Sacrificing Humans 4 Food Just Got Weirder/More Viral

I can't help but love/h8 fb.
I'd b lying if I said it didn't make my social existence easier.
I know what events r going on. I know who was at who's shindig. I know who broke up with who. I know when former-prepsters decide 2 bcum hipster. Etc.

Nd while I use it a lot less now than I may have used 2, I still feel like it has a huge place in my interweb-related life.
But something ive been struggling with 4 the last few days is how many frnds i have.

I think I have 2 many frnds.
I know I have 2 many frnds.

I look on my nuzefeed nd wind up seeing ppl that I dont even know/remember.
I begin asking myself all these questions about their relation 2 me.
"Did i go 2 highschool with them back in the day?"
"Were they in one of my 250 person-sized lectures in college?"
"Did they work at the same job as me at some point?"
"R they a frnd of a frnd who wanted 2 check me out?"
"R they even a real person or did my sketch Indian frnd make them up?"

With these questions nd more, I decided that I should probably take a few hrs 2 go thru my frnds nd delete the ones that I rly don't know/don't care about.
But then I felt funny about it.
Is that morally acceptable?
What if they want 2 reconnect with me in the future?
Am I limiting myself from finding a possible frnd/ally/hookup?

But then this morning, as I debated the question further, I happened 2 stumble upon the weirdest//greatest//saddest fb app that has evr cum 2 surface.
Nd in an effort 2 best discuss it, I WELCUM U 2 ANOTHR EDITION OF the L.A. NOUVEAU NEWSCNTR.


So back 2 this story we're following here at the NewsCntr HeadQuartrs.
The weirdest//greatest//saddest fb app that has evr cum 2 surface.
What is it, u might ask?

I present 2 u: WHOPPER SACRIFICE.
A FB app made by the BurgerKing dining establishment.


In an effort 2 go viral/b cool/"connect" 2 us interweb lovers on a deeper lvl, BurgerKing has created this latest dysfunctional InterwebMeme in the form of a fb app.
The idea is that the fastfood obesityteeming burgerjoint will send u a coupon 4 a FREE WHOPPER... if u "sacrifice" aka delete 10 of ur fb frnds.
But the catch is that the ppl who u "sacrifice" can b made aware that u deleted them cuz the names of the ppl u delete show up in ur/their fb feed.
U can probly delete it, but idk 4 sure.
U can check out the app nd how it works urself. Must I do evrything 4 u ppl?

I s'pose this gimmick thus calls upon the age old question:
Whats more important, ur frnds or free food?

But srsly.
While at first this sounds like the dumbest thing evr, I was planning 2 delete some peeps anyway. Should I just delete 10 so i can get a free burger?
Is it worth having 10 totally random strangers who I dont even rly know find out that I deleted them so I can score a coupon that im never gonna use anyway?
Guess I could give the free burger coupon 2 a frnd as a present.

On the othr hand, drawing attention 2 ppl that I hardly know on fb will be totally awk.
Like, biggest awkfest evr.
Should I instead choose ppl that I know rly well so its not as awk nd then just frndRequest them again latr?
Will this b more acceptable//more funny//the more "in" thing 2 do?


This app has created so many questions/so much confusion 4 me nd my fb dilemma.
What would u's do? Help me out here.
Would any of u's care if some1 unfrnded u just 2 get a free whopper?
Would u do this 2 any of ur close frnds, would u do this 2 random ppl, would u do this at all?

In conclusion, I dont even eat meat.
Lolzers.

FB never ceases 2 bitch me out,
José