It's the THIS BLOG IS LEGIT post.

NUZE FLASH:
Subliminal messages in music = Ridiculously IN.

Here's an example.
Britney's new album "Circus."
Track Six is a hot club thumpin' track called If U Seek Amy.
The basic gist of the song is that Brit is lookng for this chick Amy to go clubbing with, aftr-party with, maybe hook up with? (Could this be a Lindsay/SammyRonson thing goin' on?) I assume not. Since Brit didn't write it.
But regardless...

The chorus reads:
Love me, hate me, say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy.

These lyrics might be a little vague at first, but if ur like me, and u listen to the song for the seventeenth time, u pick up on an incredible subliminal oh-so-discreet message.
I'll write the lyrics again:
Love me, hate me, say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to F. U. C. K. me.


Britney Spears - If U Seek Amy

If u don't think this is musical mastery, then don't evr read LA nouveau again.
Nd don't even dare read HRO (hipster runoff) again.

Which brings me to share with u a great little op-ed piece that I just read this morning courtesy of Pretty Much Amazing!, a pretty legit sumwhere-btween-mainstream-nd-alt mp3 blog that is usually pretty dead-on. I'll share the introduction to this piece with u, nd u can will read the rest:
There are typically two types of music blogs around in this here blogosphere – those that tell you what they like and those that tell you what you should like. And then there’s Hipster Runoff (aka hipsterrunoff/HRO/OMGZHRO/Carles). Authored by “Carles”, The Runoff alternates between hating on the things you like and hating on the things you don’t like, leaving an ambiguously nonexistent center – the inability to be authentically ‘alt’.

READ THE REST by clickng here

I'd be lying if i said that I wasn't at least a bit inspired by evry HRO blog post, just cuz they're all so raw/hawt/fking honest/bullsht/use-no-vowels.
But while some may see this as exposing a dark unoriginality in LA nouveau, I see it quite the opposite. Bcuz while I might idolize the idea of HRO nd incoporate some of its wondrs into my own blog, my influences cum from all over the blogosphere/hemisphere/univrse.

Whethr I am influenced by a hawt track I find on HypeMachine
Whethr I am puzzled by the half-naked man walking down Figueroa Ave
Whethr I am terrified by the eerie sun settng into the smog instead of the horizon
Whethr I am excited by some sexcellent hipster artist playing a gig at the Music Box / Fonda
No matter... cuz this is expression. So fking enjoy it.
Nd this blog isn't ur same old dried-up washed-up slutted-up prostitotted-up "personal" xanga-esque bullshit.

This is ENTERTAINMNT + INFORMNG + ANGST-RIDDEN + NeoLosAngeles.

So to all the South Bitches, othr bitches, dark rappers, kidnappers, LOLcats, nd any othr haters/confused citizens,
u can take yo face nd throw it out the window.

Good night nd don't let the dream be bitchd away,
José

Almost Post-Thnkswknd Thoughts

The wknd is almost over.
Nd by weekend, I mean the nine days that I've been away from LA.
So I guess wknd isn't really the right word to describe this period of time.
But what else 2 call it?
Thnxgvng Break? Break from What? I liked life before, I didn't need a break... Okay so maybe I did, but this sure didn't feel like a Break.
Thnxgvng Vacation? Psh. That's a definite No. A vacation is usually defined as a time apart from ur stressful miserable life spent in a location that u want to visit and enjoy, not the opposite.
Thnxgvng Pause? Now that just doesn't even make sense.

Regardless of what u want to call these last nine days spent back in the Northeast in the town I grew up in, I have gained some new insight into my life nd the lives of others during this _____ (insert desired name for time spent "back home").
Nd out of all the things I've learned, the most pivotal one is the following:

I RUV LA.
I fking ruv it. Nd by ruv, I clearly mean LOVE.
I love LA so much, I want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant.
But srsly, there's a lot of messed up bullsht things about LA.
The traffic sucks.
The pollution + smog sucks.
The lack of public transportation sucks.
The potential for wildfires + mega earthquakes sucks.

But there's something about that warm sun, those palm trees, nd that HipsterChic totally pitted LA lifestyle that always put a smile on my face.


Hate New York City, it's cold and it's damp
And all the people dressed like monkeys uptight bitches
Let's leave Chicago to the Eskimos, that town's a little bit too rugged fking freezng
For you and me, babe

Rollin' down Imperial Highway with a big nasty (?) redhead at my side
Santa Ana winds blowin' hot from the north nd we was born to ride
Roll down the window, put down the top, crank up the Beach Boys MGMT,
Baby don't let the hipster music stop, we're gonna ride it 'til we just can't ride it no more
From the South Bay to the Valley, From the West Side to the East Side
Everybody's very happy, 'Cause the sun is shining all the time
Looks like anothr perfct day
I love L.A. (We ruv it!)
I love L.A. (We ruv it!)

But yet, I don't return for anothr two days... FK MY LIFE.

Don't get me wrong back there with that video though, I do love New York.
Like, extremely. It's been pretty much the only rewarding thing about being home so far.
And at some point in my life, I would love to live in the City that Never Sleeps
Take the subway to work evry morning
Becum a total Webster Hall rat
Live nd Breathe Hipster Chic in Williamsburg, Brklyn.

Nd that time will cum.
But 4 now, LA is where I gotta be.
Now if only I could actually be there...

Biznatch 4 evr,
José

Seasonal Depreshn Hits HOME

"Get me out of this nightmare that some people call life." - AJS

On this same topic, I'd like 2 discuss High School Flings. Flngs. But specifically, I'd like 2 discuss what happens aftr they die.

U know when I'm talkng about...
Somewhere btween the second week of college nd Thnxgvng break cums the time when that high school lovr, who u swore u wuldnt let college get in the way of, goes sour.
What the result of this curdling of the relationship is can vary.
- Whethr its that the boyfrnd is possibly cheatng with that hot girl from Kappa who's in all his fb pics
- Whethr its that the lack of sexual activity is makng ur body want to eat ur insides
- Whethr its that the girlfrnd all of the sudden forgot that she planned on waiting til marriage
- Whethr its that the 19 yr old hubby-2-be couldn't afford a weddng ring cuz he spent all his money on txtbooks, baby supplies, nd coke
- Whethr its that the supposed best frnd convinced the bf/gf that dating is so not in right now

No mattr the situation, the idea remains the same in all cases: Love Dies.
I'm sorry, was I not clear enuf? Let me repeat that:
Love. Dies.
Evrytime.

But then there's always those ppl, u know the ones... hell, u might be one of them,
Yes, ThosePpl, who refuse to accept the fact that Love does Die.
Well here's a little message I'd like to share written to all ThosePpl evrywhere:

Dear ThosePpl,
My life might suck right now cuz I'm back home in a freezng inferno missng the fk out of LA, wishng I was in Paris, praying that I'll get back to the sun and warmth soon,
But ur life is a joke.
Eg. Knock Knock? Who's there? Ur life is a joke.
That right there was ur life, bcuz ur so sadly dictated by the false impression that ur former love is still blossoming and blooming, even tho the leaves have fallen, it's 30º and the non-tropical non-desert non-SoCal regions of the wrld are buried under a blanket of late autumn/early wintr death.
So please thnk again before u tell me that ur high school relationship is still workng out.
Signed, José the Realist Reaper.

Aftr this EmoThrillr AngstRidden blog post, two angsty songs cum to mind to post.
The first: a more downbeat jam by my currnt loves, M83.

M83 - You Appearing

The nxt: a supurbly angst-ridden track from evryone's favorite angst bitch duo, Crystal Castles.

Crystal Castles - Courtship Dating

Bitch-city is Aquí,
José

Dreams of Jet Setting 4 1 Nite Only

Fk Black Friday.
While sex-crazed moms and economic-depression-unaffected husbands will be waking up at 4am to storm their nearest Target SuperCenter or WalMart UltraBig GrandeLatteLard-Infused-Madness MegaStore,
While insecure twenty-sumthng sluts will be flocking to their fave fitness clubs to work off all the turkey stuffng gravy cranberry shauce,
While 8yrold boys will sit in front of the televij in their hipster onesies becuming more braindead by the second from cartoons and othr nonsense,
While former high school students will lounge around in their big houses fresh from their beloved universities wonderng what hot popular skank is gonna have a thrashin party tonite,

I will sit and be pissed as fk. Bcuz all I want to do is be in Paris.
That's right, Paris.

For those of u who read this blog well enuf to know me, u might be thinkng "Wait, I thought u desperately wanted to go back to LA..."

Nd while this is true, and I strongly commend u for ur perceptiveness and keenness of my hipster desires, I have to inform u that it is PARIS that I want to go to right now.
More than anythng.
Just for one night.
One Night in Paris. (Not like the Paris Hilton sex tape, altho I could easily accomodate that as well...)
Why do I so desperately crave One Night in Paris?
Here's ur answer.:

UFFIE.
Live.
Tmrw night (Friday nite, Nov 28)

Uffie - Pop the Glock

It gets better.
SANTOGOLD.
Live.
Tmrw nite.

Santogold - Lights Out

It keeps getting better.
DIPLO.

Diplo - Diplo Rhythm

Doesn't stop there.
CHAIRLIFT.

Chairlift - Bruises

The four. All togethr. In Paris. At Le Showcase. With Uffie. Without José.

Again, that's one event, at Le Showcase, with Santogold/Diplo/Chairlift/UFFIE.

Bcuz this is the most epic hipster thng to happen since Welcum Home DJ AM (which as u hopefully know I more than attended), and since it is in the city that I have always dreamed of being a part of, and since the hipster inside me screams for random EuroAdventures, and since my mom (yes, I have a Mom.. but we'll discuss her more latr) just got back from Paris, and since I LIVE FOR UFFIE, and since Santogold, Diplo, and Chairlift are 3 of my othr faves right now,
the idea of this concert occurring without me makes me feel the following sentiment:
I. Want. To. Melt. Into. The. Earth. nd. Decompose.


To conclude, I'd like to switch the saying up:
Bitch, you are my death lover,
José

Thnx4 Awkfests and Epic Fails

Whethr we like it or not, Thnxgivng is almost here.
The day when families all over get togethr, manage to argue over the consumption of food or lack of consumption of food, where evryone is either too drunk or far too sober, nd where evryone looks at ur seemingly hipster lifestyle in disgust nd confusion.
Nd coming back to somewhere different, aka going "home" aka to ur parents' house, is just mentally draining.
So wht the fk to do while u sit there in ur cold seemingly-different locale?
Here's what:
- Flee. Get the fk out of there as much as possible. (CLK this lnk, srsly, its worth it)

- Hop on whtevr public transportation happens to be accessible; take random subway trips

aka: take the Metro down to that warehouse-teeming area nd have a hipster rave with 2 othr hipster friends and 1 hipster laptop. (my personal recommendation 4 allymarcus.)

- Explor ur town and introduce urself to that hobo/sketchball dude who always hangs around ur town but uve always been too nervous to introduce urself too cuz u know he'll try to follow u home, but now none of that "ooh im scared" bullsht matters

- Meet me at Foxwoods. (The WONDER of it all!)

On this same idea of going back to ur roots, reminiscing about the good or not-so-good days of whenevr, remembering all the bullsht uve tried to leave behind, I'd like to now discuss the EPIC FAILS of UR PAST.

U know the one(s) i'm talkng about.

- It could be the guy who's leg u should've never graced at that party to begin with.

- It could be the frst and last time u evr had a house party at ur parent's house.

- It could be the two grls who promised they'd never tell ur secret about giving that freshman boy a blwjb.

- It could be the mom who lives next door who u'd always said u'd fk if u had the chance, and then u got the chance...

Nd bcuz I feel kinda bad for not blogging in the last many hours aka few days aka cuz i hav no fking inspiration or passion when im not in LA, I'm presenting u with some music that if ur not currently listening to, or at least know of, then ur completely fking braindead.
To the point that I wud recommend kissng that college education goodbye and start takng notes on the hipster wrld of LAnvo.

So here's a UK-tastic brat pack that is really going places right now... they're called Ladyhawke, and they are superbly legit.
Nd they have a bunch of good traxxx (u might know "Paris Is Burning").
But their best song in my opinion is def this next one im about to post...
It's called "Magic".
Nd it's epic.
Enjoy: Ladyhawke - Magic


Hppy Btchin & Thnx-gvin,
José

Tmrw I wll blog. Today I hav a shitshow temp lappy.

Dearest All,

This is a quick and unnecessary message about the fact that my lack of postng in the last three days has been causing chaos, uproar and angst beyond belief all over the continental US (apparently Alska's doing fine, and Hawaii... well, she's always such a cunty bitch to me anyway, so screw her and her fking sexy caniving dirty ways)

But I promse, I swear, that startng tmrw, I will post a shitload more.  Cuz after the last days spent in the city that never sleeps, the greatest and the baddest, New Yrk, I have loads to discuss and display.

So get FKING EXCITED.

Or suck it.

Or take yo face.

Nd u know what, u deserved this little hiatus... bcuz ur tranny behavior of late has been fking precocious.  Nd u know what, U argued on the phone and u made Mom get pissed off at me and badmouth me in front of Suzie and Howard, that's what u did.

Meth u latr, beetches.,

José

Displacemnt, Containmnt, Txs.

LAnvo is officially temporarily displaced.

Consequently, now wud be a good time for tears.
Cuz I bring u this post from Texas. Txs.
Except, I know this sounds kind of ignornt, but i thought most of Txs was Hot. Like temperature-wise. Cuz nothng much else about it is.
But srsly, it is not hot here right now.
And when I say "not hot," I mean it's literally under 40º F.

LA might have a shit ton of problms, but at least the idea that it's a warm place actually holds true... unlike this shitshow lay-over locale.

And it's this myth of Txs wthr that makes u think...
What if all the othr nasty rumors surrounding Txs aren't really true?
What if there are actually some smart ppl that live here?
What if evryone isn't another Dubya?
What if some of the people here actually embrace cultural diversity?
What if Txns actually think of themselves as Americans first?
What if I cud raise a family here without being worried that my kids would turn into cowboys?
What if Txs is actually the best new indie quick-wknd-getaway place to hit the scene since Vegas nd Cleveland?


Cud this actually one day be possible? Cud George Walker Bush's exit from the Whte House and Obama's entry bring the kind of change that could enable Txs to emerge as "cool," "chic," or even, dare I say, "ALTRNATIVE?"

But srsly, with the economy currently skydiving without a parachute off the Sears Twr hoping to take a voyage to purgatory, long fancy vacations are on the way out.
But with the stress level of humans worldwide being shot out of a ultra-powerd cannon that launches shit at a million mph where the wind feels like a gravel sidewalk against ur face, ppl will need more short, stress-relieving breaks, aka WKND GETAWAYZ.

Which leads me to ponder about wht the new hot spot wknd getaways will be in the nxt year or two... could it be Txs?
Or maybe Long Beach?
Or maybe, just maybe, I'll hope and pray... Sarasota?!?!
Whts ur thoughts? Fill me in on any future hot spot wknd getaway leads that u might have.
COMMNT AWAY.

TXS MTHRFKR DTH U R M BTCH LVR,
José

Don't Ask, Don't Ever Wanna Know.

I live in the most “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” life ever.
U ask me why?
I think the answer lies somewhere between the sexually active nerds that flock the hallways, the gays that engage in orgies with only women, the straights that have secret sleepovers with non-straights, the men that get pregnant often, and the newly-divorced mom that has started dating my 18 yr old friend.

Which is why i think i’ve cum to the point where i need to reanalyze what i’m into, what makes me vom, and evrythng in between.
In an effort to be an optimist for once, I spent class today brainstormng what in my life/in general life/in history turns me on.

Here r my turn ons that I came up with:

- Blnde ANGST. there’s sumthin about that grl, u know the one, who’s supr-colored supr-hilighted blnde hair + her personal animosity towards her current state of life that = fantastic.
- Ppl caring about the environment. Not only is eco-chic super in right now, but i cant deny how cool / EPIC / sexy it is when a bunch of ppl are togethr actively helping to bring about climate change.
- the Red Scare. it was dark, twisted, cruel, and super steamy. sumone needs to get on a Red Scare-themed porn immediately... “i know ill get ur commy secrets out of u” “ohh ull get more than that out of me” OR “ god all this mccarthyism is making me soo hot...” etc.
- Othr hipster blogs. But it’s a different kind of turn-on. It’s that “ohh u make me so angry / jealous / i cant believe u just took that idea / layout from me u cumfaced bitch,” but simultaneously “oh mannn it is terrifyingly brilliant / sexy how we clearly share the same thoughts / means of expression in our lives”
- Svetlanas. (see previous post).

And finally, my frnds, my signficnt othrs, my blog readers,
I give u sumthing I've promised for nearly a week.
I give u: M83.

Yee, it's finally here.
Nd just bcuz of the generally angsty nature of this blog, I give u a song that captures that perfectly. It's called "Teen Angst".
Nd now, for the frst time evr, u can dwnload the song from LAnvo. click the lnk.
M83 - Teen Angst
or listen to it:

Enjoy, señores.

Bytsh,
José

Uhh Super Sexy Raunchy (USSR)

Svetlana.
U r my lov-r.

To all the Svetty grls out there, I love u.

To all the grls who are svetty and don’t know that ur a total Svetlana, no worries, u r a total Svetlana.
To evryone that doesn’t even know what a Svetlana is, stop being so ignorant.
Altho my bestfrnd SrhKmg said that i shouldnt explain what a Svetlana is to all y’all who don’t already know, I feel that it’s one of those things that u gotta understand in order to be an informed wrld citizen / reader of LAnvo.

So who is a Svetlana?
If u've never met anyone named Svetlana, then i'm truly sorry, cuz grls named Svet r usually wonderful people.

It's that BLONDE
It's that EASTRN EURO
It's that SLUTTY ACCNT
It's that SKNNY TALL MODEL BOD
It's that EUROTRSH AURA
It's SVETLANA.















Nd whether she's Miss Russia, hot bmbshll model, former gymnast, minimum wage worker at ur rich friends' country club, or ur apartment neighbor who u always see cuming home from a club at 3 am...
she's a SVETTY.
Nd she is the future of feminism.

So i'm looking for a Svet in my life right now.
Do u know any Svets/Svettys/Svetlana's?
(Again, their name doesn't have to actually be Svetlana, altho that wud be a huge plus)
By now i hope u understnd the lifestyle/the look/THAT GRRRRL that i'm talkin about/looking for.
If u know one, send me a pic of her.
Even if u Google Image a Svetlana-looking girl, even if u find one on ur facebook and r totally overcum by her Svetty-ness, SND THAT SHIT TO ME.
CLICK HERE 2 EMAIL ME.
or snd it as a Commnt below.

Get on it.

P.S. I am such a tease. I'm sry.
I know u want more M83. I know u do. I know ur craving to hear more of their fantastically killr songs like u crave a new car / boyfrnd / cellfone / tax rebate. Nd I promise, repeat, promise, I'll post it latr.

Time to grab lnch with N.D.

Be good, be bold, be bitch,
José

It ain't wrong to have superheroes.

There's only two types of people in the world.
The one's that entertain
and the one's that observe.

That right there is a new quote from a good friend of mine.
And when I say good friend, I really mean personal idol.

She's a "put-on-a-show kinda girl."
She "don't like the backseat, (she's) gotta be first."
She's "like the ringleader," she "calls the shots."
She's "like a firecracker," she "make(s) it hot" when she "run(s) a show."
She's fking Britney.
And her new single is un-fking-stoppable.
Srsly.
I promised that in this blog I wouldn't give too much insight to who I, the author, actually is.
But let me be clear about something: I'm not some Brit-ubsessed homo-erotic freakshow.
I'm not some flaming bag of peppermint-citrus-flavored candy-coated dung. I do have a legitimate attraction to women. (Guilty.)

But srsly, Britney Spears is EPIC.
And her new album "Circus" is gonna be pretty excellent.
Especially with her new single, titled like the album, "Circus".

And it's here. On LA Nouveau.
(Worship me later, listen to this shit first.)


So in other news, I am so overcum by this song that I can't even fathom anything else to blog about.
And I know I said I would post more about M83, cuz they do fking rock, but this is Brit Brat's moment, and I gotta let her have this one.
We'll go back to M83 tmrw, or the nxt day.

But one thing:
If its cold out where ur currently reading this, then that is a DAMN SHAME. But it's burning up down here in LA. Literally and figuratively.
Nd i'm scared. Scared that my dorm will burn down.
But even more scared about heading back east in a few days, where its fking freeeeeezing.
Nd my angst level bcuz of that, and so many othr naturally unfortunate events in life, is RIDICULOUSLY HIGH to the point of Xtreeeeme.
Like, the photo on the left Xtreeeeme.

I leave you with that.

(Lack of) Peace, (Not much) love, (So much) bitch,
José

Wanted: A proPhotographer to stalk my life

My epic life needs a professional photographer.
Since filming my televsion show-esque life would be way too mainstream and far too MTV-cloned, photo-documenting the insanity, beauty, and etc. of my life is surely the way to go.

For yrs as an awkward teen, I carried my little Canon PwrShot around like so many othrs, taking photos every 30 seconds of another awkward couch pic or awkward dance shot...
- Snapping yet anothr pic of the same exact tweens sitting the exact same way...
- Documenting yet anothr walk into town after 9th grade english got let out...
- Freakng the fk out when the camera would run out of battery just as TweenBoy1 and TweenGirl2 were about to dance togethr...
- Filling FB album after FB album of the same pixxx from yet anothr bland day of life...


Yet all of these low-to-fair-quality photos have taken me and everyone else pretty much nowhere, cuz the pictures are just A. corny, and second of all, lameAsHell, cuz, well, life was LameAsHell.

But now, my frnds, life isnt really that lame anymore. In fact, it's pretty fking interesting. And it deserves to be documented in an equally beautiful way.
Which is why after borrowing my friend's super nice camera to document the smoke-teeming Los Angeles yesterday, I have realized this:
I NEED A SUPER NICE CAMERA. BAD.

AND I NEED A PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER TO FOLLOW ME AROUND AND TAKE PICTURES OF THE LIFE AROUND ME.

- I'd hire TheCobraSnake, but last i checked he was spending majority of his time in Canada. (MRRR?!?!)

- I'd hire Sam Lutfi and his paparazzi friends, but his last client didn't work out too well...

- I'd hire my photo-taking frnd from back east, but Chicago to LA is a tough daily commute.

- I'd hire the best frnd SarahKah, but she needs to get into FIDM first.

- I'd hire Megan Fox, but I'd be wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too distracted to live out my normal life.

U know what, screw it, i'll take the pictures myself. They won't be as great as a professional's. But i'll take one for the team.

AKA I have NO MONEY to hire anyone to take pixxx of me/mylife/theWrld. and i cannot afford to decline into further debt.

In closing:
A song.
That I love the hell out of right now.
If u don't know M83, then know him, and know them quickly, before I decide to stop knowing you.

I plan on posting a few of their epic songs ovr the next few days.
But today, I'll start with my favorite.
The song is titled: Kim & Jessie.
The song makes u want to be in love, walk down the street feeling in love, and smile to the world that u love something.

Enjoy this song, enjoy your sunday/monday/whenever u might be reading this.

"And one day, just like that, she ceased to bitch all together.",
José

Welcum 2 Los Angeles, Pasty-folk

I remembr Novmbr. I remembr it well. It was actually one of my favorite months, just cuz Octobr SUCKED THE BIG ONE, and Decmbr depresses the fk outta me. (Thnk you cold weather, commercialism, and false happiness)
But Novmbr always had an eeriness to it that no othr month quite had. The leaves changed, the weather got colder, the sky got darker earlier, the skin got pastier, the clothes got less slutty.

But now I'm in Los Angeles.
I've heard that it generally does get colder around this time of year and some leaves do fall and the climate begins to change a little.
So here's a little personal message to all u ppl that have told me this:
U R a bunch of cnty LIARS.

SRSLY. It's 90 DEGREEZ OUTSYDE.
SRSLY. 20 min north of me, there are crazy raging fires.
SRSLY. The air is filling with more smoke and soot by the second.
SRSLY. It looks like a nuclear disaster outside.
SRSLY. I might suffocate.
SRSLY. I died 5 min ago.

But srsly, I guess the good news is that I was able to tan for a while yesterday.

TIME ELAPSE: I wrote the first part of this post an hour ago.
Since then, the air has gotten a shit ton worse.
And I just took some epic photographs of how scary it looks outside.
So enjoy this shit below, and recall that the fire was almost 30 min away, and all these picturez were taken during the broad daylight around 3:30 pm, and all these picturez are unedited aka RAW.

Safely betchin (for now),
José

Heathrs-inspird, CommSu-desird

Dear Diary,

My teen angst bullshit has a body count. - Veronica

Srsly. Why the fk were the 80's so TWISTED, DARK HUMORED, FREEK FREEK'D THE FK OUT, and EPIC.?!?.

Honstly, altho I live for the hipster life, which has so much 80's callback / refrnce its not even remotely funny, I dont thnk i could EVRR survive in the tumultuous CHAOS of the eighties.

Wuld i have sunken into the teen fiend pop culture flashy fk madness?

Wuld i have been a cumplete nerd straight outta freaks nd geeks, livng and breathng all those eighties nerds classics?

Wuld i have worn leggings / sweats / headbandz / menz 80's fashion every day?

Wuld i jerk off to Wynona Rider evry day right after my angsty 9th period phyz edd class?

Wuld i sit at home gettng fat eating potato skins dipped in ranch dressing watching ABC after school specials about cocaine and dads living in downtown motels.

But speaking of coke, please join me now and watch the weirdest commercial I've evr seen in my life:

Yes, my frndz, thats not even a public service announcement, THAT WUZ A COMMERCIAL FOR A SELF-CLEANING TOILET. MRR TO THE MRR?!?!?
I'll leave u on that note.

More mañana.
Keep up the bitchin and the betchin,
José

Just hear it. And hear it now.

After much careful analytical research, I have come to realize that homosexuality, or the idea of one person being attracted to another person of the same sex, is just not in right now. It's just not cool at this brief moment in time. It's all just SO on the way out.

To the point that even disses about gays aren't cool right now.

Example: only cumplete DoucheLuzrs (douchebags that are such losers that they don't even have friends to support their doucheyness) use the term "no homo". That shit has travelled the Oregon Trail and has definitely died of cholera. Even "that's so gay" is dwindling in its cool-factor.

So what to do now? This new information of how uncool the gay disses are becoming are sure to leave many feeling scared, insecure, and helpless, lacking any sense of how to make fun of that kid with greasy hair who you always used to yell "homo" to as he walked to his next class.

Fear not, Puritans.

To all the seventh grade bullies,

To all the name-calling coke addicts,

To all the insecure basketball players,

To all the children neglected by their million dollar moms and dads,

To all the bitter gun-clinging patriots,

To all of y'all,

I bring thee hope.

There is a new dis in town. And it is about to knock your nose off.

To think that we've wasted so much time nagging on the gays when there is a group out there far weirded, far less understood, yet far more ignored...

Hermaphrodites. or "Intersexed" as medical professionals are being asked to call it today.

It's not that uncommon, yet it is so ignored.

But think about it:

What makes that guy who acts kind of girly sometimes who you call "gay" actually gay?

Who knows what his true sexuality really is?

What you do know is that he's a male who acts rather female-y sometimes.

So instead of calling him the outdated uncool term "gay",

call him this:
HERMO.

Example: "Man, Carlos, those girly pants make you look super HERMO. LOLZ."

Or even, "Sheesh that movie was HERMO."

So, on an almost-ending note, Au revoir Homo, Bonjour HERMO.

Addtly, I have sum exciting newz to share in regards to the wrld of music.

A. My bst frnd SK aka SocialiteInNowhereland and I have cum togethr to create a new mp3 blog experience. nd its named aftr our fav up nd cuming socialite of thm all: Ally Marcus. so make sure u start cheking out AllyMarcus.blogspot.com cuz it'll b up and runnin and chock full of sexcellent music.

and SECOND OF ALL: Move the fk over Pandora. As much as I luv Pandora/last.fm radio, it sux that i cant actually listen to the specific song that i want to listen to. and what if i wanna play music at a party but dont necessarily have all the music that everyone wnts to hear?
NO FEAR NO MO'. I bring you: Just Hear It.
how it works: u type in the song u wanna hear, it finds it from places all over the internet, u click it and it plays. then u can make playlists, find more songs, etc.
its like iTunes over the internet, without having to actually have the music downloaded. can u say "FKING AWESOME"?
chek the mssk out of JustHearIt.com

Delightfully bitchin,

José

and u took it and u left the sauce up here.

los angeles is the bomb.

but sometimes, those east coast flashbacks just creep up on you like that homeless lady who follows me back to my dorm sometimes.
and thus, i bring up Daniel's Story. u know the exhibit im talking about. the one at the ntl holocaust museum in DC. where u walk thru this kid daniel's house, and then follow his life up to the concentration camp he's sent to. where kids always leave supr-offensive notes for daniel even tho he's a supposed holocaust victim... yeah, that one.

nd after discussing Daniel's Story with my frnd AJM (yes, the "cum home now" one), we began discussing how disgusted i am with greek life. it was really two separate conversations, but i've been trying for the last 24 hrs to find a connection between the two topics.

this has proven difficult, as

A. comparing frats&sororities to the holocaust is pretty high on the immoral list

and second of all, i'm pretty tired and can't think that well right now.

but there are some key similarities between the greek life experience and the holocaust experience that im gonna point out:

- PRESSURE TO BE SOMEONE UR NOT (acting all fake caddy & fratty; being jewish = punishable by death)

- HAZING (how my pledgee friend looked last night after leaving AEPi; how my ancestors looked after getting off the trains)

- OBJECTIFYING OF HUMANS (turning grls into solely sexual objects aka TKE making grls git drunk and joust while wearing skimpy gladiator outfits; depicting jews as fungal, making them wear yellow stars, packing them into trains like cattle)

Im trying to decide if it wud be appropriate for u to laugh in regards to what i just wrote.

I think if ur jewish, its legit to laugh. if ur not jewish and are involved in greek life, ur laughter could potentially be taken as extremely offensive.

Actually i think anyone is allowed to laugh about it...

Nd just to make all the frat&sorority bitches who read this blog happy, I wud also like to point out some key differences between greek life & the holocaust:

- The party scene is very different.

- The presence and consumption of alcohol is a little different as well.

- The food is better at frat/sorority houses (to my knowledge).

I'm sure there are maybe one or two more differences, but i'm not gonna waste my breath. nd i just realized im 5 min late to class. fml.

Beguile Iditarod Taxes Cardiovascular Hummus,

José

U R what U EAT & H8

Disclaimer: THIS IS NOT A PERSONAL BLOG. I swear it's not. This is not a xanga or some bllsht blog where i vent about my personal life. that wud be corny as shit.

Now, HOP off my

NOB and let me proceed.

We're all culprits. We get bored. We need to waste time. We need to procrastinate. And thus, we peruse the fk out of the world of facebook photos.

my most recent epic peruse (aka this morning) led me to realize how much i hate ManFlrts. Yes, ManFlrts, aka those guys with a shit ton of fb (i will be abbreving facebook to fb from now on, so git the 'ell used to it) photos hugging and kissing a plethora of different grls.

Why this hatrid towards ManFlrts? Bcuz all i want in my life right now is STABILITY. and ManFlrts = CumPlete Lack of StaBility. and i cant understand how ManFlrts can get away with the shit that they pull when my own life is already so fking ERRATIC.

So after you've just read this, you could possibly still want to propose a question: "Why hate the unstable flirty action of ManFlrts when they're unstable actions have nothing to do with your desire for stability?"

Here's your answer:

Bcuz I am one.

Apparently, I am the culprit in my own erratic life. Now, for the rcrd, I dont really mean this. I just found it hilariously amusing to see all these fb pics amassed of myself performing completely ManFlrty actions aka the actions that i usually find fking gross and pathetic.

After further reviewing, however, I have realized that I cud use this as a genius mrkting tool. So here it is:

SND ME A PIC OF U + ME KSSNG/HUGGNG/TUCHNG/FKING EITHER REAL OR PHOTOSHOPPED (pref photoshopped cuz that would make u a fking BALLER if u took the time to photoshop a pic of u + me) ND I WILL POST IT ON THE BLOG, GIVE U 5% OF THE MONEY I MAKE FROM ADS FOR ONE MNTH, ND U WILL LOVE IT.

Now disperse.

Betch amongst the bitches,

José

Music is my... Among other actions

I've promised a lot of people lately that I would burn them mp3 CDs.   Why mp3 CD's?  Because you can therefore fit a crapload more songs onto one CD and they're all in mp3 file form.

But after thinking over this, I wonder: 

Does this seem super selfish of me?  

is this just me wanting to save blank CD's and not wanting to spend all my time burning mix after mix when hardly anyone is going to actually play the mix on a CD player anyway?

The answer, my friends, is NO.  It's not even remotely selfish.

Cuz A. I'm still burning ur sorry ass a CD, and instead of just twenty songs, you get over one hundred. 

And second of all, I'm going in and reformatting all my precious songs to mp3 format from AAC format like i used to have them just so I can make a damn mp3 CD on iTunes.

So thank me, children.

Speak praises around me in regards to my passion for bringing good music to the masses.

Also... I'm totally stealing this from 1. Hipster Runoff and 2. all the hypemachine posts that have had this song lately, but it brilliantly describes your and my potential lives that we could someday achieve together, or separately if you really want... I mean that's cool, I won't be offended or anything.  But back to this song...

I was gonna post it weeks ago when I first found it, but i didn't have a blog.

And now i do.

So this is Au Revoir Simone doing a remix/cover of a song by The Friendly Fires called "Paris"... and it's wondrful.

Listen and love away.

Bitch, I'd Tap Corrina Harney!

José

FK BRKELEYndNorCal

I am offish SoCal official.  

How do i know?  I'll tell you:

Cuz I hate NorCalerz.  Like, legit do not like them.  As in losers from Northern California. I'm probably about to lose like half the viewers of this blog by saying this, but srsly, NorCalerz are FKing annying.  Now there are the exceptions, aka the cannabis connoisseurs and SanFran hippies who are super legit.  But all of the following actions / interests make NorCalerz really stabable:

- HYPHY.  is.  pathetic.  like no othr.  its shitty rap, shitty beats, shitty 'cohol.  and the WORST WORST VüRST is the WHITE KIDS who thnk they fking rock bcuz they fking love HYPHY.  No!  It's a NO!

- "Hella." = Hella UNcool.   No one, and when i say no one, i mean NO ONE outside of the BAY AREUHH say Hella.  So never say it again.

- U think ur peaceful, liberal, and cool SOLELY bcuz ur from NorCal.  LIES, LIES and more vomit-teeming LIES.  example: Marin County.

- The fact that NorCalerz go to the University of SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA and yet bitch about SoCal.  WHY THE FCK WOULD U CUM HERE IF U R GONNA BITCH ABOUT SOCAL!?!?!

- The fact that there are a shit ton of Nor Calerz here right now for the Berkeley game and the fact that they think they're all better than everyone here yet they all look just as blonde, fake, and chemically-processed as all of the dmbhoes from LA.

Beat the Bears.

Fight the Fk on.  Srsly.  Fight the motherfk on.  As in, find out where the nearest San Mateo-dwelling kid lives, knock on his/her door, ask if he/she wants to die, and then fight him/her in an epic battle that has to ultimately be broken up by the LAPD.

P.S. if u havent checked out the song i posted in the post before this, then ur dumb.  so check it the msssk out.

I'll link this shit later.  It's time for ftball.

SOCal BAAAAAAHHHTCH,

José

Gweirdos, CinNerds, Fukcohol

I'll start with a song that i'm gonna be kind enuff to share with u ungrateful smegma-teeming teenagers.  If u weren't yet aware, pretty much the only talent today comes from hogwartz aka the UK.  So this puta's name is Nadia Oh, and her hot pop electroslut song is called "Got Your Number".  Apparently it was featured on the tv show Gossip Cunt at some point (fk my life), but i'm gonna try to ignore that fact.  But this song is so SaraKeim / SiM (socialite in nowhereland) its almost unignorable.

Public service anouncmnt:

Please fk the reese's pnut butter cup that i just ate.

ALSO:

NEW POLL.

TAKE IT.

BE A PART OF THE DEMOCRATIC PROCESS>>>> ANSWER THE POLL>>>

Other thghts: why is it that all of the sudden there are all these cinema nerds / gay weirdos aka CinNerds/Gweirdos that have seemed to sprout up like dandelions?

As my best friend SaKei once wrote on her blog: "You're tacky and I hate you."

And since when r white girls good looking again?  i thought that ended with claudia schiffer.  

srsly im almost positive that no white girls have ever been hot since claudia schiffer. 

now its all about mixed race, exotically tanned mamas.

but i got hold of this calendar photo from a sorority girls gone wild photospread (im not specifying what school or what sorority house) and i must say that the white girls seem to be rockin it in their soon-2-be wet white tees.

and this leads me to b-leve the fllwing:

ELITISM: its back and potentially sexier than ever.

final thought: AJM CUM HOME NOW.   othr final thght: humans that u usd 2 know make humans that u now know awkd out.

Big Idiotic Techno-Crap Hoes,

José