Don't B Fooled By 2day's GasPrices

Welcum back 2 the L.A. Nouveau NewsCntr: Keeping U’s Informed Evryday, Lolz.

2day’s topic: Gas Prices.
They r so low.
Like, party-like-its-1999 low.
Like, wait-I-4get-did-Hurricane-Katrina-ever-happen?
Like, Y-the-Fk-r-airplane-flights-still-so-expensive?

Point is, prices r fking ridiculously low.
Especially when considering that prices were more than triple what they are now even 4 mnths ago. Way 2 b bizarre, 2ZroZro8.

But srsly, back in July, when I needed 2 fill my halfJapanese/quarterAmerican/onefifthsEuropeanUnion-made tank, I would stop by my ever-so-friendly neighborhood ExxonMobil SuperFillerUpperStation, ask them for $20 worth of regular sludge, nd wound up getting literally 5 gallonz worth.
Now in Decmbr, when I stop by the new Valero/WaWa/Quiker-Than-Evr-Mart that they built on that abandoned meth lab, nd I hand that crumbled coke-filled 20 dollar bill over, I now fill pretty much my entire tank.
Now that shit’s hilarious.

Nd I know ur happy about this dramatic gas price decrease, u little guzzlers u.
But there’s some srsly shitty aspects of these low prices.
Mostly bcuz it distracts us/theGovt/urMom from the real issue at hand:
AltEnergy.

In 0h-9, we need 2 focus less on AltBros nd more on AltEnergy.
We need 2 b way more energy indie nd less energy dependie.
Wanting 2 see the change. Feeling like JohnMayer over here.
Keeping on waiting.

But srsly, now that gas prices are low again, ppl r starting 2 feel all “ok” about buying shit tons of gas again.
Nd this must b stopped.
Like, pronto. Bcuz it’s distracting us from making a change.

Wishing 4 the Greenest 2ZroZro9 ever.
Nd speaking of green, we all (w’all)’s need 2 check out a rly amazing website/blog/interweb thing called inhabitat. It’s a website that is regularly updated with rly cool/neat-o environmentally friendly inventions/stuff nd ways 2 b more ecofriendly.
L.A. Nouveau highly recommends this shit.

Wishing that I went 2 Weed High.
Srsly. It exists. In wayyyyyyyyNorthernCalifornia.
Like, on the border with Oregon.


B the bitch u want 2 see in the wrld,
José

HELP! Hipster FormalWear Does Not Exist!

There’s a lot that’s happened in the last few decades.
We’ve invented a lot of shit.
A lot has been created.

In case ur wondering, “like what?”, the interweb is a pretty good exmpl.
Anothr is EZPass/SunPass/QuikTollz/electronic toll paying systems.
Nd we can’t 4get the iPhone/iPod/iTunes/iLife/iDeath. Thnx Apple.
Yet while so much has been invented nd created, there’s still one HUGE monster-monstrrr-huge thing that has really yet 2 b discovered/made/established.
Nd my life without it is rly problematic.
What’s this missing key 2 success?

It’s Hipster FormalWear.

Especially 4 men.

It doesnt rly exist.
Like, at all.

It does 2 a slight degree 4 women.
Cuz u can still wear ur dresses/slutapparel/sweetkicks/bullsht stuff.
But men have nothing. At all.
Like, even the classic hipster sweatrs cant b pulled off as FormalWear.
Even the tightjeans/solidcolor pants cant suffice as FancyPpl Clothes.

Bcuz Hipster Apparel is innately nonFormal.
Bcuz the whole idea behind the bohemian/brohemian hipster is recycled clothes/AmericanApparel/PLAID (fking love u plaid)/acid washed evrything.
Its clashing, bashing, thrashing, and straight up mashing whatever can cum 2gether 2 embody the lower-middle class urban-dweller look.


Nd while hipster apparel is the best shit ever, there is such a massive void in the realm of fancyclothes/FormalWear. Now I know that by wearing FormalWear, ur sort of being anti-hipster i suppose.
But sometimes, even hipsters/blipsters/azns have 2 dress up.

Sometimes we go 2 fancy parties too.
Sometimes we need 2 impress CuntyMom BusinessMen.
Sometimes we have 2 attend weddings/BarMitzvuhhhs/funerals (shoutout inserted here 4 the Pyrff Girl who will b the party dancer at my funeral, love/miss u).
Nd sometimes, its just nice 2 look Fancy.

But whenever I have 2 dress up 4 this kind of stuff, I hate having 2 cumpletely reject my style in evry way. I hate looking like a dressed up DoucheBro.
I hate looking so prim nd proper that ppl have no idea that my lifestyle is pretty much hipster.

But yet there’s no way 2 get around this, bcuz FormalWear is just innately not hipster.
So this is my plea 2 all the scientists/medics/researchers/pharmacists/southbitches/fashiondesigners out there:
Make Men’s Hipster FormalWear. Idk how 2 do it, but u’s r smart ppl.

So please figure it out. Just wanna go 2 my workplace’s 2k9 Holiday Party nd still feel hipster in what i’m wearing.
Just wanna b allowed in2 fancyppl restaurants, yet still get looks about why i'm a lil diffrnt than evry1 else.
Just wanna b myself nd still wear FormalWears.

The Bitch Said Yeah, The Bitch Said Yeah™,
José

Report: Teens Channel Their Teen Angst Into Txt Msgs

Being a teen is the worst/best/worstworstworst thing evr.
U know u loved/h8ed/HATE(currently)/still hate/continue to love/hated-every-minute-of ur teenage life.

But never in my life have I heard someone articulate what it means to feel TeenAngst better than what im about 2 share with u.
Lemme give u some contxt.
I was creeping thru my frnds cellphone last night nd browsing some of her txt msg's when I came across a convo between her nd 1 of her younger frnds who needed 2 talk.
When she asked him, "what's wrong?", this was his incredible all-written-in-one-single-txt-msg response: (this is a 100% authntic txt msg, didnt make this 1 up, swear2Jesus *the only thing edited is the bold/italics/color usage)

"idk evrything othr ppls problems my probs wat i can do to be stronger 4 other people who my real friends are wat i wanna do with my life whether or not its worth staying in (this town) how i need an adventure when should i start writing my book social status girls friends who r girls whether or not it'd be fun to run away and liv another life somewhere how badly i rlllllllllllyyy want it to snow so that i can go snowboarding which is like one of the 4 things tht i can just like naturally do which always makes u feel better trust issues need 4 a new hobby grades skul drugs alcohol sex more girls expectations letting ppl down betrayal wat i wanna do this weekend who my friends are y is my family so weird possibly moving 4 my dads new job going to boarding skul moving from my high skul sports more trust issues how im already excited beyond all belief 4 this summer how im a slacker but i could probably b rlly smart true beauty keeping connections with old friends while keeping new 1s feeling different from every1 else"

This is the most epic/rel8able/true/hilarious/sotrue/MySoCalledLyfe thing I've ever read.
I'm still amazed at how rel8able this txt rly is.
Nd how hipster esque it was written. Love txt lnguage. Nd when I say love, I mean h8. Save that shit 4 blogging yo.



But srsly. What angsty teen can't relate 2 the majority of these feelings?
What humans at any age can't relate 2 the majority of these feelings?

Out of all of them, I'd like 2 discuss the ones that were the most relevant 2 my TeenAngst life. (In case u didnt notice, they r in bold in the above quote):
- "idk everything" - the best opening statement ive ever heard. this is the embodyment of TeenAngst.
- "wat i wanna do with my life" - i still ask myself this question, as do we all (w'all)
- "when should i start writing my book" - ive tried so many times, it nevr gets finished, nevr evr. i need 2 take a month nd just finish that shit. i need some1 to do the illustrations tho. its a childrn's book. it's about a boy who hates his parents for not getting him a new guitar, but then they get in a car crash so he doesnt care anymore nd learns a gr8 life lesson.
- "who r girls" - again, i'm still asking this brilliant question. the best question of them all in my opinion.
- "need 4 a new hobby" - i tried rollersk8ing, i fell a lot. tried badminton, apparently u have 2 be an azn. tried lsd, got really tired. now im trying blogging. is this worthwhile? do u love this? more confused than ever.
- "expectations" - ppl wanted the world of me when i was a little teen tyke.
- "y is my family so weird" - just wanna b back in LA. holidays with the whole family is almost never a good idea. just looking for a non-existent normal family 2 take me.
- "how im a slacker but i could probably b rlly smart" - i shouldve stayed in school.
- "feeling different from evry1 else" - story of my teenangst/highschool/preskul life.

Now its ur turn.
Which of the ranted-about feelings expressed in the txt msg apply/applied most 2 u? Share with the wrld. Explore urself thru this crafty medium of expression.

Nd while u share, listen to some 'dont wry about ur awful past' motivational music provided by Sufjan Stevens. From The Avalanche (the Illinois-extras album), here's "Carlyle Lake".


Sufjan Stevens - Carlyle Lake

Waiting 2 get better insight into ur own TeenAngst life.

Txt Msg Bitching Is The Best,
José

The Game Plan/Run Down 4 My Nxt Life

In my next life, I want 2 b a rich, ovr-privileged LA teen.
Or I want 2 grow up in the jungle in Brazil nd b cumpletely unaware about the problems of American/wrld society.
But if that doesn't work out, I want 2 b a rich, ovr-privileged LA teen.

I want 2 b an angsty/lovable/slutbag teen nd have Hollywood at my fingertips, SantaMonica at my disposal, Compton at my discretion.

Here's the progression that I can imagine:

- At 4yrsold: My parental units take me 2 my first show at the Staples Cntr featuring the biggest pop star of the day. They have front row seats. They climb on stage with me. I suffer hearing damage which slightly but not too seriously affects me 4 the rest of my life.

- At 7yrsold: We go 2 visit my cousins in Laguna Beach when I spot a baby waddling away from her family on the beach. I save her life. My parents brag about it 4ever nd I write about it in my future collegeApps.

- At 9yrsold: I start my first mp3 blog nd make $2,500 from online advertising.

- At 12yrsold: I get my first middleschool detention nd begin 2 feel that being badass gives me an incredible feeling of power and triumph.

- At 14yrsold: I get my first fakeiD. I have my first big-scale emotional crisis ovr getting dumped by my B-list celeb GirlFrnd.

- At 15yrsold: I sneak in 2 the hottest clubs evr every wknd. I lose my virginity. I go 2 the gym evry day after school. My parents check in with me once evry other week but usually 4get my name.

- At 16yrs old: TheCobraSnake is the official photographer at my bff's Sweet16. I begin 2 intern 4 him. I start 2 develop a coke addiction. I make out with the LinsdayLohan of the day at the HottestClub of the day. I steal my parent's credit card nd buy myself my first Bentley. They nevr realize. I bcum a hipster artsy trend-setter at my ovr-priviledged highschool. All my frnds love/h8 me.

- At18yrsold: I singlehandedly host a huge charity fundraiser starring the CoolestAltBand of the time with a DJset by the SickestDJ of the day. This bcums my ticket in2 college. That, nd my dad nd stepmom hand a massive check to the University of my Choice.

This is my nxt life.
All I want 4 xmas is 2 b assured that this will b my nxt life.

Just wanna idolize these ideal humans.



Just wanna go 2 ur next hipster/backyrd/bong-blasting/bonfire party.
Also,
SVET ALRT >> SVET ALRT >> SVETLANA ALERT >> SVET ALRT >> SVETTY ALRRRT >> SVET ALRT >>
At the same party from the hipster looking photo above was the best looking svetlana ive evr seen. Please view the following LoveOfMyLife with me:



Just wanna meet u/know u/be u in my nxt life.
Cant wait.
Until then.

Just trying 2 deal with the life that God/Jesus nd Company have handed me.
Just want 2 love my life bettr in 0h-9.

Brentwould Betches R My Saviors,
José

The Minimal Value of Xmas, Thnx Elmo

It’s cuming.
It’s about 2 b here.
It’s so close.
Xmas. Its been here 4 months, but the culmination of all the PostModernConsumerism of the last months finally cums down 2 this 1 day.
Xmas Day.
This day’s been going on for a little while now, but never has it been bigger/bolder/grander/spicier than it has been 4 the last half centry or so.
Xmas is, apparently, so in.
At least thats what the entire USofA anit-hipster culture tells me.
At least thats what my frnd’s SundaySchoolTeachrMom always told me.
At least thats what I thought I was supposed 2 think.

But now I’m an IndieThinkr.
My BrainChild is a whole new toddlr.


Nd I’ve begun 2 rethink the bullsht/crap/nonsense/disturbia that I put up with.

Nd bcuz of the EconomicCrisis thats sweeping the nation/wrld/galaxy, im not asking 4 any presents this yr. Nd im not sending any either.
I’m 2 scared that my apartment/dorm will foreclose.

But Back 2 Xmas.
As WalMart SuperCenter MegaSales nd traffic madness overflows all mall-areas in the nation,
As the only profitable music genre in the mnth of Decmbr remains 2 b crap/overproduced/hilar xmas music,
As my cousins who live in Gardena/WestCompton waste thousands of dollars nd resources in electricity by putting out their singing animatronic dancing light-up Santa along with onemillion othr lights,

I grow 2 feel less nd less connected 2 this HolyDay.

Nd honestly, the music generally just pisses me off.
But there’s a few great tracks that make my Xmas/Kwanza/’Nukkah pretty cumplete.
I will share 1 of them with u now.

Amazing xmas track numbr 1 is from The Weepies.
While they've had 2 great albums since their 2k4 debut Happiness, their beluvd xmas song cums from this first album. It's called "All That I Want".
Some of my/ur/his/her fave lyrics:

And when the night is falling/Down the sky at midnight/Another year is stalling/Far away a good bye, good night


The Weepies - "All That I Want"

Enjoy nd b greatful that u got this wondrful song nd not a lump of coal/anothr angsty electro song 4 once.
Nevr 4get babyTickleMeElmo.

Merry happy yall bitches,
José

The Way U Move Along Those Tracks Gets Me Hot

I have huge nuze.
Like, this shit is gonna blow ur minds.
I, José, am in love.

Yes, the angsty bitch that is José has fallen in love.
Nd let me tell u who im in love with:
 Publik Transportation.

That’s right. I fking love publik transportation.
As I sit here about 2 board a train, I have realized how wondrful publik transportation rly is.

Ok so maybe I should narrow my love for Publik Transportation down to specifically trains/LiteRail/Monorail/Hydrarail/amtrak nd other rail-related forms of transport.
The idea of getting off the road nd not being in a car-like automotive vehicle, yet still getting 2 my destination, is a total brainfk/mindtrip/ascend 2 greatness.
In othr words: Trains = nirvana.

Nd who doesn’t want 2 bcum enlightened these days?
 Evrybody’s doing it.
Madonna nd othrs thru Kaballah.
TommyCruise nd othrs thru Scientology.
MyNextDoorNeighbor nd othrs thru DumpstrDiving.
Evry1’s looking 4 that spiritual awakening.

Nd riding train-like/tram-like publik transportation is it.

Now I’d b lying if i said 2 u that i was actually this enlightened by the trains that run from my formr-home 2 NYC that I regularly take when im back east.
Thats bcuz thats not the train im about 2 ride.
Im about 2 ride the train 2... Miami.

Yes sirs and maams.
Realized yestrday aftr my Getaway post that I needed my own getaway.
So im off 2 Miami, Florida.

Y Miami?
Bcuz Ive got frnds there.
Bcuz its sunny nd warm there.
Bcuz the girls/gheys r rockin’ there.
Bcuz the LatinoMusic makes me wanna dance/groove/salsa/boogie/rump.
Bcuz the Atlantic is so much warmr than the Pacific right now.
Bcuz the NightLife is fresh as hell nd I’m not scared that I’m gonna run in2 Paris/Nicole/Lindsay/that Kardashian girl.

So while im actually enjoying Miami, I’ll let u enjoy a hot new CUMPLETELY TRASHY track my peers hav been getting nasty 2 lately by a new electro-rap-trashcore duo named LMFAO.
The song is calld “I’m In Miami Bitch”.
I guess u could say that it is the perfect song 2 describe my life right now.
Sry haters.

LMFAO - I'm In Miami Bitch

I’m srsly in Miami BITCH,
José

Ur Nouveau TravelAgency has Arrived.

Getaways r the best.
Now don't get me wrong, love L.A.
I am ridiculously in love with the dirty bullsht that is LosAngeles,California.

But sometimes its nice 2 get away from it all.
2 get away from the drama.
2 get away from the erratic nd problematic evryday dealings of life.
2 get away from the CuntyMoms/SlutBags/DirtDevils/BroHoHoes.

As we all (w'all?) know, traveling around the holiday season is quite the adventure.
But regardless, aftr a yr full of more change, life changes nd transitions than evr b4, i think i, along with all u's, deserve a much needed break.

Now theres a lot of places where u/I/we/ could go.
W'all r so lucky that America is such a big country.
So many exciting places 2 go.

Now I know u could b thinking that ur ideal getaway is not necessarily in the USofA.
Maybe its Italy, maybe its Jakarta, maybe its some r&r in the Uzbek.
But right now, my fellow cuntrymen/cuntymen, if ur gonna take some LongWkndGetaway, u rly oughta do it in this bitch of a country.

Cuz America needs ur dollers.
Ur dough.
Ur pocketchange.
Ur earnings from the gold earrings u sold back to that GetRichQuik infomercial.

Cuz I have some big nuze 2 share with u.
We're in an economic crisis.

I know, ur freaking out, ur shocked, u just pissed urself nd now ur frnds r staring at the puddle undr ur feet.
But its srsly true, ur frnd UnkleSam is going thru some super rough times right now.
Nd he's looking 4 some monetary help.
Basically, in this little situation, u in college = UnkleSam nd ur parents = u. Get that?

R my metaphors too abstract for u's?

I'll try 2 tone that shit down. My b. (An ethnic frnd taught me this expression 2day, did i use it correctly?)

Back 2 the Big News. The economic crisis thing.
Instead of hopping off 2 the South Sandwich Islands, W'all gotta stay in the US this yr.
It's just the responsible feasable thing 2 do. As Friendly Fires nd Au Revior Simone say, "Someday we're gonna live in Paris, I promise, I'm on it, when I'm bringing in the money, I promise, I'm on it." But right now, it's just not a good time.
I promise. Someday. Maybe in 2Zro10. Lets hope we can.

But 4 now, its time to settle 4 somewhere in the good ol' United St8s.
Here r some suggestions based on my generalizations of diffrnt kinds of Americans.

- 4 the NeoLibrals: Portland, Oregon.
Totally urban but totally green, totally libral, totally funky fun, totally upbeat, totally chilly, totally Totttallly.

- 4 the Cumplete Hippy: SanFrancisco nd Berkeley, California.
Weed. Head shops. Chinatown. More weed. Alkatraz. Hemp evrything. Hemp wallets, hemp coats, hemp cars, hemp guns. Gotta love that shit.

- 4 the Pop Culture Circa 2008 Lover: Wasila, Alaska.
See the town that started it all. H8 her/miss hr/h8 her. Waiting 4 her talk show career. I will so watch the 1st episode of that.

- 4 the SouthernCharm-needy: Charleston, South Carolina.
In all seriousness, this city is great. Went 2 yrs ago nd would love 2 go back. Total southrn hospitality meets hip normal urban city meets confederate history. It really doesn't get much better.

- 4 the ColdHeartedBitch: Camden, New Jersey.
This will immediately straighten u up. Plus the Aquarium is a gr8 place 2 bring the kids. Nd it has a nice view of the Philly pollution, drug dealings nd gang wars.

Hope that was helpful.
Trying 2 help out this country of ours.
Trying 2 supply u with the most current news that affects ur life.

Which brings me LastButNotLeast 2 reveal a new L.A. Nouveau PostTheme:


Looking 2 put the NewsCntr in full swing in this upcoming NewYr. So Get Excited. !.

Thinking of adding a new travel advice/recreational advice/life advice in 2ZroZro9.

Bitch City,
José

The Evolution of the Dictionary/Slang/Urbandictionary.com

Dear Publik,
Ur life is a nitemarish awkfest that I sometimes wake up from and realize that I've fallen asleep on the bathroom floor.

Ok I guess I should clarify that entire statement.
First of all, when addressing the masses, I'm thinking that Public is a good way 2 put it.
This shit is public, after all.
But aftr the extreme popularity of the photo-whoring site Picnik, im thinking that, like the original word "picnic", "public" will similarly lose its final C nd will thus bcum "publik".
U can call this an official 2k9 prediction from ur friends at L.A. Nouveau.

Seems like a lot of words r changing lately.

Exmpl: Hipster. According 2 my BritishDictionarie, the word was originally slang in the UofK meaning hiphugger pants or underpants 4 women nd girls.

I'm still a bit confused by the whole pants OR underpants thing.
Sounds kind of like 1 of those HipsterRunoff gimmick where he asks whethr a specific person is an AltBro or AltBag...
Whatevr.

Point being, the word has cum a long way since.
That's evolution, baby.

Anothr exmpl: A few yrs back apparently some rap dude tried to change the word "here" to include 2 r's instead of 1.
I will nevr understand this brazen move nd what it was supposed 2 achieve. I mean, "here" is a pretty fking common word. Y change that shit 2 "herre"? That's not change i can blieve in.

R words changing 2 quickly?
I think im starting 2 get scared of slang.
I always liked it/loved it/appreciated it as a young tot.
Now i just feel like im being left in the dust as new wrds cum out that ive never even heard of b4.
Like the othr day, some broski frnd of mine kept referring 2 his current state of being as "amp'd". I still have no clue what he was trying 2 express.
Was he craving that MountainDew-based spermcount-lowering energy drink that my nextdoor neighbor always throws empty cans of on my lawn?
Wasn't there some MTV-owned cell phone cumpany with the same name?
Was he merely trying 2 advertise for Amp'd Mobile? Thought they ran out of cashmoney...


Just trying 2 stay in with the times.
Thnx a lot Tweens 4 making it so ridiculously hard 4 me.

I h8/miss the word über. Does any1 use that shit anymore?
So VeryEarly2000s. I think my video gamer frnds used 2 say it. I think I used 2 say it too.
Did u ever used 2 say über, as in über cool, or über geek?
Looking 4 some moral support here as I go through these tough times of losing my oldskool lingo. Miss u/h8 u MiddleSchool/HighSchool/LawSchool.

Wanna hear ur betchy lingo,
José

Lappy Love Leads 2 Weddings Too

I am in love. lust. enfatuation. love. with the JoséMachine.
Nd let me introduce u to him. He's metallic silver, has got great lines, stays in shape but is a little lightly bruised, nd he's the most loyal little buddy in the wrld.
He is the macbook that brings u L.A. Nouveau, he's the lappy that executes my existence.

Nd I'm trying 2 decide whethr or not i should "trick him out," as my more cultural frnds like 2 say.
Shud I make him cumpletely L.A. Nouveau'd out?
Shud I slap stickers of my our fave bands/music/tvshows on his outer shell?
Shud I cover him head2toe in mac-related apparel?
Shud I get a hardcovr case 4 him so he doesnt get even more bruised than he already is?

I have some inspirational lappys out there who I could potentially emulate.
Exmpl. Steve Aoki's BlackMacbookLappyLove.


Love the lettr-ing, the ColorContrast, the RedBull.
I think I should always have a RedBull/Sparks/BubbaGumpCo.'sDietRumNdCoke placed next 2 my lappy, just to give it some product placement credability.

But is plain more authentic?
Does coating the case with stickrs, blipster apparel, nd other nonsuch make it totally uncool?
Does it make it gross, unclassy, unhip?
Does it seem like i'm begging 2 b MorganArons and "b an original"?
An exmpl: Imogen Heap's lappylady.


She's got the flowers/wires/vines hanging around it, but she's got her m'cb'k plain nd simple.
Just the lovely little Apple lit up in white.
(Happiness is that little white apple when it lights up.)

Still debating on what 2 do.
Have ideas?/// Plz share em with me.
Wud it b cool if i painted the JoséMachine as a way 2 artistically express myself?
Or wud i h8 it nd later regret it bcuz of my lack of artskills?
Wud stickrs be fly? Or wud my frnds/family/coworkers think im a tool?
Looking 4 some advice from u, the little guy, the mainstream America, the lowr/uppr class.

Miss u/h8 u middle class Americans.
Thnx 4 not fking up anothr election 4 me btw.
Guess we owe u. Barack says he wants 2 help u out. Is that enough?
Cuz I dont have time 2 do ur laundry/shovel ur driveways/illegally marry ur daughter.

(This is a lie btw, if u evr need some1 to illegally marry ur daughter, plz call me, i print marriage licenses in my basement, good deals!, act b4 0h-9 nd get a free weddng ring!!! while supplies last)

I even have some great IndieAlt weddng party songs picked out.
It's straight out of 0h-8, so enjoy it b4 it's so last yr.
So u can always tell ppl that ur lateDecmbr0h-8 wedding had a great 0h-8 weddingTrack.
Cut Copy = So 2ZroZro8. (Again, click link 2 dwnload. This is the last time i will remind u)

Cut Copy - Feel the Love

Rumor mill: GirlTalk's next album will b exclusively made weddingMashUps. Nd CobraSnake will cum nd take all ur HappiestDayEvr photos.

Bitch now or 4evr hold ur piece,
José

What Is A Blog Post, or Happy Fifty.

L.A. Nouveau presents...
The Fiftieth Blog Post.
aka the50thBlgPost.

Is it appropriate of me 2 designate an entire post 2 the number of posts that I've written? Because this isn't really about anything except for the fact that its the 50thPost, does that mean it doesn't even really count as a Post?

What designates a "Post" in the real wrld?
R u gonna chill with ur frnds later nd discuss this post?
Does defining something as a "post" mean that it has 2 b discussable?
R posts only as good as their later discussions? If u have no reaction to a post, is it no longer really a "post"?
Does a lame post get reduced to merely worthless wasted space on the interweb?
Should I write Blogger/Google/YouTube/NBC-Universal-GEandCo. a letter apologizing 4 wasting their free hosting space when I write shitty posts?
R any of my posts really "shitty"?
Nd who has the right to judge what a shitty post is?

Lets move on from the negative, nd instead transition 2 the positive.
Whats ur fave post so far?
U have 49 to choose from...
Was it "Legacy Last Names" aka "Kennedy Sex Whores Unite"?
Was it "EmoBreakdown/CommSide"?
Cmmnt away.

Remembr back when all my posts were really short?
Weird times, man.
Remembr back when I talked about my personal life 2 much?
Again, weird shit.
Can't believe it's only been 2mnths.
It feels like such a long, powerful journey.
Nd yet, it's only the very beginning.

B4 I go, since this is the big 5ive-Oh, I have some shoutouts nd thnk u's 4 the fans/contributors/inspirational babes who have made L.A. Nouveau what it is 2day, nd what it will hopefully b in the future.
I know, its lame as shit.
Get ovr it.
U wish I was shouting out 2 u.

Here they r, in small font so u dont have 2 be too bothered by it:
N.D., IndieBetch of the Yr. SK, the SocialiteInNowhereland.
HelysonKellr. AllyMarcus(TheHuman+TheBlog). Vland's AF. BRody. iGuy. RCMS. SusnEapn. HRO. MarkHuntr. LrgeHeartedBoy. UnivSoCal. CMHS. MyFld. HSM4. U.

Finally, here's somethng some frnds nd I made 2 celebrate:


Here's 2 anothr 1650 blog posts 2 cum!

Bifty Ifty Tifty Chifty Hifty,
José

Welcome 2 Happiness, Welcome 2 The Welcome Wagon

I’d like 2 begin this very LargeInContent post 2day by discussing simple joys.
Those little things that make u happy.
Things that ultimately r probably not gonna revolutionize ur life, but still find a way 2 bring u some very necessary happiness.

In honor of 1 of my fave books of all time, Charles Schultz’s Happiness is a Warm Puppy, here’s what happiness is 2 me:

Happiness is palm trees.

Happiness is skyping with ur besties when ur away.

Happiness is eating at Popovich aftr having EVK for 3 straight days.
(aka Happiness is eating somewhere good after eating shitty food 4 too long)

Happiness is a free 1/8th of Kush just 4 being some1’s frnd.

Happiness is hipster flee markets.

Happiness is TheCheesecakeFctry.

Happiness is landing in Southrn Cali aftr being in the cold 4 too long.

Happiness is Barack Obama instead of George W. Bush.

Happiness is cheap hipster sunglasses.

Happiness is a BuyOneGetOneFree coupon at Souplantation.

Happiness is 79degrees nd sunshine.

Happiness is 30 Rock.

Happiness is cuddling on a bean bag.

Happiness is unlimited diet coke refills.

Happiness is a custom designed tshirt given 2 u by ur biff.

Happiness is the open road, fresh tunes, and an outdated/epic/ballin car.
(love/hate/miss u LeSabre)

Happiness is the beach 4 the day with ur fave broskis.

Nd besides evrything i've mentioned so far...
Happiness is discovering something on the Interweb that rocks ur wrld.

This happened 2 me recently, with a homemade video that I've spammed out 2 some besties in the last few days. It's literally the definition of Happiness.
Bcuz it's with WALL-E.

If u havent seen this FutureAlt EcoChic irresistible2notLove film, then get the fk off ur chair, go 2 some ClosingSoon! store (cuz there are plenty around right now), buy it 4 $12 or so, and get ready 2 fall in love.
If u've seen it, then u understand why Happiness is WALL-E.
Happiness is BrillzPixarFilms.

Nd happiness is the following vid that I'm sharing with u now:


If that didn't instantaneously put a smile on ur face, then u srsly r straight up mentally ill/void of any emotion/r the antiChrist/antiHRO.

If u r still smiling bcuz of how happy it made u, then u, my frnd, are 1 cool human.
So go you. Or, in othr wrds, 2 repeat what my frnd said 2 end our intense telePhonalConvo the othr day, "Yay."

Oh, nd one more thng:
Happiness is Finding Amazing Amazing Music b4 most ppl do.
Which just recently happened 2 me.
In the best way ever.

Let me introduce u 2 The Welcome Wagon.
Singers: Reverend Thomas Vito Aiuto and his wife Monique.
Producer nd Backing Vocals: Sufjan Stevens.

This is just asking 4 something musically incredible.
Nd trust me, it is.
It's folky, wintry, religious, plain, nd beautiful.
A dream scene from 'A Melodic IndieWinter,' a short film I hope 2 someday make using all the songs from their debut album, "Welcome to the Welcome Wagon".

Here's 2 tracks from the duo+Soof (click track name 2 dwnload):

The Welcome Wagon - American Legion


The Welcome Wagon - Sold! To the Nice Rich Man

Happiness is a Blog Made 4 Bitching,
José

Best Songs of 2k8 According 2 José

0h-8. So ovr. Like, for real this time.
Well, almost.

But srsly, so many memries, so many momnts.
So much we shared.

Just wanna talk about it all again.
Just wanna think about the days b4 i was part of the Los Angeles life.
Just wanna recall all the LA adventres ive had since.
Just wanna never 4get Barack Obama.

Just wanna use some vowels again bcuz I’m getting all sentimental.

So instead of plaguing u with actual memries from my actual life (gasp),
Nd since music is basically my life,
I think now is the perfect time 2 discuss
The Songs that Were 2ZroZro8.

We already went thru the top 10 albums. Nd I already hate the top 10 list i made.
Just bcuz I just wish that I put CSS's Donkey on it so bad that it just makes me mad 2 think about the list in general. Othrwise its an amazing top ten list, so suck it.

But srsly, the Top Tracks of 0h-8.
Diffrent songs affect diffrent people in diffrent ways, and I thus dont think fully ranking them is necessary.
Instead, lets just discuss the top ten or so.
Shall we?
Oh yes, we shall.

Nd once again, click the album art nd it'll send u 2 buy the songs at the iTunesMusicalStore.


MGMT - Electric Feel
The song that defined Summer0h-8. Skipping school nd swimming in ur frnds’s pools, hitting the beach with ur besties, car rides with ur lovers was incomplete without this track. Nd it only got better with the beloved Justice remix.



MGMT - Kids
The song of LateSummer0h-8. The song that literally evry1 turned to once Electric Feel got annoying. Nd it served its purpose so well. Loved this track preCali, inCali, postCali nd beyond. What an anthm... Not really sure of what, but an anthm nonetheless.



MGMT - Time to Pretend
Yee, 3 in a row. While I preferred ElecFeel nd Kids, this song meant a lot 2 a lot of ppl. It was the track that brought many out of their AntiAlt cages and into the world of AltLove, even though MGMT hardly remained Alt 4 long. This album, Oracular Spectacular, could’ve been the best album of the yr/in the wrld if all of its tracks were on the same caliber of these 3. Unfortunately, evry other track kind of sucked. Pity.


CSS - Jager Yoga
I dont think a song has evr been more blogged about on one blog. Nd that one blog is this one. We drop lines from this shit like we’re brining SexyBack. (Miss that ElectroAlt anthem) 2 begin a song, and an album for that matter, with “Oh My God It’s So Hot, Oh My God It’s So Cold, Oh My God I’m So Messed Up I don’t know which way 2 go!” is the most genius thing ive heard in quite some time
Love u CSS. Love u JagerYoga. Wish u were on my top ten. Fk.


Estelle - American Boy
4 the record, this shit stayed on the DL for a good while, making it super cool for all us antiMainstream little shits who found it way early on nd loved jamming to it.
Then it got airplay, nd then we moved on.
But we all have had some memries 2 it.


M83 - Kim & Jessie
If this song doesn’t make u feel liberated/in love/empowered, then u have no soul.
It’s straight up beautiful The echoey, electronic, yet natural sounds of M83 r just incredible. In my opinion this song did not get any of the credit it deserved. Probably cuz the album “Saturdays = Youth” was lacking many more powerful tracks like this one.
But srsly, it’s still not 2 late 2 fall in love with song. I’ll still think ur cool even if this song bcums ur Song of 0h-9.


Kate Nash - Merry Happy
I hear the violent screams already from all the freaks out there who know that this song was not actually from this year. But u know what, screw u. Cuz this song had lacked presence in my life until early 0h-8, and once it did, it was fantastic. The perfect song when ur happy. The perfect song when ur a little angsty. The perfect song when ur sarcastically pissed off. Just greatness evrywhere.
Just makes me wanna start eating cheese on toast.


Rihanna - Disturbia
I know u hate me for putting up such a mainstream track. But u know u had some memries to this track. Nd when u hear it in the future, u’ll remember 0h-8. Nd I’m sorry, but this song is pretty epic, and the music video blows yall’s twisted minds out of the water. If u havent seen the video, then grow some balls, know that ull still be a total Alt/hipster/IndieBetch ever after u watch it, and watch this shit below:



The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name
They call me hell, they call me Stacy, they call me her, they call me Jane,
That's not my name. Great track, great lyrics, totally Euro0h-8. Stupid USofAers didn't get on board with that shit but what else is knew. Wished this album couldve been on my top ten, but 3 good songs doesnt equal a top10worthy album. Doesn't mean that theTingTings don't fking rock... See them live, plz. 1 of my fave concerts of the yr.


Uffie - Pop the Glock
Yeah, we know, not actually from this yr. But guess what, my electronic music awakening came during late 0h-7 nd thus, I only realized my obsession with Uffie around the start of the new yr. Nd it’s been one amazing yr with her evr since.
Thus, while I didn’t rank any of the othrs, I’d like to officially declare Uffie’s Pop the Glock as José’s NumberOne Song of 2ZroZro8.

Big momnt in history just made.
Hope u loved it.

Biznatchly banging hits from nxt yr already,
José

A New Way 2 Add Spice 2 Ur Life

Looking 4 some excitement? Having a craving 4 some unexpected surprises 2 cum ur way? Well besides hitting up my frnd's roommate 4 some 3-way action with her cousin, I have another fantastical answer:
Travel.

Like, in the U.S.
Around the holidays.
In this crazy G0d-loving, Hummr-hugging, LilWayne-tugging, peen-rubbing country of ours, there is no time more exciting/tumultuous/nerve-wracking 2 fly than from Thnxgiving thru NewYrz, a time that WalMart/BestestBuy/Targèe/amzon.com likes 2 call the "holiday season". In case u werent aware b4. I'm starting 2 4get what ppl know and don't. Lo siento. (Thats spansh 4 sry, in case u were once again unaware... this shits like 4th grade all ovr again)

But anyways, let me tell u, there is excitement and surprises galore this time of yr.
Let me share with u a few of mine from the last 2 days of travel.

- I was surprised 2 find that apparently not all humans were taught to walk/move/get the fk out of the way. Did u know that? Has evry1 always known this bsides me?
R ppl divided into classes of walkers vs. non-walkers, nd I had no clue this whole time?
Will prejudice against walkers by non-walkers b the new racism of 0h-9?

- Flight attendants make great best frnds. Like, if u need a quick bestie fix, find the nuttiest crew membr of the bunch, make a lot of eye contact, ask 4 help a lot, tell him/her how much ur digging his/her little wings pin, nd get ready 4 the best several-hr frndship evr.
I love u/miss u Pearle. Thnx AirTrans. Who knew transferring in Atlanta could b so fun and rewarding? Thought it would just b an awk-fest.
Got worried that some Georgia-based haters wud b waiting 4 me at the terminal, ready 2 take my lyfe. Thnx 4 not harming me 2 much, ATL-former-H8rs.

- Security ppl can actually be nice.
I know. Weird as fk.
But it happened.
This morning.
She smiled at me, said she liked my name, made a joke 2 the lady in front of me about pulling her aside cuz she was skeptical of her identity but immediately said "JK!" LOLzers.


Well doesn't he look frndly? Way 2 work ur magic with the kids, son.

So I'm still trying 2 figure out if i was ok with this whole TSA-being-nice-2-me ordeal.
I mean, friendliness is always cool. But it was like, whoa, since when r u friendly?
Nd why? Whats the hidden agenda here?
R u trying 2 get me 2 fess up 2 some illegal shit that im bringing on board?
Is this the Govmnt/Fedsies new way of figuring out who the bad guys r on my plane?

Now that i think about it, should i even b allowed to "BlogOnBoard"?
Is it legal 4 me 2 be blogging up in the sky?
Am I allowed 2 express angst/hipster rage/my problemz while im in the plane?
Getting super nervous.
Now i'm scared shitless, kids.

Aborting this post b4 its 2 late.

But srsly,
Holiday travels.
Fill me in about urs.
How was that 3-day stay in Minneapolis? Heard they have some nice Marriotts ther.
How was ur road trip 2 Bosnia? Miss it there... plz fill me in.
Por favor. (In spnsh that means please... love this whole 4th grade memries thing)
Commnt this shit.

Stay betchtastically fly in the sky,
José

Its Not Easy Being Alive nd Born from 1979-85

It's time, ladies, gents, bros, chicks, toddlers, infies, behbehs, embryo-yo's,
to discuss with yall my pitied group of ppl of the day:
20somethngs.

Dear oh dear, how unfortunate it can b 2 b a 20-somethng.
Now i know what u, as a little tyke/toddler/preteen/21-yr old might b thinking.
Ur sitting there, thinking "Say what now? Being a twentysomethng would b the best ever.
No rules. No games. No bullshit. My life how I wanna live it!"

But here's the sad reality check 4 u
20-somethngs r so lost.
No no. Not like "I just lost the game" lost (which by the way, u just lost)
Not in a losing sense. They're just lost.


God u ppl look so lost. Scary shit.

So many people are simply dying to b 20something yr old NY/LA/CHI-Twn hipsters/blipsters/misters/FillintheBlank-sters
So here's my question to them:

What the fk are you thinking?

Sure, on one hand uve got:
- ur own place to live how u want, where u want
- ur own job
- ur own agenda
- ur own money to spend on the (cumpletely unnecessary) necessities of ur AltLife

Nd as a twentysomethng singlette, ur free to discover what you want in life, rather than what ur botoxed/b00bj0bed/size2 mum thinks you need.

But as soon as soon as you reach that scary, tumultuous age, u no longer have:
- ur parents financial support (nd if u do, then ur not an Authntic 20-Somethng)
- ur ability to claim 'blacking out 6days a wk and pulling 1 allnighter per semester' as a full time job
- ur hopes and dreams of bcuming 1 of those young adulthood celebs
- ur parents to call housing services when you want an appartmnt by ur bestie

Yes, as a postgrad on ur own you have ur freedom, but is it really freedom?
U get ur freedom from parents, but along with that comes the restrictions of ur boss, ur society, ur credit card bills, ur city’s police force (unless you decide to go all ‘into the woods’ on me)

Basically, it cums down 2 this:
U need to figure out wtf you are doing in life.

So to quote ma pal Dickns: “it will be the best of times, it will be the worst of times. It will be the age of wisdom, it will be the age of foolishness. And so on and so forth with the paradoxes.”

These roarin’ twenties 2 cum r not that exciting.
Yet possibly the most exciting thing ever.
Do the benefits of the 20s outweigh the cons?
Will these young adults evr be able to find themselves in all their hipster sovereignty?

Just tryin to prepare myself for the intense confusion slash stress slash brilliance that shall be here in countdown—3. 2. 1. yrs / is already here / was here 1. 2. 3. 4. 12 yrs ago.
Just tryin to save myself from the most jager yoga period of my life
Just wanting 2 thank HelenAlyKellr for listening 2 my last blog post nd embodying José with evrything that she just wrote/u just read.

Luv/h8/miss you independence… or ur illusion.

Enjoy some totally-on-the-DL music while you remain in fear for the future/nostalgic of ur past/wary of the present.
This DaftPunkdesperado artist is called Plus Move. Enjoy the song "Boss" from their fairly-newly-released EP titled 2099.
Nd get ready to dance in ur chair.


Plus Move - "Boss"


Enabling bitches evrywhere 2 b José,
José

The State of Mind that Is Jose

Here's a question I get asked a lot that I'd like 2 address b4 this blog gets so popular that I nevr feel comfortable enuf 2 answer it:

Who is José?

Bcuz what many of u ppl dont realize is that José is not ______ __________. (the writer of this blog's actual name)

José is a state of mind.

José is a mean of expression.

I am José 4 now.

But u can b José tmrw.

We r all José.

When we r angsty.

When we r feisty.

When we r in love with music.

When we r artistically inspired.

When we find Jesus, realize he got killd a long time ago, but then find him sleeping in our basements.

At all of these times, nd more, we r all José.

We r all José when we feel like expressing ourselves in ways that transcend normal English, that go beyond normal poetic writing, that r above even ourselves.

Expression that, sometimes, even we ourselvs dont quite undrstand.

We r all José when vowels seem overrated, when satellite radio seems outdated, when the perfect slice of pizza seems like the cure 4 all violence nd anger in the wrld.

Sometimes, when I just cant bring myself 2 blog, I'm not José.

Sometimes, when its just 2 painful/tiring 2 pwr up my heavy 22-inch macbook air, I'm not José.

Sometimes, when I'm out in nature nd evrything seems calm nd peaceful nd all the wrld's problems have vanished, I'm not José.

But most times, when reality hits my eyes like locust guts splattered against my windshield, nd the world's bullshit / the power of music / the beauty of photographs is evr so present in my mind,

I am exactly José.

I am a hipster. = I am a blipster. = I am an acrobat. = I am a frnd. = I am a lawyer. = I am a monkey. = I am an Angeleno. = I am a graphic tee. = I am a Cobrasnake. = I am a gatherer. = I am a writer. = I am an artist. = I am a meth user. = I am an uncle. = I am a mother. = I am a serial killr. = I am a lover. = I am José.

Nd u can b 2.

I invite u 2 share with me those moments when u r José.

I invite u 2 share with me who u r.

So then,

Who are u?

Love when ur a pondering bitch,

José

A Yr of Grand Musings

2ZroZro9 is, like, here, almost.
Nd this yr ending is having a bigger effect on me than I can evr remembr.
I mean, yrs end, shit happens, they always do.
We do a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and 3sixtyfive.two5 days latr, we start a new one.
We’ve always done this. Our ancestors did this.
Jesus? He did it.
Chrissy Colombus? That dude did it.
KFed? He soooo started a new yr evry yr.

But 4 some reason this yr, I feel more contemplative/reminiscent about the yr in total.
Maybe i’m just starting 2 realize how fking fast time goes.
In several millions of blinks of an eye, anothr yr ran past us.
Nd I just wanna remembr it.
Just wanna feel like I was really “connected” in 2ZroZro8.
Just wanna tell kiddies in the future that I remembr well those moments, those memries, those ppl i called my frnds back in the 0h-8.

So forgive me nd my several posts regarding the “best of 0h-8” or the top 0h-8 this and that. Just trying 2 help us all out.
A frnd, or something like it, once told me: “We’re all in this 2gether.”

Which is why I’d like 2 discuss the best lyrical moments of 0h-8.
Yes ma’am.

Les begin:

%%%%%%%%%%%%
"Do u wanna see Shamu w/ me?
Yes I do, I love Shamu.
Do u wanna go 2 the OysterFest?
Yes oh yes, that’s the best.

Do u like my ponytail?

I DO I DO
My sidewayz ponytail?

It’s TRUE It’s TRUE"

I love chillin with my frnds / skyping with my frnds / having a quick meaningless txt convo with my frnds nd being able to bust out these wrds nd get into a lyrical showdown back nd forth.


Natalie Portman's Shaved Head - Sophisticated Side Ponytail

%%%%%%%%%%%%
"There’s only 2 types of ppl in the wrld:

The ones that entertain, and the ones that observe."

All eyes on her. In the center of the ring. Just like a circus. Nuff said.


%%%%%%%%%%%%%
"OH MY GOD ITS SO HOT

OH MY GOD ITS SO COLD

OH MY GOD IM SO MESSED UP

I DONT KNOW WHICH WAY 2 GO!"

This shit takes the cake. #1 lyrics of 0h-8. I will regret evry day of my life not putting this album (Donkey by CSS) on my top ten list of the yr.

I've already shared this shit with u scoundrels.
Les move on.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
"1 day we're gonna live in Paris
I promise, I'm on it
I'll find you that French boy,
You'll find me that French girl
I promise, I'm on it"

Someday I will marry Au Revoir Simone, nd it will b beautiful.


Friendly Fires Au Revoir Simone - Paris (Aeroplane Remix)

%%%%^%%%%%%%%%
"Yeah tell ur boyfrnd
if he says he’s got beef
that i’m a vegetarian
nd i ain’t fuckin scared of him...

Shhsh girl, shut ur lips
Do the HelenKeller
nd talk with ur hips"

3!OH!3... whats there 2 say.
this band is bomb just bcuz of their lyrics nd catchy bullsht. othrwise, i dont know about u, but im ovr them.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%
More lyrical love is found in this music video 4 the SyraSlut anthem / 0h-9 futureTrack, Sweaty Wet / Dirty Damp by Gameboy Gamegirl


Gameboy Gamegirl - Sweaty Wet / Dirty Damp

H8 this song, but LOVE THIS SONG. Thnx SK.

Falling asleep @ the LapTop.

Bitchskates,
José