The Most Wanted Ppl of 2kNine

Once upon a time, there was a great song by a bunch of brats who called themselves Ladytron.
Nd as Mira Aroyo, their lead vocalist betch, spoke 2 the masses thru her electro-synth voice, she sang:
"They only want u when ur seventeen, when ur twenty-one, ur no fun."

Ladytron - Seventeen

The song, titled "Seventeen" was released in TwoThousandTwo, nd very accurately reflected the newage trend that was beginning to form, where younger was better nd seventeen was so "in" as the age 2 b.
Which made sense at the time, bcuz being 21+, or being under 16, was bcuming more nd more problematic in TwoThousandTwo.

After all, it was a time when Rosie came out of the closet nd got off ur TV, when Winona had a little too much fun at Saks Fifth Avenue in BevHills, when little-miss-perfect fourteen yr olds got abducted (h8 u/miss u Elizabeth Smart), when Lindsay Lohan was still living in her broken LongIsland home just looking 4 some attention.

So basically, in TwoThousandTwo it was all about being a Seventeen-something postmodernist angsty TurnOfTheMillenia AltBrat.
Exmpl: Avril. Made it huge in 0h-Two with Complic8d//Sk8rBoiz//ImWithUUU. Age: 7teen. Made it even huger with her AltBrat PunkRokk CuntyMom style. H8 u, all of u's, u girlz who wore ties just bcuz she did.

So Oh-Two.

But now, it's 2kNine.
The times r so different.
But srsly.
If Sk8rBoi came out now, would it even b on the radio?
If Hot In Herre was released this yr, would it b spelled with 3 r's instead?
Is Nelly even still alive?
Was there even AltMusic around in the 2k2? Or was it just Nickelback?
Or was I just cumpletely sadly unaware of it all.
(I'm pretty sure this is the real answer... wish i knew about Iron&Wine, Le Tigre, Prefuse 73, etc., as they emerged in2 the scene; h8 my former mainstream'd lyfe)
Can u even imagine a time without Sufjan? (Well there were 2 albums but it was pre-Michigan so it didn't count)
Can u even imagine not having a super trashy mainstream TV show 2 find all ur fave IndieMusic from? (h8 u/miss u/h8 u theO.C.)

Point is, times have changed since then.
Now back to the point about sevenTeen being the "age 2 b" in 2thousand2.
Times have changed.
Nd now, in the crazy age that is 2kNine/the very end of the 00's/beginning of the twentytenz, the age 2 b is most definitely ELEVEN.

That's right.
The One-One, the 10+1, the 'Leven.
It's so good 2 b 11 right now.

While this is yet 2 b displayed on a cumpletely mainstream lvl, trust me, in the FutureAlt TrendPredicting AheadOfTheTimes Wrld that is being "hipster", eleven is the age 2 b.

But srsly, being 11 is the best. Here's y:
- Ur still so ignorant 2 the wrld's bullshit problems.
- U have cumplete access 2 ur rich mom and richer dad's money nd don't need 2 work//pay rent//have a job//etccc
- U haven't hit full fledged puber-T yet so ur not hormonal nd GrossAsFk looking, yet ur sexual attractions r already beginning. Sounds like the best age 2 have meaningless hookups evr.

If ur still not convinced that 11 is the age 2 b, here's a "Swear2God its true" true story from yesterday:
I took my frnds 2 my fave HookahBar. We spent all afternoon/evening enjoying the delights of shisha and wine. The only other customers in the HookahBar all night were literally Eleven. A direct quote from one of my fave tweens of the nite: "I'm old enough I swear, I'm just hitting puberty late!"

Shoutout 2 all the 11 yr olds I met at the HookahBar last night:
See u, breathe u, I want 2 b u.



After watching this video, I thought of a fourth feeling that I can possibly feel bsides h8/love/miss: scared. I'm str8 up scared of u's girls. Some1 do something plz. Hope they're reading L.A. Nouveau 2 get some ideas of how 2 b a better, more hipster person.

Scared shitless by baby bitches,
José