ton of fb (i will be abbreving facebook to fb from now on, so git the 'ell used to it) photos hugging and kissing a plethora of different grls.

Why this hatrid towards ManFlrts? Bcuz all i want in my life right now is STABILITY. and ManFlrts = CumPlete Lack of StaBility. and i cant understand how ManFlrts can get away with the shit that they pull when my own life is already so fking ERRATIC.

So after you've just read this, you could possibly still want to propose a question: "Why hate the unstable flirty action of ManFlrts when they're unstable actions have nothing to do with your desire for stability?"

Here's your answer:

Bcuz I am one.

Apparently, I am the culprit in my own erratic life. Now, for the rcrd, I dont really mean this. I just found it hilariously amusing to see all these fb pics amassed of myself performing completely ManFlrty actions aka the actions that i usually find fking gross and pathetic.

After further reviewing, however, I have realized that I cud use this as a genius mrkting tool. So here it is:

SND ME A PIC OF U + ME KSSNG/HUGGNG/TUCHNG/FKING EITHER REAL OR PHOTOSHOPPED (pref photoshopped cuz that would make u a fking BALLER if u took the time to photoshop a pic of u + me) ND I WILL POST IT ON THE BLOG, GIVE U 5% OF THE MONEY I MAKE FROM ADS FOR ONE MNTH, ND U WILL LOVE IT.

Now disperse.

Betch amongst the bitches,

José